slow mornings

i don’t think people understand how much of life is grief. not just people dying, but losing the version of yourself you thought you’d become. grieving the city you had to leave. the friends you lost not in argument, but in silence. the summer that will never come back. the feeling that maybe you peaked at 12 when you were reading books under the covers and believing in forever

sometimes i don’t realize how much God is protecting me until time passes & i look back with gratitude

btw you will miss this in 5 or 10 years. memory will smooth these circumstances down like a river stone, and you will find yourself longing for a shade of light or a moment of this particular innocence. you don't know about what happens next, and one day that will be the most alluring thing of all. don't leave it all for nostalgia. have a nice night now, whatever night it happens to be.

i keep thinking about how it feels as if we have developed ourselves an obsession with "healing" these days – and a friend said something that really stuck in my head – "if you're part of a community where you're always trying to heal, then that means that you always need to be sick". like i think that we're all taking this ideal of healing too far saying that everybody needs therapy all the time and resetting your gut biome or surrounding yourself with positive energy or whatever it is that you can come up with. you're always focusing on something that is "wrong" and that needs to be eliminated, after which everything will be okay again. it all sounds like just another way of maintaining an illusion of control over your life and i don't think it's doing us any good

I hope you find the type of love in life that makes you feel at ease. I hope birdsong will sound like music to you again. I hope your home is warm during the winter and cool in the summer. I hope people smile at you enough. I hope you wake up curious for what's to come. I hope you listen to your body's aches as signals instead of mere hindrances. I hope that when you reach out, there's a hand to grasp onto. I hope that when you laugh, bursts of happiness accompany the sound. I hope you live a life where today is just as exciting as tomorrow. I hope you don't feel guilt over moving on from the things that were your fault. I hope you rest well. I hope you eat enough. I hope you hold your hopes tightly. I hope you allow them to transform into dreams. I hope your dreams come true.

Can someone please remove my curse i am begging you