El

1. Who I Am Not

2. Where I Have Been

3. What I Have Seen

4. Who I Have been

5. Where I am Now

6. Where I Will Go Later

7. What I Have Left Behind

8. What I Am Looking For

9. What I Hope To Keep

Doesn't pity you

Doesn't love you

Or hate you

Or any other personification you try to place upon it

The universe *is* you

The stardust is forever interlinked

Your atoms started in the same place

As everyone else's

Everything else's

Everywhere else's

Your will and soul

And everything you've ever done

Is all one big cloud of particles

And they all stick close together

Because you are them

And they are you

And together

You are loved

I do nothing but

Want you to return

Hands in my hair

Kisses on my lips

Shared whispers over the

Phone calls no one

Else got to hear

Pick me up

Or leave me here

Don't make me

Wait another year

I see you sometimes

You've changed so much

There's blood on the egdes

And it's covered in rust

Wanting only hurts

Bleeds me dry

And yet I can't stop

Waiting for your hands

To wipe my eyes

And pull me back

Down into the depths

Because we were warm

Even if we were

I miss you. I always will

I try to sugar coat it

And bubble wrap it up

In imagery of sunsets

And mountains

And forests

Nature and symbolism

To make me seem less guilty

Of the crime of nostalgia

But rivers have always been my favorite to look at

They always will be

No matter how much time passes,

How much the weather changes

When I live in a cabin in the woods

With flowers around me

And orange evening sun

Falling onto my shoulders

And kissing my face

Even though the rivers sevre me no longer

Give me nothing of gain

Supply nothing but soggy socks

And mosquito bites

My most cherished smiles

Will always be the ones

Made while stepping into the waters

And watching the currents flow

I still have the old river rocks

And the photos i took

Of new england leaves

Floating atop your waters

You carried me far

And even though I've long departed

Paws pitter-pattering on the ground

Eyes tracing around the form of my body

Such a small, harmless being

As it's mouth waters, and it inches forever closer

It's just a fox, it could never harm you

I extend my hand, and rub it's head

And it let's out a decisive purr

Why would you trust it?

And it crawls into my lap

It feels like my friend, it is my friend

Do you forget its a wild animal?

A feeling of idiotic safety

A sense of calm until the calamity sets in

Until it's teeth sink in to my flesh

If it is a fox, you are a rabbit

Blood trickles down onto the floor

As it scratches at me

Until another, better prey catches it's eyes, and it turns away from me

Why wouldn't you run?

Why don't you know you're place on the food chain?

I sit with my blood dripping

The slip of time,

Clawing away at you

From the inside out?

Every second that you waste,

Staring into space,

Waiting for someone to pull you out

I would kiss your lips all over again, just one more time

If you gave me the chance

I'd run my hands through your hair

And ask where it all went wrong

And then I'd curse myself for returning to you

If even just for a moment

Because all the warmth and glitter

I reached for you, and you turned away

And every want for you left my body all at once

Because it forced me to remember who you have become

This is never somebody I would love,

I only loved the corpse of your current personality

But that's been burried in the ground since we were thirteen years old

So now I'm watching you walk away

Searching for the sparkle in your eyes

That you had when you held me

Tightly in your arms, as you told me

You would never ever let me go

False promises pouring from your

Light pink lips, the same ones

That kissed my tears away

As I cried to you, begging you to stay

One of these days I'll stop searching

For some reason as to why