-kf

Pop up in my phone or laptop screen

(A message, perhaps?)

Though I don't know what I'd say to you

If it did

Maybe ask what you're doing

And why you're talking to me

Now, of all times

How can I want you around

And also far away

If you had a father like mine

You must remember that there was a day

When he stopped looking at you like you were a child

And started looking at you like you were a woman

I was a princess

You've been trapped

Living inside my heart

Commuting in my veins

Reading through my brain

I wish you to break free

Dig your way out

I want to feel the intimacy

The care and precision it takes

To rip me limb from limb

To peel me like a fruit

I want to feel your fingers

Separate flesh from bone

Destroy me to save yourself

If I give you permission

Maybe it will hurt less

When you crack open all of my bones

To suck out the marrow

You are 4700 something miles away

You left me on my birthday

We still talk sometimes

But it's kind of hard, with a seven hour time difference

We still say "I love you" and mean it every time

At least, I hope

As I roll over to look at the warm body next to me

I get sad

And then I laugh at the hilarity of the situation

Who knew I'd end up sharing you with the government

I guess I thought I fixed myself

Or at least forgot about it long enough

But you opened Pandora’s box

Of the stuff I put away

I told you how men had hurt me

And you took from me the same way they did

It happened months ago

A year this summer actually

I should’ve left you then

Put the whole relationship behind me

Instead, I sit here watching you sleep

And crying my eyes out over what you

And all of them

Did to me

To answer the million dollar question

No. It doesn’t get better with time.

I’m sorry.