following the yellow brick road.

I used to think I was a bad person and that i didn’t have the capability of being “good”

growing up I was a bully I was painfully honest and didn’t know how to hold back whether it be generic insults or physical attacks I never intended to actually hurt people but I did so I thought I was a bad person

now that I’m older I am still sometimes a bully and most times I’m still painfully honest I’m very blunt and frank I am very expressive people can read my face like they read the alphabet I can’t hide much, no matter how hard I try but that doesn’t make me a bad person

it makes me honest genuine

I don’t like to sugarcoat things I’ve usually been a pessimist but that also makes me a realist it’s only in the past year where I’ve learned to trust in the universe and in God I’ve come to terms with the phrase “life is good” because it is good I don’t have much to complain about and I’m extremely grateful and appreciative life can throw you curveballs  but it’s how you handle them that illustrates the type of person you really are

I’ve learned that I don’t take or give bullshit I will give you my honest opinion even if it’ll hurt your feelings I say it like it is, instead of what you’d like to hear and this past weekend, I’ve realized that I take much pride in it not many people can be this blunt not many people will tell you the truth because I don’t like being a liar and I don’t want to be lied to so why would you?

people will make me out to be the bad guy and you know what, that’s fine I’ll take it if it means that I’m an honest and truthful person I can take the repercussions even if you can’t so that’s on you, not me I’ve done my part and I did it well so you can’t expect anything else from me you wanted the truth and you got it now it’s a matter of how you deal with it

I’ve also learned to let things go what’s done is done what happened happened nothing more I/you can do about it so we can either move past it or you can dwell in it it’s really up to you you can do your thing and I’ll do mine and again, whatever happens, happens

I’m not a bad person none of this makes me a bad person I’m becoming better each and every day I’m genuine and if you’d prefer to have me be fake then I’m sorry, I can’t do that that would make me a bad person and I’m not a bad person

- being more technologically advanced than the average person I can fix phone issues, WiFi issues, computer issues, a bunch of tech issues because I learned shit on my own (I really wish people would just take the time to learn shit on their own)

- having an extremely uncanny memory for trivial things I will remember your goddamn birthday, full name, email address, best friend’s name, whatevah after one interaction. I will remember that your significant other once gave you a small but thoughtful gift and how happy it made you feel. I will remember when your mom roasted the shit out of you in front of your friends. I will remember the small things in life even when no one else does.

- being good at puzzles word games, anagrams, sudoku, tetris, 1,000-piece puzzles, you name it

- being able to connect with someone over their feelings I’m a huge empath and it can either hurt me or help me. in many cases, I find that it helps me. I get excited when you’re excited, I’m sad when you’re sad, I’m confident when you’re confident. it helps me connect with people on such a greater level than most can’t even fathom.

- my makeup skills! I know it’s soooo superficial but shit, wearing makeup makes you feel gooood. not that I’m not confident with having a bare face, but makeup just takes you a whole ‘nother level, one you can’t get with wearing clothes (except maybe shoes). tonight I saw a dude I hadn’t seen since high school and I was wearing a full face of makeup (but still a little natural) and he told me “you look good!” and I was like, “shit, I hope better than before,” and he was like “hELL yeah!!!” like fuck I hope I didn’t look terrible in high school but even a compliment like that definitely boosted my confidence and just knowing that my makeup was bomb is icing on the motherfuckin’ cake.