stuck in j-term

It comes and goes in waves. The earth is in a constant state of flux. If we actually got the perfect, happy, peaceful, whole life that we idealize in our heads all the time, we would get bored. If you've ever experienced heart ache, or heart break, or never-ending loss, congratulations. You’re ready for it. We couldn’t have peace without disaster.

Chaos must come up to show us true clarity. It’s how we grow. It’s how we remember what it feels like to be alive and to be awe-inspired. You can’t love yourself until you tear yourself down to the core and become aware of who you are and how you interact with those around you. Sometimes things have to go to hell in a hand basket before you can learn why you are here. It’s time we stop asking for a perfect life full of happiness and comfort and opportunities all the time. Nothing in life is permanent, not even happiness.

“He's one of the nicest guys I have ever met, super positive,” I heard a friend say while I was half asleep on the couch. There was mumbling amongst the house about a student that had gone missing, but I wasn't sure if it was a dream or a reality. Friends of the missing student became more and more concerned and by the time I fully woke up, it was a teary-eyed waiting game to hear the news. One phone began to ring and a friend left the room to answer. Sobs echoed from the room she had entered. I checked my email and there it was.

“Dear Students, Faculty, and Staff, It is with a heavy heart that I write to inform you of the death of junior Trent Stetler of Havertown, Pennsylvania...”

There aren't many things that I feel passionate about or many things that I will take the time to speak out about, but suicide is one of them. This is something that lies close to my heart and something that I think Elon, and the world, needs to wake up to and become aware of. On January 11, 2015, the student body received an email from the Dean of Students and VP for Student Life, Mr. Smith Jackson. Unfortunately, a junior at Elon, Trent, decided to take his own life this weekend. The email was a clear and concise message sent to make the Elon student body aware of Trent's passing. Tears are being shed, hearts are breaking, hands are shaking, and voices are screaming. There is no rhyme or reason, no possible explanation for someone described as super positive to take such drastic measures. Mr. Jackson's email was necessary, respectful and advised the grieving to talk with someone, but I want to focus on something a little more specifically - a wake up call. We don't need to be sitting in a room by ourselves talking about this one on one with a therapist. We need to be talking about this to our peers - and loudly. Grieve together, talk about the difference this makes, and talk about change. 

Depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses are real. There is no debate anymore. If anyone argues the reality of chemical imbalances in the human brain, they haven't even checked google yet. The human body and every organ in it has the capability to be flawed and in turn we have come up with ways to compensate. However, when it comes to the flawed nature of our brain, we shy away. We can't even mutter the words, “I struggle with depression” without feeling like a failure – especially if you are medicated.. but why? If you have hypertension, high cholesterol, diabetes, back pain, over-active thyroid, or a myriad of other things, it is treated with medication. So, what is different about an anti-depressant or anti-psychotic? Why are we not okay being vulnerable about the brain?

Depression is hard because it is so much more complex than any other imbalance in a human organ. It is a dark place to exist simply spurred on by the flaw of an organ. Add misfit brain chemistry with a human's past, vulnerabilities, and their personality and you have the perfect formula for possibly one of the biggest struggles a human can endure in my opinion. People are quick to judge therapy and medication, but this isn't just a game of mind-over-matter. For people with depression, it's like a funeral inside the mind every day. It blurs the distinction between reality and illusion. A person suffering from depression is loved, but convinced they aren't worth loving. They have good around them, but only see how things could get worse. They see pain and feel it ten fold until everything is numb. They fight this on a daily basis because society has shamed them into thinking these thoughts are a sign of weakness and failure, instead of a condition. It's hard and it's not fair, so it's time to wake up.

It's time to wake up to the fact that people walking around you, people that are smiling, people that are the 'super positive' ones could be suffering on the inside more than we know. It's not one person's job to ask each smiling person the condition of their psyche, but it is our responsibility as a society to create an environment where discussion and vulnerability are accepted  for women and men. This year I held one of my guy friends more times than I can count while he cried about how he was never going to get better. I knew he would, but he was in the dark and couldn't see that. So, I stayed, sat, and hugged. There are no magic words, there is no perfect gift, and there is no right action. There is only love. Society needs to be a place where someone can say "I need help" and people coming running. It's hard, it isn't easy to be a support, but it's necessary. I have seen many people fall this semester, and it has been my honor to help them back up. When you are holding a broken person, always think of it as an honor to see them honestly and heal their heart even the slightest bit.

It is not a burden and they are not crazy. They are humans-people with a heart, friends, and family. This is a battle that can not always be fought alone, nor should it be. This is something that isn't easily fixed and won't go away immediately. There will still be struggle and there will still be hurt in the world, but the more we talk about it and the more we see it, the more lives we can save. People are scared of the unknown, but it's time to dive in. Everyone deals with depression differently, but they need their people more than anything else. As Jamie Tworkowski said, "You will need other people and you will need to be that other person to someone else, a living breathing screaming invitation to believe better things." It's okay to be flawed, and open, and loved. So here's what I say, as individuals and more so as a student body, it's time to stand up and help these people fight for the light instead of losing them to a misconception and a distortion of independence and strength.

You know ya done me wrong.

I never let a feeling lead my mind.

I think the more confident of a decision you make, the less people will question you. Be strong in your choices and rarely people will try to get you to back out. 

However, for those hard-headed, inquisitive ones ;) that will ask.. simply say the truth. It may be hard or it may not be what they want to hear, but you need to do what you need to do FOR YOU and no one else. Saying no when you need time, space, or something else is something that you should have full comfort in. However, I think we can tend to get a little uncomfortable answering for ourselves when it is something we SHOULD be doing, but do not want to. Be wary of whether you are saying 'no' because it's best for you, or because it's just what you want. Selflessness is just as important as selfishness. 

Hope that helps? It's hard to give a direct answer when I don't know what's being said 'no' to in the first place, haha. 

xoxo 

This could be much more long winded than you wanted, but here you go:

Overall, I think Jimmy Carter nailed it when he said, “Penalties against drug use should not be more damaging to an individual than use of the drug itself. Nowhere is this more clear than in the laws against possession of marijuana in private for personal use.”President Jimmy Carter, August 2, 1977

..but that is assuming it stays illegal. 

Here are a quick synopsis on my view of Marijuana-personal, medical, and industrial use. 

Personal:I, personally, support the removal of all punishment for private possession of marijuana by adults, cultivation for personal use, and the casual nonprofit transfers of small amounts. I also think that the development of a legally controlled market for marijuana would greatly benefit the masses. 

I think ALL personal use should abide by the “Principles of Responsible Cannabis Use" presented by the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws. 

I think there needs to be a large change in the way we view marijuana. The best way to prevent drug abuse (which is absolutely possible with cannabis) is to have good quality drug education. “Only in a climate in which marijuana is viewed from a public health perspective, instead of a criminal justice perspective, can prevention efforts be effective.”

Medical:Medical Cannabis can be used for a plethora of diseases including (but not limited to) cancer, AIDS, glaucoma, chronic pain, arthritis, MS, paralysis, and epilepsy. (Watch the first 1:30 of this video to see a patient use medical cannabis to help cerebral palsy - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EozRhoPKfjQ) 

Whether this substance literally shrinks tumors, relieves pain, or simply dissociates the mind of the patient from their illness, I believe that it is the right of the patient to decide whether they want to treat their illness with the natural solution of medical cannabis or the unnatural solution of man made medicines. No government should get in the way of that. 

There are special cases, such as Charlotte’s Web, where marijuana becomes a last resort to parents or patients, and we should have no way to disturb that treatment. Also, a growing number of health professionals are praising hemp seeds’ nutritional value, noting that it’s second only to soy in protein and contains the highest concentration of essential amino and fatty acids found in ANY food.

Industrial:WELL, this is just ridiculous. If you are “green” and opposed to “Industrial Marijuana” aka HEMP, please never open your mouth on this subject. HEMP refers to the non-psychoactive strain of marijuana. It is one of nature’s strongest and most versatile agricultural crops and can be used to make over 500 products such as paper, textiles, cosmetics, paints, clothing, foodstuffs, insulation, and animal feed.In short, Hemp produces a much higher yield per acre than it’s substitutes such as cotton, requires little to no pesticides, has an annual growing cycle of 100 days and leaves the soil virtually weed-free for the next planting.

"The hemp plant is currently harvested for commercial purposes in over 30 nations, including Canada, Japan and the European Union. Although it grows wild across much of America and presents no public health or safety threat, hemp is nevertheless routinely uprooted and destroyed by law enforcement. Each year, approximately 98% of all the marijuana eliminated by the DEA’s "Domestic Cannabis Eradication/Suppression Program" is actually hemp."

BUT since Federal law allows U.S. retailers and manufacturers to import hemp fiber, sterilized seeds, and ingestible hemp products containing no THC, approximately 1.9 million pounds of hemp fiber, 450,000 pounds of hemp seeds, and 331 pounds of hempseed oil are imported annually for our use. Imagine how much money could be saved if we didn’t have to import that from other countries and could support local hemp farmers right here in the US.

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I can feel it. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to fight, my body rivets with signs of another depressive episode. I can't get out of bed or stop napping on the couch. My body is poisoned by substance. My mind is more poisoned by itself. The thoughts will never go away "You're too fat." "No one will like you until you are skinny." "Just get through today without eating." "Getting your life together is too hard, there are too many steps, it's too overwhelming so you might as well lay down and get kicked again the stomach" 

Maybe if I just lay down and take the beating for however long it lasts this time-a day, a week, a month- i'll come up breathing again on the other side. I'll get to think about how I love being myself again and how it doesn't matter if my stomach is a little puffier than when I left for Italy. Just take it one hit at a time and get back up. I can take these hits, I'm ready for them, but that doesn't mean it doesn't tear my heart into a million little pieces every time a thought tells me I'm not worth it.

Sam Smith - Stay With Me (Live on SNL)