Duel of the Wild Cards

"Your revival's finally here. But what does that mean for us, exactly? One more once?"

"To arms, 'Your Highness!'" cried out the voice of the clemar nobleman, back to back with the person he vowed his undying loyalty to.

He and his lifelong hetero partner had been surrounded by an enemy monster horde that had gotten the jump on them with a rather grotesque homo sapien seemingly leading the pack, magla particles visibly coursing through its veins.

"My apologies...!" the silver haired man spoke; hurriedly tossing the scabbard of his longsword aside after deflecting an incoming goblin's axe with a diagonal slash. "It was my suggestion that we hunt down our rations to save a little on coin. And now we stare down a blasted human!"

They had trekked just a little too far from their gauntlet runner to gather food and herbs out in the woods. The thicket they sought their prize in was too dense to make for a quick escape however. They'd have to fight their way out of this mess.

"What are you sorry for? Your argument was sound!" the 'royal' companion spoke, casting a gust of green gale infused magla to form a headwind; sending a winged talon beast divebombing toward him careening straight down into the dirt.

"We could both use a bath in an inn that isn't a cramped casket, right?" the azure haired boy reasoned, seemingly not too fazed by the surprise opposition. He had a sinking suspicion one of the competitors for the throne set this trap, but rather than voice concern, he'd rally and beckon his right hand man into action.

"They're the ones who will be sorry. Now, to battle!"

"RIGHT!"

"Now tell me..." A third, monotone voice spoke; breaking all tension. "Is this what you do when you... 'cosplay'?" The voice belonged to Zen, former escort to Minato & Yu, who had since found his purpose elsewhere with a little guidance from the fools.

"W-well..." Yu replied, hands holding onto a script and recounting an outing from a previous Halloween. "We may have gotten too caught up in the excitement that night."

"I'm just as much to blame there." Minato chimed in, scratching the back of his head. "It's been a long time since I was fully immersed in character like that. It's contagious."

"I see. But you two had... fun, right? Would you do it all over again?" In response to that question, they shot each other a knowing look; accompanied by a dramatic pause.

"Would we? We would."

SPLASH!

"This is just what I needed..." Yu sank into the spacious outdoor pool of warm water and let out a sigh of relief. Their long escort job far away from home seemingly completed for the time being, the fools had finally returned for some much needed RnR.

"And here I thought you were so attached to those guys and steering that ship that you'd never want to come back home." spoke his hetero life partner, one Minato Arisato, sitting across from him and running a hand through his blue locks of hair.

"Or were you just that eager to come here for the free soak? You're welcome by the way." They were of course lounging in the Amagi Springs within the rural town of Inaba, courtesy of a certain heiress that, between the two's travels in their first couple of years, Minato had become particularly fond of.

"Well, yeah... but we've been on this world saving adventure since..." Yu paused, then looked his long time best friend dead in the cerulean eye with his gray orbs, both of them bereft of clothing.

"Actually, how long has it been since we met?"

Minato blinked, then closed his own eyes in seemingly deep thought.

"You know, now that you mention it..."

"The only way they communicate is through frustration."

"Fire in English is called FIRE!"

"Don't they know owls are useless in a recession?"

"Keep your friends close, keep your enemies at a travel lodge."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I tend to rescue damsels when I'm being heroic."

"May the best ___ ever have a cup of tea?"

"We can't all graduate from Devry."

"This plan is like my underwear, tight and out of sight!"

"What's your opinion of paper mache?"

"What an insidious and dirty trick... I gnash my cool teeth at you!"

"It's like a Turkish bathhouse in there, but without the space and double the bulge!"

"Hey, a boy/girl. HEY! I want your number and/or address! Names are optional!"

"Back to figuring out what hanging out means!"

"Relax, man. Menstruation's just a form of rejection."

"You know... most people just get carsick. You're just sick of the truth."

"Quick! It's an emergency Code: Flamboyant!"

"If a shower head could talk, it'd probably say 'Squeak, squeak! You take too fucking long to shower."

"Congratulations. You managed to exterminate an entire race and only sustained an injury by tripping on a rock."

"He/she stole my socks. I think we're even."

"I think you need to go to a spa. Because that was a total facial!"

"You have made a powerful enemy."

"I want you to kill them. I fucking hate them."

"Are you hungry? So are orphans. God, you're selfish."

"...I don't know how to respond to that."

"His mind was blown... that and the RPG."

"Join the communist party--I'm closin' that!"

"You really should stop giving me missions where I need to hold things. In case you didn't notice, I don't have FINGERS!"