#drunknapkinquotes

(alcohol aided laughter)

He's a good actor, I just don't enjoy looking at him.

Thank Christ for that, it's not Good Friday.

Broken sword, small penis... oh I get it--Arthur!

What is your fucking excuse for not drinking that?

B, lose your moral compass for the night!

I will lick your goddamn face.

I can’t coexist in the same body and be drunk at the same time.

I want to be friends with the whole world!

That’s always what she said.

I have Voldemort hands!

You have to hold it up there until its done!

I don’t compulsively sleep with them, I compulsively make out with them.

I was not looking at whale porn!

Strapascopoliscious

I don’t want to take any of you home with me!

-Are you going to disown your own daughter? -Yes if she’s a sociopath!