Dr. Jonathan Crane

Firstly, I thought I made it clear that you are to never listen to any doctor that isn’t me. 

But in this case, they have actually given you a good prescription. ECT, better known as Evangelical Christian Treatment, is where a psychologist goes to the tried and true traditions of Bible times in order to assist their patients. And it is almost always a success, assuming you rate ‘patient death’ as a success, which I of course do because technically you are no longer insane once dead.

I like the hours, in that I can torture patients for 24 hours a day, 6 days a week (Sundays are for church).

What I don’t like is how I can’t fit my hand all the way into the Pringles can, so I have to tip the can to push them to the front, and when I get right down to the Pringles at the bottom I have to tip the can over my face but then the Pringles dust falls out and gets in my eyes.

Well you should have thought about that before showing signs of slight mental impairment and being sent to me for a 30 minute consultation where you were declared instantly insane and committed to my Asylum where you will live out your days strapped to a bed where you are incapable of any movement and are subjected to daily injections of my fear toxin. 

John Noble has a powerful and impressive voice, but sadly it sounds nothing like my own. So truly, anything spoken by him would not be Scarecrow speaking.

People who want their children raised right! People who want their children to gain an understanding of discipline and an early understanding that life can be difficult and painful.

But mostly people who don’t realise that the Jane Cronathan they are hiring is actually a former Arkham Asylum inmate who now runs the facility and subjects all his babysitting subjects to rigorous and ungodly experiments on the brain.

Any day? Even Sunday - the Lord’s day? The day of rest? That’s very disrespectful of you, and I will not abide it.

How about next Thursday. I think we could....no, actually, that’s no good. I’ll killing a patient at noon and the way I’m going to do it will be very slow and drawn out.

Scribe care is something this is sadly overlooked in today’s selfish culture. Particularly among you darn “millennials” what with your snapchats and the terrible state of the economy which was entirely your doing.

Here is a simply guide to the best way to treat your scribe/muse who helps you run your blog by typing up your posts for you because you are too busy performing ungodly experiments on your patients:

1. Make sure your scribe has plenty of access to water and natural light.

2. Take away that water and natural light so they know you mean business.

3. Walk your scribe every day to make sure they get plenty of exercise.

4. Cut their legs off so they know escape is impossible.

5. Feed your scribe a healthy diet.

6. Feed your scribe the ground up meat of their family. No one will be coming for them. No one even knows they are here.

7. Allow your scribe to meet other scribes so they can develop their social skills.

8. You’re all down here together. None of you will ever get out. No of you will ever be free. I will torture you, and the pain won’t stop until you finally succumb to the slow death I have planned for you.

Well he owes me several decades of birthday and Christmas presents, that’s what.

And he also needs to apologise for all the beatings and bashings he....actually, that’s pretty much how I remember being treated by my parents, so I think he got that pretty much right. If anything, he was too soft on me. And wasn’t that always the worst quality of Batman - his inability to discipline?

I know I’m a little behind on my asks, but was this one sent in 1999? 

I liked Digimon up until I found myself unable to digivolve mine into anything other than whatever that Digimon is that throw it’s poop. Apparently you get that if you make mistakes when raising it. But in my personal experience subjecting a baby to starvation and poor hygiene conditions often raises the most competent and intelligent person possible who goes on to do an excellent job running Arkham Asylum. 

Oh how quickly people forget. Do you really think I would align myself with any of those so-called "legendary" birds in Zaptos, Moltres or Articuno?

I do not associate with any bird but one, and due to my hacking of the game I find myself as the only member of the most powerful team of all:

TEAM SWAGCROW UNITE!

Well I think this will feel somewhat inevitable to anyone who is roleplaying with me at the moment but....I kinda gotta put RPing on hold indefinitely. And maybe for good.

Not that this blog will stop, because I still like interacting with people and responding to asks and just making nonsense posts on an infrequent basis, but I don’t have the time for roleplaying that I used to and because of that people are waiting weeks for replies and when they finally come I have to admit they’re becoming a little phoned-in because I realise how long it has been and how I just need to get something out quick, so I’m just not giving the effort to roleplays that they deserve and that is really unfair to my RP partners.

I also feel that after around five years as Crane I have maybe taken him as far as I perhaps can and it was getting harder and harder to find inspiration for him (which is is no way a reflection of the great characters I was getting to roleplay with but more a reflection of how many thousands of words I have put into Crane and how maybe I’ve shown as much of him as I can think up).

So unfortunately this means for the following wonderful people who I still have active roleplays with that I’ll need to bring our stories to a rather sudden end (sorry if I forget anyone here):

@leopardfang15 @welcometovonwulfskimanor @just-a-gotham-citizen @mindless-iris @thejokette @clownprincejoker @hungover-and-broke-student @ashlynnvolkov @nobodythepolymath 

Apologies for being such a rubbish RP partner these last few weeks. Thanks for taking the time to roleplay with me.

Most people are pretty ugly after their face has been decaying in the ground for several years, so I take that less as an insult and more as a reasonably accurate assessment.

Hey I got a question for you - how can a Goldeen run away if I find it on land?

It’s a fish. It can only flop around. So why does it disappear in a puff of smoke before I can throw my twelfth Pokeball at it?

But I love the way you ask me foolish questions as if I don’t have one of the greatest minds on the planet and can’t just configure the game to include whatever Pokemon I want.

Sure, I’m not computer expert, but I have managed to edit the code of the game to include all my favourite Pokemon. Just look: