Is your life just one more lie?

That sounds like paradise compared with living with the interns. They're all so noisy and sociable, it's sickening. I'd much rather spend my nights curled up with you instead. I wouldn't say I have many hidden talents, I just don't think I ever had occasion to tell you about some of the things I do. You're a photographer? I would love to see some of your work sometime, if you don't mind. Oh, I would love that! I'll have to figure out when I can work in a day off. Good, because I'm not sure you'd have been able to stop me.

As I say, I really wouldn't want to get in the way. I doubt you'd want me around all the time. Ah, I'm sure we could find a way around all that. Oh, yes! It started with me learning how to service my bike, but I realised that I do rather like making things. I'm not exactly what you'd call a builder, but I'm fairly good with woodworking nowadays. Oh, I'd love that! I've been meaning to go to the museums but I haven't had the time. Hmm... I suppose that's manageable, but only if I'm allowed to kiss you until you're blushing just as hard as I am.

Given that I live there already that's not much of a stretch, but I like the sentiment nonetheless. Living with you would be wonderful, even in a padded cell. In that case, perhaps I'll build you something - I'm rather good with my hands, and I haven't done any DIY in a while. Good, but I didn't just mean money - if you need help moving boxes, or anything else for that matter, I'm always around. It's not as though I have a social life! Then maybe you could save making me blush until I actually see you? That would be less strange than me walking around the hospital all flushed.

You know I'm only messing with you - I'm the one that's certifiable, remember? Oh no, I couldn't take up any more space in your house than I already am. I wouldn't want to be in the way. I can understand that, but my offer still stands. I know I don't have a lot, but I would hate to think that you're struggling if I'm able to help out. Excuse me, are you planning on making all the blood in my body rush to my face? Stop it!

Sane? You weren't particularly sane to start off with, my love. I think if I had more space, my collection really would have developed into a library by now. Oh, it didn't work out? That's a shame. You know I'd always help you out with money, though, if you needed it. As long as you're around, I'm sure it will.

Oh, Netflix. How I love it. You should, I'm sure there are a few among my eclectic collection that you'd enjoy. Good! That's what I like to hear. You should be getting Alex to run around after you, really. You know you're the only one who's ever been able to make me smile like that.

Then read one of my books, darling, or watch a movie or something. I just don't want you to be doing any physical exercise or anything that could exacerbate your injury. Oh god, stop it! You're making me blush and I'm trying to work.

Even though I'm perfectly capable of working...

Stop complaining and take it easy. You did this to yourself, now you have to deal with it. I'll stop by in my lunch break to check up on you.

I am, yes. Are you going to try and make me talk, too?

...I was just going to ask if you're settling in alright, but it looks like that question was answered for me.

I feel like all I've done the past few days is talk

Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get used to all the talking soon enough. You're Kurt Hummel, am I right?

Shane... You're so clumsy. I'm on my way now - I'll see you soon. And in future, please let me help with things like that. You're hopeless.

Boxes? Why were you moving boxes? Darling, where are you? Can I come to you?

A trip to the ER is always pleasant.

...Wh-what?! Shane? What happened?

Oh yay. Just when I thought things couldn’t get worse..I’m so excited to get an aggressive lecture from my ex’s best friend about how I screw up everything. I hear I’m an awful listener, but go ahead. 

Oh, save it. I'm not in the mood for your bitching. This isn't about how you screw up everything, although you really do and that is an issue that needs to be addressed. This is about the things you said to her and to Rachel. Where the fuck do you get off treating people like that, Cassandra?!

Finally ...home

Oh, good. You and I need to have a little chat.