Dr Preston Burke

      PREGNANCY -

❝ We’re going to be parents! ❞ ❝ Did you feel him/her/them kick!? ❞ ❝ Do you want to feel the baby? ❞ ❝ I’m pregnant…and it’s yours. ❞ ❝ Do you think I’ll make a good mother/father? ❞ ❝ What are you hoping for? ❞ ❝ I feel so nauseous today… ❞ ❝ What should we name him/her/them? ❞ ❝ How many diapers do you think we’ll need? ❞ ❝ You’re crying over a puppy? ❞ ❝ Is just strawberry okay? They didn’t have strawberries and cream. ❞ ❝ I’ve read this book four times I’m basically an expert by now. ❞ ❝ Boy or girl? ❞ ❝ Wait, do we have everything on this list I found? ❞ ❝ Can you put the crib together? I’m so tired. ❞ ❝ This kid can come out anytime it’s ready. ❞       ❝ You’re glowing. ❞ ❝ How far along are you? ❞ ❝ Please don’t freak out…but I’m pregnant. I SAID DON’T FREAK OUT. ❞ ❝ Hospital. Now! ❞ ❝ I think that was a contraction… ❞ ❝ The due date’s not until next week! ❞

     NEW BABY -

❝ S/He’s your kid before five in the morning. ❞ ❝ We need to go on a diaper run again. ❞ ❝ We’re out of formula–where’s the other can!? ❞ ❝ Ugh, s/he spit up on my good shirt! ❞ ❝ S/he won’t stop crying, I don’t know what to do. ❞         ❝ Please take him/her, I’m going to go crazy with the screaming. ❞ ❝ Is it even possible for a baby to scream so much!? ❞ ❝ Should they be breathing like that? ❞ ❝ I need to go check on the baby. ❞     ❝ If you never put him/her down you’ll spoil him/her. ❞ ❝ Daddy/Mommy’s little girl/boy! ❞ ❝ Good morning, little spawn of Satan! ❞ ❝ Shhh, they’re finally asleep.  ❞     ❝ Dammit, I just got them to sleep! ❞ ❝ Be careful, s/he’s a hair puller…. ❞ ❝ Where’s the pacifier!? ❞ ❝ I can’t find his/her blanket, please help me. ❞     ❝ I’ve been up since four this morning, it’s your turn. ❞ ❝ I found you and the baby sleeping in the recliner at six am and it was so precious. ❞ ❝ Stroller, diaper bag, playpen, blanket, bottles, what else do we need before we go to your parents? ❞ ❝ A babysitter!? Are you insane!? ❞     ❝ You’re going to spoil them. ❞     ❝ We can’t go out with the baby, that’s just asking for trouble. ❞ ❝ Baby’s awake… ❞ ❝ S/he’s so precious…. ❞ ❝ This is our son/daughter…. ❞ ❝ We make damn beautiful babies. ❞ ❝ Look at his/her little feet… ❞ ❝ S/he has your eyes. ❞ ❝ Do not dress him/her in that! ❞     ❝ Be careful with him/her! ❞ ❝ Did you remember to pack his/her toy? ❞ ❝ His/her first tooth came in today. Already bit me.❞ ❝ Did you hear that? That was a cough.❞           

        CHILDREN -

’ I believe if you were dead the world would be a better place. ’

’ You are not my knight in shining whatever. ’

’ I’m not sure we’re worth fighting for. ’

’ I’m gonna eat candy in the dark and pretend I’m home alone. ’

’ Sometimes it’s actually painful to be around you. ’

’ They say if you talk out loud while you look for something, you find it faster. ’

’ This is your love day. ’

’ I’d lose that crazed smile before you start cramping. ’

’ It’s harder to love someone than walk away from them. ’

’ No, I choose me. ’

’ We’re adults, we’re going to fight. ’

’ Everyone said I was ready. You said I would be okay, so I thought I should just do it and get it over with. But I wasn’t ready for…to be… ’

’ I met a puppy once that was half German Shepherd, half teacup Chihuahua. And all I could think was…how did you happen? ’

’ You should go. Cause I’m about to nut punch you. ’

’ Found it. It’s so old, it’s not even in the computer. ’

’ I wasn’t sure what you’d be in the mood for, so I kind of got everything. Champagne, tequila, pinot noir — pick your poison. ’

’ You are not a person who makes promises he doesn’t keep. ’

‘ I only dance it out when something bad’s happened. ’

‘ People aren’t always who you think they are. You learn to see through it. You learn fast. ’

‘ You’re a surgeon, we make mistakes. We need to be forgiven. ’

‘ You don’t teach by shoving someone else’s face in the dirt. That’s just being mean. And small. ’

‘ Did he say anything to you before you killed him? Can you tell me what his last words were. ’

‘ I’m happy and I never thought I would be again. But I am, and that’s all I need. ’

‘ Aw sweetie, this is about me, this isn’t about you. ’

‘ THIS is what feminism looks like, sir. ’

‘ I think you’ll be a good dad. Your babies will be so foul-mouthed and dirty and cute. ’

‘ I am qualified to tell you how to survive. ’

‘ My husband is dead. Yeah, I’m gonna play that card. ’

‘ Why do people constantly feel the need to kill their arteries. ’

‘ Optimism for the win. ’

‘ I told you to keep that baby in. ’

‘ All my orgasms are gonna be self-made, hand-crafted ones. ’

‘ Just because we can live without something, it doesn’t mean we have to. ’

‘ You want to be a mess, be a mess. I don’t care, I can take it. ’

‘ I just got here. I haven’t had a chance to screw anything up yet. ’

‘ Maybe you’ll get lucky and you’ll snip out the part that makes her kinda bitchy. ’

‘ It’s her song, so get off the stage and let her sing it. ’

‘  I love you in a really really big, pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. ‘

‘ I’m not good at relationships or talking about stupid feelings. ’

‘ I’m still in love with you. I tried not to be, but it didn’t work. ’

‘  You’re my sister, you’re my family, you’re all I’ve got. ‘

‘ Everyone needs help from time to time. Someone to look out for them. Make sure they’re okay. ’

‘ There comes a point when you have to suck it up and stop whining and start living. ‘

‘ You died in my arms. You freakin’ died. ’

‘ That’s where love exists. In delusional fantasies. ’

‘ Ah, tonight I have things planned that don’t include her screaming your name. ’

“If you tell me one more pun, I’m shoving you off of this bed.”

“Quit hogging the blanket.”

“You pushed me out of bed in your sleep.”

“I woke up in the middle of the night without any blankets and your foot digging into my spine.”

“You said the cutest thing in your sleep last night.”

“You say the scariest stuff in your sleep.”

“When I have a bad dream, just listening to you breathe calms me down.”

“Your feet are freezing.”

“The dog takes up more of the bed than I do.”

“It’s lonely without you in the bed.”

“I’m not kidding, you really do snore.”

“Can I sleep with you tonight?”

“Apparently you’re a sleepwalker.”

“I don’t think we need anymore stuffed animals in the bed.”

“Can you make the bed today?”

“If you have a nightmare, I’m going to be right here for you.”

“I miss sleeping with you.”

“I love cuddling with you first thing in the morning.”

“You’re so beautiful when you’re just waking up.”

“Where are you going? It’s late.”

“I work many hours, many days.. Many missed moments, so you can have a decent life. A good education, because I want the best for you”

“So this here is family time. It happens same time every week. You are staying”

“i still fail to see how any of that is my problem, but whatever. as long as you don’t try to make me talk about things like boys and school, i guess i’ll stick around for this whole family time thing.”

     “i don’t see why it’s my fault you’re always working. why does that mean i have to cancel my plans, hmm? i already told jessie and justin i’d come hang out at the bowling alley tonight.” 

     “fine, but i plan on leaving as soon as this ‘family’ dinner is over. i already have other plans and i have no intentions of canceling them.”

“I think I will manage with that, and yes.. you’re correct. I will do them”

“i think you’d get tired of bacon and eggs every day after a while, anyway. awesome! and maybe when you’re done we can go to the mall, possibly?” 

“are you feeling better today?”

“you’re my best friend. you’re supposed to deal with the second-hand embarrassment.”

”come on, i can’t go to the party alone.”

“you deserve so much better.”

“here, let me help.”

“can i sleep over? my parents are fighting again.”

“you don’t have to deal with everything alone.”

“how about i come over and help you throw away all those clothes you’ve been hoarding?”

“you know s/he’s just going to hurt you.”

“call me. text me. reach out for me, for godsake.”

“you’re freezing. come here.”

“you know me better than anyone.”

“i’m saying this because i care about you.”

“ugh, you’re sweaty- get off.”

“you know what, we make a pretty good team.”

“we should run away.”

“you’re a horrible liar. i’ve known you far too long to be able to tell.”

“sing me a song please?”

“i miss her/him. and i know i shouldn’t, but i do.”

“let’s go somewhere. i’m tired of this town.”

“i just want you to be happy”

“don’t listen to them. they’re just jealous of how cute you are”