𐐪 miu ୭

no one cares like actually irl NO ONE GIVES A FUCK bro no one checks up on me unless they need something from me, birthdays? fuck you no cake I spend that shit alone. holidays like Christmas? I sat and watched everyone get each other shit for years i finally gave up buying them things last year cause I noticed I was getting nothing. shit like the way im treated is fucking insane its insane because if they had to call someone when they needed help IT WOULD BE ME id show up i always show up and I keep waiting for someone to do that for me and it will never happen

my own friend pointed it out that my family doesn't treat me like one of them and I will probably always spend my life struggling to fit in

last week I went to visit my family and like so much is hurting me and im trying to act like its not... ive had an eating disorder since I was 14 my family knows this my weight fluctuates constantly they joke and call me anorexic laugh at the fact im starving myself... when i went to go see my family my grandma points out my stomach calls me fat indirectly and it shouldn't matter probably but i slipped back into my old habits... when I was harming myself they'd make fun of my scars... talk about trauma get told they have it worse i was too scared to speak up about the sexual abuse i went through because i knew it'd be used against me or id be called a liar

just so much shit that I take from people who were supposed to love me abd now im like wow fuck I must be unlovable truly I really have no one

after my last attempt my family paid attention to me and was nice for a good 4 days once I was out of the psychward and after that everyone went back to ignoring me so i can imagine the tears before moving on like nothing happened

they go weeks to months without talking to me so how long until im found i have no clue but at that point it won't be a concern for me anymore