poetry blog

i just wish i could hold your tiny hand again

im so sorry for all the times i walked by

without a greeting or a pet

all i want now is to kiss your little head

i used to wonder if rats thought bats were angels

and if the moon was made of cheese

well wherever you are now i hope you can fly like a bat soars

i hope theres no cages

and endless bananas, grapes, and chocolates forevermore

you were so small and yet you trusted me to hold you in my hands

when i first saw you

you were all alone

and that i couldnt stand

but i was there and i took you home

im sorry i wasnt there when you left

i could have held you and your tiny hand

i hope wherever you are

you can fly like a bat

and the moon is made of cheese

i hope i can go there sometime too

to give your tiny hand a squeeze

and watch you fly around my head

ill miss you a lot until then

my sweet benji wherever you are

please meet me in my dreams

and fly circles around me

the rooms keep filling up with flowers

seems a bit ironic i guess

that when theres death and loss

we give people another pretty thing to watch slowly wither away

but what else can you do?

i love you, im sorry

theres not much else to say

and a little color really does help brighten up the space

at least every bouquet counts a person whos still out there loving you

so i guess flowers will do

or i suppose they'll have to

the rooms keep filling up with flowers

and im so sorry for the reason why

im allowed

im allowed

oh yes im allowed

im allowed to speak

im allowed to eat

and im allowed to rest

im allowed to stomp my feet

im allowed to dance

and im allowed to sing

im allowed to live

no matter what i bring

im allowed to cry

and im allowed to scream

im even allowed

to accidentally be mean

im allowed to learn

and im allowed to grow

im allowed to have some fear of the unknown

im allowed to make mistakes

im allowed to take some breaks

im allowed to grow at my own pace

no matter how long it takes

i deserve to be here just as much as anyone

nobody owns the moon

and nobody owns the sun

nobody owns the earth

and nobody owns my worth

so ill remember im allowed

im allowed

allowed to be free

oh yes im allowed

love light and peace

makes up you and me

thank u marijuana leaf

for reminding me

help me to eat

help me to sleep

help me to stay on my own two feet

you soothe my pain

you soothe my mind

youre there for me all the time

i breathe in the light

and release the dark

i say this prayer with love and gratitude

as i fill my bowl and light my spark

earth is a school thats easy to get into but hard to attend

you can get expelled anytime

and you will be afraid of this

and not know exactly why

sometimes you will wish you would be expelled

if youre lucky you will get to play on the playground in between lessons

there will be many pop quizzes

there will be many teachers

some will be nice and some will be cruel

you will be hurt

you will hurt yourself

things wont seem fair

you will be given wonderful things

they will be taken away

you will see beauty beyond belief

you will see wastelands, pain, and grief

you will be too quiet

then you will be too loud

you will not know who you are

you will find yourself

you will struggle with the same problems until you face and conquer them

you will make friends and foes

you will be scorned and beat

you will have to learn to love despite it all

earth is a school that is easy to get into but hard to attend

i have all the keys but ive never really been good at unlocking doors

i always fumble, turn it the wrong way, jam the lock, things like that

it was even a joke among my friends at one point

and it still takes me a minute to get it right most days when im leaving the house

i even dream about being chased down and struggling to get into my home, unable to open the door

so anyways

i found the keys

i found the keys god dammit

so why cant i open the fucking doors?

its like ive got butterfingers and shaky hands

i watch the little kids play

i try not to imagine them as old people

i try to remember growing up is a priviledge

i watch the little kids play

so unconcerned with their messy hair or the stains on their clothes

no care for the chocolate on their face

just chasing the next colorful shiny thing to fall upon their eyes

i watch the little kids play

and i wonder what hardships they might face

i think about how they are living the right way

how we all wish we could

always in the present moment

i watch the little kids play and i think to myself we could learn a lot from them

i think maybe the kids should be teaching us how to be young again

instead of us teaching them how to grow up so fast

so i watch the little kids chase the bubbles

i watch them pop

and i try to imagine myself as a kid again

there is no blood between us

nor sensuality

simply the love i have for u

and the love you have for me

when the world seems blind

we make one another feel seen

something truly light and pure

yet stronger than can be

to be vulnerable without heartache

to just love eachothers company

ill be your heart

when u only feel hate

if youll be my armor

when i only feel weak

ill be your sword

if youll be my gun

ill kill them with words

and youll kill them with slugs

ill kill them with kisses

i love you shining brightly

or only shining slightly

i love you big or thin

i love you red or blue

i love you when you're hiding

and i love when i see you

everyone adores you

and i can sure see why

you light up the streets

and even the night sky

you can move oceans

and lead the fireflies

through all of your phases

i find you exquisite

waxing or waning

crescent or gibbous

oh my beautiful moon

when i feel blue and bleak

when im down, lost and weak

when my eyes are filled with sand

and my feet feel like concrete

i know somewhere there is an angel like me

when i weep on the floor alone

when my heart is cold like ice or stone

when i wish the world never birthed me

when the beauty that surrounds me cannot be seen

i know somewhere there is angel like me

when the girl in the mirror looks at me funny

when my lungs are congested and my nose is runny

when everyday is but a very strange dream

i know somewhere there is an angel like me

blue and white butterflies

spiders and bugs

words that touch me

kisses and hugs

the signs are there

i give what i can spare

i wave to the birds and hug the trees

i like things from thrift stores, antique shops, second hand clothes, flea markets

i like searching for treasure

i like finding gold in the rubble

i can see the good in anything

sometimes it gets me into trouble

i like things that have been forgotten

or thrown away

things that need love

things from long ago or far away

i like things with cracks and chips and faded paint

i like things that need to be cleaned or sewn

i like the things people have given up or outgrown

i like unique things with character and a story