Full of Thoughts

Eddie Munson in the Upside Down

So it’s not uncommon to overhear them on a slow day like…

Robin: you’ll never guess who checked out Rocky Horror Picture Show

Steve: yeah, I know, Munson checks it out every Friday—

Robin: Jason Carver

Written for the @steddie-spooktober Summerween prompt “I know what you did last summer” | wc: 581 | rated: T | cw: references to past sexual relationship, period-typical homophobia | tags: post-S3 AU, alternate S4, former fuckbuddies (maybe with some feels on Steve’s side at least)

———

Eddie is watching him.

He’s sitting in the old boathouse, shaking with terror and grief as he recounts what happened to Chrissy, and he’s still tracking all of Steve’s movements like prey in fear of a predator.

What does he think Steve is going to do? Point at Eddie and out him to everyone? Announce in front of Dustin, Max, and Robin that he and Eddie spent half of the previous summer screwing each other’s brains out? Kick him and call him names and—?

The thought makes bile rise in Steve’s throat. Eddie knows him better than that, right? He knows Steve’s body, his taste, his preferences, probably better than anyone else ever has. Surely he doesn’t think Steve is a violent homophobe.

But Steve also knows how the weirdness of Hawkins can shut down logical thought and make you forget everything you once knew. Once the laws of nature go out the window, how can you trust anything else? Steve aches to reassure Eddie, to tell him he understands and to offer what little comfort he can provide.

Instead, he’s stuck on the other side of the boathouse, catching Eddie’s guarded gaze and trying to communicate without words: it’s okay, you can trust me, let me help you.

Eddie can relate.

He too, says a lot of things, many untrue, many more weilded in defense-- if not of himself or others, than the principles that guide his doctrine.

Hawkins is a shitty small town, full of equally shitty, small minded people. It's easy to sell a lie.

Be a magician, and make them all look at one hand while you make the real magic happen with the other.

So he gets it, when Henderson swears his (former?) babysitter Steve Harrington is "a good dude we can call for help" when Van Helsing's engine gives out, stranding them.

He understands when Henderson doubles down when called out, storming his way to a payphone.

Eddie even applaudes the dedication to the bit when Henderson actually fakes the entire damn phone call.

At no point does he honestly believe The Hair himself will show up to rescue a mixed crew of Hellfire members because some nerdy kid called him.

Dustin Henderson, Eddie learns some odd 30 minutes later, watching Steve fucking Harrington flip a wrench lazily in the air, is the smugest freshman on the planet when hes proven right.

steve only agreed to larp with eddie & his friends if he could be the princess*

Even though he’s in a room with the two people he’s supposed to feel most loved by, he’s trembling with the worst feeling of fear he’s ever felt in his life.

Worse than his first encounter with the Upside Down, worse than his fight with the Demodogs, worse than fighting a giant flesh monster and watching Billy die.

He’s watching his mother, staring at her, willing her to say something, to protect him from what’s about to happen.

“Steven. Don’t look at her. Look at me. She can’t help you now.” His father snaps.

Steve’s eyes don’t move from his mother’s face. Eyes pleading that she stop this. Just this once, can she step in?

His father approaches, “Steven, do you know what this means? Do you know what would happen if this got out?”

He doesn’t look away from his mom.

“Look at me, son.” His father steps closer “imagine how I feel? Can you just think about how shocking it must be for me? How shocked I am to find out that my son, my boy, is a homosexual?”

His mother has tears streaming down her cheeks, but she still won’t look at him.

His father sighs “I don’t want to have to send you to a camp, Steven. That’s not ideal for anyone. Can’t you just ignore this until you move out? You’ve graduated now, you can move out. You can be this… whatever you are, away from us. You can leave. That reflect poorly on no one.”

His mother turns away completely.

“You have to understand, son, this affects all of us. I can’t have the town finding out about this, do you understand?”

Steve nods.

There was a boy playing with his band, Steve doesn’t remember their name, but he remembers watching this kid play his guitar. It was like he was the only person in the entire universe. He kept whipping and shaking his head. Steve is sure that if his hair wasn’t buzzed, it’d be wild and big.

He knows the kid gets picked on, it’s because he stands out. But he doesn’t seem sorry for standing out, he wears it like a badge of honor. It makes Steve’s cheeks burn with jealousy.

They’re burning now just thinking about it, so he pushes his face into the pillow he’s holding. Steve has never felt like this about anyone in his life. He knows it’s not possible though, because the kid on stage was a boy, and Steve is a boy. He’s supposed to like girls.

But as he lays awake in his room, late in the night, he thinks about holding that boys hand. He thinks about touching his buzzed hair. He thinks about standing in the boys space.

Even worse, he thinks about taking up space. He thinks about meeting the boys family, he wonders if he has any siblings. He thinks about meeting his friends. He thinks about going to the movies, and secretly holding his hand in the dark.

But, of course, none of this happens. Steve can’t like boys.

Instead, he loses his virginity as a freshman at an upperclassman’s party. He gets popular. He gets a reputation. He gets girls.

He doesn’t get Eddie “The Freak” Munson because he’s King Steve “The Hair” Harrington.