lovely to be rained on with you

While you wait for it to kick in, you hop in the shower, the stinging hot water soothing your skin, the sounds of it hitting the tile roaring in your ears, drowning out your thoughts.

Every inch of your skin is red by the time you turn the water off.

Freshly washed, you go back to the kitchen, donned in the red henley and a pair of biker shorts, fuzzy socks padding across the hardwood as you grab a pan.

You pick up your phone, opening Spotify and shuffling your favorite and most-played melancholy playlist, humming to yourself along with the music, body loosening up as the drug begins to take hold. 

The song ends, followed by a more recent favorite: “Ceilings” by Lizzy McAlpine. Your head sways from side to side, stirring some vegetables on the stove.

Then, finally, a pair of large hands trace upwards along your waist. Your eyes close as his fingertips slide forward until they meet at your stomach, wrapping you in a tight embrace.

There he is.

Lips brush against your neck, and you breathe out a small laugh as the scruff tickles your skin. 

“Hey baby,” Bucky whispers into your ear, and his voice sends a rush of warmth through your body. He sways you side to side with him to the music. You rest your head back into him, wishing you could just sink into him completely, desperate for a way to have him always by your side.

His hands move, and you feel cool metal reach underneath the hem of the henley, thumb stroking your skin and sending a shiver up your spine. The other hand grabs yours, pulling you away from the stove and spinning you around to face him.

That’s when you’re met with your favorite view in the world. Crystalline eyes that crinkle in the corner that pair perfectly with the most gorgeous, joy-filled smile you’ve ever seen. The one that only you can bring out of him.

Bucky bites his bottom lip, guiding you closer until your chest is flush against his, and the two of you are dancing once more. You rest your head on his chest, his heartbeat floating through your mind, soothing you more than any drug ever could.

Now, finally, you feel like you’re home. Not in the way you do when you walk inside this small apartment. No, this is different.

This is warmth, safety, peace. Love.

Bucky is home.

He steps back, lifting your arms and twirling you around. This time you can’t help but let out a full laugh, and the sound of it brings out a low chuckle from him. 

When he brings you back to him, he nuzzles his face into your shoulder and you run your fingers through his long chestnut hair.

“I love when you wear my shirts.” He takes a deep inhale and moans. “You always make them smell so nice. And they always look better on you than me.”

You huff. The man is clearly out of his mind if he thinks anyone could possibly look better in this damn henley than he could with the way his arms fill this shirt. 

Still, you welcome the butterflies that flutter in your stomach at the comment, the gruff, hungry tone in his voice as his hands caress your body.

“I missed you,” you whisper, tears streaming down your face.

The swaying slows, but you continue moving to the song, both of you unwilling to ruin this small moment. His lips press against your shoulder before he raises his head to look at you.

He reaches up to wipe the tears from your cheek, eyes piercing yours.

“It’s okay. I’m here now.” Bucky gives you a small, sad smile.

You nod. He’s here now, and that’s enough for you.

So this time, you push him away and spin him around, and the two of you giggle as he bends his large body under your arms, both of you stumbling around and losing yourself to each other.

Time freezes for a moment, and you forget about everything else around you. Everything that was, everything that is, everything to come.

It’s just you and Bucky.

He leans forward, lips grazing against yours as he whispers, “I love you.”

His kiss tastes like honey and rain, and you sigh into him.

But then the song crescendos, and the lyrics pierce the bubble as time begins to move again.

But it’s not real.

Suddenly, his lips taste like dirt and blood. Your hands wrap around his face, clinging to him in hopes that this time you might be able to stop what happens next.

And you don’t exist.

Tears stream down your face once more as you travel back in time. To the jungle. To the moment your lips last touched his.

When you felt his hands fade away from your waist, your confused gazed locked onto his fear-filled blue eyes until they turned to dust.

Hands still held up in the air formed around the face they had been holding, your lips tremble as the familiar, agonizing emptiness fills you as you stand in the kitchen, and you force yourself to keep your eyes closed for just a few more seconds. To let the fantasy last a little bit longer.

Somewhere, deep inside your brain, you hear his voice one last time.

“I’ll be back.”

When you finally open your eyes, he’s gone.

And you’re alone once more.

You grab another piece of chocolate.

~~~

With that, you kept reading, and before he knew it, he was returning to his seat.

“Alright,” Shuri said a few children later, clapping her hands together. “That’s everyone. Can we all give Miss Y/n a mighty thank you for reading to you all?”

The kids grumbled out thank you’s and Shuri scoffed. “That was so lame, guys!”

“Can she keep reading?” one of the kids begged. “We wanna know if Lucinda breaks Ella’s curse!”

They all erupted in cheers, and you laughed. Shuri looked over at you with a shrug.

You held the book up. “I’m happy to keep going if you all are.”

They cheered some more, and you continued on for the next hour.

At one point, you looked up to the back of the outdoor space to see Bucky leaning against a tree, arms crossed in front of him, a small, content smile on his face.

As your eyes met, he scrunched his nose at you, smile widening, and you felt the same butterflies form in your stomach as you had when you first met him a year ago.

The morning after your grossly romantic Twilight date, you and Bucky headed over to the lab to meet with Bruce, where he and Peter proposed their crazy idea to you.

To pass on the cure to as many camps as you could.

When the bite mark on Bucky’s neck proved that the serum Bruce had created work, the scientists got straight to work on the next phase of the project: mass distribution. To turn the serum into something that could be administered to any and everyone, so that you could finally be rid of this world-ending virus.

That morning in the lab, Bruce opened up a metal briefcase containing what had to have been hundreds of small vials of purple liquid, a glimmer in his eyes that could only be described as hopeful.

“We could send you out to a couple of camps at a time. You’d get to know their leaders, make them feel comfortable and help show them that what we’ve created works. They could even help spread the word, distribute it to more people. There’s the potential to have everyone cured within the next five years.”

Five years. The same amount of time you had been in this mess in order to fix it.

What would the world even look like in five years? Would it be something worth fighting for, or would it be a lost, desolate place?

You looked up at Bucky by your side, squeezing his hand to get his gaze to meet yours.

When you saw the expression on his face, one a perfect mixture of skepticism and hope, you knew your answer.

Even if the world wasn’t worth fighting for, Bucky was. Your Shield family was.

So with a shrug, you looked back at Bruce.

“When do we start, Doc?”

It started off with Asgard, the home of Thor and Loki, two brothers who had met their untimely end shortly after you and Bucky met them.

You, Bucky, Steve, Bruce, Yelena and Kate set out a few days after developing a plan of execution.

Their leader, Valkyrie, was obviously skeptical. But when you and Bucky relayed the story of your brief encounter with her fallen friends, and with some fancy science jargon from Bruce - and a thorough inspection of the bite marks you and Bucky shared on your necks - she was a bit more willing to participate.

The group stayed there a few days, getting acquainted with the members of camp, allowing them to grow comfortable enough to realize none of you were a threat.

Then came administration. Bruce worked with Valkyrie and their medic Jane to teach them how to properly inject the antidote, bringing the adults up first to ease into the concept of being poked with a needle for the kids.

When it was finally time for the kids, there were still some who threw a fit when Jane tried to coax them into the seat, wailing and crying and creating way too much noise and attention to yourselves.

“We gotta do something,” Yelena muttered, eyes scanning the trees that bordered the camp. “If these kids keep screaming over a damn needle we’re going to be swarmed by walkers before nightfall.”

Bucky, who was on your other side, leaned down till his lips were by your ear.

“Remember what you did that time AJ scraped up his leg so bad he needed stitches? And he was freaking out, not letting Bruce anywhere near him?” You turned to face him and he shrugged in a couldn’t hurt to try way.

Without a second thought, you walked over to the kid, crouching down to get to their level.

“This feels really scary, doesn’t it?” you asked, taking their hands. They nodded. “I hate doing things that scare me, too, even when I know that doing the scary thing will help me or help the people that I love. You know what I try to think of whenever I feel afraid?”

The kid’s bottom lip jutted out and they nodded again. You smiled.

“I think about a man named Bilbo Baggins, who was a very small person.” You raised one hand just below the child’s head to display Bilbo’s height and they giggled. “Bilbo had to leave his home where he felt safe to go on a long, terrifying adventure with a bunch of strange - and very smelly dwarves - to go fight a dragon. Now, he absolutely did not want to go on this adventure, because he had never done something so scary in his life. And he not only had to try and defeat a dragon, but he fought trolls, giant spiders, and many other monsters along the way, and each time he fought those things he was terrified. There were many times he wanted to cry and run home where he felt safe. But you know what?”

“What?” the kid immediately responded, eyes now wide and excited, free of tears.

You squeezed their hands. “He found the courage he needed to save those smelly dwarves who had become his friends. And the more courage he had, the less scary all of the monsters became.” You cocked your right brow up. “Do you think you could be brave like Bilbo right now?”

The child bit their bottom lip, chest rising as they took in a deep breath. On the exhale, they nodded.

Your smile widened. “There we go. I know you can handle this, and I’ll be right here, okay? I won’t leave unless you want me to.”

Jane took a step forward, needle in hand and the kid’s hands tightened around yours. “Stay please.”

You nodded. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Their eyes shut tightly, and Jane moved quickly as she injected the serum into their arm.

“Look at that,” you said softly. “All done.” The kid opened one eye. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

They nodded, a smile forming on their lips. “Was I brave?”

“The bravest. No dragon would ever dare to mess with you.” You winked and they giggled, letting go of your hands and walking away.

You were about to stand up and return to Yelena’s side, when a young girl ran up in front of you for their turn, eyes wide.

“Can you talk more about Bilbo? How big were the spiders he had to fight?”

You looked up at Jane, who simply shrugged before grabbing a new syringe.

“They were massive,” you replied, extending your arms out wide. “So big, in fact, you could probably ride one of them…”

Not even thirty minutes had passed, and now all of the kids were huddled beside you, eager to hear more of your recollection of The Hobbit, eyes bright with excitement, barely even registering that they were here to get a shot.

You made a mental note to bring a book with you wherever you went, just like you used to when you first were on the run with your parents.

“You’re amazing, you know that right?” Bucky asked when everyone was done and you walked over to him.

“Tell me something I don’t know, Beefcake,” you joked, winking at him.

His arms wrapped around you, pulling you closer. “Seriously, though. That just changed the entire mood in the camp. Not just the kids, but the adults who were relieved to see them so relaxed.”

“Well, it was all thanks to you,” you reminded him, chin resting on his chest. “I wouldn’t have thought to do that unless you said something.”

He smiled. “Guess we make a good team.” 

You wiggled your brows. “Hashtag dream team.”

Bucky groaned, rolling his eyes and crushing you within his hold and you wheezed out a laugh.

When you left Asgard, an extremely grateful Valkyrie expressed that any member of Shield was welcome back anytime, and if you ever needed aid, they would answer your call.

“I can’t believe we did it,” Yelena muttered as you started your journey home.

“Neither can I,” Bruce mumbled, and you all whipped your heads at him, shocked. He shrugged. “What? I suggested we try, I didn’t know if it would actually work out this well!”

Your next destination was a smaller, nomadic camp, led by Hope Van Dyne. It was her, her parents, her partner Scott Lang and his daughter, Cassie. Hope and her parents were also scientists, and were intrigued by Bruce’s development of the antidote.

“We have our own mobile lab,” Hope’s dad, Hank, said, “We could recreate this serum and help distribute it, since we travel around so much anyways.”

“You’d do that?” you asked.

He nodded. “Anything to help undo what those Hydra bastards did.”

It didn’t take long for Bruce to teach them how to recreate the serum, and the rest of you spent that time working with Hope and Scott to work out the locations of other camps you could travel to.

“There’s a guy called Strange, who has a network of people all over. He’s based in New York, though, so you’d have to travel a ways to get there. That area is still largely populated with unturned though so it would be a great spot to get this to.”

“You could show me your old stomping grounds, Beefcake,” you said, bumping his shoulder with yours.

He chuckled, looking over at Steve. “We can go back to Coney Island, Stevie.”

Steve groaned. “I still get nauseous thinking of that place.”

After leaving Hope’s camp, Bruce decided to return to Shield to keep working on creating more antidotes, leaving the rest of you to continue traveling from camp to camp.

You asked Steve if he was going to go back, since he was technically Shield’s leader again now that he’d returned from the dead.

Steve shook his head. “Sam and I talked about it a while back, and he’s going to remain in charge. He’s so much better at it than I was, and honestly? I never really enjoyed it. Doing this, going out and helping others with you and Bucky, this feels right.”

You smiled, wrapping your arm around him for a side hug. “Well, I’m more than happy to have you tag along. I need to hear all the embarrassing stories about Beefcake.”

You heard Bucky groan behind you. 

After a few months, you had reached dozens of camps. Each one made you feel more and more hopeful, knowing that so many were still surviving after so many years. You had even run into people that Shield saved from Hydra when they came to rescue you. They welcomed you with open arms and tear-filled eyes.

Now, you were at the settlement known as Wakanda, by far the most established and advanced camp you had been to yet. Their sassy, smart as hell leader Shuri scoffed when you showed her one of the antidote vials.

“Dammit! I was so close to figuring it out.” She lifted her arm, tapping the screen of her watch until a holographic DNA strand circled above it. “I was at, like, a 76% rate as of this morning!”

You and Kate exchanged glances after gaping at the crazy device on the woman’s wrist.

“Is all of your tech this advanced?”

Shuri smirked. “You have no idea.”

“We gotta get Banner and Parker here,” you muttered, and all Kate could do was nod.

Once Shuri was done administering the antidote to all of the kids and they had finally relieved you from reading Ella Enchanted, she told you that a celebration was being held in your group’s honor. A way of thanking you for helping their community, as well as welcoming you into their family.

She led you over to four massive, long wooden tables that had been set up and dressed up in various shades of purples and gold, with jars of fireflies lighting the space in a dim, hypnotic glow.

The food was by far the best you ever had in your life, even compared to the meals you ate in the before times. The vegetables were perfectly ripe, the meat was tender and coated with spices you had never tasted, and the bread.

“I’m taking a hundred loaves of these back with us,” Bucky murmured to you, mouth full of sweet rolls. The moan he let out after taking the first bite was sinful. “I never want to eat anything else for the rest of my life.”

“I hope you intend to share with your one true love, Beefcake,” you replied, shoving your own face with the warm, delicious bread.

“Sorry, Sweetheart, but you’ve officially been replaced.” You punched his flesh arm and he tried to laugh through a grimace. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding! Everything I have is yours or whatever the hell they say.”

You gave him a rueful grin, taking another bite of your roll.

The two of you nearly shit your pants when men and women started grabbing instruments and playing music with reckless abandon, pounding on drum heads and singing their hearts out.

“Relax,” Okoye, Wakanda’s general, chided, patting your back in mock comfort as she bit back a laugh. “Shuri has this place soundproofed. Nothing can be heard outside our borders.”

Bucky looked around. “So we’re….safe?”

Okoye rolled her eyes. “You guys. So paranoid. What is there to be afraid of? It’s not like their are flesh-eating monsters swarming the earth or anything.”

The three of you paused for a beat before bursting into a fit of laughter. Okoye patted your shoulder once more and then went over to join others who had now begun dancing to the music.

You turned to find Bucky smiling at you, a suspicious light in his eyes.

You frowned. “What?”

He held out a hand. “Wanna dance?”

You couldn’t help but laugh. “What? Since when do you dance?” you asked incredulously.

“Since I was fuckin’ four years old. Ma’ was big into 40s music. She had Becs, Stevie and I dancing all the damn time.” His hand extended out further. “So?”

You bit the inside of your cheek. “I got some bad news, Beefcake.”

His brows furrowed and you sighed. 

“Ya girl can’t dance.”

You expected Bucky to frown, to feel disappointed in your lack of skill in something he apparently loved.

Instead, his smile widened, reaching out to grab your hand and dragging you to the newly formed dancefloor. 

“That is going to make things way more entertaining for me,” he said, stopping short so that you crashed into him, your hands pressing against his chest so that you didn’t break your nose in the collision.

Before you had a chance to regain your balance, Bucky was pushing you away, expression mischievous as he began a string of maneuvers, alternating between twirling you around, spinning you in the air, stepping in directions you didn’t think possible.

He was an unrelenting machine.

“Bucky, the moment you lose momentum,” you gasped, unable to catch your breath in all of the commotion, “I’m going to do the Yelena leg thing and kick your fucking ass.”

His grin widened, and he pulled you into him, hand resting on your back as you dipped down. You nearly let out a yelp at the feeling of falling backward, but Bucky kept a secure hold on you, nose rubbing against yours. Instead of falling, you felt as if you were floating mid-air.

“Baby, when I’m done with you, you’re going to need to be carried to bed.” he growled in a low, husky voice.

You blinked a few times in response.

He kissed you. “That’s what I thought.” 

The next morning, you and the gang packed up your things and got the horses settled for the journey home.

You snuck a piece of sweet roll to Hades, who nuzzled you immediately after in an attempt to find more somewhere on your person.

“Sorry, buddy,” you laughed, stroking his nose. “That’s all I got.”

He snorted in dissatisfaction.

“I can’t believe you gave the horse that last sweet roll instead of me,” Bucky pouted, massaging Alpine’s front legs.

You glared at him. “That’s because Hades is the one carrying me home since my legs are in so much pain from last night thanks to you torturing me!”

Bucky scoffed. “You had a fuckin’ blast, Sweetheart. Admit it.”

“Don’t worry, Y/n,” Steve said as he approached. “I’ll show you a few dance moves that will put Bucky on his ass in no time.”

Bucky groaned at the smug look that formed on your face. “I’m stealing your best friend, Beefcake. He’s mine now.”

“Hey,” both Bucky and Yelena said in unison while you and Steve laughed.

Shuri approached then, brow quizzical from the commotion. “Sounds like you all are in high spirits this morning. Happy to finally be leaving this wretched place?”

You rolled your eyes. “As if. Being here has been amazing. I thought Shield had nailed apocalyptic living, but you all blew us out of the water.”

The young scientist laughed. “You all are welcome back anytime. And don’t forget to bring your friend Banner along so I can harass him to dish his secrets on using your crazy blood to create a cure. I still consider that cheating, you know.”

Just as you were about to respond, Nakia walked over with a group of children with grins that threatened to split their faces in two. They each carried flower crowns in their hands.

Enough for the group.

“The children made these for you,” Nakia said, her usual angelic smile on her face as she watched them approach you all, extending the crowns out. Yelena, Kate, Steve, Bucky and yourself bent forward so that they could place them on your heads. “As a token of your kindness and friendship.”

You pulled the young girl in front of you in for a hug, trying to fight back tears as you squeezed them tightly. “Thank you,” you whispered.

You walked over to hug the rest of the children, then Nakia and finally Shuri.

When all of the goodbyes were complete, the gang mounted their horses.

Bucky looked over at you and you beamed. “You look so pretty in that flower crown, Beefcake.”

He blushed, quickly turning his attention to Alpine’s mane and trying to force a scowl on his face, though you could see the corners of his mouth twitching.

“So, where are you headed now?” Shuri asked.

“Home for a bit to rest and restock on antidotes,” you replied. “Then we’re off to a camp up north called the Guardians of the Galaxy.”

Shuri’s chin lowered as she stared up at you with an are you fucking serious expression. “Guardians of the Galaxy? You’re kidding me. Sounds like a bunch of assholes.”

“I said the same thing!” Yelena and Bucky exclaimed in unison…again.

You were still laughing as Hades trotted off into the woods.

“Baby,” a low, grumbly angel spoke to you in your dreams. Calloused, gentle hands stroked your cheek. “Wake up, Sweetheart.”

Your eyes slowly fluttered open, focusing in on Bucky and the dark forest behind him. Once your brain processed that you were not in the safety of your bedroom at camp, your eyes widened and you shot up.

You were in the middle of the woods, still on your way back to Shield from Wakanda.

So why was Bucky waking you up at this hour?

“What is it?” you asked. “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head, resting a hand on your shoulder in comfort. “It’s fine,” he whispered, eyes scanning the ground where the others slept. His hand moved down to grab yours, moving the both of you to standing. “Come follow me?”

Your eyes narrowed now, fingers interlacing with his as he led you East. “What’s going on, Buck?”

He looked over his shoulder, and the moonlight peeked through the canopy of trees above just perfectly enough for the smile on his face to glow.

“Wanna show you something.”

The two of you walked in silence for a few miles, the soft crinkling of leaves below your feet the only sound made in your vicinity.

Eventually, Bucky’s gate slowed to a stop, and you looked up to find yourself standing at the bottom of a cliff.

One that looked vaguely familiar.

You let out a small gasp. “Is this…?”

Bucky nodded. “This is the cliff where you and I first met.”

The cliff that you had found as a refuge for you and the two young, scared boys you had found lost in the woods, running away from a hoard of zombies. 

Two boys you debated even helping, since you were so used to being on your own and not having others to look after.

It was impossible to imagine a world where you hadn’t helped them, where those boys wouldn’t have a claim on a piece of your heart forever, just as their mother did, their uncle, and everyone else in Shield.

Still, you knew that the old you, who had stumbled upon AJ and Cass, could never have dreamed of what would follow after helping them find their way back to their mom.

You wouldn’t have a home. You wouldn’t have a family.

You wouldn’t have found your soulmate.

A small snort escaped you. “Is that what you would call it? You pinning me against the wall and threatening to kill me?”

A sheepish expression covered his face, and you knew he was blushing. “Would it be weird to say that even then - when I wasn’t sure if you were a danger to us - I kind of wanted to kiss you?”

There were those dang butterflies again. “Not at all. With the way you were displaying your strength, and your voice all growly and dangerous? That was super hot, Beefcake. Even if you had actually killed me, I would have been more than fine with a parting kiss before you took my life.”

He rolled his eyes, chuckling. “Oh really?”

Suddenly, his hands were gripping your arms, and he was just barely using enough force to guide you to the cliff wall, pinning your back against it.

When he let out a low, threatening growl, you responded with a high-pitched wine.

And then, he leaned forward and crushed your lips to his, his tongue colliding with yours.

If he hadn’t killed you that night a year ago, he was definitely going to tonight.

His hold on you softened, one hand moving to wrap around your waist. But first, his thumb tucked itself under your shirt and grazed along the rigid scar of the first zombie bite you got on your stomach, tenderly feeling along it until his fingers squeezed the soft fleshy part of your hip. 

You used your now free arm to wrap around his neck for support as your head grew dizzy.

Eventually, time forced you to pull away for air, your foreheads pressed against one another, chests moving up and down as you both worked to catch your breath.

“I should have done that night one,” he gasped, kissing the bridge of your nose. “Would have saved myself a lot of mental turmoil.”

You giggled. “True, but I gotta admit that watching you switch from Mr. Beefcake Grumpypants to soft mushy lovey dovey Beefcake was an absolute delight. And besides…” you caged his face between your hands, eyes boring into his, “I wouldn’t trade any part of our story for anything.”

His jaw clenched beneath your hands. 

You continued, “Every experience, every hardship, all the shit we went through, I’d go through it all again to have the good moments found in between, to get us to this point, right now. And every time, I’d fall in love with you.”

Bucky kissed you again, soft and slow this time, and you knew he was telling you that he felt exactly the same. That he’d fight heaven and earth for you over and over again, just as you would for him. 

When he pulled away, he kept his lips close enough to graze yours as he responded.

“And you call me a softie.”

You giggled, pretending to squirm out of his now tight hold as he peppered your face and neck with kisses.

“I love you, Sweetheart. Forever.”

“And I love you, Beefcake. Always.”

The gate started opening before you could officially make out the ragged Brookfield Boarding School for Girls sign.

Your pace quickened the moment you walked into the camp, eyes locking onto AJ and Cass as they ran toward you.

AJ lept into your arms, his small limbs wrapping around your neck as you embraced him. You looked to your left just in time to see Cass do the same thing to Bucky.

Sarah and the others took their time heading over to you, smiles on their faces at your return and the heartwarming reaction from the boys.

When AJ finally loosened his hold, you lowered him to the ground. His arms shifted to circle around your waist, not ready for the hug to end just yet.

“Welcome home, Y/n!” he cheered, body jumping up and down in excitement as he clung to you.

Bucky - after also putting Cass down - reached out to put an arm around your shoulder, tucking your body into his.

You looked down at AJ, scrunching your nose at him, then looked over at Cass.

Then to Sarah and Sam.

To Laura and Clint.

Pepper, Morgan and Dum Dum.

Bruce and Peter.

Wanda, Vision, Billy and Tommy.

Sersi, Druig and Makari.

Yelena, Kate, and Steve.

Each one of them meeting your gaze with as much love and care as you gave them.

Bucky kissed your temple, and when you looked up at his bright crystalline irises, you found your entire world. 

Your true home.

You smiled.

The walls of the small refuge created in the caves of the Jabari Tribe headquarters began to close in on you, and the space suddenly became too crowded.

And then you were drowning all over again, chest constricting, air refusing to reach your lungs.

Without thinking, you jumped out of your mat, maneuvering around all of the sleeping Wakandan refugees, black spots forming in your vision as the panic continued to rise in you.

Why did it feel like the path out of this room went on for miles and miles? Why was there no end in sight?

Finally, you made it through the sea of people and toward the dim hallway.

Before you could let out a sigh of relief, you heard it.

The splashing. The devastating waves.

They had found you once again.

You turned to look over your shoulder as you picked up your pace, sprinting down the hall to run away from the phantom tidal wave that chased you in your mind-

Until you crashed into something.

Something large, sturdy.

Someone, you gathered - as massive hands wrapped around your arms to keep you from stumbling to the ground. 

You looked up, eyes fighting the black spots to focus on the concerned brown eyes staring down at you.

A small voice in the back of your brain screamed to you that this man was important, a person of great respect, someone who deserved a bow or some sort of recognition.

Lord M’Baku, leader of the Jabari Tribe, the Great Gorilla. One of the fiercest warriors in all of Wakanda.

But the larger part of your mind was still breaking down, so for right now, he was someone you could cling to for support.

“Outside,” you gasped, your head growing dizzy. You needed to be out in the open fast or else you were going to pass out. “I need to get outside.”

He didn’t say anything, just nodded. His hands held onto you a little tighter as your legs grew wobbly beneath you.

“Can you walk?” he asked, low voice echoing through the hallway and deep inside your chest. 

You nodded, unable to speak, and it was all he needed. He shifted his hold to grab the small of your back and led you down the hall, holding you closely to his side to make sure you didn’t fall over.

“This way,” he murmured, veering off the main path and down a smaller corridor, and you almost protested being in the more confining space, but something told you to trust the man fighting to keep you upright.

A few seconds later, he was opening a large stone door built into the wall of the mountain. As you felt the cool night air hit your face, your body sagged further into him in relief before running out of his hold and toward the balcony ahead. 

It took a handful of heaving gulps before you managed to put enough air in your lungs to get rid of the black spots. You looked up from the stone below your hands and toward the view in front of you and let out a small gasp.

You must have been close to the peak of the mountain for a view like this, to see the entirety of Jabari, the neighboring mountains glittering with snow, the full moon illuminating every surface with a mesmerizing glow, millions of stars twinkling above.

The sounds of water were gone from your mind, and you were met with the peaceful silence of night.

Even though you had just gotten air back into your lungs, the scene before you momentarily took your breath away again once more, but in a much less terrifying way.

“Here,” M’Baku’s low voice came from behind. You turned around to see a glass of water held out in front of you. Looking up to meet those comforting brown eyes, you nodded a quick thanks and took the glass, knocking half of it back in one go.

When you looked back, you saw two large, empty hands fiddling together in front of the giant warrior, as if anxious.

“What else can I do?” he asked, desperate to help in any way.

Something in the protective tone in his voice put knots in your stomach and you shook your head. “I-I’m f-f-f-fine,” you replied, the shivers escaping from you exposing the fact that your sweat-covered body was now open to the freezing cold air and you were not, in fact, fine.

The lord of the mountain shook his head, a light huff escaping his chest as he took the fur off his back.

“No, n-no, you don’t have to-” you tried to protest, but before you could say another word the wrap was over your shoulders, and the sudden warmth radiating through your body was so  intoxicating that it brought a small smile to your face.

 M’Baku let out a grizzly laugh that brought even more warmth to your insides. “There it is,” he said.

Your brows furrowed. “There what is?”

“I was not going to find an ounce of rest this night if I did not get you to smile,” he replied.

You let out a small laugh, taking more of him in now that your nerves had settled.

Though he now stood a couple of feet away from you, you still needed to crane your neck back in order to look at his face. The man completely towered over you, his presence commanding the entire space.

And yet, you didn’t feel any fear around him, or like you were being looked down on by someone of high status in these lands.

You felt comforted, protected, safe, which had not been the case in the days since Namor attacked the Golden City. Since then, all you had known was fear.

His dark skin glowed under the moonlight, making his features even more breathtaking. Without the cover of his fur, you could see the bulging muscles from his bare shoulders all the way down his arms.

There had been many times during your time in Wakanda that you heard whispers of the lord of the mountains, and how M’Baku’s strength could only be met with that of the Black Panther themself.

You imagined him lifting your body into the air with complete ease, a thought you never inherently had with any other man you had encountered. 

“How are you not cold right now, Your Lordship?” you asked, shivering at the thought of him being so exposed in such cold weather. 

He tsk’ed, taking a step forward and extending his arm out. “I am the heart of these mountains, my lady. There is a fire in my veins that no cold can put out.”

You rested a hand on his large bicep, the warmth radiating from it sending a shiver down your spine. Had you been able to focus on anything other than the feeling of his smooth, muscled skin, you would have heard the small hitch in his breath from your touch.

“M’Baku,” he said softly, and you looked back up at him. “Call me M’Baku.”

How could you say no to such a request, with the way his eyes bore into yours?

You gave him your name, and he mouthed it to himself, feeling the string of letters along his lips.

“You are not from Wakanda,” he said after a beat. A statement rather than a question.

“I am not,” you still responded.

“You chose a terrible time to visit.” The joking tone in his voice made you laugh.

“I suppose not,” you said, finally noticing that your hand was still on his arm. You forced yourself to remove it. “I’ve been here for a few years, actually. Used to work for Shield as a scientist, and was assigned here by Steve Rogers for a few months to work with the Wakandan scientists and Bucky Barnes. After everything with…Thanos, I was officially out of a job. Bruce Banner pulled a few strings with Shuri and allowed me to continue working here.”

“I wish our paths had crossed sooner.”

Your throat constricted, tears welling in your eyes and you nodded. “Me, too.”

Concern returned to his expression and he rested a hand on your cheek. “What is wrong?”

A scoff escaped from your lips before you could remind yourself that you were speaking with practically royalty. 

“I’m sorry.” Your bottom lip began quivering. “I mean, what isn’t wrong right now? Wakanda is under attack, and I lost friends who have been my family these last few years. I also don’t know if I’ll ever be able to sleep without having nightmares of almost drowning ever again-”

Strong arms wrapped around you, cutting off your rambling as they completely consumed you in warmth and security as you cried into the chest of the great leader.

Some unknown number of minutes passed before he pulled away, your composure returning. His hand went back to your cheek, thumb wiping away a tear.

“I know things appear grim right now, but I swear on Hanuman himself that I will do everything in my power to protect Wakanda and its people…” his serious expression turned sly and he winked, “especially its visitors with the most radiant of smiles.”

Your smile returned, and so did your laugh.

“Thank you, M’Baku.”

With a nod, he lowered his hand to grab yours. “Come. Let’s get you to bed.”

Panic arose in you once more at the thought of being in the small room with so many other people. “I think I’d rather stay out here-”

“Nonsense. I have a private room in my chambers where you can rest.” He waved his free hand behind him to show off the giant glass window, behind it a cozy bedroom.

“Oh no, I don’t want to intrude.”

He rolled his eyes. “Y/n, the whole of Wakanda is intruding on my lands this evening. Now, please stop trying to argue with the Great Gorilla before I show you how I got that name.”

Your feet slowed, stomach dropping at the threat. But when he turned around, there was a mischievous look on his face, and a grin from ear to ear. He winked at you again and you found yourself laughing at the powerful warrior before you.

“My apologies, Mr. Great Gorilla,” you retorted, pulling a low, rumbly laugh from him.

He escorted you into the room, remaining at the doorway, his back turned away from you as you sat on the bed.

“I will leave you to rest,” he said, hand going to the door.

“Wait-” you called, unable to stop yourself. His hand paused. “This is definitely too much to ask, and I’m sure you have a million other things to take care of…but is there any chance you could stay?”

M’Baku turned back to you, and you immediately opened your mouth to try and take back your request.

But the look in those kind eyes halted your words, and without hesitation he nodded.

“Anything you need.”

All I need is you, you thought. 

You swallowed. “Thank you.”

He walked over, sitting on the bed next to you, your backs pressed against the headboard, gazes toward the wall in front of you.

The two of you sat there in silence for a few moments, your thumbs twiddling on your lap as a newfound awkwardness slowly ate at you.

M’Baku cleared his throat, clearly in the same state of discomfort as you were.

“So,” you finally said, “how did you earn the title of Great Gorilla?”

His lips curved upward as he looked over at you. “I am so glad you asked. It all started when…”

The two of you stayed awake for hours, sharing stories and asking each other questions.

Finally, as your lids grew heavier and heavier, gravity pulled your head to the muscular shoulder next to you as sleep pulled you under.

When you awoke, the sun was shining, and you felt rested for the first time in days.

You also felt a familiar sturdiness underneath your cheek, as well as a large arm wrapped around your waist.

Looking up, you found M’Baku staring down on you, a serious - almost nervous - look on his face.

He smiled. “Good morning, Y/n. How did you sleep?”

***

Thank you so much for reading! Feedback is always appreciated. :)

You stuck with comfort reads lately, first picking up Ella Enchanted to come back to something familiar, something grounding. Now, you were flipping through Along for the Ride by Sarah Dessen, a book you read at least five times during your days as a young, angsty teen.  

Resting the book on the ground beside you, you turned your gaze to watch the kids play, a  small smile on your lips. From the corner of your eye you saw the twin’s mom, Wanda, standing against one of the brick buildings. Her arms crossed in front of her, and she was laughing at the eruption of giggles coming from her boys.

Lord knows how long it had been since they had laughed like that.

The Maximoffs were one of the dozens of prisoners held at the Hydra camp. Shield had helped as many as they could escape, guiding them through the woods and providing any resources they could as you began your trek home. 

Many of the prisoners broke away a few days after the rescue, itching to go find any remaining members of their previous group.

Wanda’s husband Vision approached to join her in watching them play, wrapping an arm around his wife and kissing the crown of her head as she leaned into him.

From what you learned from the Maximoffs, Wanda had been separated from Vision and the twins for months after being captured by Hydra. Up until a few weeks ago when Shield blew the underground prison to the ground, she had nearly driven herself mad thinking they were all dead.

For the entire journey back to camp, she did not let her boys stray more than five feet from her, and you could see the distress in her eyes whenever she wasn’t holding their hands or holding them in her arms.

Turning your focus back to the outskirts of camp, you extended your arm out, letting the rain splash into the palm of your hand.

It had been so long since you were able to enjoy rain like this. To let its natural tempo steady your heartbeat, for the heightened smell of the trees around you settle your mind, to focus on the feeling of its cool droplets against your skin.

You closed your eyes, letting this small comfort bring ease to your senses. 

A soft whistle sounded off behind you, and your heart fluttered in response. Seconds later, strong arms wrapped you from behind, and gentle lips were pressing lightly on a faded bite mark on your neck.

“Hey, Sweetheart,” he whispered, chin resting on your shoulder.

Your hand when on his arm, thumb running up and down the sleeve of his Henley. “Hi, Bucky.”

Bucky let out a small breath of relief at the sound of his name on your lips, pulling away just enough to take hold of your chin and slowly glide your gaze to him.

You stared into those stunning blue eyes, and all of the adoration shining within them as he gauged your reaction to saying his name. Looking for any sign of discomfort, his body relaxing more and more when he determined you were okay.

This was the new routine the two of you had established since beginning your journey of ripping yourself of Hydra’s hold. It took…a lot of patience and learning from you both, and had been far from easy.

When you first cleared your mind of its clouded, confused state after Bucky had been bitten by the runner, the two of you naively thought that you were totally free from the brainwashing that had been done to you. There were so many happy tears, lots of kissing, and lots of smiles as relief flooded through you.

That night, after the rest of Shield had reunited and built camp on the outskirts of the rubble with the rescued prisoners, you fell asleep wrapped in his arms, feeling like everything was going to be okay.

But apparently the nightmares still remained in the darkest depths of your mind, and you were back in the woods running from Bucky. When you woke to concerned eyes, you let out a blood-curdling scream, fighting and clawing your way free from the monster before you. 

Moments later, after a lot of heavy breathing and his calm, soothing voice, you registered where you were and who you were with, collapsing into his chest as sobs overtook you, your brain trying to put itself back together again.

It was one of the worst moments of your life, witnessing the pain in his eyes, the fear that a part of you would always be afraid of him. 

It didn’t end there. Sometimes he would walk up to you too quietly and you would whip around pressing a dagger to his neck. Whenever you said his name, the pain of the collar that was no longer around your neck resurfaced so aggressively that you would keel over in agony.

And though each of these moments devastated Bucky, he was determined to stay by your side and help you through each trigger, determined to help you fight the demons that still lingered in your mind.

You were both determined to make sure that wouldn’t happen. Which was what prompted “The System.” 

Him whistling whenever he was approaching from behind to make you aware of his presence, you saying his name over and over and over again to chip away the pain it caused in your neck from the phantom collar.

Sleeping in separate spaces. That had been the hardest, going to bed desperately wishing to have your greatest protector and friend but having to force yourselves to be apart so that you wouldn’t wake up thinking he was trying to kill you.

Baby steps. It was what you had told yourself during those early days of knowing Bucky, when you were trying to get him to not hate your guts. It had worked then, and you hoped it would work now.

And of course it did, because everything involving you and Bucky would always work out. It had to.

It happened when you were walking the halls of the dorms late one night, returning to your room from the bathroom. When you passed Bucky’s door, you heard sounds of distress.

At first, you wondered if it was in your head, but then you heard the faint cry of Bucky calling for help, and you were by his side in an instant.

You touched his arm. “Bucky?” There was a slight sting in your neck but you fought back a wince.

His eyes were closed, face scrunched in agony. “Help. Help.”

“What’s wrong?” you asked, hand going to his sweat-covered forehead.

“Can’t…can’t…”

“Can’t what?”

“Can’t find her.”

Your brows furrowed. “Can’t find who?”

Tears fell from his closed eyes. “Y/n. She’s gone,” he whimpered. “I can’t find her. I need her.”

It broke your heart to hear the pain in his voice, the despair, and without a second thought you crawled into bed, holding him tightly in your arms as he clung to you.

“It’s okay, Bucky,” you whispered, kissing his forehead. “I’m here. It’s okay.”

Your comforting words made him release a long, heavy sigh, and his hands squeezed around your waist in desperation.

His breathing remained ragged for a little while longer, but eventually, with you whispering comforting words, he relaxed.

You tried to stay awake all night, dreading the idea of you falling asleep while he was in such turmoil and waking up in a state of terror being near him, not wanting to be the cause of more heartache for him.

But the nightmares that had incessantly haunted your dreams had made your nights restless, and you were completely exhausted. So eventually, as your eyelids grew heavier and heavier, you dozed off into a deep slumber.

This time, instead of running through the woods, you were standing in the clearing he had once taken you to. You watched a handful of wild horses - one of them a stunning blue-gray color - galloping along the lush field, the warm sunlight of golden hour on your face, sky aglow in various shades of pink, orange, and purple.

It was so…peaceful.

You felt something brush along your neck, and instead of panic, you felt warmth course through you.

Bucky pulled his lips away as you turned to him, his eyes shining in the bright sunlight. He was so beautiful, so happy as he looked at you.

You smiled, wrapping your arms around his and resting your head on his shoulder, the two of you staring out into the clearing, no thoughts of danger or fear in your mind whatsoever.

Only love.

When you woke up that morning, the smile was still on your face.

It dropped when you noticed Bucky was no longer in bed with you, but sitting on the floor, back resting against the bed.

He turned to look at you, a shameful look in his eyes like a sad puppy.

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

You propped yourself up on your elbow. “Sorry for what?”

His lips curved up in a joyless smile. “Somehow forcing you in here. And then for being selfish and not leaving before you woke up.”

You sighed, shaking your head. “Bucky.” You shuffled over to create a space in the bed, patting the sheets. “Get your ass back in here.”

He narrowed his eyes, skeptical, but when he opened his mouth to argue, you scowled, and he thought better than to go against your wishes.

Slowly, and hesitantly, he got up from the floor and crawled back into bed, his muscles relaxing as he wrapped his arm around you.

Your head rested on his chest, and you listened to his heartbeat slow down.

“You were calling for help in your sleep,” you whispered after a few minutes, and his muscles tensed back up.

“Really,” he replied, hand moving over your head, massaging your scalp. 

You nodded. “You couldn’t find me.”

Silence.

“Do you have that dream often?” you asked.

More silence. And then…

“Every night since you left.”

Your heart split at the sadness in his voice and you lifted yourself up to look at him, hand cupping his cheek. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help you.”

Bucky let out a small, bitter laugh, rolling his eyes. “I should be saying that to you, Sweetheart.”

“Are you kidding? You saved me from the dark and brought me back to life, Buck, in every way that it mattered. You have been so kind, and patient, and loving. You never gave up on finding me, and you still haven’t given up on me even though I’ve been a fucking wreck. Through all the shit I’ve put you through, you never gave up on me.”

Tears welled in Bucky’s eyes as he wiped away the one sliding down your cheek.

“And I never will. I’ll never give up, I’ll never stop waiting, I’ll never stop fighting for you.” 

His hand moved to gently cup the back of your head as he pulled you closer for a slow, tender kiss. 

The two of you stayed in bed the rest of the day - with the exception of Bucky running to the kitchen to grab food for the both of you after his stomach grumbled for an entire minute. You stayed there, wrapped up in each other, drifting between silence and talking about anything and everything. 

Things hadn’t been this easy between you two in such a long time, that you had almost forgotten how much you had been craving it.

Enough time passed that you could barely register it passing anymore, your lids growing heavy as Bucky hummed a soft tune you both loved, the rumbling in his chest lulling you to sleep. 

You weren’t sure how long you had drifted off for before he gently nudged you awake, and the room was pitch black.

“We should get you to bed,” he whispered, kissing your temple before starting to slide out of his bed to escort you to your room.

A soft groan escaped and you shook your head, hands gripping around his t-shirt.

“I wanna stay,” you mumbled, eyes slowly closing.

Even in the dark, you could sense the skepticism in his eyes, and though he did not pull away from your hold, his body remained tense.

“I don’t want to risk it, Sweetheart. What if we just got lucky this morning?”

“Bucky, please let me stay,” you quietly begged. “I’m okay. I promise.”

The earnestness in your voice was what finally got him to relax, his body melding back against yours.

“If you start feeling overwhelmed or afraid even for a second, just let me know. Okay?”

You nodded, pulling him closer to you until your cheek rested against his chest once more, already drifting back to sleep. “I will.”

The last thing you felt before returning to your slumber were his lips pressing against the crown of your head.

And then…

You were back in the field, with gentle arms wrapped around you, staring at the most beautiful smile you had ever seen.

You felt loved. Happy.

Safe.

When you awoke hours later - the soft rays of sunlight warming your eyelids - you opened your eyes to a still sleeping Bucky. He must have tried to stay awake all night to make sure you were comfortable, exhausting himself. 

There was a small part of your mind that was just as nervous about waking up with him after these past few weeks. What if you weren’t ready for this moment? What if the triggers were hidden somewhere in your brain, about to go off any second as you looked at him?

You waited for said trigger to turn on as you continued to stare at Bucky, praying that he would remain the man you loved, not feared.

Seconds passed, turning into minutes, and your mind stayed in a state of adoration as you admired the peaceful expression on his face as he slept.

As if sensing your intense gaze, Bucky began to stir, body shifting, arm snaking its way around your waist-

He froze, realizing he wasn’t alone as his eyes shot open, looking over at you, hesitation painted across his face. 

“Morning, Beefcake,” you said, trying to make your voice as comforting as possible.

He licked his lips, eyes scanning yours. “Morning, Sweetheart. How…how are you feeling?”

You responded by crushing your lips to his, hand gripping the back of his neck for support. Bucky let out a moan of relief, pulling you flush against him.

The two of you never slept apart from each other again.

“You’re late for watch, you know,” you chided as Bucky settled himself by your side, gaze following yours to look at the rain. 

He rolled his eyes, fingers sneaking down to tickle your waist and you squealed. 

“I’m never late, Sweetheart, you’re just always annoyingly early.”

You gave him your best mischievous grin. “I know, it’s just that I love busting your balls, Beefcake.”

“I hadn’t noticed,” he grumbled, smile still on his face.

You scrunched your nose at him before leaning forward for a kiss. When you pulled back, your eyes went to the bite mark on his neck and you grimaced. “How’d it go?”

Bucky shrugged, fingers grazing over the newly-formed scar that matched yours. “Same as always. Banner says that my blood is showing up as normal. I’ve officially been given the clean, zombie-free bill of health.”

Your shoulders sagged in relief. “Good,” was all you could think to say.

Bucky pulled you closer to him and kissed your brow. “Can’t get rid of me that easily, baby.”

You smacked his metal arm with a scoff. “As if I’d ever want to be rid of you.”

“You better not!” he laughed. “Cause I don’t plan on ever leaving your side.”

Butterflies swarmed in your stomach and you looked up to meet that beautiful cerulean gaze. “Promise?”

He kissed the bridge of your nose. “Promise.”

Your romantic moment was cut off by a sudden squeal, and you both jerked your heads over to the camp in alarm, only to find that Morgan had thrown a handful of mud at Billy and was now running for her life as he chased her, preparing to strike back.

The two of you chuckled at the chaos before you. “Good to see they’re settling in nicely,” Bucky remarked.

“Who knows the last time they were able to have fun and be so carefree.”

Bucky nodded. “Been a while since we had any newcomers, especially kids. It’s nice.”

“Do you think they’ll stick around?”

He shrugged. “You never know. At the end of the day it’s up to them and what they think is best for their family. But I can’t imagine them saying no to a semi-safe place where they can heal together.”

“This is the best place for that. Healing, that is,” you added with a wink, and Bucky smiled, squeezing you a little more tightly to him.

A few beats of silence passed as you continued watching the kids play below.

“Banner mentioned he wants to talk with us,” he said.

Your brows furrowed. “Did he say why?”

He shook his head. “Not really. He says he has an idea he wants to run by us. Some long-term project or whatever. I was thinking we could go tonight, after dinner?”

You bit the inside of your cheek. “Actually,maybe we can talk to him tomorrow morning? You and I…we already have plans for tonight.”

Bucky’s lips turned downward in an intrigued expression. “Oh really?”

Heat rose to your face, knots growing in your stomach. “Well, I was kind of low-key planning to ask this super hot, grumpy pants with a heart of gold out on a date.”

His cheeks flushed a bright pink, but tried to keep his expression casual. “I sure hope you’re talking about me, Sweetheart.”

“What, is Yelena not available tonight?”

A loud, dramatic scoff escaped Bucky as you fell into a fit of giggles, and he tackled you to the ground playfully, peppering your face with a multitude of kisses, pinning you down.

“Alright, alright, fine!” you squealed. “I’ll take you on the damn date, Beefcake!”

He pulled back at the peace offering, face smug. “Pick me up at seven?”

You winked. “Wear that skimpy black dress you know I like.”

“Do you think I’ll get a kiss at the end of the night?” His lips lowered to hover over yours.

“Only if you behave,” you replied, suddenly breathless

He let out a low chuckle, the rumbling in his chest vibrating against yours. “Damn,” he murmured, “I know I can’t keep that promise around you.”

“Bummer,” you whispered, lifting your head just enough for your lips to finally meet.

“So anyways, I’m running through the woods as these giant dinosaurs in clown outfits chase after me. I finally managed to climb up a tree, but who’s at the top? Fucking Dum Dum with his giant bowl of soup smiling at me. And then I woke up.”

Yelena took a bite of green beans as you and Kate stared at her, eyes narrowed.

“Have you been sneaking sweets before bed, babe?” Kate asked.

The blond shook her head. “No.”

You crossed your arms and leaned them on the table. “Do you always have dreams like this, Lena?” 

Her lips turned downward as she considered the question. “The clown dinosaurs show up from time to time. But the Dum Dum thing is new….” she turned around and looked at Dum Dum, who caught her gaze, giving her his classic cheery smile and wave. She turned back around with a grimace, “...and slightly more unsettling.”

“Dum Dum is literally the nicest person in this entire camp,” Bucky remarked with a mouthful of bread. “And we literally just fought an entire evil empire and their hoard of flesh-eating zombies. How the hell can he be more unsettling than that?”

“Too much joy,” Yelena said, with what looked to be almost genuine fear in her eyes. “How can one person be so cheerful? In Russia, everyone was mad. Anger is what comforts me.”

“Don’t worry, Lena, if Dum Dum ends up smiling at you to death, I’ll make him pay,” Kate said, resting a reassuring hand on her girlfriend’s leg and kissing her cheek.

“Why does Yelena look like she’s just been to hell and back?” Druig asked, walking up to the table and resting his food tray down to join the group. Before sitting down, he slid the chair next to his back as Makkari - one of the new additions to camp after Hydra’s downfall - took the seat, her smile growing as she looked at Druig. She moved her hand from her chin out in front of her to sign  thank you.

The right corner of his mouth twitched as he mirrored her gesture. 

What had struck you most about Makkari upon meeting her was that – though she was barely able to stand from all of the injuries she sustained the day of the explosion – she was always there to lend a helping hand to someone who needed it, even if that meant holding someone else up for miles when she could barely do it for herself.

The other thing you noticed immediately was the way Druig’s eyes always found their way to her. She could be dozens of feet away and yet he always knew exactly where she was. And every time they locked eyes, she would lift her chin up at him with a smile, and the corners of his mouth would turn up ever so slightly as he lifted his own chin up.

“She’s scared of Dum Dum,” you replied, giving your blond best friend a quick wink as she glared at you. 

“Am not,” she grumbled, and Kate wrapped her arm around her in support, biting back a smile.

“Not what?” Sersi asked as she approached, taking the seat next to you and bumping her arm against yours in hello.

“Afraid of Dum Dum,” Druig responded, and Yelena growled as the rest of the group burst into a fit of laughter.

“Sounds like you lot are having fun over there!” Dum Dum called out. “What’s got the gang in such a fit of giggles?”

“It’s cause she’s afraid of y-” Bucky shouted.

“NOTHING’S HAPPENING OKAY LET’S JUST LET IT GO,” Yelena yelled over Bucky, but there was now a smile forming on her face as she began to see the ridiculousness of the conversation, and you felt tears streaming down your eyes from laughing so hard. 

You looked around the table, at the people who meant the most to you all smiling and laughing, as if you hadn’t survived the worst moments of your life, as if your lives weren’t at risk every second of every day.

These were the people who fought for you even when you thought you weren’t worth fighting for, who risked their lives to bring you our of captivity and back home with them. 

And you knew that they’d do it all again in a heartbeat if needed, just as you would for them.

It would be naive for you not to think that there would be even worse moments ahead, that terrible things were bound to happen, that there would be days when you couldn’t remember the last time you laughed.

Those moments would still come, but as long as you could also have these moments, you knew that you could survive anything.

“Alright, Sweetheart,” Bucky said as you led him out of the cafeteria to the location of your date. “Can I get any sort of hint as to where you’re taking me?”

You grabbed his hand. “Not a chance, but I’m sure you’ll get the idea the closer we get to our destination.”

He let out a huff in response and you glared up at him. “So dramatic, Beefcake. We’ll be there soon, so don’t get your pants all up in a tizzy.”

Another grumble, but his lips quirked up and you felt his thumb move along your knuckles.

Though you were joking, there was a bundle of nerves wreaking havoc in your stomach as you headed to the building with the science lab and library, leading Bucky to the semi-hidden  door tucked in the back.

You stopped at the door, looking up at his confused expression.

“Months ago, you pulled off the most romantic gesture I could have ever asked for, and I completely ruined it, then put you through absolute hell for a really, really long time.” Tears pricked your eyes and you looked down at the ground in shame thinking back to the night you left. “I know that at the time, I thought what I was doing was the right thing, but I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself for putting you through all that pain.”

“Sweetheart-” he began to say, and you looked back up to meet his watery eyes, shaking your head to cut him off as your hand went to the knob, slowly turning it and pushing open the door to reveal a familiar display.

Amber lights creating a soft glow throughout the room, a couch in the middle, a projector behind it, with a DVD case of a movie based on a book that brought you two together so long ago.

Though you had a feeling Bucky had known what was coming, you still felt a small flutter in your chest when his breath hitched.

“I wanted to give that night back to you, rewrite it so that we got the moment we deserved to share. One where two people go on a date and be all romantic and shit and one person doesn’t drug their partner and run away into the night.”

Bucky breathed out a small laugh, a tear running down his cheek.

You moved to wipe it away.

“You mean…everything to me, Bucky Barnes. You’re the most important person in my life, the one who owns my soul. If I could give you the world I would, if you’d let me. For now, I can only give you a Twilight movie date, and I hope that that’s enough-”

Unable to control himself any longer, Bucky jumped forward, wrapping his arms around the small of your back and pulling you close until your lips collided together, lifting you up in the air. 

You clung to him for support as your head grew dizzy from the taste of him, just as it always did. You weren’t sure if you’d ever get over the feeling of kissing Bucky, how his lips both kept you grounded and made you feel you were flying at the same time. The hunger you felt, never satisfied when the kiss finally came to an end due to you both being lightheaded from the lack of air. 

When that moment happened now, and he pulled away, there was a brightness in his eyes as he stared into yours, and you knew what he was going to say before the words left his lips.

“I love you, Y/n.”

It was the first time he had said it since that night in the woods, when they were spoken with desperation and grief, a moment where both of you thought it would be the end.

Now, as he said it, it felt like a true beginning.

“And I love you, Bucky,” you said in return. It felt so good to finally say that you said it again against his lips as he pulled you closer. 

After 15 or so more I love you’s from both of you, Bucky reluctantly lowered you to the ground and the two of you made your way to the couch.

“I promise I’m not going to drug the wine this time,” you said as you handed him a glass. “Gotta make sure you enjoy the hell out of this vampire romance.”

“You’re too good to me, Sweetheart,” he responded, taking a sip without hesitation as a sign of complete trust toward you, and you almost started crying again at the gesture.

After puttering around getting everything situated, you crawled into Bucky’s arms, head resting within the crook of his shoulder.

“Hey,” Bucky said, and you raised your head to look at him. “I love you.”

You smiled. “God, Beefcake, you’re such a sap.” He let out a low, rumbly chuckle, rolling his eyes.”Hey,” you said, and his gaze went back to you. “I love you, too.”

He leaned forward for another kiss before you grabbed the projector remote, pressing play.

Then, for the first time ever, in the middle of a zombie invasion…

You and Bucky Barnes went on a date.

You stuck with comfort reads lately, first picking up Ella Enchanted to come back to something familiar, something grounding. Now, you were flipping through Along for the Ride by Sarah Dessen, a book you read at least five times during your days as a young, angsty teen.  

Resting the book on the ground beside you, you turned your gaze to watch the kids play, a  small smile on your lips. From the corner of your eye you saw the twin’s mom, Wanda, standing against one of the brick buildings. Her arms crossed in front of her, and she was laughing at the eruption of giggles coming from her boys.

Lord knows how long it had been since they had laughed like that.

The Maximoffs were one of the dozens of prisoners held at the Hydra camp. Shield had helped as many as they could escape, guiding them through the woods and providing any resources they could as you began your trek home. 

Many of the prisoners broke away a few days after the rescue, itching to go find any remaining members of their previous group.

Wanda’s husband Vision approached to join her in watching them play, wrapping an arm around his wife and kissing the crown of her head as she leaned into him.

From what you learned from the Maximoffs, Wanda had been separated from Vision and the twins for months after being captured by Hydra. Up until a few weeks ago when Shield blew the underground prison to the ground, she had nearly driven herself mad thinking they were all dead.

For the entire journey back to camp, she did not let her boys stray more than five feet from her, and you could see the distress in her eyes whenever she wasn’t holding their hands or holding them in her arms.

Turning your focus back to the outskirts of camp, you extended your arm out, letting the rain splash into the palm of your hand.

It had been so long since you were able to enjoy rain like this. To let its natural tempo steady your heartbeat, for the heightened smell of the trees around you settle your mind, to focus on the feeling of its cool droplets against your skin.

You closed your eyes, letting this small comfort bring ease to your senses. 

A soft whistle sounded off behind you, and your heart fluttered in response. Seconds later, strong arms wrapped you from behind, and gentle lips were pressing lightly on a faded bite mark on your neck.

“Hey, Sweetheart,” he whispered, chin resting on your shoulder.

Your hand when on his arm, thumb running up and down the sleeve of his Henley. “Hi, Bucky.”

Bucky let out a small breath of relief at the sound of his name on your lips, pulling away just enough to take hold of your chin and slowly glide your gaze to him.

You stared into those stunning blue eyes, and all of the adoration shining within them as he gauged your reaction to saying his name. Looking for any sign of discomfort, his body relaxing more and more when he determined you were okay.

This was the new routine the two of you had established since beginning your journey of ripping yourself of Hydra’s hold. It took…a lot of patience and learning from you both, and had been far from easy.

When you first cleared your mind of its clouded, confused state after Bucky had been bitten by the runner, the two of you naively thought that you were totally free from the brainwashing that had been done to you. There were so many happy tears, lots of kissing, and lots of smiles as relief flooded through you.

That night, after the rest of Shield had reunited and built camp on the outskirts of the rubble with the rescued prisoners, you fell asleep wrapped in his arms, feeling like everything was going to be okay.

But apparently the nightmares still remained in the darkest depths of your mind, and you were back in the woods running from Bucky. When you woke to concerned eyes, you let out a blood-curdling scream, fighting and clawing your way free from the monster before you. 

Moments later, after a lot of heavy breathing and his calm, soothing voice, you registered where you were and who you were with, collapsing into his chest as sobs overtook you, your brain trying to put itself back together again.

It was one of the worst moments of your life, witnessing the pain in his eyes, the fear that a part of you would always be afraid of him. 

It didn’t end there. Sometimes he would walk up to you too quietly and you would whip around pressing a dagger to his neck. Whenever you said his name, the pain of the collar that was no longer around your neck resurfaced so aggressively that you would keel over in agony.

And though each of these moments devastated Bucky, he was determined to stay by your side and help you through each trigger, determined to help you fight the demons that still lingered in your mind.

You were both determined to make sure that wouldn’t happen. Which was what prompted “The System.” 

Him whistling whenever he was approaching from behind to make you aware of his presence, you saying his name over and over and over again to chip away the pain it caused in your neck from the phantom collar.

Sleeping in separate spaces. That had been the hardest, going to bed desperately wishing to have your greatest protector and friend but having to force yourselves to be apart so that you wouldn’t wake up thinking he was trying to kill you.

Baby steps. It was what you had told yourself during those early days of knowing Bucky, when you were trying to get him to not hate your guts. It had worked then, and you hoped it would work now.

And of course it did, because everything involving you and Bucky would always work out. It had to.

It happened when you were walking the halls of the dorms late one night, returning to your room from the bathroom. When you passed Bucky’s door, you heard sounds of distress.

At first, you wondered if it was in your head, but then you heard the faint cry of Bucky calling for help, and you were by his side in an instant.

You touched his arm. “Bucky?” There was a slight sting in your neck but you fought back a wince.

His eyes were closed, face scrunched in agony. “Help. Help.”

“What’s wrong?” you asked, hand going to his sweat-covered forehead.

“Can’t…can’t…”

“Can’t what?”

“Can’t find her.”

Your brows furrowed. “Can’t find who?”

Tears fell from his closed eyes. “Y/n. She’s gone,” he whimpered. “I can’t find her. I need her.”

It broke your heart to hear the pain in his voice, the despair, and without a second thought you crawled into bed, holding him tightly in your arms as he clung to you.

“It’s okay, Bucky,” you whispered, kissing his forehead. “I’m here. It’s okay.”

Your comforting words made him release a long, heavy sigh, and his hands squeezed around your waist in desperation.

His breathing remained ragged for a little while longer, but eventually, with you whispering comforting words, he relaxed.

You tried to stay awake all night, dreading the idea of you falling asleep while he was in such turmoil and waking up in a state of terror being near him, not wanting to be the cause of more heartache for him.

But the nightmares that had incessantly haunted your dreams had made your nights restless, and you were completely exhausted. So eventually, as your eyelids grew heavier and heavier, you dozed off into a deep slumber.

This time, instead of running through the woods, you were standing in the clearing he had once taken you to. You watched a handful of wild horses - one of them a stunning blue-gray color - galloping along the lush field, the warm sunlight of golden hour on your face, sky aglow in various shades of pink, orange, and purple.

It was so…peaceful.

You felt something brush along your neck, and instead of panic, you felt warmth course through you.

Bucky pulled his lips away as you turned to him, his eyes shining in the bright sunlight. He was so beautiful, so happy as he looked at you.

You smiled, wrapping your arms around his and resting your head on his shoulder, the two of you staring out into the clearing, no thoughts of danger or fear in your mind whatsoever.

Only love.

When you woke up that morning, the smile was still on your face.

It dropped when you noticed Bucky was no longer in bed with you, but sitting on the floor, back resting against the bed.

He turned to look at you, a shameful look in his eyes like a sad puppy.

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

You propped yourself up on your elbow. “Sorry for what?”

His lips curved up in a joyless smile. “Somehow forcing you in here. And then for being selfish and not leaving before you woke up.”

You sighed, shaking your head. “Bucky.” You shuffled over to create a space in the bed, patting the sheets. “Get your ass back in here.”

He narrowed his eyes, skeptical, but when he opened his mouth to argue, you scowled, and he thought better than to go against your wishes.

Slowly, and hesitantly, he got up from the floor and crawled back into bed, his muscles relaxing as he wrapped his arm around you.

Your head rested on his chest, and you listened to his heartbeat slow down.

“You were calling for help in your sleep,” you whispered after a few minutes, and his muscles tensed back up.

“Really,” he replied, hand moving over your head, massaging your scalp. 

You nodded. “You couldn’t find me.”

Silence.

“Do you have that dream often?” you asked.

More silence. And then…

“Every night since you left.”

Your heart split at the sadness in his voice and you lifted yourself up to look at him, hand cupping his cheek. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help you.”

Bucky let out a small, bitter laugh, rolling his eyes. “I should be saying that to you, Sweetheart.”

“Are you kidding? You saved me from the dark and brought me back to life, Buck, in every way that it mattered. You have been so kind, and patient, and loving. You never gave up on finding me, and you still haven’t given up on me even though I’ve been a fucking wreck. Through all the shit I’ve put you through, you never gave up on me.”

Tears welled in Bucky’s eyes as he wiped away the one sliding down your cheek.

“And I never will. I’ll never give up, I’ll never stop waiting, I’ll never stop fighting for you.” 

His hand moved to gently cup the back of your head as he pulled you closer for a slow, tender kiss. 

The two of you stayed in bed the rest of the day - with the exception of Bucky running to the kitchen to grab food for the both of you after his stomach grumbled for an entire minute. You stayed there, wrapped up in each other, drifting between silence and talking about anything and everything. 

Things hadn’t been this easy between you two in such a long time, that you had almost forgotten how much you had been craving it.

Enough time passed that you could barely register it passing anymore, your lids growing heavy as Bucky hummed a soft tune you both loved, the rumbling in his chest lulling you to sleep. 

You weren’t sure how long you had drifted off for before he gently nudged you awake, and the room was pitch black.

“We should get you to bed,” he whispered, kissing your temple before starting to slide out of his bed to escort you to your room.

A soft groan escaped and you shook your head, hands gripping around his t-shirt.

“I wanna stay,” you mumbled, eyes slowly closing.

Even in the dark, you could sense the skepticism in his eyes, and though he did not pull away from your hold, his body remained tense.

“I don’t want to risk it, Sweetheart. What if we just got lucky this morning?”

“Bucky, please let me stay,” you quietly begged. “I’m okay. I promise.”

The earnestness in your voice was what finally got him to relax, his body melding back against yours.

“If you start feeling overwhelmed or afraid even for a second, just let me know. Okay?”

You nodded, pulling him closer to you until your cheek rested against his chest once more, already drifting back to sleep. “I will.”

The last thing you felt before returning to your slumber were his lips pressing against the crown of your head.

And then…

You were back in the field, with gentle arms wrapped around you, staring at the most beautiful smile you had ever seen.

You felt loved. Happy.

Safe.

When you awoke hours later - the soft rays of sunlight warming your eyelids - you opened your eyes to a still sleeping Bucky. He must have tried to stay awake all night to make sure you were comfortable, exhausting himself. 

There was a small part of your mind that was just as nervous about waking up with him after these past few weeks. What if you weren’t ready for this moment? What if the triggers were hidden somewhere in your brain, about to go off any second as you looked at him?

You waited for said trigger to turn on as you continued to stare at Bucky, praying that he would remain the man you loved, not feared.

Seconds passed, turning into minutes, and your mind stayed in a state of adoration as you admired the peaceful expression on his face as he slept.

As if sensing your intense gaze, Bucky began to stir, body shifting, arm snaking its way around your waist-

He froze, realizing he wasn’t alone as his eyes shot open, looking over at you, hesitation painted across his face. 

“Morning, Beefcake,” you said, trying to make your voice as comforting as possible.

He licked his lips, eyes scanning yours. “Morning, Sweetheart. How…how are you feeling?”

You responded by crushing your lips to his, hand gripping the back of his neck for support. Bucky let out a moan of relief, pulling you flush against him.

The two of you never slept apart from each other again.

“You’re late for watch, you know,” you chided as Bucky settled himself by your side, gaze following yours to look at the rain. 

He rolled his eyes, fingers sneaking down to tickle your waist and you squealed. 

“I’m never late, Sweetheart, you’re just always annoyingly early.”

You gave him your best mischievous grin. “I know, it’s just that I love busting your balls, Beefcake.”

“I hadn’t noticed,” he grumbled, smile still on his face.

You scrunched your nose at him before leaning forward for a kiss. When you pulled back, your eyes went to the bite mark on his neck and you grimaced. “How’d it go?”

Bucky shrugged, fingers grazing over the newly-formed scar that matched yours. “Same as always. Banner says that my blood is showing up as normal. I’ve officially been given the clean, zombie-free bill of health.”

Your shoulders sagged in relief. “Good,” was all you could think to say.

Bucky pulled you closer to him and kissed your brow. “Can’t get rid of me that easily, baby.”

You smacked his metal arm with a scoff. “As if I’d ever want to be rid of you.”

“You better not!” he laughed. “Cause I don’t plan on ever leaving your side.”

Butterflies swarmed in your stomach and you looked up to meet that beautiful cerulean gaze. “Promise?”

He kissed the bridge of your nose. “Promise.”

Your romantic moment was cut off by a sudden squeal, and you both jerked your heads over to the camp in alarm, only to find that Morgan had thrown a handful of mud at Billy and was now running for her life as he chased her, preparing to strike back.

The two of you chuckled at the chaos before you. “Good to see they’re settling in nicely,” Bucky remarked.

“Who knows the last time they were able to have fun and be so carefree.”

Bucky nodded. “Been a while since we had any newcomers, especially kids. It’s nice.”

“Do you think they’ll stick around?”

He shrugged. “You never know. At the end of the day it’s up to them and what they think is best for their family. But I can’t imagine them saying no to a semi-safe place where they can heal together.”

“This is the best place for that. Healing, that is,” you added with a wink, and Bucky smiled, squeezing you a little more tightly to him.

A few beats of silence passed as you continued watching the kids play below.

“Banner mentioned he wants to talk with us,” he said.

Your brows furrowed. “Did he say why?”

He shook his head. “Not really. He says he has an idea he wants to run by us. Some long-term project or whatever. I was thinking we could go tonight, after dinner?”

You bit the inside of your cheek. “Actually,maybe we can talk to him tomorrow morning? You and I…we already have plans for tonight.”

Bucky’s lips turned downward in an intrigued expression. “Oh really?”

Heat rose to your face, knots growing in your stomach. “Well, I was kind of low-key planning to ask this super hot, grumpy pants with a heart of gold out on a date.”

His cheeks flushed a bright pink, but tried to keep his expression casual. “I sure hope you’re talking about me, Sweetheart.”

“What, is Yelena not available tonight?”

A loud, dramatic scoff escaped Bucky as you fell into a fit of giggles, and he tackled you to the ground playfully, peppering your face with a multitude of kisses, pinning you down.

“Alright, alright, fine!” you squealed. “I’ll take you on the damn date, Beefcake!”

He pulled back at the peace offering, face smug. “Pick me up at seven?”

You winked. “Wear that skimpy black dress you know I like.”

“Do you think I’ll get a kiss at the end of the night?” His lips lowered to hover over yours.

“Only if you behave,” you replied, suddenly breathless

He let out a low chuckle, the rumbling in his chest vibrating against yours. “Damn,” he murmured, “I know I can’t keep that promise around you.”

“Bummer,” you whispered, lifting your head just enough for your lips to finally meet.

“So anyways, I’m running through the woods as these giant dinosaurs in clown outfits chase after me. I finally managed to climb up a tree, but who’s at the top? Fucking Dum Dum with his giant bowl of soup smiling at me. And then I woke up.”

Yelena took a bite of green beans as you and Kate stared at her, eyes narrowed.

“Have you been sneaking sweets before bed, babe?” Kate asked.

The blond shook her head. “No.”

You crossed your arms and leaned them on the table. “Do you always have dreams like this, Lena?” 

Her lips turned downward as she considered the question. “The clown dinosaurs show up from time to time. But the Dum Dum thing is new….” she turned around and looked at Dum Dum, who caught her gaze, giving her his classic cheery smile and wave. She turned back around with a grimace, “...and slightly more unsettling.”

“Dum Dum is literally the nicest person in this entire camp,” Bucky remarked with a mouthful of bread. “And we literally just fought an entire evil empire and their hoard of flesh-eating zombies. How the hell can he be more unsettling than that?”

“Too much joy,” Yelena said, with what looked to be almost genuine fear in her eyes. “How can one person be so cheerful? In Russia, everyone was mad. Anger is what comforts me.”

“Don’t worry, Lena, if Dum Dum ends up smiling at you to death, I’ll make him pay,” Kate said, resting a reassuring hand on her girlfriend’s leg and kissing her cheek.

“Why does Yelena look like she’s just been to hell and back?” Druig asked, walking up to the table and resting his food tray down to join the group. Before sitting down, he slid the chair next to his back as Makkari - one of the new additions to camp after Hydra’s downfall - took the seat, her smile growing as she looked at Druig. She moved her hand from her chin out in front of her to sign  thank you.

The right corner of his mouth twitched as he mirrored her gesture. 

What had struck you most about Makkari upon meeting her was that – though she was barely able to stand from all of the injuries she sustained the day of the explosion – she was always there to lend a helping hand to someone who needed it, even if that meant holding someone else up for miles when she could barely do it for herself.

The other thing you noticed immediately was the way Druig’s eyes always found their way to her. She could be dozens of feet away and yet he always knew exactly where she was. And every time they locked eyes, she would lift her chin up at him with a smile, and the corners of his mouth would turn up ever so slightly as he lifted his own chin up.

“She’s scared of Dum Dum,” you replied, giving your blond best friend a quick wink as she glared at you. 

“Am not,” she grumbled, and Kate wrapped her arm around her in support, biting back a smile.

“Not what?” Sersi asked as she approached, taking the seat next to you and bumping her arm against yours in hello.

“Afraid of Dum Dum,” Druig responded, and Yelena growled as the rest of the group burst into a fit of laughter.

“Sounds like you lot are having fun over there!” Dum Dum called out. “What’s got the gang in such a fit of giggles?”

“It’s cause she’s afraid of y-” Bucky shouted.

“NOTHING’S HAPPENING OKAY LET’S JUST LET IT GO,” Yelena yelled over Bucky, but there was now a smile forming on her face as she began to see the ridiculousness of the conversation, and you felt tears streaming down your eyes from laughing so hard. 

You looked around the table, at the people who meant the most to you all smiling and laughing, as if you hadn’t survived the worst moments of your life, as if your lives weren’t at risk every second of every day.

These were the people who fought for you even when you thought you weren’t worth fighting for, who risked their lives to bring you our of captivity and back home with them. 

And you knew that they’d do it all again in a heartbeat if needed, just as you would for them.

It would be naive for you not to think that there would be even worse moments ahead, that terrible things were bound to happen, that there would be days when you couldn’t remember the last time you laughed.

Those moments would still come, but as long as you could also have these moments, you knew that you could survive anything.

“Alright, Sweetheart,” Bucky said as you led him out of the cafeteria to the location of your date. “Can I get any sort of hint as to where you’re taking me?”

You grabbed his hand. “Not a chance, but I’m sure you’ll get the idea the closer we get to our destination.”

He let out a huff in response and you glared up at him. “So dramatic, Beefcake. We’ll be there soon, so don’t get your pants all up in a tizzy.”

Another grumble, but his lips quirked up and you felt his thumb move along your knuckles.

Though you were joking, there was a bundle of nerves wreaking havoc in your stomach as you headed to the building with the science lab and library, leading Bucky to the semi-hidden  door tucked in the back.

You stopped at the door, looking up at his confused expression.

“Months ago, you pulled off the most romantic gesture I could have ever asked for, and I completely ruined it, then put you through absolute hell for a really, really long time.” Tears pricked your eyes and you looked down at the ground in shame thinking back to the night you left. “I know that at the time, I thought what I was doing was the right thing, but I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself for putting you through all that pain.”

“Sweetheart-” he began to say, and you looked back up to meet his watery eyes, shaking your head to cut him off as your hand went to the knob, slowly turning it and pushing open the door to reveal a familiar display.

Amber lights creating a soft glow throughout the room, a couch in the middle, a projector behind it, with a DVD case of a movie based on a book that brought you two together so long ago.

Though you had a feeling Bucky had known what was coming, you still felt a small flutter in your chest when his breath hitched.

“I wanted to give that night back to you, rewrite it so that we got the moment we deserved to share. One where two people go on a date and be all romantic and shit and one person doesn’t drug their partner and run away into the night.”

Bucky breathed out a small laugh, a tear running down his cheek.

You moved to wipe it away.

“You mean…everything to me, Bucky Barnes. You’re the most important person in my life, the one who owns my soul. If I could give you the world I would, if you’d let me. For now, I can only give you a Twilight movie date, and I hope that that’s enough-”

Unable to control himself any longer, Bucky jumped forward, wrapping his arms around the small of your back and pulling you close until your lips collided together, lifting you up in the air. 

You clung to him for support as your head grew dizzy from the taste of him, just as it always did. You weren’t sure if you’d ever get over the feeling of kissing Bucky, how his lips both kept you grounded and made you feel you were flying at the same time. The hunger you felt, never satisfied when the kiss finally came to an end due to you both being lightheaded from the lack of air. 

When that moment happened now, and he pulled away, there was a brightness in his eyes as he stared into yours, and you knew what he was going to say before the words left his lips.

“I love you, Y/n.”

It was the first time he had said it since that night in the woods, when they were spoken with desperation and grief, a moment where both of you thought it would be the end.

Now, as he said it, it felt like a true beginning.

“And I love you, Bucky,” you said in return. It felt so good to finally say that you said it again against his lips as he pulled you closer. 

After 15 or so more I love you’s from both of you, Bucky reluctantly lowered you to the ground and the two of you made your way to the couch.

“I promise I’m not going to drug the wine this time,” you said as you handed him a glass. “Gotta make sure you enjoy the hell out of this vampire romance.”

“You’re too good to me, Sweetheart,” he responded, taking a sip without hesitation as a sign of complete trust toward you, and you almost started crying again at the gesture.

After puttering around getting everything situated, you crawled into Bucky’s arms, head resting within the crook of his shoulder.

“Hey,” Bucky said, and you raised your head to look at him. “I love you.”

You smiled. “God, Beefcake, you’re such a sap.” He let out a low, rumbly chuckle, rolling his eyes.”Hey,” you said, and his gaze went back to you. “I love you, too.”

He leaned forward for another kiss before you grabbed the projector remote, pressing play.

Then, for the first time ever, in the middle of a zombie invasion…

You and Bucky Barnes went on a date.

In the end, you went with light wash jeans and a Corroded Coffin hoodie. Eddie had given it to you one night before you had even started dating when you were shivering in the high school parking lot after a DnD session. 

You almost refused it out of fear that it wouldn’t fit. That it would reveal every bulge in your stomach or tear from the size of your arms. It was never going to be one of those cute moments where a guy’s shirt would drown you and fall to your knees, and you didn’t want to expose that  part of you to the guy you had been crushing on for years.

But, Eddie was being Eddie, and he would not allow a lady he cared for to be uncomfortable from the cold. He practically put it on for you, for Wildmother’s sake.

It was obviously snug, but to your surprise, it managed to still glide over your rolls and your pudge, and all of your anxieties were quelled when your head popped through the hole and you saw Eddie’s eyes brighten in a way that made your stomach turn to knots.

Since then, the hoodie had been yours, and so had Eddie.

His van slowed to a stop in front of your house, and he gave you the same smile he always did when he saw you were wearing the hoodie, now fraying at the edges from how often you wore it just to see that stunning smile of his.

He jumped out of the van and ran to the passenger side, opening the door and giving you a dramatic bow, gesturing for you to go inside.

“M’lady,” he said, “your chariot awaits.”

You bit your bottom lip, pulling him by the color of his leather jacket until his smiling lips found yours. He let out a small sigh of delight, his hand resting on the back of your neck, tilting your head back to deepen the kiss.

“Hey Eds,” you said once the two of you finally pulled away, your eyelids heavy in dreamlike bliss.

“Hey baby,” he responded, kissing your forehead before gently pushing you inside the van. “Alright, time to go! We don’t want to be late!”

“Late for what, exactly?” you asked as he closed the door and ran back to the driver’s side. “What devilry have you cooked up for us tonight?”

In your periphery, you noticed that there was a black sheet hung up behind you, blocking your view from the back of the van. 

When you tried to pull it back, Eddie grabbed your hand.

“Now now, let’s not ruin the surprise.” He pressed your knuckles to his lips and entangled your fingers in his, which caused him to have to start the car and change gears with his left hand. You giggled at the ridiculousness of it. Of him. 

You loved it. Him.

“Let’s do this thing,” he said, blasting Iron Maiden and driving to your secret destination.

Since Hawkins was a hilariously small town that everyone knew like the back of their hand, said secret destination was revealed to you ten minutes before arriving as soon as Eddie took a left down Fearing Street.

“Drive-in?” you asked and he cursed.

“I knew I should have blind-folded you! M’lady is too damn smart.”

You laughed, shaking your head as you rolled down the windows and breathed in the cool autumn air. It was officially golden hour, and the orange leaves lit up like flames on each tree you passed. It was absolutely stunning.

As predicted, Eddie pulled into the drive-in lot ten minutes later, positioning the van so that the trunk was facing the screen.

You turned from the wooded scene before you toward him. “Eds, not to sound judgy, but I’m pretty sure we need to be facing the screen in order to watch the movie?”

Eddie looked back at you while opening the door, giving you an are you serious babe look before running to your side again, opening the door for you.

The moment you stepped out, he was behind you, hands covering your eyes so quickly that you yelped. 

“Don’t worry, baby,” he whispered into your ear, guiding you forward. “I’ve got it all under control.”

You stopped after a few steps, and Eddie begged you to keep your eyes closed as he removed his hands.

As promised, you kept them closed, and you heard the click of the back doors of the van opening.

He grabbed your hand. “Alright, open.”

You did, and then you gasped.

Gone was the cluttered, messy, definitely had a mouse or two in there more than once van, replaced by a small oasis. Eddie had completely cleared it out, covering the bed with a sleeping bag, blankets and pillows. In one corner was a small lantern, illuminating the space with a soft amber glow. 

While you were gaping at the display, he pulled out a small cooler, the smile on his face brighter than ever before, bubbling with excitement. 

“I got your favorites,” he said, opening the cooler and picking up a bag of pre popped popcorn and red vines. “And some extra fun stuff,” his smile turned mischievous as he pulled out a jug of cider and a bottle of whiskey.

You stared at him, mouth open in shock.

“You…you did all this for me?”

His brows furrowed in confusion, as if that was the stupidest question you’d ever asked. “Of course I did! Gotta make sure my girl has a good time whenever we hang out so you don’t get sick of me.”

This time, it was your turn to give him a confused expression as if he’d said the stupidest thing ever. You stepped forward, hands resting on his cheeks as his large chocolate button eyes stared into yours.

You kissed him, and his hands went to your hips.

“I will never, never get sick of you Eddie Munson.” You kissed him again. “Ever.”

Eddie smiled, scrunching his nose at you. “I love you,” he whispered.

You brushed his bangs out of his eyes. “I love you, too.” With one last kiss, you turned your attention back to the movie screen. “Alright, Eds, what’s playing?”

His brows wiggled up and down. “Poltergeist.”

You groaned, head turning up to the sky. “You’re trying to kill me, aren’t ya?”

He snorted, shaking his head. “As if.” The two of you moved to get settled in your little nook, him fluffing your pillows before letting you lean on them. “More like I’m trying to find an excuse to have you glued to me all night.” He grabbed a red solo cup and mixed the two of you a whiskey and cider.

Once the drinks were set, he shuffled himself around until you were snuggly positioned in the crook of his shoulder.

You rolled your eyes, tapping your cup to his in a silent cheers.

An hour from now, Eddie would be letting out yet another high-pitched shriek in fear, hiding his face in your arm, you laughing at how dramatic he was being.

And a few hours after that, you’d be parked outside his trailer, still in the back of the van, nestled together for warmth after a dizzying make out session. His cheek would be resting on your chest, arm wrapped around your soft belly, thumb mindlessly stroking the rolls on your side as the two of you drifted off to sleep.

*****

Thank you for reading! Feedback is always appreciated! :)

Weeks later, as Bucky crept through the woods in the dead of night, he debated whether or not he preferred the idea of Ward either believing Hydra’s new home remained undiscovered, or him knowing they were coming.

Upon initial glance at the base, Bucky counted 15 agents patrolling the area. It would be an easy enough job to take them out with the number of people he had crouched around him.

Aside from the kids - and Dum Dum and Pepper, who volunteered to stay behind and hold down camp - the entirety of Shield was here and ready to strike as soon as they got their signal.

Said signal (or signals), were currently sneaking around the various buildings. Bucky could barely make out Steve’s massive figure and Yelena’s small blond head at the speed they were taking out each agent and moving towards their next target.

Eventually, though, he saw the two of them creep on over to the building Clint had pointed out to them as the one he saw Ward walk out of. 

As soon as Yelena turned on the bright blue flame of her blaster and held it up in the air, Bucky led the rest of them down to meet them at the entrance.

“They probably know we’re coming,” Yelena murmured as she melted the door handle off.

Bucky furrowed his brows. “What, you scared?”

She gave him a look that read somewhere along the lines of I can currently think of ten different ways to put you face down on the ground in a matter of seconds before continuing her work.

“Everyone knows their positions, right?” Sam murmured. “Clint stays out here to make sure we don’t get trapped inside. Bruce and Peter get to the control room. Laura, Sarah and I will work on releasing any prisoners we can. Steve, Yelena, Kate, and Bucky are on Y/n duty.”

Clint pulled Laura in for a deep kiss before stepping away and beginning his climb up the building. Everyone else raised their blasters, anxious to get moving.

Sam nodded, and Yelena pushed open the door.

They swarmed inside, footsteps light as they pointed their weapons in front of them, waiting for a target to appear.

Nothing.

Just a dark, open space void of any signs of life. All that inhabited this room were abandoned desks and broken computers.

At the other end of the room was a single door.

No. Not a door. An elevator.

“This is….definitely a trap,” Kate whispered.

“What makes you say that, love?” Yelena responded.

Bucky’s jaw clenched as anxious energy coursed through his veins. Kate was absolutely right. There was no way that this place was actually empty with the number of Hydra agents that had just been patrolling the grounds.

Still, they were so fucking close. They couldn’t back down now when he was closer than he had been in months to finding you.

So he slowly began walking toward the elevator, grateful for the sounds of footsteps following behind him as his team silently decided to also push forward.

He scanned the elevator in search of a button, only to find a card scanner, and he cursed.

“I got it,” Steve said, approaching his friend with a card in hand. “Swiped it off one of the guys outside.”

Bucky let out a breath of relief. “Didn’t know you were such a klepto, Stevie.”

“Don’t tell Ma,” he responded, pressing the card to the scanner.

A green light illuminated the dark space, and within seconds the door in front of them was sliding in.

There was only one button inside, one other floor to go to. So Bucky pushed it.

The elevator took them down 50 or so feet before stopping, the doors sliding open to a long stretch of hallway littered with open doors. Bucky led them down, finding each room behind said doors hauntingly empty. Quiet.

Until….they heard it.

The further they went down the hallway, the louder the familiar groans came, causing their steps to falter slightly the closer they got.

Bucky’s brows furrowed. He could hear the zombies, but where the hell were they?

He found out as soon as they made it to the end of the hallway and into an open space, his mouth dropping in horror.

They were in a literal prison. Two floors covered with cells that were filled with walkers, runners, what had to be hundreds of undead, their arms extending out through the metal bars trying to break free to this new meal before them. 

“We gotta keep going,” Bucky urged, eyes moving along each zombie as he passed them. “Move quickly, make as little sound as possible. The cells seem to be holding, keeping them locked inside so they shouldn’t be a-”

“Problem?” a voice called from the second level. Bucky’s eye twitched as he took in the red, hairless, skeleton-like face of Johann Schmidt, standing over him against a metal railing, a smile on his face. Bucky’s arms tightened around his blaster. “The only problem I see here, Mr. Barnes, is you.”

Bucky snarled. “This is a problem you’ve created for yourself, Schmidt. And we’re not going to stop until the mess you’ve caused is put to an end once and for all.”

Schmidt chuckled, though his hands clenched tightly around the railing in front of him, veins bulging through his red skin.

“I look forward to seeing you try,” he said. “Anyways, I should get going. Just wanted to say a quick hello before…the fun began.” With that, he spun on his heels and sauntered out of view.

Bucky sprinted forward, not wanting him to get away, but before he could even make it to the stairs there was a chorus of clicking sounds echoing in the giant room. 

He turned in horror as the cell doors next to him slowly pushed open.

“Everyone MOVE,” he screamed, pointing his blaster at the closest cell as zombies pushed their way out of their prisons, arms swinging out toward him. 

The group followed suit, shooting down as many walkers as they could, evaporating four or five at a time thanks to the new weapons created by Bruce and Peter.

Though he knew the cells on the second floor had also been opened and there was a whole other wave of zombies in that direction, Bucky needed to track down Schmidt and force him to tell him where you were. He pointed his blaster up the stairs, taking out the approaching walkers as he ran up towards them. 

But no matter how many he took down, even more emerged, and they had completely covered his path to Schmidt.

Bucky cursed, looking at his surroundings for a solution, still firing his blaster at whatever was near him. 

When he looked up at the ceiling, a lightbulb lit up in his head. About 15 feet above in the center between him and the door on the other side of this makeshift zombie wall was a large, sturdy-looking pipe. He wasted no time grabbing his grappling hook from his belt and tossing it. The hook went over the pipe, and he maneuvered the rope to wrap around it.

Then, he climbed. Walkers tried grabbing his legs and feet, but he moved quickly and managed to kick off any that got a hand on him. 

Once he was high enough, he began to swing his body back and forth, building as much momentum as he could.

I hope this is a push door, he thought before letting go of the rope, flying over the walkers and into the door.

Luckily, it was a push door, and he somersaulted onto the ground into another hallway, landing with a groan.

“Way to stick the landing, Bucko.”

Bucky looked up to see Ward standing in front of him, arms crossed, an amused expression on his face. He scowled, shaking his head as he stood up.

“Listen, Ward,” he said, “any other day, it would have been a goddamn delight to see you so that  I could finally have the opportunity to beat the actual shit out of you for everything you’ve done to us. But right now, I need you to step the fuck aside so I can get my girl.”

“Bad news, man.” Ward uncrossed his arms, pulling out the dagger from his belt holster. “Boss wants me to take care of you, which means you aren’t going anywhere.”

Bucky shifted on the balls of his feet, clenching his hands into fists. “Well then, I guess that means I have to beat the shit out of you. Damn.”

Ward chuckled, but Bucky could see the way his jaw clenched in frustration. “I should have killed you long ago, Barnes. Believe me when I saw I’m going to enjoy the hell out of this.” He stormed over toward him, arm raised to strike.

“Back atcha, asshole,” Bucky mumbled.

Ward swung the dagger, trying to slice into Bucky’s chest, but Bucky pivoted last second, using his movement to add momentum as he landed a punch to Ward’s ribs with his metal arm. Ward  bent forward as a crack splintered within him from the breaking of bone. 

He stumbled back to get out of Bucky’s range, attempting to gain composure in the milliseconds he had.

Bucky just stood there, waiting for his enemy to attack first.

Ward growled, jumping forward to try and get Bucky again, but he deflected again, this time punching Ward in the chest. He gasped for air, the wind completely knocked out of him.

It continued on like this, Ward trying to get a blow and Bucky trying to swerve out of the way to land his own hit. There were a few moments when Ward was successful, landing a punch to the face and a kick to the stomach, and Bucky could taste the blood in his mouth from his teeth scraping the inside of his cheek after one particularly gnarly hit. 

Still, nothing Bucky had endured during this fight was as brutal as his blows to Ward, who was now covered in blood and sweat, face already beginning to swell, barely standing.

Bucky smirked at Ward’s open mouth expression, the fear in his eyes. The metal arm had many perks, but this had to have been the best one yet. He had never felt stronger than he did in this moment, finally able to take down the person who had been the source of so much pain for him and those he loved.

That feeling of strength was what made him switch arms for his final blow, knocking Grant Ward unconscious with his flesh hand, reveling in the pain as he felt his knuckles connect with Ward’s temple.

Ward’s body dropped to the ground, unmoving. He was still alive, and though Bucky could have killed him, he realized his need to find you was stronger than his need for vengeance.

He looked up and down the long stretch of hallway, jumping over Ward’s unconscious form as he sprinted ahead, pushing open each door in search of any sign of Schmidt…any sign of you.

Something told him you were close. He could sense that you were near, and it brought a fierce need, a recklessness in him as he ran closer and closer. His hold on his blaster was loose, his eyes going into a tunnel vision, only focusing on the doors ahead.

Then, finally, he opened one to a small room, and the whole world went quiet as his tear-filled eyes met yours.

Bucky’s entire body sagged with relief as he saw you strapped to the chair, eyes wide, mouth gagged, fighting your restraints. Alive.

A choked cry left his smiling lips as he jumped over to untie your bonds.

“It’s okay,” he said, voice light, grabbing his dagger and cutting the ties around your wrists. “I’m here, Sweetheart. Everything’s okay.”

You jerked back at the weapon, whimpering, and he paused.

“Look at me,” he said, eyes locking onto yours. Your pupils were completely dilated. His gaze caught the silver collar around your neck and he felt his stomach drop. It was the same one they put on Steve that caused the electric shock.

“I’m just going to cut you loose, baby. I’m so sorry for not getting her sooner. It’s all going to be okay. They’re not going to hurt you anymore. I promise.”

He quickly cut the binds, then rested the dagger on your leg as he untied the gag from your mouth.

His mind was completely focused on freeing you, and so filled with the intoxicating bliss of finally being in your presence again that he didn’t notice you grab the dagger with your now free hand.

Bucky froze the moment the cool blade pressed against his neck, a small sting causing him to wince as it broke the skin.

The cloth gag fell from your mouth, revealing a snarl as you looked at him with such a murderous expression, he almost didn’t recognize you for a second.

“Get. Your hands. Off me,” you said, voice trembling.

Bucky lifted his hands in the air, smile slowly falling from his face.

“Sweetheart, you know I love it when you mess with me but unfortunately this is not the time for joke-”

The dagger pressed harder against his neck, silencing him. You stood, guiding him with the blade to stand with you.

He tried searching your eyes to read your emotion, but all he could see was pure, unforgiving hatred. 

“Y/n?” he asked. “It’s me. It’s Bucky.”

Your face broke, knees buckling as your body writhed in pain, and you struggled to keep the blade against him. He tried to support you, but the moment his hands touched your skin you yelped, swinging the dagger and slicing him in the chest. 

It was unmistakable now. You were in an unreachable state of terror.

And Bucky realized in horror that it was because of him.

Blood glued his shirt to his skin from the fresh wound you cut along his chest, but he could barely register the pain of that compared to the devastation cascading down on him. His chest constricted, head pounded, and he suddenly felt dizzy.

“Baby, please,” he begged. “What’s wrong? Please tell me how I can fix this.” 

“She has already been fixed, Mr. Barnes,” Schmidt said, emerging from the shadows behind you. He rested a possessive hand on your shoulder and Bucky growled, only to immediately regret it when he saw you flinch in fear of him, not the vile man currently touching you.

“Get your hands off her,” he spat.

Schmidt feigned confusion. “She seems to have no problem with my touch, do you, my pet?” You shook your head and Bucky felt bile in his throat as Schmidt kissed the crown of your head. “It seems, Mr. Barnes, that she only hates it when you try to touch her.”

“What have you done?” Bucky asked, his tone an agonized plea.

“I have merely corrected her perspective on things. Now, she knows who the enemy truly is. I am but her humble protector, willing to do whatever it takes to keep her and our family safe from people like you. I have reunited her with the people who truly care for her, and taken her away from her captors.”

Bucky tried to take a step forward, but stopped himself when you jerked back.

“I’ll kill you for this, Schmidt. You won’t get away with this.”

“It seems like I already have, Mr. Barnes. Now, I think it’s best we deal with you for good. Sersi? Druig?”

Two pairs of arms grabbed Bucky from behind, and when he turned he found a man and woman holding him back, matching dilated eyes, matching silver collars around their neck.

Sersi. Druig.

These were your friends from before your first time being captured by Hydra. 

Based on the stories you had shared about kind, fierce Sersi and wise, charismatic Druig, whatever Schmidt had done to you, he had done the same to them. These two were monstrous, giving him the same look of anger and fear as you had.

His eyes locked onto you, but your gaze was to the ground, too afraid to look at him, hands twitching by your side.

Schmidt put a blaster in your hand and whispered into your ear, “it’s time to face your fear, my pet, and get rid of him forever. It’s time for you to finally be free.”

Your eyes went to Bucky’s, and as your hand slowly raised to point the weapon at him he knew in that moment that this was it for him. 

He stopped fighting, letting out a long, deep sigh.

Everything went quiet then, and the rest of the world faded away as he looked at you.

He didn’t see the scared, unrecognizable person before him. Instead he saw the most beautiful woman to ever exist. His favorite person to ever exist on this God-forsaken planet.

In his final moments, all he cared about was you, and the three words he had yet to say.

“Sweetheart,” he started, “I-” 

“BUCKY!!” Steve screamed, him and Yelena barging through the door. At the sound of his name, you instantly dropped the blaster, wrapping your hands around your neck as you bent low to the ground.

The pain around your neck was so severe it had you crouching down, trying to make your body as small as possible as if it might make it go away faster.

It didn’t work.

The pounding in your head had been bad enough since he walked into the room. Even before that, really. Something inside of you practically sensed the moment he walked into the building that made something flutter in your stomach.

It was nearly crippling the moment you laid eyes on him, an insurmountable level of emotion coursing through you. The fear you had felt for this man for months reaching its peak as he stood in front of you in the flesh, not just in your mind.

Yet, a part of you knew that the pain in your head wasn’t entirely fear. There was some unidentifiable screaming sensation in the back of your mind, as if there were some internal part of you trying to break free.

So when your master told you to finally kill your true tormenter who was currently held down by your loved ones, there was a small part of your brain that pleaded for you to stop. To put the weapon down and to keep the man before you safe.

That small part of you was relieved when the blond man and woman barged into the room, yelling out his name and triggering the agonizing sharp pain to your neck and forcing you to drop the blaster. 

Everything around you was hazy, and you could hardly hear anything aside from the blood roaring in your ears.

Sersi and Druig were fighting the other two, and you tried to stand up to help them, but then your leader was dragging you up to stand.

“We must go, my pet,” he murmured, pulling you away. For the first time that you could remember, you tried to pull away, the need to help your loved ones overpowering his command.

“Get off of her,” he growled, and that small part of you wanted to gravitate towards him. But he was dangerous, you knew this.

“Give it up, Barnes. She’s gone, and you’ll never get her back.”

What the hell does that mean?

“I don’t care if she never remembers who I really am to her,” his voice cracked as he said the last few words. “As long as she’s safe.” Sersi wrapped her arm around his neck, pulling him away from you.

“Go!” she shouted at you. “Get out of here! We can handle this!”

You felt a pang in your chest, but before you had time to question it, you watched the small blond woman (who seemed oddly familiar to you) climb up Druig, wrap her legs around his neck and slam him to the ground, knocking him out cold.

You screamed, and he looked over you in what looked more like concern than malice.

“Don’t hurt them!” he shouted at his people. They understood the message and worked on pulling Sersi from him.

“The collar! Get the collar off, Lena!” the blond man shouted, and the blond woman moved away to investigate Druig.

Lena. That name…how did you know that name?

A third woman with long, dark hair and a bow in her hand walked in, helping them tackle Sersi to the ground.

Suddenly, the room went black. Everything did.

The power was out.

“That’s Banner’s signal,” Lena said. “We got ten minutes before this place blows.”

“You get them out,” he commanded. “Y/n? Y/n!” he called out to you in the darkness.

You reached in the darkness until you found your blaster, clinging to it, preparing to shoot at anything that might try to attack.

Someone grabbed your arm, and you nearly pulled the trigger before lips grazed over your ear.

“Calm down, my pet,” your leader whispered. “Let’s go.”

Then, you were being dragged along the wall. He was still calling out to you. 

Just as you got out of the room, the emergency lights went on, the entire hallway appearing in a dim red color.

Johann cursed, and it was the first time you had seen him lose his composure in who knows how long. He tightened his grip around you, arm aching from his hold, and continued on.

“SCHMIDT,” he called out from behind, but you kept going.

You weren’t sure if it were the dim lights or the pain in your head, but as you stared at the bald head of your leader, and the menacing look on his face as he looked behind you, you felt the tiniest bit of fear, and the need to pull away.

Something whizzed by your ear a fraction of a second before your leader let out a cry of pain, and you saw an arrow lodged into his shoulder. He collapsed a moment later when another one went into his leg. His painful grip on your arm released as he clung to his leg.

There was an urge to stay with your leader, to help him get to safety.

“Please,” he cried out, reaching out to you once more. “Help me, my pet.”

You were about to take a step forward before you looked up. He was running toward you.

“Y/n!” he shouted. “Stay there!”

You met your leader’s eye one last time, and that small part of your brain told you he wasn’t worth it.

So you turned away and booked it down the hall to try and escape.

There was a moment a few weeks ago, when you, Sersi, and Druig were walking down these very halls, your arms tucked within theirs, smiling as you basked in the joy of being reunited with them.

You passed one particular door that Sersi pointed to.

“If anything happens, and we need to get out, use that door,” she had instructed. “It’s a secret exit that takes you underground, a few hundred feet from base.”

“She won’t have to worry about that, Sersi,” Druig had commented, smirking at your friend. “We’re safe here, remember?”

Sersi looked down to the ground, brows furrowing for a millisecond before she looked back up, smile widening. “You’re right. Forget I said anything.”

Luckily, you hadn’t forgotten. When you got to the door, you pulled it open and ran through the dark, red-lit tunnel.

The path ended a few hundred feet in, just as Sersi had said. There was a ladder that led up to a small, round outline that looked like a sewer door.

“Y/n, please!” he yelled out, and you felt a chill down your spine.

Shit. He wasn’t supposed to have followed you here.

Panicking, you jumped up the ladder, grunting as you pushed the heavy metal door and into the night air.

It was just about dawn at this point, the night sky peaking through the woods in a dark violet hue.

You continued running, lungs burning from the overuse, limbs growing heavy. 

Through the woods you went, and you knew that he was still chasing after you. Just like he had in all of your dreams.

You couldn’t let him get you.

You couldn’t let him get you.

Why? Why can’t he get to you? The small voice in your head asked.

As fast as you ran, you knew he was gaining on you based on the way the rustling from behind grew louder and louder.

But then, out of nowhere, he let out a small grunt, and you heard something fall to the ground.

This was your chance. You could cover the ground you needed while he was down.

“You’re not getting out of this that easily Barnes,” a voice said from behind.

Your steps slowed, dread running through your body at the familiar voice.

You turned around to see Brock Rumlow, arm wrapped around Bucky’s neck, blaster pointed at his head.

Johann had told you time and time again that Brock wasn’t a threat to you, but that never seemed to quell your unease whenever he was near. There was just something about him that made you feel unsafe. 

“Hey there, sweets,” he called out to you, and bile rose to your throat. “Where you think you’re going?”

“Just let her go, Rumlow,” he choked out, hands gripping Brock’s arm to try to loosen his hold. “Take me. Do whatever you want. Just leave her the fuck alone.”

Why was it that everything this man said went against everything you learned to fear about him? He was supposed to be the evil one, the one who wanted to torture you and kill you.

So why did he continuously work towards trying to keep you safe?

Bucky pulled away from Brock, trying to free himself to no avail. 

“Just leave her the fuck alone,” he said, eyes locked on yours, trying to signify to you to run for it. To leave him behind so you could finally escape.

Brock let out a low, lifeless chuckle, pressing his mouth to Bucky’s ear. “I know the boss wants her alive, but honestly? The two of you have been such pains in my asses - her especially - that I might have to tell him that by the time I made it here you had already taken her out.” Brock looked over at you and tsked. “I wonder what her last moments will be like. Will some part of her dumb brain know to mourn you? Or will she finally find peace knowing the monster that’s been tormenting her for months is dead?”

Bucky caught something flash in your eye as you stood there, frozen in place. Your chest heaved up and down, and even though he knew his time on this earth was limited, he found himself grateful to just be near you. For your perfect, beautiful eyes to be the last thing he looked at before he died.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t get to you sooner, Sweetheart,” he said softly, ignoring Brock completely. “I hope whatever happens next that you’ll finally be able to free yourself from this place once and for all.”

He looked down to see your hands trembling violently.

“I’m not sure if this will mean anything to you anymore, but I need for you to hear it.” Bucky closed his eyes, tears freely falling down his cheeks. When he opened them, he smiled. There was no Brock, no pain from the injuries he had sustained during all the fighting. All there was was you.

His life. His heart. His soul.

“I love you.”

You took a sharp intake of breath, and it gave Bucky hope for a moment until he heard Brock bark out a laugh. 

“Nice try, Bucko, but that shit ain’t gonna work on that braindead b-”

Bucky saw a flash of blue race toward him, and he felt Brock’s hold on him release as his body was shoved back. He turned around to see him on his back, half of his face melted off, his one eye remaining open and staring up at the sky, lifeless.

When he turned back around, you had your blaster still up and pointed where Brock had once been, tears falling down your face, expression distorted, confused as to what you just did.

Bucky imagined his face looked about the same, completely and utterly shocked that he wasn’t the one dead on the ground right now.

Your eyes met his, and you seemed to relax ever so slightly, but when he tried to take another step toward you, you still took a step away from him in fear.

“It’s okay, Sweetheart,” he said, that tiny flicker of hope in him rising as he held his hands up in comfort. “You did great. Everything’s going to be okay now.”

An explosion went off behind you, and both your attentions went to the Hydra camp, which was now erupting in flame and fragments of stone.

Bruce and Peter had done it. They had blown up Hydra Headquarters. 

He turned back to your still confused and alarmed expression. 

“It’s….gone,” you said. These were the first words you had said all night that didn’t hold any malice or fear toward him.

“Yeah,” he responded, a lightness in his chest. “Hydra is gone.”

Bucky let out a small, relieved laugh, the right corner of his lips turning upward in a half smile.

His heart fluttered when you gave him the tiniest smile in return.

And then you were on the ground as a runner came up from out of nowhere and tackled you, your bodies somersaulting into a nearby tree.

Bucky jumped into action, running toward you and the zombie as your hands pressed against its forehead and chin to keep its mouth away from you, crying out in fear the closer its teeth got.

He grabbed the runner by the shoulders and ripped it off of you. He was about to grab his dagger, but the runner was too fast and lept toward Bucky, pinning him to the ground. 

It had happened all too fast that he barely had time to register what was happening, and suddenly all he could focus on was the agonizing pain in his neck as the runner clamped his teeth into his skin.

It took you a moment to realize what was happening, because it all took place within a matter of ten seconds.

The runner must have heard all of the commotion while you were escaping and came out of nowhere, body pinned against yours.

Then you were free, sitting up in time to watch as he got taken down by the fiersome runner, to watch it bite into his neck.

“NO!” you screamed, jumping up, grabbing your blaster and knocking it against the runner’s head, shoving it off him and to the side. 

You reached for your dagger and found that it was missing, must have fallen while you were running. On his belt, you found a blade and reached for it, grabbing it just in time before the runner stood up, lunging towards you.

It was met with a dagger up its chin and through its head, body going still. When you ripped the weapon out, it collapsed to the ground.

He groaned as he sat up, hand covering the wound in his neck.

The inherent, almost life-threatening need to go to him caused you to fight the fear coursing through you and run to him, crouching down to inspect the bite.

The scene happening before you felt intensely familiar. The two of you together moments after a runner attack. A bite wound on the neck.

Your mind ached as you tried to put the hazy images together, realization coming with a force that almost knocked you to the ground.

You were at a pharmacy. With him.

Except it wasn’t he that had been bitten. It was you. And when he thought he was losing you, there was no joy in his face, no trace of spite or animosity.

There was pain, anguish, love.

“It’s okay,” he had said. “I’m here, Sweetheart.”

The memory - and all of the feelings associated - crashed into your mind.

You choked out a small sob, hands cupping his face. 

“Bucky…” The pain in your neck from saying his name was almost unbearable, but it had nothing on the pain in your chest as you remembered just how important this person was to you.

His eyes lit up, and he let out a ragged breath, a beautiful smile on his face. “Yeah, baby, it’s me.”

You smiled back, but then you looked back at the wound on his neck, and the black veins sprouting from it, and your face twisted in horror.

“No,” you whispered. “No no no no-”

Bucky caged your face in his hands. “Sweetheart, look at me.”

You couldn’t though, your eyes were locked onto the black veins as they crept up to his jaw.

This couldn’t be happening. You had just gotten back to him, and now you were going to lose him all over again. Forever.

“Bucky,” you cried, once again ignoring the pain around your neck. “I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. This is all my fault.”

“Y/n, look at me.” With more tenderness than you had known these last few months under Hydra’s control, Bucky guided your face until you finally met his gaze again. You breathed out a wet sob at the intensity of his cerulean irises staring into yours. 

You expected for him to look as pained as you did. That he would carry an expression of a dying man. But the smile remained on his face, and there was a light in his eyes that could not be extinguished. You felt the urge to shake him, to force him to fully grasp what this moment was for the two of you. Why did he look so happy?

“I’m sorry,” you cried out again.

“Don’t be. You did nothing wrong.” He pressed his lips to your forehead, a small moan of relief leaving his throat as he did.

“But…your neck. The bite.”

Bucky pulled back, still smiling.

“Look at the bite, Sweetheart.”

You looked back at the wound, mouth opening in shock as you watched the black veins slowly retreat until they created a small border around the teeth marks.

Just as they had when you were bitten.

“I don’t understand,” you murmured, running your fingers along the edge of the mark, as softly as you could so as to not hurt him.

He wiped a tear from your cheek. “Bruce figured it out.”

You shook your head in disbelief. “What?”

“It’s basically all he’s been working on for months. When we got word of where you might be, he decided now was the best time to test it out and inject us all with what he hoped to be the cure.” He let out a small, amused huff. “We haven’t actually been able to test it, though, so I’m glad it actually worked.”

Another sob escaped you and you ran your hands along his face. “And you’re okay? You feel good?”

Bucky rolled his eyes, forehead pressing to yours. “Are you kidding me?” He let out a wet  chuckle, arms moving to go around your waist, pulling you closer. “You’re here and you’re safe. I feel better than good, Sweetheart. I feel whole-”

You crashed your lips to his, unable to control yourself any longer. Bucky released a low moan, hands now gently clawing at your back, desperate to cling to every part of you available to him.

You knew exactly what he meant when he said he felt whole again.

These past few months, when your mind and body had been ripped apart and put together to fit with hydra’s needs, there had always felt like a part of you was missing. Something that always seemed off, that you could never figure out.

This is what had been missing. 

“Bucky,” you whispered into his lips, and the pain in your neck as you said it was barely even noticeable compared to the joy you felt of finally being reunited with the person you had gone to hell and back for.

And in that moment, for the first time in a long time, you had never felt more safe.

Bucky tensed his jaw, finding the tiniest bit of comfort in the way the agent's face was turning blue.

“At least,” he gasped, “if I die now, it will be for a cause I believe in.”

His hand tightened around the agent’s neck.

“Don’t be fooled,” Bucky said, a smile creeping up his lips, “if you don’t talk now, I’ll make sure you wish you were dead before I finally end your useless, miserable life.”

Steve grabbed him by the shoulder, jerking him away. The agent fell to the ground, sputtering for air.

Bucky shoved Steve away. “You need to back off right now before-”

“Before what? You gonna torture me, Buck? Kill me? Is that the new norm when you’re upset? What the fuck is this, man?”

Bucky shook his head. “Lecture me all you want later, Steve. I’m doing what I need to do to get Y/n back. If you have a problem with that then fucking stay out of it.”

He turned to the fallen agent, grabbing him by the collar until their faces were inches apart.

“You think you have a cause worthy to believe in? You’re just a rat doing the bidding of people who could get two shits about you. If you want to support them? Follow them? Fine. But I’ll get you to talk, even if it costs you a few fingernails and teeth.”

The agent chuckled, his tongue sliding over his teeth. “Nice try, Mr. Barnes,” he said, then pulled out one of his back molars so effortlessly that Bucky flinched, shock preventing him from reacting in time as the agent broke the tooth between his teeth, a white, milky substance bursting into his mouth. “I’ll see you and your girlfriend in Hell.”

Bucky roared, shaking the man as blood dripped out of his eyes, body convulsing before going completely limp.

He threw his corpse to the ground, then punched a whole into the wall closest to him. “God FUCKING dammit,” he yelled.

“It’ll be okay, Buck,” Steve said softly, the regular mixture of concern and pity in his voice. “We’ll look somewhere else. Maybe there’s another agent hiding in this mall that we haven’t found yet.” He tried to rest a comforting hand on Bucky’s shoulder but he jerked away.

“Even if there were another one of these assholes, they would have heard us and booked it already, Steve,” he spit out. “This was our only shot! The closest we’ve been to finding her! And you fucking ruined it!”

Steve swallowed, maintaining a calm demeanor. “You and I both know he wasn’t going to tell you anything.”

“We could have at least tried to get something!”

“So what? You were going to break his bones and rip out his fingernails, Bucky? Is this who you are now, a monster like them?”

Bucky looked to the ground. “If it’s what I need to do to get her back.” His voice was softer, but still firm. Resolute in that horrifying statement.

Steve scoffed. “No way. I’m sorry man, but I’m not going to allow you to lose yourself to find her. She wouldn’t allow it either if she were here-”

“BUT SHE’S NOT HERE STEVE, IS SHE?” Bucky screamed, veins popping out of his forehead. “I let her come with me to save you and put her right back into their hands. She’s gone, and it’s all my fault.” His voice broke at the end, but he forced the tears to stay behind his red-rimmed eyes.

His friend relaxed, taking a step forward to once again attempt comforting his friend. “Buck…”

Bucky sniffled, taking a step back to kneel down by the fallen Hydra agent, inspecting for any clues. Steve stayed where he was, taking his cue to be silent.

When he deemed that there was nothing useful on the body he stood up, storming past Steve.

“We should head back.”

You had been gone 57 days.

Each one of them passed with such agonizing slowness and rapidity. Bucky felt each second pass that you weren’t there with him, palm pressed in his, head on his chest. He also felt the devastation of another day gone, of you being tortured by your captors. There was a gnawing feeling in the back of his mind telling him that time was running out.

But he couldn’t fucking find you, and it was breaking him.

That moment he awoke to find you gone, that silly goodbye note you had left begging him not to go look for you, Bucky allowed himself one minute to shatter. 60 seconds to let grief totally consume and paralyze him.

When that minute passed, he stood up and got to work.

Of course he, Steve, Yelena, Kate and Clint dropped everything and booked it to the Hydra prison, only to find it completely empty. Any trace of their existence there being the bloodstains that covered the building.

They searched miles and miles past the perimeter, Bucky only stopping when forced by the others as they commanded they take a break and rest. At least for the sake of the horses.

After a few days, they went back to Shield’s camp to regroup with the others and plan their next steps.

It had been an endless hunt ever since. Small packs of them searching different areas, searching for any sign of where they might have taken you.

Nothing.

No sign of Hydra was to be found. They had gone completely radio silent.

And Bucky was falling apart at the seams.

There were times - when he was riding Alpine through the woods towards his next destination, or when he was in the gym railing on the punching bag - that he would see you in the corner of his eye. He’d stop short, whipping his head around, tears welling in his eyes as he was met with nothing. His chest would rip freshly in two, just as it did the night you first left, and he’d run off with Alpine or slam his fist even harder on the punching bag.

At night, if he was able to sleep for even a few minutes, he’d dream of you.

It was always the same dream. You running through the woods, him chasing after you, trying to stop you from leaving. Your voice echoing in his mind as he screamed out your name.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t look for me.”

“Please.”

It would just make him run faster. If he was lucky enough to have a good dream, he’d manage to catch up and grab your arm. As soon as you spun around to look at him, he’d see the start of a smile forming on your face before he woke up.

Most nights, no matter how fast he ran, how loud he screamed out to you, he couldn’t reach you in time before you drifted out of sight.

No matter the outcome of the dream, he would wake up in a cold sweat, gasping for air, your voice still whirling through his brain.

“Don’t look for me.”

“Don’t look for me.”

“Don’t look for me.”

He wasn’t sure if he wanted to kiss you or throttle you after reading that note. How the actual fuck could you possibly think that he wasn’t going to go to the ends of the earth to find the woman he loved.

God, he wished he had fucking said it. The words had always been spoken humorously, but he meant it every time.

Bucky wondered if he had found the fucking balls to say it earlier, to try to find the words to tell you how much you meant to him, that it might have been enough to make you stay. That he might be able to get you to understand how much it would actually destroy him to not have you by his side. That he would have fought Hydra tooth and nail until he breathed his last breath if it meant he could wake up with you in his arms.

Or would it not have been enough, to know how much he loved you? Was leaving him easy for you? Were your feelings for him less consuming than his were? 

No. He couldn’t think that way. Refused to think that way. 

He knew how you felt about him. Knew it with every hug, every kiss, every fucking look you gave him that put butterflies in his stomach and changed his center of gravity.

“Don’t look for me.”

Sorry, Sweetheart, but I’m never going to stop looking until I find you. 

Bucky would find you.

He had to.

There was no other option.

Bucky beelined to the meeting room as soon as they walked through the gates into Shield. From the corner of his eye, he saw Cass, AJ, and Morgan standing in the garden, none of them waving at him upon his return. When you left, he had grown even more cold and distant than he had when he thought Steve was dead along with so many of their family on the night of the Hydra attack. Even after that devastation, he was always able to manage enough energy to smile at their ridiculous jokes, or hug them back when they wrapped their tiny bodies around his massive one.

Now, with you gone, Bucky no longer had the heart to smile or laugh. Didn’t have the energy to fake enthusiasm when Cass told him he managed to do a full pull-up or when AJ asked him to sit at their table during dinner. 

They didn’t even try to win his attention anymore, because he showed no interest in it, and that knowledge broke him more and more each day.

He wanted to tell them that he loved them all so much. Loved everyone here with his whole heart (or, what was left of it). That if he could smile at the dumb fart jokes Morgan made, he would. He just….couldn’t. Every moment he existed since you left was spent drowning, and Bucky didn’t have the strength to swim up for air.

The meeting room was empty when he walked in, and he went straight to the map that had now grown significantly since the gang started going past their comfort zones in search of you.

It was covered with dots, routes, red X’s, each spot a mark of failure. 

Bucky lifted up the red marker and added another X to their most recent destination, the taste of iron on his tongue as he bit too hard on the inside of his cheek.

As his eyes stared blankly at the map before him, his mind wandered elsewhere.

“Is that all you got, Beefcake?” you taunted, fists shielding your face as you prepared for another attack.

Bucky grinned, pretending to act tough as he readied his next move when all he really wanted to do was cage your adorable, sweaty face in between his hands and kiss you until you passed out.

It had been a few days after the small fiasco at CVS, when Bucky found out you were immune and the two of you realized that the feelings you felt for one another were - believe it or not -  reciprocated. You were already in the gym training with Yelena when he descended the stairs for his usual workout (one that had conveniently switched around to overlap with yours), and he felt his stomach do somersaults when your eyes met his and you took the fraction of a second you had to smile and wink at him before dodging another blow from your fierce trainer.

Once Yelena was done with you he stepped forward, challenging you to show him your ‘mad skills’ (as you called them).

Yelena just rolled her eyes with a snort, grabbing her things and running away to leave the two of you alone as you sparred.

“You’re talkin’ a big game for someone who’s about to get their ass kicked, Sweetheart,” he said in a low, menacing voice. 

If he was being completely honest, Bucky was unsure of who was going to win. Though he knew you were amazing and strong and sexy and everything good in this world, he had always thought of himself as a top-level fighter. But, you had been training with the one person who had consistently been able to hand his ass to him, so it did make sense that you’d be able to do the same.

He was also way too distracted by the fact that this was the steamiest fight he had ever been in. The feel of your muscles tensing around him as you moved out of his hold, the way your chest moved up and down as you panted for breath, the small gasps you let out whenever he made a move you weren’t anticipating. 

Bucky was an absolute goner, and all he could do was smile when you eventually jumped up his body, wrapped your legs around his neck and brought the two of you to the ground.

“Fuck YES,” you breathed out, doing a small fist bump in the air. “That’s the first time I’ve nailed the leg thing.”

Bucky chuckled, turning onto his side, head rested on his elbow as he stared at you. “It’s an honor to be your first victim, Sweetheart.”

Your eyebrows wiggled as a sly grin crept up your face. 

It was silent for a few moments then, only the sounds of your heavy breathing echoing through the room. Bucky didn’t care, though. He was just so, ridiculously, stupidly happy to be able to stare into your eyes as you stared into his, the inches separating your lips growing smaller and smaller-

“Bucky.”

Bucky turned around as Sam and Steve walked in, their expressions stern.

He ignored their looks and turned back to the maps. “I was thinking we could try going farther North next time. I can be ready in a few hours and we can head out-”

“Bucky,” Sam repeated, crossing his arms. Him and Steve exchanged glances before turning back to their friend. “You’re being benched.”

His brows furrowed. “The fuck does that mean? This a baseball game or something?”

“It means,” Steve continued, hands on his hips, “that you aren’t leaving camp anymore. For the foreseeable future.”

He scoffed. “You’re grounding me?”

“We’re trying to keep you alive, man,” Sam said, eyes filled with sadness. “You can’t go on like this. You’re not eating, you’re not sleeping, and now Steve is saying that you’re getting reckless and aggressive while out in completely new territory-”

“I have everything under control,” Bucky barked out, glaring at Steve, who directed his attention to the floor in front of him. “You can’t make me stay in my room to think about what I’ve done instead of going out and finding her.” 

“You don’t have it under control, Buck!” Sam yelled. “You’re making too much noise. There’s no secrecy, no tactfulness, just you blindly going into danger and compromising you and whoever you’re with.” He sighed, running a hand over his face. 

Steve took over. “Bucky, look, we all want her back as much as you do - don’t roll your eyes at me - but if you’re going to continue to make it so obvious to Hydra that we’re hunting them,  they’re either going to take us out or move farther and farther away until there’s no chance of finding her. Or worse, they’ll decide she’s not worth the trouble and kill her without second thought.” Bucky punched the wooden desk next to him. “You have to hear us on this, Bucky. Your caring too much is making you careless, and all of us could pay the price for it. Y/n especially.”

“And just because you’re not going out anymore doesn’t mean that we won’t either,” Sam said. “We’re going to keep searching until we get answers. We won’t give up on her.”

 Bucky stared at them for a few moments, expression hard and - if he were being honest - the tiniest bit hateful.

“If she dies because I wasn’t able to find her in time, I’ll never forgive either of you.”

He walked out before they could get a word in, too ashamed by the looks of devastation on their faces.

He went straight to your room and slammed the door shut behind him, pacing and running his hands over his head.

It was all so overwhelming, the amount of emotions running through him. Pain, guilt, anger, confusion, anxiety. His brain was so overloaded that he couldn’t even feel any of them. 

Eventually he laid down in your bed, face pressed against the pillow.

He started ‘resting’ (if you could even call it that) in your room after you had left. It was this strange, instinctive need to be surrounded by your scent, to breathe in the air you once  inhabited. Even the faint imprints in your mattress formed by your body was something he craved.

Eventually, breathing into your pillow, his eyes fluttered closed and he dozed off.

You were running away from him in the woods.

He sprinted as fast as he could.

Until finally….he was able to reach out for your hand.

When he spun you around, blood was pouring out of your eyes, and you screamed when you saw him.

He awoke with his own scream trapped in his throat, sitting up in bed as he caught his breath. Though the dream only lasted a few seconds, the darkness outside your window indicated that hours had passed.

More time wasted when he could have been back out finding you.

Fuck this, Bucky thought, standing up and grabbing his pack. They can’t keep me locked in here.

Bucky quietly opened the door, creeping down the hallway as he snuck out of the dorms.

“Going somewhere?” a low, Russian accent asked casually from the shadows behind him.

He stopped, head hanging low in defeat.

“Stay out of this, Yelena,” he replied flatly.

He saw her feet walk past him. “Follow me, Barnes.”

With an annoyed sigh, he followed her.

Yelena led them to the gym, neither of them saying a word as their steps echoed down the stairs and into the open basement.

She walked over to the corner, grabbing two pairs of boxing gloves and handing one of them to Bucky.

He looked at the gloves, then at her, and when she raised her eyebrows in a wordless challenge, he grabbed them and put them on.

“Are you going to tell me what we’re doing?” he asked with no attempt to hide the annoyance in his tone.

“Hit me,” was all she said, arms limp by her side.

Bucky cocked his head to the side. “What?”

“Hit me.”

He let out a confused chuckle, shaking his head. “Yelena, I don’t know what your plan is, but me hitting you isn’t going to-”

Bucky let out a small oof as the small Russian’s fist socked him in the jaw, his giant body stumbling back.

He slowly turned back at her, anger bubbling in his chest. “What the fuck was-”

She punched him again, this time in the stomach.

“Come on Barnes, we don’t have all night,” she said, taunting him. “Just fucking punch me already-”

Yelena was on the floor before she could finish the last word, and Bucky’s right arm was fully extended, his chest heaving from the rush of adrenaline.

When she stood back up, there was a smile on her face.

“Good.” And then she was winding up for another strike.

It was the literal definition of a tit-for-tat, Yelena getting a blow on him, and Bucky getting the next.

At first it all felt childish, like they were just two punks trying to see who could wail on the other person the hardest. 

But there was so much more to it, Bucky began to realize. All this time, he had been filled with such anger and aggression that he tried to release through the inanimate punching bag, a zombie who mistakenly crossed his path, or a Hydra agent who would just laugh in his face at the pain and rage behind his eyes.

Here, with Yelena, someone who was filled with the same agony he felt, meeting him punch for punch as tears filled their eyes, it was like there was someone here who understood the emotions ripping their way through him constantly. 

Like he was finally able to fully let go.

The more they fought, the more exhausted his body became, the less he was able to hold everything in.

It was even worse because the friend before him had this look in her eye the entire time, a look that told her that it was okay. That she was there for him. That she could handle this burden for him.

Then, finally, as he raised his right fist to ready another hit, the breath he took in hitched, and was followed by a small sob.

His fists lowered to his sides, feet shuffling side to side as he tried to balance himself, emotion completely washing over him.

He was on the ground instantly, elbows on his knees, face in his gloved hands as he body shuddered from the wails choking out of him.

Yelena removed her gloves and knelt behind him, wrapping her arms around his and squeezing him as he cried.

They stayed there for what could have been minutes or hours, he truly couldn’t tell. Eventually, his sobs turned to soft sniffles, and his shoulders stopped shaking.

Yelena took that as her cue to release her hold on him, and she moved to sit by his side, staying silent as she waited for him to regain composure.

“Thank you,” he finally croaked out.

She nodded, pressing a finger under her nose to check for blood (there wasn’t, and Bucky let out a small sigh of relief).

His brows furrowed when she let out a scoff. “This actually wasn’t as bad as I was anticipating,” she said. “When Clint had me do this with him right after losing Natasha, I nearly shattered his nose.”

When Bucky laughed this time, it was genuine. “Well, I made sure not to get your face with the metal arm. Even with the gloves, I feel like that would have done some nasty shit.”

“I appreciate that,” she said, lightly punching his arm. “I’m sure Kate will, too.”

The two shared a laugh, and then the Russian’s face went a bit more somber. “I know how much it hurts, Bucky. How unbearable it is when you’ve lost someone so important. How much easier it feels to just shut down. But we have to think about what the people we love would want for us. Natasha…Natasha was the only family I had for a really long time. And I thought she was all I was going to have. All I wanted to have. And when she was gone, I didn’t want anyone else to fill in the void left behind by her. I couldn’t even look at Kate for a few weeks, because I felt guilty about seeking comfort from someone who wasn’t my sister. Like I shouldn’t be allowed to feel anything else but sadness because someone I loved so much wasn’t here anymore.”

Bucky nodded, tears continuing to stream down his face as he swallowed down the lump in his throat. He thought about Steve, the way he had been so cold towards his best friend because he didn’t feel like he deserved to be comforted.

“Eventually I realized that Natasha would have hated that, to see me so lonely and isolated because of her. Like I was doing it as a favor to her, even though it was just a waste of a life that still had a chance to live, to carry on with the love shared between my sister and I.”

She rested a hand on his shoulder. “You, Barnes, you need to keep fighting the pull toward that empty void, that urge to shut down. Not just because there are people in this camp who love you and don’t want to lose you, but because Y/n would be devastated to see that the love you two shared was locked up and hidden away forever. And not only that, but I know with every fiber of my fucking being that she is still alive, and she deserves better than to be reunited with a cold, distant version of you.”

Bucky’s gaze went to the ground, vision blurry as he continued to cry silently. 

Then, without a word, he stood up, taking off his gloves.

Just as Yelena was about to stand, he extended a hand out toward her. She smiled, grabbing it as he hoisted her up, wrapping his arms around her as soon as she was vertical.

“Love you, Lena.”

“Love you too, Barnes.”

When Bucky returned to your room later that night, the moment his head hit the pillow he fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

He awoke the next morning to the sound of his stomach growling, and Bucky got up to grab himself breakfast.

Lately, whenever he did eat (which was rare these days), he would simply sneak into the cafeteria and grab a bowl of food left aside for him by Dum Dum and escape back to your room to eat by himself.

He was about to do the same today when something caught his ear, causing him to stop in his tracks. 

“Dear Ella. Impatience is not usually my weakness. But your letters torment me.”

His chest swelled at the familiar words, and Bucky turned his attention to Morgan, AJ, and Cass sitting together at their usual table. Morgan held the book up as she acted out the words she read, the boys completely enraptured.

Unable to help himself, Bucky’s feet pivoted, and he walked over to them.

Three sets of eyes were on him in an instant; wide, hesitant, and a bit confused. The new Bucky they had come to know never seemed to want anything to do with them.

“Where’d you find that?” he asked, gesturing to the movie tie-in copy of Ella Enchanted he had gotten you months prior.

Morgan gave him a sad smile. “It was left outside my room after….after Y/n went missing.”

He nodded, hand smoothing over her head.

“Can I tell you a secret?” 

Three heads nodded up at him, eyes now wide with excitement.

Bucky sat down next to AJ. “I fucking love this book.”

Giggles erupted from the kids at both the admission and the curse word, and Bucky found himself laughing along with them.

“Alright Morgan, keep going.” He took a big spoonful of oatmeal and gulped it down. “Shit’s about to go down with Ella.”

More giggles followed, and then Morgan continued reading. Occasionally the boys would make gagging sounds when something overly romantic happened, but that didn’t stop them from begging for her to keep going at the end of each chapter.

Every so often, Bucky would catch someone in the corner of his eye stopping to stare at the scene before them. At one point he looked over once to see Yelena and Kate watching them from their own table, and Yelena winked at him when their eyes met.

Cass and AJ eventually made their ways onto Bucky’s lap, their heads resting on his shoulders as they listened to Morgan. 

He had missed this. Missed spending time with the kids, giggling along with them, hugging them with reckless abandon. He promised himself that no matter what happened, he wouldn’t take it for granted ever again.

“And so, with laughter and love, we lived happily ever after.”

The table - and Dum Dum - erupted with applause as Morgan finished the last sentence, and she stood from her seat to give them all a grand bow.

“Next time, I want to be the one to read!” Cass exclaimed. 

“No, I want to read!” AJ pouted.

Bucky chuckled, lowering them to the ground as he stood. “You can both have a chance to read, guys. We can make a book club and everything.” His heart stung for a second at the memory of you saying almost the exact same words during one of your first watch assignments, but the smile didn’t leave his face as the kids cheered loudly at the proposition.

“Is this book club exclusive, or can other people join?” Bucky turned to see Steve standing there, a small, grateful smile on his face.

Bucky nodded. “The more the merrier, Stevie.”

His best friend nodded, jaw clenching as he slapped a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. He responded by pulling Steve in for a hug.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky grumbled into Steve’s shoulder.

He felt Steve nod again. “I’m sorry, too.”

“Love ya, punk.”

“Love you too, jerk.”

They exchanged playful hits to one another's shoulders before heading out of the cafeteria, Dum Dum giving them a small salute as they left.

“I know you’re probably busy,” Bucky started, holding the door open for Steve as they stepped  outside. “But are you down to play a round of War-”

The gates creaked open in front of them, Clint, Laura, and Sarah running through.

“What’s wrong?” Steve asked, the two of them following behind as their friends ran by.

“Sarah, get your brother. Laur, go find the others.” was all Clint said as he stormed up the stairs to the meeting room.

“Can someone please tell us what the hell is going on?” Bucky asked, hands on his hips.

Clint ignored him, walking over to the disheveled map, his fingers tracing along some invisible route.

Then, his finger stopped, and he turned around until his eyes locked on Bucky’s.

“We found her.” 

You ran through the woods, gasping for air, limbs exhausted, hands gripping to each tree for any added support you could get.

You just had to go a little farther, a few more miles.

Just to be sure.

Put some distance between you and them.

Your brain was so panicked, so tired, that you couldn’t even remember how you escaped Hydra.

It didn’t matter. You were free. You were safe.

A hand gripped your arm from behind, stopping you so immediately that you almost fell on your back from the force of it.

Instead, you found the strength to keep yourself upright, pulling away from your captor.

But then…you heard the voice.

“Sweetheart,” the soothing, baritone sound caused a wave of relief to wash through you.

You whipped around, breathing out a small whimper as you looked at his smile, his eyes.

Those perfect, adoring, cerulean irises.

“Bucky,” you gasped, jumping into his arms as he held you in a tight embrace.

“It’s okay Sweetheart, I’m here,” he whispered into your ear, and you clung to him.

“I missed you so much.”

“Why did you leave?” he asked, arms nearly crushing you.

You took a sharp inhale from the growing discomfort of his hug. “I…thought it would be for the best. I thought it would keep you safe.”

Silence.

“Bucky?”

“You’ll never keep me safe, sweetie.” The bite in his voice was unfamiliar to you.

You tried to pull away to see his face. “Bucky, what’s going on? You’re hurting me.”

A menacing, familiar chuckle rumbled in your ear. “Did you really think coming back would keep them safe? That we wouldn’t go after them as soon as we broke you?”

You cried out, finally registering this new voice.

With all of your might, you pushed away from the suffocating hold.

Brock Rumlow smiled at you.

“Time to wake up, sweetie.”

You screamed.

The scream echoed in the room as you jolted awake, limbs pinned to your body with thick leather straps.

You gasped for air, eyes wide, evaluating your surroundings.

No longer in the woods, you were in the testing room that you had frequented for weeks. The cold, stinging feeling of something around your neck, a phantom pain on your skin where it touched you.

That feeling lasted at least an hour after the onslaught of electrocution the collar emitted. 

You wondered how long you had been out for this time. Was it seconds? Minutes? Hours? It was different each time, depending on how many rounds of shock torture you had gone through for the day.

“You did very well, Meine kleine Puppe,” Zola said with a level of enthusiasm that made you sick. “Your vitals have already risen to normal levels in such a short time, and you managed to last five whole minutes before going unconscious.” He walked into your line of sight, jotting down notes on his clipboard.

You glared at him. “What do I get as a reward? Six more minutes of electrocution?” you spat out.

“You know this can all end, sweetie,” Brock cooed, and you turned to the shadows in the corner of the room, making out his cross-armed silhouette. “Tell us everything we want to know about Shield and Banner and we’ll make all the pain go away.”

“So you can go take down their camp like you promised not to, even though that’s the only fucking reason I’m here? No way. I’ll gladly stay in this hell and keep you here with me, Rumlow.”

He jumped up, charging over until he hovered over your prone form, face inches from yours. “Listen here, you little bitch,” a fleck of spit hit your forehead, but you refused to flinch, matching his death glare. He squeezed your face in between his hand, jerking it to the side to expose your neck. “I know this bite is new, that Shield had to have found out about your special blood.” Brock stood up straight, attempting to tower over you as an intimidation tactic. “Ward says that mad scientist can solve anything, including developing a cure for everyone based on the shit flowing through your veins. He figured it out, and you’re going to tell us how.”

You lifted your shoulders as high as you could while tied down to the chair. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Brock,” you responded in a mocking, sickly sweet voice.

You heard the crack before feeling his fist slamming into your jaw.

Blood pooled in your mouth, and once the initial shock had worn off and you were able to turn your neck, you spit out the iron substance on the floor.

“I swear to god Y/n, we are going to hunt them down and make each and every one of them suffer twice as much as you have. Even the fucking kids. All the while telling them that it was your fault-”

“Enough, Rumlow,” Johann Schmidt’s voice echoed in the room, sending chills down your body as it always did. Even Brock’s eyes widened ever so slightly from the sharp tone of his leader.

Brock looked up. “Sir, I apologize, it’s just that we’ve been trying to break her for weeks-”

“Have you really been trying?” Schmidt countered, a hint of mocking amusement in his voice. “If you had, she would be crawling at your feet by now.”

Rumlow opened his mouth as if to argue with his superior, but closed it before saying something that might put him in a chair similar to yours.

Johann continued, walking up to Zola’s side. “Sure, we could go on over to that tiny Shield camp and burn it to the ground just like last time,” you clenched your fists, “but where’s the fun in that?” He rested a hand on the scientist’s shoulder as they shared a knowing grin. “Me? I’d rather spend our time learning how to make a seemingly strong mind shatter to pieces.” He moved to you, stroking your cheek with his pointer finger.

You spat more blood in his face. Johann closed his eyes, only appearing slightly annoyed at this sign of disrespect as he slowly wiped his face.

His lips curved upward into a wicked grin. “Looks like someone’s ready to get started. Zola?”

The scientist approached, a syringe filled with clear liquid in hand. 

Your body jerked instinctively, trying to get away from yet another needle. 

Still, even as your body was going into panic mode, you found the courage to stare Johann in the face right before the substance was injected.

“I don’t care how confident you are,” you said, head immediately starting to feel dizzy, eyelids heavy, “I’ll never betray the ones I love.”

Johann simply chuckled. “You’re loyal to a fault, pet. It’s clear as day to anyone who comes across you. Our goal isn’t to change that level of loyalty…” He moved to whisper into your ear, his voice slowing and slurring as your brain grew more and more foggy, fighting to process his words.

“I’m simply going to make you loyal to me.”

The drug flowing through your veins was so strong that when you finally closed your eyes, there were no comforting blue eyes to greet you as you fell into darkness.

When you finally woke up some time later, you realized in horror that you were met with the same level of blackness with your eyes open as you were when they were closed.

After so many years of traveling under the cover of night, your eyesight had developed so significantly that you could see almost as well in darkness as you could in daylight, able to use any sliver of light available to make out objects, landscapes, people, undead.

This was different.

This blackness surrounding you was man-made, and it was unforgiving. There was no light, no shadows, nothing. Just darkness.

You felt around the ground, trying to make out your surroundings, only to be met with cold concrete.

Standing up, limbs heavy from whatever drug lingered in your bloodstream, you walked around until you found the walls. Whatever room you were in was small, the only thing inside here being a toilet.

One part of the wall felt more hollow than the rest.

It was a door. A locked one, but still a way out.

You pushed harder, and nothing happened.

You slammed your fist against it. It didn’t budge.

You screamed. The movement of your vocal cords brought your attention to your neck.

Where the collar still remained.

“I see you have finally woken up, pet,” Johann’s voice echoed in the room and you jumped, eyes searching the darkness for the source, fists clenched and ready to strike.

“Now, now, no need for that,” he cooed, and you whipped around and swung, your punch meeting air. “You won’t be able to hurt me or anyone else in here, pet.”

That was when you caught the crackling in his voice, and you realized he was speaking to you through an intercom.

“What’s your grand plan, Schmidt?” you taunted, throwing your hands up in the air. “Gotta tell ya, I stopped being afraid of the dark long ago.” Not a fan of this level of darkness, though, you added in your mind.

No response.

“Oh, so now you’re afraid to reveal this new tactic? Don’t want to give anything away? Afraid of me finding out?”

Once again, your questions were met with silence.

It was so unsettling, you found yourself wishing to hear the monstrous voice of your captor.

Sixty long seconds passed.

Then, you heard a different voice than Johann’s through the intercom.

“Bucky,” the new voice said in a low, neutral tone. 

And then the collar around your neck surged, pain ripping through your body, the bite on your neck burning.

You screamed, clinging to the device to try and rip it off.

The charge didn’t let up, and soon you were writhing on the floor, tears streaming down your face.

It took you five minutes to pass out.

You were back into the woods, running….

A hand wrapped around your arm, turning you around…

Bucky….

His name flowing through your subconscious caused a small tingle in your neck.

Just as he reached up to touch your face….

You woke up, greeted once again by the overwhelming darkness of your new prison cell.

How much time had passed? How long had you been in here?

The thought made your skin itch.

“How long do you plan on keeping me in here, Schmidt?” you asked as you stood up, forcing your voice to not shake. “Don’t you want to rip into my body more and see what makes me tick?”

No one answered, and all you were met with was the same, terrifying silence.

Until….

“Bucky.”

The collar went off again, the immediate onslaught of pain brought you to your knees in an instant. 

You used all of your strength to try to pull the collar off, writhing and screaming in pain.

Until everything went black once more.

You were running in the woods…

Bucky grabbed you…

Your neck felt a tiny sting of pain….

He raised a hand….

You awoke, body covered in sweat.

“Whatever you’re doing isn’t going to work!” you screamed once you had finally composed yourself.

The third time you heard the person say Bucky over the intercom, a tiny part of your mind felt disdain for the name.

Each unconscious dream was the same - as it had been when they first started torturing you to the point of passing out. It had always provided a small source of comfort to help you go on.

But as each round of electrocution came, and the dream repeated itself, it began to gradually shift.

Each time you saw Bucky, when his name entered your mind, the phantom pain in your neck would grow.

When he reached his hand to touch your face, it became less comforting, and made you more uneasy.

You’d wake up, completely disoriented, body exhausted, brain in such a deep fog that you would sometimes need a handful of seconds to remember where you were. Or worse, what life had been like before the dark room.

And the more you went into the safe place in your subconscious, the less safe it felt.

The more times you met Bucky’s eyes, the more fearful you came of this person grabbing you in the middle of the woods.

Who was he again?

Bucky.

The source of your pain.

Your neck burned when you were awake and when you were unconscious, and it was because of Bucky.

You had lost count of the number of shocks you had endured, the number of times you had allowed the darkness to consume you.

At some point though, when your mind and body were totally spent, you heard the name over the intercom, and a whimper escaped your mouth before the shocks started up again.

That time, when you saw Bucky, his eyes were black, menacing, his smile malicious.

And when he reached up to touch you, he wrapped his hand around your neck and squeezed.

When you came to, the scream that left your tired body was almost inhuman.

Schmidt stood in the observation room, hovering over the Hydra agent that was conducting the experiment.

He was amazed that you had lasted three whole days, even after having to send a few medics to check on your vitals for the times you remained unconscious for hours at a time.

The whole process had taken longer than expected, but he knew he would eventually break you.

Just as he had broken the others.

He stared at the screen, a cruel grin on his face as he watched your body tremble on the ground, crying for help, begging to be saved from your once beloved Bucky.

“Bring them in,” he finally murmured, not even bothering to turn his head towards the other agent who silently stepped out of the room.

It wasn’t often that Johann Schmidt felt any semblance of excitement in his life. Usually it was all too much dulled by the stupidity and inadequacy of the human race. He had felt it a few times before; when they had first injected the serum into your veins to prevent the zombie virus from spreading through your system, or when they turned Rogers into a superhuman.

Nothing could ever top the day he and Zola managed to create a virus so catastrophic, that they broke the entire world.

This moment though, one that he had been preparing for since you first escaped, this one came close to that level of excitement he felt five years ago.

Now, it was time for the real fun to begin.

Your body was glued to the hard floor, every inch of your skin pulsing from the lingering pain that you were convinced would never go away.

You trembled with each rasping inhale of breath, praying that one of them might be your last. That you could finally be put to rest and never have to exist in this horrible, horrible world.

An unending darkness, one that didn’t scare you, but brought comfort, peace.

A bright light illuminated the entire room and your eyes squeezed shut as you hissed in pain, the sudden contrast too overwhelming.

When you slowly blinked them open, everything was a bit blurry as your sight adjusted, taking in the small, white-walled room.

In the top corner, you saw a camera pointing towards you.

Over the sounds of your heavy breathing, you heard the locked door slowly creep open.

When you saw the two people in front of you, you wondered for a moment if this was just a new dream you had created. That your mind was still being tormented and that the pain would soon return.

Or maybe you were finally dead, and they were here to comfort you as you passed on.

Regardless of whatever your current circumstance was, your heart swelled as they walked slowly toward you, tears in the woman’s eyes as she knelt down, a silver collar that matched yours around her neck. 

Her pupils were so dilated they looked almost black. Still, you could see the inherent kindness that had always existed behind them.

“Sersi?” you said in wonder, then turned your gaze to the man standing behind her, a small smile on his face, same black eyes, same silver collar. “Druig?”

“Y/n,” Sersi exclaimed, pulling you into a warm hug. You clung to her.

“It’s good to see you, Birdie,” Druig said fondly. Hearing the nickname he had given you years ago had your shoulders shaking as you sobbed.

Sersi rubbed your back.  “It’s okay. You’re safe now.”

You nodded, tightening your hold as she whispered into your ear. “Bucky won’t be able to hurt you anymore.”

Bucky tensed his jaw, finding the tiniest bit of comfort in the way the agent's face was turning blue.

“At least,” he gasped, “if I die now, it will be for a cause I believe in.”

His hand tightened around the agent’s neck.

“Don’t be fooled,” Bucky said, a smile creeping up his lips, “if you don’t talk now, I’ll make sure you wish you were dead before I finally end your useless, miserable life.”

Steve grabbed him by the shoulder, jerking him away. The agent fell to the ground, sputtering for air.

Bucky shoved Steve away. “You need to back off right now before-”

“Before what? You gonna torture me, Buck? Kill me? Is that the new norm when you’re upset? What the fuck is this, man?”

Bucky shook his head. “Lecture me all you want later, Steve. I’m doing what I need to do to get Y/n back. If you have a problem with that then fucking stay out of it.”

He turned to the fallen agent, grabbing him by the collar until their faces were inches apart.

“You think you have a cause worthy to believe in? You’re just a rat doing the bidding of people who could get two shits about you. If you want to support them? Follow them? Fine. But I’ll get you to talk, even if it costs you a few fingernails and teeth.”

The agent chuckled, his tongue sliding over his teeth. “Nice try, Mr. Barnes,” he said, then pulled out one of his back molars so effortlessly that Bucky flinched, shock preventing him from reacting in time as the agent broke the tooth between his teeth, a white, milky substance bursting into his mouth. “I’ll see you and your girlfriend in Hell.”

Bucky roared, shaking the man as blood dripped out of his eyes, body convulsing before going completely limp.

He threw his corpse to the ground, then punched a whole into the wall closest to him. “God FUCKING dammit,” he yelled.

“It’ll be okay, Buck,” Steve said softly, the regular mixture of concern and pity in his voice. “We’ll look somewhere else. Maybe there’s another agent hiding in this mall that we haven’t found yet.” He tried to rest a comforting hand on Bucky’s shoulder but he jerked away.

“Even if there were another one of these assholes, they would have heard us and booked it already, Steve,” he spit out. “This was our only shot! The closest we’ve been to finding her! And you fucking ruined it!”

Steve swallowed, maintaining a calm demeanor. “You and I both know he wasn’t going to tell you anything.”

“We could have at least tried to get something!”

“So what? You were going to break his bones and rip out his fingernails, Bucky? Is this who you are now, a monster like them?”

Bucky looked to the ground. “If it’s what I need to do to get her back.” His voice was softer, but still firm. Resolute in that horrifying statement.

Steve scoffed. “No way. I’m sorry man, but I’m not going to allow you to lose yourself to find her. She wouldn’t allow it either if she were here-”

“BUT SHE’S NOT HERE STEVE, IS SHE?” Bucky screamed, veins popping out of his forehead. “I let her come with me to save you and put her right back into their hands. She’s gone, and it’s all my fault.” His voice broke at the end, but he forced the tears to stay behind his red-rimmed eyes.

His friend relaxed, taking a step forward to once again attempt comforting his friend. “Buck…”

Bucky sniffled, taking a step back to kneel down by the fallen Hydra agent, inspecting for any clues. Steve stayed where he was, taking his cue to be silent.

When he deemed that there was nothing useful on the body he stood up, storming past Steve.

“We should head back.”

You had been gone 57 days.

Each one of them passed with such agonizing slowness and rapidity. Bucky felt each second pass that you weren’t there with him, palm pressed in his, head on his chest. He also felt the devastation of another day gone, of you being tortured by your captors. There was a gnawing feeling in the back of his mind telling him that time was running out.

But he couldn’t fucking find you, and it was breaking him.

That moment he awoke to find you gone, that silly goodbye note you had left begging him not to go look for you, Bucky allowed himself one minute to shatter. 60 seconds to let grief totally consume and paralyze him.

When that minute passed, he stood up and got to work.

Of course he, Steve, Yelena, Kate and Clint dropped everything and booked it to the Hydra prison, only to find it completely empty. Any trace of their existence there being the bloodstains that covered the building.

They searched miles and miles past the perimeter, Bucky only stopping when forced by the others as they commanded they take a break and rest. At least for the sake of the horses.

After a few days, they went back to Shield’s camp to regroup with the others and plan their next steps.

It had been an endless hunt ever since. Small packs of them searching different areas, searching for any sign of where they might have taken you.

Nothing.

No sign of Hydra was to be found. They had gone completely radio silent.

And Bucky was falling apart at the seams.

There were times - when he was riding Alpine through the woods towards his next destination, or when he was in the gym railing on the punching bag - that he would see you in the corner of his eye. He’d stop short, whipping his head around, tears welling in his eyes as he was met with nothing. His chest would rip freshly in two, just as it did the night you first left, and he’d run off with Alpine or slam his fist even harder on the punching bag.

At night, if he was able to sleep for even a few minutes, he’d dream of you.

It was always the same dream. You running through the woods, him chasing after you, trying to stop you from leaving. Your voice echoing in his mind as he screamed out your name.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t look for me.”

“Please.”

It would just make him run faster. If he was lucky enough to have a good dream, he’d manage to catch up and grab your arm. As soon as you spun around to look at him, he’d see the start of a smile forming on your face before he woke up.

Most nights, no matter how fast he ran, how loud he screamed out to you, he couldn’t reach you in time before you drifted out of sight.

No matter the outcome of the dream, he would wake up in a cold sweat, gasping for air, your voice still whirling through his brain.

“Don’t look for me.”

“Don’t look for me.”

“Don’t look for me.”

He wasn’t sure if he wanted to kiss you or throttle you after reading that note. How the actual fuck could you possibly think that he wasn’t going to go to the ends of the earth to find the woman he loved.

God, he wished he had fucking said it. The words had always been spoken humorously, but he meant it every time.

Bucky wondered if he had found the fucking balls to say it earlier, to try to find the words to tell you how much you meant to him, that it might have been enough to make you stay. That he might be able to get you to understand how much it would actually destroy him to not have you by his side. That he would have fought Hydra tooth and nail until he breathed his last breath if it meant he could wake up with you in his arms.

Or would it not have been enough, to know how much he loved you? Was leaving him easy for you? Were your feelings for him less consuming than his were? 

No. He couldn’t think that way. Refused to think that way. 

He knew how you felt about him. Knew it with every hug, every kiss, every fucking look you gave him that put butterflies in his stomach and changed his center of gravity.

“Don’t look for me.”

Sorry, Sweetheart, but I’m never going to stop looking until I find you. 

Bucky would find you.

He had to.

There was no other option.

Bucky beelined to the meeting room as soon as they walked through the gates into Shield. From the corner of his eye, he saw Cass, AJ, and Morgan standing in the garden, none of them waving at him upon his return. When you left, he had grown even more cold and distant than he had when he thought Steve was dead along with so many of their family on the night of the Hydra attack. Even after that devastation, he was always able to manage enough energy to smile at their ridiculous jokes, or hug them back when they wrapped their tiny bodies around his massive one.

Now, with you gone, Bucky no longer had the heart to smile or laugh. Didn’t have the energy to fake enthusiasm when Cass told him he managed to do a full pull-up or when AJ asked him to sit at their table during dinner. 

They didn’t even try to win his attention anymore, because he showed no interest in it, and that knowledge broke him more and more each day.

He wanted to tell them that he loved them all so much. Loved everyone here with his whole heart (or, what was left of it). That if he could smile at the dumb fart jokes Morgan made, he would. He just….couldn’t. Every moment he existed since you left was spent drowning, and Bucky didn’t have the strength to swim up for air.

The meeting room was empty when he walked in, and he went straight to the map that had now grown significantly since the gang started going past their comfort zones in search of you.

It was covered with dots, routes, red X’s, each spot a mark of failure. 

Bucky lifted up the red marker and added another X to their most recent destination, the taste of iron on his tongue as he bit too hard on the inside of his cheek.

As his eyes stared blankly at the map before him, his mind wandered elsewhere.

“Is that all you got, Beefcake?” you taunted, fists shielding your face as you prepared for another attack.

Bucky grinned, pretending to act tough as he readied his next move when all he really wanted to do was cage your adorable, sweaty face in between his hands and kiss you until you passed out.

It had been a few days after the small fiasco at CVS, when Bucky found out you were immune and the two of you realized that the feelings you felt for one another were - believe it or not -  reciprocated. You were already in the gym training with Yelena when he descended the stairs for his usual workout (one that had conveniently switched around to overlap with yours), and he felt his stomach do somersaults when your eyes met his and you took the fraction of a second you had to smile and wink at him before dodging another blow from your fierce trainer.

Once Yelena was done with you he stepped forward, challenging you to show him your ‘mad skills’ (as you called them).

Yelena just rolled her eyes with a snort, grabbing her things and running away to leave the two of you alone as you sparred.

“You’re talkin’ a big game for someone who’s about to get their ass kicked, Sweetheart,” he said in a low, menacing voice. 

If he was being completely honest, Bucky was unsure of who was going to win. Though he knew you were amazing and strong and sexy and everything good in this world, he had always thought of himself as a top-level fighter. But, you had been training with the one person who had consistently been able to hand his ass to him, so it did make sense that you’d be able to do the same.

He was also way too distracted by the fact that this was the steamiest fight he had ever been in. The feel of your muscles tensing around him as you moved out of his hold, the way your chest moved up and down as you panted for breath, the small gasps you let out whenever he made a move you weren’t anticipating. 

Bucky was an absolute goner, and all he could do was smile when you eventually jumped up his body, wrapped your legs around his neck and brought the two of you to the ground.

“Fuck YES,” you breathed out, doing a small fist bump in the air. “That’s the first time I’ve nailed the leg thing.”

Bucky chuckled, turning onto his side, head rested on his elbow as he stared at you. “It’s an honor to be your first victim, Sweetheart.”

Your eyebrows wiggled as a sly grin crept up your face. 

It was silent for a few moments then, only the sounds of your heavy breathing echoing through the room. Bucky didn’t care, though. He was just so, ridiculously, stupidly happy to be able to stare into your eyes as you stared into his, the inches separating your lips growing smaller and smaller-

“Bucky.”

Bucky turned around as Sam and Steve walked in, their expressions stern.

He ignored their looks and turned back to the maps. “I was thinking we could try going farther North next time. I can be ready in a few hours and we can head out-”

“Bucky,” Sam repeated, crossing his arms. Him and Steve exchanged glances before turning back to their friend. “You’re being benched.”

His brows furrowed. “The fuck does that mean? This a baseball game or something?”

“It means,” Steve continued, hands on his hips, “that you aren’t leaving camp anymore. For the foreseeable future.”

He scoffed. “You’re grounding me?”

“We’re trying to keep you alive, man,” Sam said, eyes filled with sadness. “You can’t go on like this. You’re not eating, you’re not sleeping, and now Steve is saying that you’re getting reckless and aggressive while out in completely new territory-”

“I have everything under control,” Bucky barked out, glaring at Steve, who directed his attention to the floor in front of him. “You can’t make me stay in my room to think about what I’ve done instead of going out and finding her.” 

“You don’t have it under control, Buck!” Sam yelled. “You’re making too much noise. There’s no secrecy, no tactfulness, just you blindly going into danger and compromising you and whoever you’re with.” He sighed, running a hand over his face. 

Steve took over. “Bucky, look, we all want her back as much as you do - don’t roll your eyes at me - but if you’re going to continue to make it so obvious to Hydra that we’re hunting them,  they’re either going to take us out or move farther and farther away until there’s no chance of finding her. Or worse, they’ll decide she’s not worth the trouble and kill her without second thought.” Bucky punched the wooden desk next to him. “You have to hear us on this, Bucky. Your caring too much is making you careless, and all of us could pay the price for it. Y/n especially.”

“And just because you’re not going out anymore doesn’t mean that we won’t either,” Sam said. “We’re going to keep searching until we get answers. We won’t give up on her.”

 Bucky stared at them for a few moments, expression hard and - if he were being honest - the tiniest bit hateful.

“If she dies because I wasn’t able to find her in time, I’ll never forgive either of you.”

He walked out before they could get a word in, too ashamed by the looks of devastation on their faces.

He went straight to your room and slammed the door shut behind him, pacing and running his hands over his head.

It was all so overwhelming, the amount of emotions running through him. Pain, guilt, anger, confusion, anxiety. His brain was so overloaded that he couldn’t even feel any of them. 

Eventually he laid down in your bed, face pressed against the pillow.

He started ‘resting’ (if you could even call it that) in your room after you had left. It was this strange, instinctive need to be surrounded by your scent, to breathe in the air you once  inhabited. Even the faint imprints in your mattress formed by your body was something he craved.

Eventually, breathing into your pillow, his eyes fluttered closed and he dozed off.

You were running away from him in the woods.

He sprinted as fast as he could.

Until finally….he was able to reach out for your hand.

When he spun you around, blood was pouring out of your eyes, and you screamed when you saw him.

He awoke with his own scream trapped in his throat, sitting up in bed as he caught his breath. Though the dream only lasted a few seconds, the darkness outside your window indicated that hours had passed.

More time wasted when he could have been back out finding you.

Fuck this, Bucky thought, standing up and grabbing his pack. They can’t keep me locked in here.

Bucky quietly opened the door, creeping down the hallway as he snuck out of the dorms.

“Going somewhere?” a low, Russian accent asked casually from the shadows behind him.

He stopped, head hanging low in defeat.

“Stay out of this, Yelena,” he replied flatly.

He saw her feet walk past him. “Follow me, Barnes.”

With an annoyed sigh, he followed her.

Yelena led them to the gym, neither of them saying a word as their steps echoed down the stairs and into the open basement.

She walked over to the corner, grabbing two pairs of boxing gloves and handing one of them to Bucky.

He looked at the gloves, then at her, and when she raised her eyebrows in a wordless challenge, he grabbed them and put them on.

“Are you going to tell me what we’re doing?” he asked with no attempt to hide the annoyance in his tone.

“Hit me,” was all she said, arms limp by her side.

Bucky cocked his head to the side. “What?”

“Hit me.”

He let out a confused chuckle, shaking his head. “Yelena, I don’t know what your plan is, but me hitting you isn’t going to-”

Bucky let out a small oof as the small Russian’s fist socked him in the jaw, his giant body stumbling back.

He slowly turned back at her, anger bubbling in his chest. “What the fuck was-”

She punched him again, this time in the stomach.

“Come on Barnes, we don’t have all night,” she said, taunting him. “Just fucking punch me already-”

Yelena was on the floor before she could finish the last word, and Bucky’s right arm was fully extended, his chest heaving from the rush of adrenaline.

When she stood back up, there was a smile on her face.

“Good.” And then she was winding up for another strike.

It was the literal definition of a tit-for-tat, Yelena getting a blow on him, and Bucky getting the next.

At first it all felt childish, like they were just two punks trying to see who could wail on the other person the hardest. 

But there was so much more to it, Bucky began to realize. All this time, he had been filled with such anger and aggression that he tried to release through the inanimate punching bag, a zombie who mistakenly crossed his path, or a Hydra agent who would just laugh in his face at the pain and rage behind his eyes.

Here, with Yelena, someone who was filled with the same agony he felt, meeting him punch for punch as tears filled their eyes, it was like there was someone here who understood the emotions ripping their way through him constantly. 

Like he was finally able to fully let go.

The more they fought, the more exhausted his body became, the less he was able to hold everything in.

It was even worse because the friend before him had this look in her eye the entire time, a look that told her that it was okay. That she was there for him. That she could handle this burden for him.

Then, finally, as he raised his right fist to ready another hit, the breath he took in hitched, and was followed by a small sob.

His fists lowered to his sides, feet shuffling side to side as he tried to balance himself, emotion completely washing over him.

He was on the ground instantly, elbows on his knees, face in his gloved hands as he body shuddered from the wails choking out of him.

Yelena removed her gloves and knelt behind him, wrapping her arms around his and squeezing him as he cried.

They stayed there for what could have been minutes or hours, he truly couldn’t tell. Eventually, his sobs turned to soft sniffles, and his shoulders stopped shaking.

Yelena took that as her cue to release her hold on him, and she moved to sit by his side, staying silent as she waited for him to regain composure.

“Thank you,” he finally croaked out.

She nodded, pressing a finger under her nose to check for blood (there wasn’t, and Bucky let out a small sigh of relief).

His brows furrowed when she let out a scoff. “This actually wasn’t as bad as I was anticipating,” she said. “When Clint had me do this with him right after losing Natasha, I nearly shattered his nose.”

When Bucky laughed this time, it was genuine. “Well, I made sure not to get your face with the metal arm. Even with the gloves, I feel like that would have done some nasty shit.”

“I appreciate that,” she said, lightly punching his arm. “I’m sure Kate will, too.”

The two shared a laugh, and then the Russian’s face went a bit more somber. “I know how much it hurts, Bucky. How unbearable it is when you’ve lost someone so important. How much easier it feels to just shut down. But we have to think about what the people we love would want for us. Natasha…Natasha was the only family I had for a really long time. And I thought she was all I was going to have. All I wanted to have. And when she was gone, I didn’t want anyone else to fill in the void left behind by her. I couldn’t even look at Kate for a few weeks, because I felt guilty about seeking comfort from someone who wasn’t my sister. Like I shouldn’t be allowed to feel anything else but sadness because someone I loved so much wasn’t here anymore.”

Bucky nodded, tears continuing to stream down his face as he swallowed down the lump in his throat. He thought about Steve, the way he had been so cold towards his best friend because he didn’t feel like he deserved to be comforted.

“Eventually I realized that Natasha would have hated that, to see me so lonely and isolated because of her. Like I was doing it as a favor to her, even though it was just a waste of a life that still had a chance to live, to carry on with the love shared between my sister and I.”

She rested a hand on his shoulder. “You, Barnes, you need to keep fighting the pull toward that empty void, that urge to shut down. Not just because there are people in this camp who love you and don’t want to lose you, but because Y/n would be devastated to see that the love you two shared was locked up and hidden away forever. And not only that, but I know with every fiber of my fucking being that she is still alive, and she deserves better than to be reunited with a cold, distant version of you.”

Bucky’s gaze went to the ground, vision blurry as he continued to cry silently. 

Then, without a word, he stood up, taking off his gloves.

Just as Yelena was about to stand, he extended a hand out toward her. She smiled, grabbing it as he hoisted her up, wrapping his arms around her as soon as she was vertical.

“Love you, Lena.”

“Love you too, Barnes.”

When Bucky returned to your room later that night, the moment his head hit the pillow he fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

He awoke the next morning to the sound of his stomach growling, and Bucky got up to grab himself breakfast.

Lately, whenever he did eat (which was rare these days), he would simply sneak into the cafeteria and grab a bowl of food left aside for him by Dum Dum and escape back to your room to eat by himself.

He was about to do the same today when something caught his ear, causing him to stop in his tracks. 

“Dear Ella. Impatience is not usually my weakness. But your letters torment me.”

His chest swelled at the familiar words, and Bucky turned his attention to Morgan, AJ, and Cass sitting together at their usual table. Morgan held the book up as she acted out the words she read, the boys completely enraptured.

Unable to help himself, Bucky’s feet pivoted, and he walked over to them.

Three sets of eyes were on him in an instant; wide, hesitant, and a bit confused. The new Bucky they had come to know never seemed to want anything to do with them.

“Where’d you find that?” he asked, gesturing to the movie tie-in copy of Ella Enchanted he had gotten you months prior.

Morgan gave him a sad smile. “It was left outside my room after….after Y/n went missing.”

He nodded, hand smoothing over her head.

“Can I tell you a secret?” 

Three heads nodded up at him, eyes now wide with excitement.

Bucky sat down next to AJ. “I fucking love this book.”

Giggles erupted from the kids at both the admission and the curse word, and Bucky found himself laughing along with them.

“Alright Morgan, keep going.” He took a big spoonful of oatmeal and gulped it down. “Shit’s about to go down with Ella.”

More giggles followed, and then Morgan continued reading. Occasionally the boys would make gagging sounds when something overly romantic happened, but that didn’t stop them from begging for her to keep going at the end of each chapter.

Every so often, Bucky would catch someone in the corner of his eye stopping to stare at the scene before them. At one point he looked over once to see Yelena and Kate watching them from their own table, and Yelena winked at him when their eyes met.

Cass and AJ eventually made their ways onto Bucky’s lap, their heads resting on his shoulders as they listened to Morgan. 

He had missed this. Missed spending time with the kids, giggling along with them, hugging them with reckless abandon. He promised himself that no matter what happened, he wouldn’t take it for granted ever again.

“And so, with laughter and love, we lived happily ever after.”

The table - and Dum Dum - erupted with applause as Morgan finished the last sentence, and she stood from her seat to give them all a grand bow.

“Next time, I want to be the one to read!” Cass exclaimed. 

“No, I want to read!” AJ pouted.

Bucky chuckled, lowering them to the ground as he stood. “You can both have a chance to read, guys. We can make a book club and everything.” His heart stung for a second at the memory of you saying almost the exact same words during one of your first watch assignments, but the smile didn’t leave his face as the kids cheered loudly at the proposition.

“Is this book club exclusive, or can other people join?” Bucky turned to see Steve standing there, a small, grateful smile on his face.

Bucky nodded. “The more the merrier, Stevie.”

His best friend nodded, jaw clenching as he slapped a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. He responded by pulling Steve in for a hug.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky grumbled into Steve’s shoulder.

He felt Steve nod again. “I’m sorry, too.”

“Love ya, punk.”

“Love you too, jerk.”

They exchanged playful hits to one another's shoulders before heading out of the cafeteria, Dum Dum giving them a small salute as they left.

“I know you’re probably busy,” Bucky started, holding the door open for Steve as they stepped  outside. “But are you down to play a round of War-”

The gates creaked open in front of them, Clint, Laura, and Sarah running through.

“What’s wrong?” Steve asked, the two of them following behind as their friends ran by.

“Sarah, get your brother. Laur, go find the others.” was all Clint said as he stormed up the stairs to the meeting room.

“Can someone please tell us what the hell is going on?” Bucky asked, hands on his hips.

Clint ignored him, walking over to the disheveled map, his fingers tracing along some invisible route.

Then, his finger stopped, and he turned around until his eyes locked on Bucky’s.

“We found her.” 

You ran through the woods, gasping for air, limbs exhausted, hands gripping to each tree for any added support you could get.

You just had to go a little farther, a few more miles.

Just to be sure.

Put some distance between you and them.

Your brain was so panicked, so tired, that you couldn’t even remember how you escaped Hydra.

It didn’t matter. You were free. You were safe.

A hand gripped your arm from behind, stopping you so immediately that you almost fell on your back from the force of it.

Instead, you found the strength to keep yourself upright, pulling away from your captor.

But then…you heard the voice.

“Sweetheart,” the soothing, baritone sound caused a wave of relief to wash through you.

You whipped around, breathing out a small whimper as you looked at his smile, his eyes.

Those perfect, adoring, cerulean irises.

“Bucky,” you gasped, jumping into his arms as he held you in a tight embrace.

“It’s okay Sweetheart, I’m here,” he whispered into your ear, and you clung to him.

“I missed you so much.”

“Why did you leave?” he asked, arms nearly crushing you.

You took a sharp inhale from the growing discomfort of his hug. “I…thought it would be for the best. I thought it would keep you safe.”

Silence.

“Bucky?”

“You’ll never keep me safe, sweetie.” The bite in his voice was unfamiliar to you.

You tried to pull away to see his face. “Bucky, what’s going on? You’re hurting me.”

A menacing, familiar chuckle rumbled in your ear. “Did you really think coming back would keep them safe? That we wouldn’t go after them as soon as we broke you?”

You cried out, finally registering this new voice.

With all of your might, you pushed away from the suffocating hold.

Brock Rumlow smiled at you.

“Time to wake up, sweetie.”

You screamed.

The scream echoed in the room as you jolted awake, limbs pinned to your body with thick leather straps.

You gasped for air, eyes wide, evaluating your surroundings.

No longer in the woods, you were in the testing room that you had frequented for weeks. The cold, stinging feeling of something around your neck, a phantom pain on your skin where it touched you.

That feeling lasted at least an hour after the onslaught of electrocution the collar emitted. 

You wondered how long you had been out for this time. Was it seconds? Minutes? Hours? It was different each time, depending on how many rounds of shock torture you had gone through for the day.

“You did very well, Meine kleine Puppe,” Zola said with a level of enthusiasm that made you sick. “Your vitals have already risen to normal levels in such a short time, and you managed to last five whole minutes before going unconscious.” He walked into your line of sight, jotting down notes on his clipboard.

You glared at him. “What do I get as a reward? Six more minutes of electrocution?” you spat out.

“You know this can all end, sweetie,” Brock cooed, and you turned to the shadows in the corner of the room, making out his cross-armed silhouette. “Tell us everything we want to know about Shield and Banner and we’ll make all the pain go away.”

“So you can go take down their camp like you promised not to, even though that’s the only fucking reason I’m here? No way. I’ll gladly stay in this hell and keep you here with me, Rumlow.”

He jumped up, charging over until he hovered over your prone form, face inches from yours. “Listen here, you little bitch,” a fleck of spit hit your forehead, but you refused to flinch, matching his death glare. He squeezed your face in between his hand, jerking it to the side to expose your neck. “I know this bite is new, that Shield had to have found out about your special blood.” Brock stood up straight, attempting to tower over you as an intimidation tactic. “Ward says that mad scientist can solve anything, including developing a cure for everyone based on the shit flowing through your veins. He figured it out, and you’re going to tell us how.”

You lifted your shoulders as high as you could while tied down to the chair. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Brock,” you responded in a mocking, sickly sweet voice.

You heard the crack before feeling his fist slamming into your jaw.

Blood pooled in your mouth, and once the initial shock had worn off and you were able to turn your neck, you spit out the iron substance on the floor.

“I swear to god Y/n, we are going to hunt them down and make each and every one of them suffer twice as much as you have. Even the fucking kids. All the while telling them that it was your fault-”

“Enough, Rumlow,” Johann Schmidt’s voice echoed in the room, sending chills down your body as it always did. Even Brock’s eyes widened ever so slightly from the sharp tone of his leader.

Brock looked up. “Sir, I apologize, it’s just that we’ve been trying to break her for weeks-”

“Have you really been trying?” Schmidt countered, a hint of mocking amusement in his voice. “If you had, she would be crawling at your feet by now.”

Rumlow opened his mouth as if to argue with his superior, but closed it before saying something that might put him in a chair similar to yours.

Johann continued, walking up to Zola’s side. “Sure, we could go on over to that tiny Shield camp and burn it to the ground just like last time,” you clenched your fists, “but where’s the fun in that?” He rested a hand on the scientist’s shoulder as they shared a knowing grin. “Me? I’d rather spend our time learning how to make a seemingly strong mind shatter to pieces.” He moved to you, stroking your cheek with his pointer finger.

You spat more blood in his face. Johann closed his eyes, only appearing slightly annoyed at this sign of disrespect as he slowly wiped his face.

His lips curved upward into a wicked grin. “Looks like someone’s ready to get started. Zola?”

The scientist approached, a syringe filled with clear liquid in hand. 

Your body jerked instinctively, trying to get away from yet another needle. 

Still, even as your body was going into panic mode, you found the courage to stare Johann in the face right before the substance was injected.

“I don’t care how confident you are,” you said, head immediately starting to feel dizzy, eyelids heavy, “I’ll never betray the ones I love.”

Johann simply chuckled. “You’re loyal to a fault, pet. It’s clear as day to anyone who comes across you. Our goal isn’t to change that level of loyalty…” He moved to whisper into your ear, his voice slowing and slurring as your brain grew more and more foggy, fighting to process his words.

“I’m simply going to make you loyal to me.”

The drug flowing through your veins was so strong that when you finally closed your eyes, there were no comforting blue eyes to greet you as you fell into darkness.

When you finally woke up some time later, you realized in horror that you were met with the same level of blackness with your eyes open as you were when they were closed.

After so many years of traveling under the cover of night, your eyesight had developed so significantly that you could see almost as well in darkness as you could in daylight, able to use any sliver of light available to make out objects, landscapes, people, undead.

This was different.

This blackness surrounding you was man-made, and it was unforgiving. There was no light, no shadows, nothing. Just darkness.

You felt around the ground, trying to make out your surroundings, only to be met with cold concrete.

Standing up, limbs heavy from whatever drug lingered in your bloodstream, you walked around until you found the walls. Whatever room you were in was small, the only thing inside here being a toilet.

One part of the wall felt more hollow than the rest.

It was a door. A locked one, but still a way out.

You pushed harder, and nothing happened.

You slammed your fist against it. It didn’t budge.

You screamed. The movement of your vocal cords brought your attention to your neck.

Where the collar still remained.

“I see you have finally woken up, pet,” Johann’s voice echoed in the room and you jumped, eyes searching the darkness for the source, fists clenched and ready to strike.

“Now, now, no need for that,” he cooed, and you whipped around and swung, your punch meeting air. “You won’t be able to hurt me or anyone else in here, pet.”

That was when you caught the crackling in his voice, and you realized he was speaking to you through an intercom.

“What’s your grand plan, Schmidt?” you taunted, throwing your hands up in the air. “Gotta tell ya, I stopped being afraid of the dark long ago.” Not a fan of this level of darkness, though, you added in your mind.

No response.

“Oh, so now you’re afraid to reveal this new tactic? Don’t want to give anything away? Afraid of me finding out?”

Once again, your questions were met with silence.

It was so unsettling, you found yourself wishing to hear the monstrous voice of your captor.

Sixty long seconds passed.

Then, you heard a different voice than Johann’s through the intercom.

“Bucky,” the new voice said in a low, neutral tone. 

And then the collar around your neck surged, pain ripping through your body, the bite on your neck burning.

You screamed, clinging to the device to try and rip it off.

The charge didn’t let up, and soon you were writhing on the floor, tears streaming down your face.

It took you five minutes to pass out.

You were back into the woods, running….

A hand wrapped around your arm, turning you around…

Bucky….

His name flowing through your subconscious caused a small tingle in your neck.

Just as he reached up to touch your face….

You woke up, greeted once again by the overwhelming darkness of your new prison cell.

How much time had passed? How long had you been in here?

The thought made your skin itch.

“How long do you plan on keeping me in here, Schmidt?” you asked as you stood up, forcing your voice to not shake. “Don’t you want to rip into my body more and see what makes me tick?”

No one answered, and all you were met with was the same, terrifying silence.

Until….

“Bucky.”

The collar went off again, the immediate onslaught of pain brought you to your knees in an instant. 

You used all of your strength to try to pull the collar off, writhing and screaming in pain.

Until everything went black once more.

You were running in the woods…

Bucky grabbed you…

Your neck felt a tiny sting of pain….

He raised a hand….

You awoke, body covered in sweat.

“Whatever you’re doing isn’t going to work!” you screamed once you had finally composed yourself.

The third time you heard the person say Bucky over the intercom, a tiny part of your mind felt disdain for the name.

Each unconscious dream was the same - as it had been when they first started torturing you to the point of passing out. It had always provided a small source of comfort to help you go on.

But as each round of electrocution came, and the dream repeated itself, it began to gradually shift.

Each time you saw Bucky, when his name entered your mind, the phantom pain in your neck would grow.

When he reached his hand to touch your face, it became less comforting, and made you more uneasy.

You’d wake up, completely disoriented, body exhausted, brain in such a deep fog that you would sometimes need a handful of seconds to remember where you were. Or worse, what life had been like before the dark room.

And the more you went into the safe place in your subconscious, the less safe it felt.

The more times you met Bucky’s eyes, the more fearful you came of this person grabbing you in the middle of the woods.

Who was he again?

Bucky.

The source of your pain.

Your neck burned when you were awake and when you were unconscious, and it was because of Bucky.

You had lost count of the number of shocks you had endured, the number of times you had allowed the darkness to consume you.

At some point though, when your mind and body were totally spent, you heard the name over the intercom, and a whimper escaped your mouth before the shocks started up again.

That time, when you saw Bucky, his eyes were black, menacing, his smile malicious.

And when he reached up to touch you, he wrapped his hand around your neck and squeezed.

When you came to, the scream that left your tired body was almost inhuman.

Schmidt stood in the observation room, hovering over the Hydra agent that was conducting the experiment.

He was amazed that you had lasted three whole days, even after having to send a few medics to check on your vitals for the times you remained unconscious for hours at a time.

The whole process had taken longer than expected, but he knew he would eventually break you.

Just as he had broken the others.

He stared at the screen, a cruel grin on his face as he watched your body tremble on the ground, crying for help, begging to be saved from your once beloved Bucky.

“Bring them in,” he finally murmured, not even bothering to turn his head towards the other agent who silently stepped out of the room.

It wasn’t often that Johann Schmidt felt any semblance of excitement in his life. Usually it was all too much dulled by the stupidity and inadequacy of the human race. He had felt it a few times before; when they had first injected the serum into your veins to prevent the zombie virus from spreading through your system, or when they turned Rogers into a superhuman.

Nothing could ever top the day he and Zola managed to create a virus so catastrophic, that they broke the entire world.

This moment though, one that he had been preparing for since you first escaped, this one came close to that level of excitement he felt five years ago.

Now, it was time for the real fun to begin.

Your body was glued to the hard floor, every inch of your skin pulsing from the lingering pain that you were convinced would never go away.

You trembled with each rasping inhale of breath, praying that one of them might be your last. That you could finally be put to rest and never have to exist in this horrible, horrible world.

An unending darkness, one that didn’t scare you, but brought comfort, peace.

A bright light illuminated the entire room and your eyes squeezed shut as you hissed in pain, the sudden contrast too overwhelming.

When you slowly blinked them open, everything was a bit blurry as your sight adjusted, taking in the small, white-walled room.

In the top corner, you saw a camera pointing towards you.

Over the sounds of your heavy breathing, you heard the locked door slowly creep open.

When you saw the two people in front of you, you wondered for a moment if this was just a new dream you had created. That your mind was still being tormented and that the pain would soon return.

Or maybe you were finally dead, and they were here to comfort you as you passed on.

Regardless of whatever your current circumstance was, your heart swelled as they walked slowly toward you, tears in the woman’s eyes as she knelt down, a silver collar that matched yours around her neck. 

Her pupils were so dilated they looked almost black. Still, you could see the inherent kindness that had always existed behind them.

“Sersi?” you said in wonder, then turned your gaze to the man standing behind her, a small smile on his face, same black eyes, same silver collar. “Druig?”

“Y/n,” Sersi exclaimed, pulling you into a warm hug. You clung to her.

“It’s good to see you, Birdie,” Druig said fondly. Hearing the nickname he had given you years ago had your shoulders shaking as you sobbed.

Sersi rubbed your back.  “It’s okay. You’re safe now.”

You nodded, tightening your hold as she whispered into your ear. “Bucky won’t be able to hurt you anymore.”

So when Bucky’s eyes slowly blinked open, blue eyes filled with joy and admiration immediately upon looking into yours, you held your tongue and smiled.

“Morning Beefcake. Sleep well?”

You could tell he knew something was up, though. He noticed the way your hands kept fidgeting, how you would flinch when a tree branch snapped somewhere in the woods. You’d look over and see him looking at you with concern, wordlessly asking if you were okay.

Instead of bursting into tears like you wanted to, you would simply give him a half-assed smile, and he would give you a half-assed smile in return, the worry not leaving his brow.

You hoped he would just blame it on the recent visit to Hydra, that you were just on edge from such a close encounter. 

Which was one again true, there was just a lot more to it than that. 

As soon as you had returned the horses to their home in the clearing, Bucky practically glued himself to your side, whether it was an arm around your shoulder or his hand in yours. Anything he could do to try to comfort whatever was plaguing you.

You savored every moment of it, every second you had, every kiss shared, as a timer continued winding down in your mind.

Though, sometimes you preferred the moments where Bucky wasn’t at your side, when he and Steve were walking together, laughing and sharing stories about all the shit they used to get up to. You’d fall back in step, heart swelling whenever Bucky barked out a laugh, grinning from ear to ear as he looked over at his best friend.

Steve will get him through this, you thought. Steve is smart. He’ll be able to force Bucky to let me go and move on. You prayed that would be true. That Bucky would someday be able to let this go. You wished that he would just forget about you. That his feelings for you weren’t as strong as you had thought they had been and he could live a happy life without you in it.

It broke your heart to think that what you two shared could be so easily erased, but if it meant Bucky would be safe, then you could live with it. You could carry the love for the both of you for the rest of your life. However long it may be.

“Damn, Bruce really outdid himself with this one,” Steve murmured as the tree door opened up, revealing the hidden ladder for you all to climb.

“You know how it is, Stevie. Desperate times and all.” Bucky extended his arm out to escort you inside, his fingers grazing along the exposed skin at your waist as you climbed, causing you to almost lose your grip on the wooden rung. In a more somber voice he added, “I think it was something he wanted to completely dive into after…everything. A project he and Parker could devote all their energy to while also making sure what went down would never happen again.”

You were glad your face was now out of their view as you closed your eyes, fresh tears welling at the fact that if you didn’t leave tonight, it would happen again.

By the time you raced across the wooden bridge and climbed down the other tree, you had managed to compose yourself, tears blinked away and a smile forced on your face.

“Did you have a nice trip?” a voice asked from behind you and you grimaced at the familiarity of it.

Turning around, you were met with the stern gazes of Sam, Yelena, and Clint, each of them with their arms crossed in front. Yelena’s right brow was raised in a you are so deeply fucked expression.

You cleared your throat. “I can explain.”

“She doesn’t need to explain anything,” Bucky argued, walking out of the tree and putting himself a few inches in front of you in protection from Sam’s wrath. “I’m the one who pushed her to go.”

“And I personally,” Steve started as he came into view, “am very glad they did.”

Everyone’s faces lit up, eyes widening, shock shifting into smiles as they ran over to embrace their long lost family member.

All attention went to Steve after that, and you were more than grateful for it. Grateful for all of the tearful, distracting reunions that continued as he walked into the new camp.

“Not a bad upgrade from the old place,” he murmured as he took in his surroundings.

“And way less haunted,” Cass added, pulling Steve’s hand along to follow him for an official tour, AJ pushing his butt to get him to go faster.

Sam chuckled as his nephews took control, then looked over at you and Bucky. 

“You went against orders,” he said point blank.

You looked to the ground as Bucky responded. “We’d do it again if we had to.”

Sam’s jaw clenched, but he nodded in agreement. “Hopefully you won’t have to.”

The two men shared a long glance before Sam extended a hand out, which Bucky took, pulling Shield’s leader into a hug, patting each other on the back with their other hand. When they pulled away, Sam moved to wrap his arms around you, nearly crushing your spine.

You squeezed back just as tightly.

“Thank you,” he said softly. “Again,” he added with a deep chuckle.

You nodded into his chest.

“Alright, alright,” Bucky mumbled, pulling you to his side and wrapping his arm around your waist. “No more trying to crush my girl, Sam. We’ve had a long journey and even though she keeps fighting me on it, I gotta get her to her room for some much-needed rest.”

It was a tempting offer, to isolate yourself in your dorm where you could finally drop the act and let your grief consume you.

It also meant less time with your family, time that was now unbearably limited.

You shook your head. “No way, Beefcake. If my calculations are correct, Dum Dum has a nice vat of slop ready for eating. Let’s get some grub and hang with the gang for a little bit. Then we can rest.”

His eyes met yours, gaze inquisitive. The same look he had been giving you since yesterday. “You sure?”

You gave him a small, unconvincing smile. “Very.”

Yelena and Kate were already sitting at your usual spot, inhaling their own dinners. Steve was in a corner with the kids and Sarah, chuckling at whatever crazy story AJ and Morgan were telling him.

“Go sit, I’ll grab our plates,” Bucky murmured into your ear, kissing your temple before heading to Dum Dum’s station.

“You look like shit, babe,” Yelena exclaimed with a mouth full of food as you sat beside Kate.

Kate gaped at her girlfriend in horror before wrapping an arm around you for a side hug. “You look fine. Like someone who went through hell and back and managed to survive.”

Your brows furrowed and you laughed. “I can’t tell how that’s less of a dig than Lena’s comment.”

Kate blushed, biting her bottom lip. “Well, you have looked better…”

“Less hollow and shit.” Yelena’s face turned serious. “For real though, you okay? There’s something….off about you.”

You swallowed, twisting your fingers underneath the table. “What, after breaking into my old prison? Running into the guy who continuously ripped my body open and the mad scientist who changed my whole genetic makeup? Traveling nonstop for two weeks with little to no rest?” Planning on running away tonight so I can return to captivity to keep you all safe? You dug your thumbnail into your palm, focusing on the sting. “Yep, totally fine.”

They both stared at you, eyes piercing yours as if trying to reach into your soul and unpack everything behind your apathetic demeanor. Their gazes made your skin itch, your head pound, your stomach twist.

After tonight, you were never going to see these two again. Your best friends. Your sisters. 

And you weren’t going to even be able to say goodbye.

Breathing became noticeably difficult, your chest rising and falling, eyes growing wide.

Kate put a hand on your shoulder. “Y/n, are you-”

Bucky appeared on your other side, the sound of two plates clattering onto the table making you jump. You quickly saved face and gave him a small smile, forcing yourself to get your shit together and failing.

You stared at your plate, and Bucky stared at you, most likely watching your face turn green in real time.

“I thought you were starving?” he asked, moving a hand to rub your back.

Actually, it feels like there is a pool of acid in my stomach, you thought. What you actually said was, “I don’t know, maybe I’m more tired than I thought.” You pushed the chair back, preparing to leave.

Bucky’s arm moved from your back to your arm. “Woah, woah, woah,” he said, clearly concerned now. “Just wait a second, I’ll come with you.”

You shook your head. “I’m okay. Besides, we don’t want this food going to waste, right Buck?”

He stared at you, waiting for even the tiniest bit more information to what was going on. Finally, he sighed. “Just…please take a few bites at least. We haven’t eaten since this morning.”

With a nod, you grabbed your spoon and shoved down three massive bites, focusing on the mechanics rather than texture and taste so you could keep it down. Your eyes scanned across the table briefly, meeting three pairs of concerned eyes. “You good to finish the rest, Beefcake?”

Bucky opened his mouth, paused, then closed it, lips pressed into a thin line as he bobbed his head up and down.

“If he can’t, I will,” Yelena offered.

He slid the plate across to her and she got to work, and you internally thanked her for either growing tired of the situation and wanting to move on or giving you a scapegoat from the overbearing amount of attention.

“I’ll catch up with you later, ‘kay?” You stood up, giving a quick peck to Bucky’s cheek before turning and practically sprinting out of the cafeteria, not even waiting for a response from him.

There was no way you were going to be able to sleep at all, but you had to be sure to get to your room before Bucky did inevitably check on you.

But first, you needed to prepare.

“I have a surprise for you.”

You looked up to find Bucky standing in the doorway of your room, hands in his pockets as he shifted back and forth on his feet. He seemed…nervous. 

“A surprise? For me?” You cocked your head to the side and smiled, forcing as much energy into your attitude even though all you wanted to do was have him crawl into your bed and hold you forever. Or at least for the couple of hours you had left.

He nodded, taking slow steps until he was in front of you.

“It’s nothing crazy, and I know you’re feeling off, but I’ve kind of been planning this for a while and then shit went down and we left and I don’t know if it will help you feel better but-” Bucky paused, realizing that he was rambling. He took a deep breath, then held out a hand towards you.

“Y/n, would you like to go on a date with me?”

Your heart swelled against your will and a swarm of butterflies invaded your stomach. “A…a date?”

“Yeah, I mean, unless you think it’s lame.” He scowled. “You know what? Forget about it-”

You grabbed his hand and stood up a smile creeping up your face. 

“I would love to go on a date with you, Beefcake.”

The smile that bloomed on his face caused you to momentarily forget that you were never going to see him again.

He leaned down for a slow, tender kiss, that perfect smile still on his lips.

The two of you walked in silence as he guided you to the left building, walking down the hallway past the lab and library until you reached a door you hadn’t noticed before.

“Close your eyes,” Bucky whispered.

With a skeptical look - smile not leaving your face - you complied.

You heard the door open, then felt Bucky move behind you, hands gently wrapping around your shoulders to lead you inside.

“Are they still closed?”

“They are,” you giggled. They were.

A few steps into the mystery room, you felt a kiss on your right ear, Bucky’s lips grazing against it as he spoke again.

“Okay. Open them.”

You did, and you gasped.

Hundreds of amber twinkle lights hung across what appeared to be some sort of classroom, desks and chairs pushed along one of the walls to clear the space, a large white board on the other wall directly in front of you. 

In the middle of the room was an old, brown leather couch, a wool blanket laid out on the back of it.

In front of the couch was a coffee table, a bottle of wine placed in the middle with two glasses and two small, red apples.

Behind the couch was a table, where a protector rested on a stack of old textbooks as if to put it at the right height for whatever this was.

“What….what is this?” you asked, turning to face a very excited-looking Bucky.

He grinned. “It’s our date. I’m taking you to a movie.”

Tears pricked your eyes and you blinked up at him.

“You did all this?”

“Mostly. I may have asked Laura and Kate to help with decor. Banner helped with tech. All have sworn to secrecy not to let anyone know what a softy I really am when it comes to you.”

You turned back around, taking in the room again, imagining Bucky putting this all together, cleaning the room, hanging up lights, asking for help.

He walked in front of you, eyes processing your reaction. “Do you like it?” he asked, sounding so boyish and hopeful, as if his life depended on your answer.

What a stupid question.

You smiled. “That depends on what the movie is.”

Bucky exhaled the breath he had been holding with a surprised laugh, his whole demeanor relaxing.

“I think you know what movie it is, Sweetheart.”

Your mouth fell open. “No. Way.”

He held up the DVD case, showing the angsty expressions of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart.

You squealed, jumping up and wrapping your arms around his neck. He let out a small oof at the impact, still laughing as he circled his arms around your waist, holding you up against him.

“Best date ever.”

Bucky let out a small sigh of relief. “I’m glad you like it,” he murmured.

“I love it.”

I love you.

You were so close to saying it. So close, you had to take a sharp inhale of breath to prevent yourself from actually speaking the words, your throat burning from their forced absence. 

It hurt how badly you wanted to say it in this moment. To tell Bucky that you loved him with your whole heart and soul, that it felt like every fiber of your being had been undone and stitched back together by your love for him.

But you couldn’t say that.

If you did, and he said it back, leaving might actually kill you.

If you said it, and he felt even a fraction for you what you felt for him, it would be his downfall. He wouldn’t be able to let you go, wouldn’t stop searching for you, wouldn’t stop fighting until he finally died trying.

If you didn’t tell him you loved him, he would have a chance.

You owed him that, owed yourself that. For Bucky to be able to live a long, happy life, even if it was without you.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Bucky wiped a tear away with his thumb. When had you officially started crying?

You blinked a few times, trying to smile with trembling lips. “Nothing, I’m fine.”

He stared at you, clearly not buying that bullshit answer. After a few seconds his head fell. 

“I fucked up,” he whispered.

“What? Oh my god Bucky no, I truly love this. It’s amazing and I can’t believe you went out of your way-”

“No,” he looked back up, shaking his head, “I fucked up by allowing you to come with me to Hydra’s camp. I should have known it was going to be hard for you. I just didn’t realize how bad it would be. It was fucking selfish. I’m so sorry, Sweetheart.”

“Bucky-” his name caught in your throat. “Stop, I’m okay I promise-”

“You’re not okay! You haven’t been for days! At first when we escaped everything seemed fine, but then it shifted. It’s like you won’t allow yourself to fully be here, like you’re still trapped in that prison.”

If he hadn’t been holding you, you were almost certain you would have been on the floor.

You clung to him. “I’m not though, am I? I’m here, with you, and we’re safe.” You forced out a relieved laugh. “I’m sorry I’m off. Maybe it’s all affected me more than I realized. I’ll be okay though, Buck. I promise.”

His jaw clenched. “But you don’t have to be okay if you aren’t, baby. That’s what I’m trying to say. You have this wall up, and sometimes it feels like it’s to keep me at bay. If you don’t want me here-” he closed his eyes.

Oh Bucky.

You caged his face between your hands, pulling him closer until your lips met for a soft, slow kiss.

When you pulled away, his eyes slowly blinked open, blue irises blazing.

“I will always want you here,” you said with as much surety as you could. “Always. You are the most important person to me….aside from AJ and Cass.” He breathed out a laugh, and you caught tears forming in his eyes. “I’ve had to learn to do things on my own for so long, and I think my coping mechanisms just have to adjust. I never thought I’d have such a supportive, caring Beefcake to lean on during the hard times, you know? Just give me time.” You swallowed. “Everything will work itself out. All I need is a few hundred more hugs and kisses from you and I’ll be right as rain.”

His smile returned and he nodded, leaning forward for another kiss.

If only you could stay around for a million more.

“Are you sure you’re up for this, though? We can always wait until you’re feeling more yourself.”

No, Bucky, we can’t.

“Absolutely not. I have been dying to see my beloved Edward on screen once more. You cannot rob me of this, Buck.” 

He rolled his eyes, picking you up bridal style as he walked you to the couch, dropping you on the soft surface as you giggled.

He lifted the bottle of wine, twisting it open.

You reached for the blanket behind you. “Hey Beefcake?” He looked up just as he was about to start pouring into one of the glasses. “Would you mind actually getting another blanket? I’m feeling a little chilly.”

He nodded, resting the bottle back on the table. “I’ll be right back.” He kissed your forehead quickly before leaving the room.

You sat up as soon as he was gone, reaching inside your back pocket for the small plastic bag.

You grabbed Bucky’s glass and poured the powder from 6 crushed melatonin tablets inside, then filled it nearly to the brim with wine, swirling it around to get rid as much of the residue as you could.

A few minutes later he returned, blanket in hand. He draped it over your body, then turned the projector on.

Once he was settled by your side on the couch, you handed him his glass.

“To what has to be the most romantic night of my life,” you said, holding your glass up.

Bucky smiled, leaning forward to kiss your jaw.

“To this being just the beginning of as many romantic nights as I can give to the girl of my dreams,” he said, clinking his glass to yours.

You smiled as your heart shattered to pieces, knowing that this was actually the end.

He was out within 30 minutes, completely limp by your side.

Your fingertips grazed along his face, from his forehead down to the stubble along his jaw. When he started dozing off, you expected the tears to fall full force now that no one was able to see you fall apart. 

There were no tears now, only hollowness as you leaned forward and pressed your lips to Bucky’s forehead, closing your eyes to fully allow yourself to remember this feeling. His warmth, his smell, each perfect wrinkle on his skin.

You let the movie play on as you stood up, walking toward the door, allowing yourself one last glance at his sleeping form before stepping into the hallway.

Creeping past a still awake Parker in the lab, you headed upstairs to the small room, opening the window that was close enough to the wall to jump.

You reached into your other back pocket, pulling out the note and resting it on the nearby table. If Bucky woke, he might search a few other places first before coming to look here, which would hopefully buy you a bit more time.

From behind the table, you pulled out your two blades, the blaster, and Bucky’s grappling hook that you had left behind earlier.

A few moments later, you were standing on the other side of the wall, pulling at the rope until the hook fell into your hands.

A few moments after that, you were ducking underneath the invisible perimeter that would alarm Clint at the watchtower.

Your limbs grew heavy as you walked across the Bog, the weight of leaving this life behind totally consuming you.

It became even worse when you were on the other side, staring up at the bridge. The only way anyone could cross the deadly, acidic water.

One final step before you left for good.

You still had people to protect, people you loved that were alive. That knowledge - that no matter what happened, as long as they were alive there were still people in this world that cared about you - was enough to give you the strength to do what was needed.

To keep them alive, to keep Bucky alive, you would continue forward.

You raised the blaster, pointing it to the bridge, your chest rising as you took one long inhale.

On the exhale, you pulled the trigger, and the bridge crumbled to pieces, falling into the bubbling liquid below.

Bucky woke to the feeling of drool running down his chin and a crick in his neck.

He also felt like something horrible had happened, a strange, buzzing alarm going off in his mind.

It took him a second to realize where he was, the main menu screen for Twilight playing in front of him.

When he looked to his side, all he saw was an empty space.

Turning his attention to the window, he could tell that the sky was now a dark purple, the sun beginning to rise. It had to be around five in the morning.

Relax, Barnes, he thought to himself. She probably decided to do watch herself while you slept like the annoyingly kind and considerate person she is.

How had he slept so long without noticing her leave, though?

He stood up, heading out the building and toward the tower. 

When he climbed up the ladder, he found Yelena sitting in the corner, picking at her nails.

She looked up and gave him a sly grin. “Well, well, well, did you two have a good night?” she cooed.

“Where’s Y/n?” he asked, panic starting to rise.

Her brows furrowed. “I thought you two were having some one-on-one time. Y/n/n asked me to cover your shift.”

He nearly let go of the ladder. “Something’s wrong.”

Yelena stood up, concern now painted across her face. “What do you mean?”

Bucky didn’t waste time answering, practically jumping down to the ground and sprinting to the dorms.

He saw Sam approach. “Man, you okay?” he asked.

“Where’s Y/n?” Bucky demanded, not stopping.

“What do you mean?” Sam called out, but Bucky couldn’t hear him anymore. The only sound he could process was the blood pounding in his ears.

He stormed up to your room.

No sign of you, but he noticed your pack resting in its usual spot in the corner.

He went to his room next.

Still nothing.

“Fuck,” he cried out softly, running back outside. Sam, Yelena, and Steve were standing together.

“Buck, what’s wrong?” Steve asked. When Bucky tried to run past him, Steve grabbed him by the arms. “Hey, HEY, look at me!” Bucky was gasping for air, and he was pretty sure he was on the verge of a panic attack. His mind was racing. He couldn’t focus on anything, only on the fact that he couldn’t find you. “Breathe, Bucky. Breathe,” Steve commanded.

Bucky took a deep breath. His exhale came out a bit strangled.

“I can’t find her,” he said, voice cracking.

Steve nodded, showing no trace of concern, only determination. “When and where did you last see her?”

“In the science building. We watched a movie. I fell asleep…it got a bit hazy.” His face scrunched as he tried to piece the night together. “Last thing I remember is getting an…an extra blanket and we had wine and-”

Bucky’s eyes widened.

“No,” he breathed, pulling out of Steve’s hold and running back to the classroom.

The two glasses were still on the table. He picked up his, inspecting the bottom of the glass.

There was still a tiny bit of leftover wine.

And some white, powdery residue.

“No,” he said, louder this time, throwing the glass at Edward’s face on the whiteboard. 

“Bucky? You okay?” Peter asked, emerging from the science lab. He scratched the back of his neck. “You don’t look so good.”

“Something happened. Y/n’s missing. She drugged me, I think.”

“What? Why?”

“I have no fucking idea, Parker. That’s what I’m trying to figure out!” he shouted, hands dragging over his face. 

“Woah, man, I’m sorry! Just trying to help.” Peter cracked his knuckles. “Okay…um, well, do you know where she might have gone? Is she still on the grounds? Do you think she ran away?”

“Where would she run away to? She doesn’t have another camp, no place to go other than-”

He felt his heart actually stop for a few beats, ice burning through his veins as it finally dawned on him.

“Oh my god,” he cried, bolting past Peter and out the room.

Upstairs.

To the small room with a window close to the wall.

Where a small folded up piece of paper rested on a table.

His hand hovered over it for a moment, eyes closing as tears began streaming down his face.

He didn’t need to read the note to know what it meant. Did need to know what it said to understand what you had done.

“No…” he cried softly. Finally lifting up the paper and opening it.

I’m sorry.

Thank you for giving me something to fight for.

I have to keep you all safe.

Don’t look for me. Please.

Bucky fell to his knees.

ONE WEEK LATER

Brock dismounted the horse first, dragging you to the ground along with him by your bound hands.

Your feet stumbled a bit, equilibrium completely out of place from the lack of sleep, lack of food, the constant movement on a horse pressed against this vile man’s chest.

“Look sweetie, we finally made it!” Brock said smugly, arms extending out to the Hydra prison.

You glared at him. “I thought you said we were moving.”

“Most of the facility has, but someone wanted to greet you before taking you to our new home.”

A chill went down your spine, senses on edge as you waited in dread for him to arrive.

One of the doors to the prison creaked open, and there he was.

Your eyes immediately went to the ground, fear completely taking over as you reverted back to your submissive prisoner state, feeling as if you had never even left.

“Now, now,” the familiar German accent cooed as black boots came into your vision. “That’s no way to treat your old master, is it? Not even a smile for me?”

His fingers moved under your skin, the feel of his touch causing you to almost vomit. He pulled your face up until you were looking up at him.

It had been over a year since he looked like this. Since one of Zola’s experiments went wrong and turned him into this thing. This monster.

And yet it still put as much fear into you as it did the first time you saw him. Skin completely hairless, an unnatural, blistery shade of red. 

Johann Schmidt. The director of Hydra.

Your eyes filled with tears, body trembling.

He smiled.

“Welcome back, pet.” 

Then, he rifled through his bag, pulling out the grappling hook he used to use before getting the metal arm, securing it to the structure before climbing down.

You looked over to your left at the watchtower, anxiety pooling in your stomach.

The gang was going to be so pissed at you two. 

They had every right to be. You were going against protocol and stealing valuable resources in the process.

However, when your eyes landed on the soft, amber glow of the alarm system above Clint, a sense of peace washed over your anxious thoughts.

At least they would be okay here. You and Bucky could do the dirty work without putting more of them at risk.

Hopefully. There was also a good chance that this would fail horribly and cause a whole shitstorm of trouble for everyone you cared about and put them into more danger than they had ever experienced before.

Which was impressive, seeing that you had all been living in a zombie apocalypse for five years.

Before your mind could wander through all the ways this could go wrong, you heard the gentle thud of Bucky’s feet landing on the ground below. You followed his lead and were by his side in seconds.

Once you were both safely on the other side, Bucky did some sort of cool, random-yet-intentional maneuver with the rope and suddenly the grappling hook was in his hand.

Just as quickly, it was hitched back up to his side and his hand was grabbing yours, guiding you into the dark woods. 

You knew you were about to hit the invisible perimeter that triggered the watchtower lights, though you had no idea where it was or how you’d be able to locate it so specifically in order to not set it off.

Suddenly, Bucky was slowing you both down, staring in front of you at nothing.

He crouched low to the ground, side stepping under what you could only assume was the border, pulling you along as you followed suit, crouching down and side stepping under the line you couldn’t see.

When you were on the other side and standing straight, Bucky turned to you with a concerned look. “Hope that was the right spot.”

Right when your eyes widened in panic, his mouth curved up into a smile, and you slapped his arm slightly with a scoff, pulling a boyish chuckle from him that made you giddy even under the stressful circumstances.

“Come on, Sweetheart,” Bucky said, pulling you along with a smile still on his face. “Next up, we gotta find ourselves a ride.”

It was about a day's trip on foot through dense woods until you reached a vast, lush clearing, covered with tall grass and wildflowers.

You let out a small gasp, and Bucky looked over at you with a smile on his face.

“Yeah. It’s pretty nuts isn’t it?”

“Is this where you finally show me that your skin glitters under the sunlight because it’s the skin of a killer?”

Thus, another moment was ‘ruined’ as Bucky groaned, rolling his eyes.

“I’m sorry to once again disappoint, Sweetheart, but I swear I’m not actually a hundreds of years old vampire who’s weirdly obsessed with you.”

You pouted. “You’re not obsessed with me, Beefcake?”

His nostrils flared “I was referring more to the whole vampire thing.”

“So you are obsessed with me?” you said with a smug grin.

He shrugged. “You’re alright.”

You shoved his arm and he laughed, a sound that still continued to make your heart flutter.

He led you through the clearing until you were in the middle, and then he put the fingers of his right hand to his mouth and let out a loud whistle.

You jerked back, no longer used to hearing such a loud sound after years of training yourself be  completely silent at all times. You tried to pull his hand away to get him to stop, but he just shook his head and let out another whistle.

Once he was done alerting the entire world of your presence, he rested a comforting hand on your shoulder.

“It’s fine. The woods surrounding this place conceal any sound. No walkers or runners can hear it unless they were already in the clearing.”

“Then who will hear it?”

He smiled, and when you followed his gaze ahead of you, your breath hitched.

Horses, you counted five, were trotting over to you. All a vast array of different colors and sizes. Was that a fucking Clydesdale in the lead?

A pure white mustang galloped forward, racing toward the two of you at such speed you felt yourself flinch, ready to get out of its path.

But Bucky’s hand on your shoulder squeezed lightly, as if to say it was fine.

Just as the white horse got close enough, they slowed down, walking directly up to Bucky, their head lowered as they let out a soft nicker in greeting.

Bucky smiled, moving to stroke his hand along the horse’s muzzle.

“Hey pretty girl,” he cooed. “Miss me?”

A sound that came out like a disgruntled snort from the horse had you cackling. 

“Oh, she’s sassy. I like her.”

Bucky chuckled, moving along to inspect for any injuries. 

“Sweetheart, say hello to Alpine.”

“Is she my new competition or something, Beefcake?” you asked, moving to mimic Bucky’s gesture of gently running your hand along the mustang’s muzzle. Her eyes blinked slowly in approval and you smiled.

“Well, she had previously been the only girl in my life. But I’m pretty sure her and Charger are a thing,” he pointed over to a brown appaloosa. “So you’ll have to do.”

You met Alpine’s eye. “Has he always been this annoying?”

Her and Bucky let out a simultaneous snort.

A flash of gray caught your eye and you looked over your shoulder to find another horse approaching. This one had a gray, almost bluish coat with a black mane. They walked right over to you, nudging your back with their nose.

You giggled, turning to pat their neck. “Well hey there. And who are you?”

“That’s actually a new one,” Bucky said, standing straight, hands on his hips. “Never seen him around before.” You hovered your hand flat against his mouth and he licked your palm. “And it looked like I might have some new competition,” he added with a huff.

“Oh don’t worry, Buck. You’re still my number one guy.” You wiggled your brows. “For now.”

“Alright, alright, enough flirting already. You’re welcome to take him if you’re comfortable, or I can pick out one of our regulars.”

“Absolutely not.” You smiled over at Bucky, then back at the almost black eyes of the horse by your side. “I’m taking Hades.”

“What happened that night?” you finally asked two days into your journey. “When Hydra attacked?”

Bucky’s jaw clenched, and he looked down at Alpine’s mane.

“We used to be based out of a big church, one with a giant sanctuary and dorms for the nuns and shit. Steve and I were on watch that last night when the alarm went off. I went down to inspect and found Ward, and I thought all was fine until suddenly I was on the ground, unconscious. Once I came to, the church was on fire. I went out to save the others but half of them had already been…you know.”

He paused for a few minutes before continuing.

“I found Sarah carrying Carol out of the dorms, and she told me Steve went in to get the boys. They had run upstairs to hide from our attackers - we stupidly hadn’t figured out it was Hydra until you said they had taken Steve. 

“Anyways, they were in a room on the top floor. The building was up in flames, ready to collapse at any second. I was through each room, screaming their names when I heard them crying for help. I ran in to find them huddled in a corner while Steve was trying to fight off this guy. He looked like he had been shot in the stomach, and he was losing the fight. I threw my blade into the guy's neck and Steve used the momentum to push him out the window. But the fucking impact caused the ceiling to collapse, and Steve was trapped. He told me….he told me to take the boys and go, and I didn’t want to leave. I tried to climb through the rubble, but the building started shaking and we knew it was about to collapse and the boys were screaming for help behind me and-”

“Buck,” you said, guiding Hades closer to him so that you could reach for his hand. His jaw began flexing and unflexing as he fought back tears.

“I searched for him for days. Even when we left and were hiding in the fog right outside our new camp, I would sneak out and go back. To find any trace or sign that he was alive. That he had gotten out. But there was no way, not with the damage left behind. It would have been impossible for him to survive that.”

“Which is why you shouldn’t feel guilty about any of this,” you interjected. “From what you’ve told me about him, I know for a fact that Steve wouldn’t want you to be. He made a choice, and that choice allowed you to return AJ and Cass to their mom. And if you had found out he was alive, you would have done the same shit you did days ago where you would try to run in completely unprepared by yourself and gotten you and Steve killed.”

“Geesh, thanks for the pep talk, babe.”

You looked over at him with a guilty expression, only to find him smiling at you.

Your eyes narrowed. “You know what I mean.”

“I do,” he said. “And maybe I’ve turned more introspective in my old age-” you snorted “-but I can’t stop thinking about the whole cause and effect of this whole shitty situation. Like I said before, if I found out Steve survived the fall he wouldn’t have been taken to Hydra, and he wouldn’t have been there to get you out. And what would that have meant? Hydra would still have hold of a potential cure that we would have no knowledge about, we wouldn’t have access to information about their weapons, their base, the way they operate-”

“You also wouldn’t have met the girl of your dreams…” you added expectantly, giving him a look.

“Well, that goes without saying, Sweetheart.” He winked at you and you gripped Hades’s mane for extra support.

“Well, I’d like you to say it.”

Bucky gave you a soft, adoring smile as he adjusted his weight on Alpine to lean closer.

“If none of that shit happened,” he murmured, and you found yourself gravitating toward him like a magnet, “I wouldn’t have met the girl of my dreams, the best thing to ever happen to me.”

And then he kissed you.

You waited until nightfall.

3am to be exact. That was the time you knew would be the quietest. The main Hydra leaders were usually asleep by then, leaving the fortress only guarded by a few men.

Bucky was begrudging as you convinced him to allow you to take the lead back to the concrete prison. You literally knew exactly where it was, but he didn’t like the idea of you being in front of  danger while he followed behind.

After a few smacks to the chest and jokingly calling him an anti-feminist, he finally caved, muttering at how stubborn you were as you held a fist in the air in victory. A fist he then immediately grabbed and kissed the knuckles of, which made your stomach fill with butterflies.

So now here you both were, jogging on the pads of your feet down the small hill toward the metal gate surrounding the grounds.

Four watchtowers were posted on the corners of the perimeter, one guard assigned one each at all times, along with two more guards walking along the fence.

There was a two minute window where one of the sides would be clear of ground patrol. 

Two. Minutes.

Not a lot of time.

You had worked with less.

So as soon as the guard walked around the corner to the other side, you and Bucky got to work, making your way to the middle of the gate that was in a blindspot for the watchtower guards.

Bucky gave you a small nod, which you returned as you held up the blaster, turning it on.

A small, blue, glowing light appeared at the tip, pulsating as the heat traveled up and down the weapon, ready to be released in a deadly ray.

Luckily there was no need for blasting in this instance, thanks to a testing session you were a part of with Peter and Bruce.

“I made some slight modifications,” Banner had said. “Instead of this just being a machine to kill, it can be a tool. Adds more efficiency to the product while also helping me feel less guilty about replicating something to take lives when zombies are already doing a good enough job of that.”

You held the blaster to the metal gate, instantly parts of the iron away until there was a human-sized hole for you and Bucky to crawl through.

That took about one minute. The next thirty seconds was spent trying to stand the melted off piece back in place so that it sort of looked like it did before.

Hopefully they would simply miss the new gaps.

Hopefully.

Next, you went to the door located directly across from you, creeping through the shadows as quickly and quietly as possible.

You melted away the door handle, readjusting your hold on the blaster as you stepped back inside your former prison, clutching it to your chest, ready to shoot anyone in your path.

You weren’t going to let them take you again. Not without a fight.

The two of you made your way through the various hallways, bile pooling in your throat the farther you walked in, head growing dizzy, but you stayed alert even as panic tried to take over.

There were a few guards you spotted here and there, and you pressed your backs to the wall as they passed in hopes that they would not see you. Each time they simply walked by, unaware of the intruders that had broken into their impenetrable fortress.

It wasn’t until you passed a familiar hallway, past a sign that read DIRECTOR, that your steps began to slow, fear finally starting to win.

Bucky noticed the falter in your movements and gently squeezed your arm. You turned to him and he kissed your temple in reassurance. For a fraction of a second, you allowed yourself to lean into him, a temporary moment of him completely supporting you, holding you up. Keeping you steady.

You closed your eyes, then continued forward with a steady stride once again.

From the spot you had entered, you knew you were going to have to pass through the testing wing of the building before getting to the cells where Steve most likely was. This was a bit of a setback, because the testing wing was always the most heavily guarded. Hydra’s most precious guinea pigs were kept there, and they didn’t want anything messing with their toys. 

One of the doors in the hallway was open, and you could hear voices of multiple men talking inside.

“I swear, Paulding had her.” You stopped right next to the door as you waited for John Walker to continue, your finger hovering over the trigger of your weapon. “He was able to pick up on her tracks, and said that he’d be back in a week with her. She must have taken him down.”

“Or a fucking zombie did, you idiot.” Your blood ran cold at the new, familiar voice that growled at Walker. One that haunted your nightmares almost every night.

Brock Rumlow. Schmidt’s right hand man. The one assigned to torture you endlessly as he and Zola ran test after test on your body. Slicing your skin to see how long you lasted before passing out, slapping you awake when you finally did to start the process over and over again-

“I just don’t understand why we have to keep going out to search for one chick,” Walker argued. “We have plenty of other…subjects to use for our purposes.”

Brock growled. “This one’s different and you know it. We need her blood if we want to continue our work. Walker, if the next search team comes back with nothing, we’ll have them follow Paulding’s route and see if you were right. And if you’re not, we’ll look somewhere else. We’re not gonna stop until we find her.”

That’s when realization set in, and you heard the faint sound of Bucky taking a sharp inhale of breath as he connected the dots.

They were talking about you.

We’re not gonna stop.

It hit you then how stupid it was for you to be here. How stupid it was for you to think there might ever be a day that you would be free of them. That they might move on and forget about you.

Every part of your body was begging to flee, to run out of here as quickly as possible and never look back.

No, you thought. Not until we get Steve.

Instead of moving away, you slowly, carefully peeked your head into the room where the men were talking, only allowing yourself enough of a glimpse to see how they were situated.

You let out a silent breath of relief when your gaze was met with two backs, their attention on the dart board at the other end of the room.

Turning to Bucky briefly, you cocked your head toward the other end of the hallway, and the two of you walked gingerly past the open door, continuing on.

“Are you okay?” Bucky whispered when he finally felt that the coast was clear.

All you could do was nod, even though that wasn’t the truth.

“Do you want me to go back and kill them all right now? Cause I kinda do.”

You bit back a small smile, shaking your head side to side.

After passing by Brock and the other guys, you started walking by different rooms with names on them. Your steps slowed in horror when you got to the fifth room.

Rogers.

Steve.

He was supposed to be in the cells with other prisoners. Not here. Never here.

Without thinking, without considering your options or obstacles, you grabbed the handle and turned it.

As soon as you stepped inside, you felt a wave of emotion nearly crush you where you stood as every memory of being in one of these rooms flooded your mind. 

The smell.

The tools.

The chair.

The blood.

It was all so overwhelming that it took a few seconds for you to notice the two people standing over the chair. A tall man with short brown hair and angular face, and Dr. Zola.

The chair was facing away from you, but you could see the back of Steve’s blond head peeking over the top of it.

Both of them wore confused expressions, but then the tall man’s face relaxed as he looked at Bucky, a syringe in his hand.

“Barnes,” he said, as if greeting an old friend. “Good to see you, man.”

“You son of a bitch,” Bucky growled, ready to charge, but you whipped your arm out to stop him as soon as the guy reached for a pistol and pointed it to Steve’s head.

This had to be Ward. Former friend of Shield, now threatening to kill the person he used to call a friend.

It had all been a lie. You could tell by the way Ward stared at Bucky with complete hollowness in his eyes, not a single trace of care for the man before him.

The sudden rage you felt was almost enough to quell your dread, but then Zola started to giggle.

“My stars, can it be? Meine kleine Puppe**? She has returned to me at last!” He clapped his hand together in delight.

Bucky hissed, pushing against your arm but remaining in place as Ward pushed the pistol against Steve’s temple.

“Ah, ah, ah,” Ward cooed. “Don’t you fucking dare, Barnes.” He flashed his eyes over to you and grinned. “So, you must be the infamous Y/n. I had always intended on introducing myself while you were being….worked on here a few months back, but then you managed to get out thanks to this prick.” He looked over at Steve - who you now realized hadn’t moved since you walked in - then back at you. “I’m glad I finally have the chance to meet Hydra’s favorite pet.”

Bucky shook his head. “I’m going to kill you.”

Ward shrugged. “You can try, but you know I’m a quick shot, Buck.” Hearing his nickname come from this monster’s mouth brought back your rage. “I’ll make sure Stevie goes down with me. And after I kill you, I’ll make sure to have my fun with your new favorite pet.” He gave you a smug grin and a wink.

This fucking asshole.

“Wanna bet?” you said, twisting your blaster a few inches to the left and pulled the trigger.

And just like that, the gun pressed against Steve’s head - and the hand holding it - was gone.

Not a drop of blood fell from the wound, the heat of the blast cauterizing it instantly.

Ward stared at the now empty space that his appendage now missing from his body, a scream on the tip of his tongue.

You and Bucky wasted no time jumping into action, him running towards Ward and you towards  Zola. 

Zola tried to pull out his own blaster, but you landed a right hook to his face before he could manage to touch the weapon, and the small, surprisingly weak scientist was on the ground unconscious.

Though Ward had just been seriously injured, he still put up a decent fight, him and Bucky grunting almost in unison as they tried to wrestle one another.

A large part of you wanted to help him, you knew that the longer this scene played out the more likely a commotion would start, and time was already not on your side.

You turned to Steve, who lay unconscious before you. There was a strange, metal collar around his neck.

Lowering the blaster to your side, you shook him with your free hand. “Steve, Steve!”

He jerked awake, gasping for air. His eyes narrowed when they met yours, as if he thought he was dreaming.

“It’s me,” you said. “We’re here to get you.” You looked over at Bucky, who had just elbowed Ward in the nose.

“Collar,” Steve finally rasped, looking down at something. His whole body was rigid, as if fighting off some unknown force. “Get..the collar off.”

“How?” you asked, looking for some sort of release button. 

“Zola…key.”

Turning to the passed out scientist on the ground, you noticed a ring of keys falling out of the pocket of his lab coat. You jumped down to retrieve it, fumbling through the different keys.

“Which one?” You held up key after key. From the corner of your eye, you saw that Ward had Bucky in a headlock. You had to hurry.

Steve coughed. “That one,” he responded as a tiny metal key that matched the material of the collar rested between your fingers. He tried to sit forward as much as he could. “It’s…in the back.”

You looked at the back of his neck, finding a small, key-sized hole. As soon as you pushed the key in and turned it to the left, the collar came undone.

Steve let out a massive sigh of relief, eyes closing for a second. 

He looked up at you with a skeptical smile. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

You laughed, tears of relief welling in your eyes as you cut his restraints. “We’re here to rescue you, Steve Rogers.”

His brow furrowed and he stood up from the chair. “We?”

Steve’s eyes followed yours as you turned to Bucky, who was now standing over Ward’s unconscious form, breathing heavily as he stared at Steve.

“Bucky?” Steve breathed out in a perfect mixture of shock and confusion.

Bucky smiled. “Hey, punk.”

Steve’s jaw tightened, his own eyes filling with fresh tears as he ran over to wrap his arms around his childhood friend in a tight hug.

Bucky let out a small, wet sob, returning his best friend’s embrace.

“I’m sorry,” he cried out. “Had I known you were alive-”

“You would have done a really stupid thing, like try to break me out?” Steve finished, pulling him back.

“Something like that.”

“How did you know where to find me?”

Bucky’s eyes flashed to you and Steve turned around. 

“You?” Steve asked, trying to put the pieces of an impossibly chaotic puzzle together.

You shrugged. “You know how it is in a zombie apocalypse. The world becomes hilariously small and suddenly everyone knows everyone.”

Steve chuckled, nodding once before walking over and pulling you in for your own hug.

From this small moment, this tiny, comforting gesture, you knew instantly why people who follow this guy to the end of the line.

A small, faint murmuring pulled you from the moment, and you all turned to find Zola stirring, moaning in pain.

“We gotta go,” Bucky said, taking your hand.

Steve grabbed the blaster from Zola’s hand, following behind.

It didn’t seem like anyone had noticed the three of you or the fight in the testing room, so you backtracked down the path you and Bucky had gone down to get here, cautiously making your way past guards and any lingering members of Hydra. 

Even when you looked into the room with John and Brock, you once again saw their backs as they continued playing their game and laughing about stupid shit.

Right as you walked by their open door, you finally allowed yourself to believe that you had pulled this whole thing off.

“RUMLOW! WALKER!” Ward’s voice boomed throughout the prison. “SHE’S HERE. Y/N’S IN THE BUILDING WITH ROGERS!”

Nevermind.

The three of you broke into a sprint down the hall as sirens began blaring. A woman appeared suddenly, blocking your path with a gun in her hand. She started shooting, causing you to pivot and turn down a hallway to your left.

“I don’t know the way out from here!” you whisper-yelled.

“Follow me,” Steve called, taking the lead. “I have an idea.”

He steered you down different hallways, shifting his path whenever you were face to face with another guard, until you had finally reached a long corridor. At the end of it was a large, metal door. 

“That’s not the one we came in through!” you yelled, no longer caring about someone potentially hearing you. “I don’t have time to melt off the handle or hinges!”

Steve shook the back of his head at you. “I got it!” He picked up his pace. 

“What the hell are you gonna do Steve? Punch an industrial metal door open?” Bucky yelled from behind you.

Your eyes widened in horror as a chuckle rumbled out of the man in front.

“Steve, are you out of your mind?” you exclaimed. “That’ll kill you-”

Steve slammed into the door, both him and it flying into the air and landing on the ground outside.

What the actual fuck?

You and Bucky ran to help Steve up, which gave the guards posted up at the towers enough time to aim their rifles and start shooting. 

At this point, you didn’t give two shits about subtlety, so rather than carefully melting the individual pieces of metal on the gate, you held up your blaster and shot a massive hole for you to run through.

And then, for good measure, you pointed it at the tower to your right and shot a hole just under the guard, causing the entire top of it to crumble.

With nothing holding you back, the three of you booked it through the gate and outside the prison walls toward Alpine and Hades. 

“Sweetheart, I’ll ride with you,” Bucky said, standing beside Alpine. “Steve can take Alpine.”

“Nah, you both take a horse, I’ll run.”

“Dude, what are you talking-”

“I’ll explain later. It’s better this way so that you don’t wear out the horses. Besides, I’m pretty sure I could outrun them if I really tried.”

“Even if that were true,” you said, shaking your head, “you’d exhaust yourself before the fucking sun came up.”

Steve gave you a small, cocky grin. “Are you kidding?” He started jogging deeper into the woods, turning his head back to you as he yelled, “I could do this all day!”

You and Bucky shared a quick, extremely confused look before scrambling onto the backs of Alpine and Hades, galloping ahead to catch up with Steve.

And as you rode off into what you could only pray would be safety, you heard a blood-curdling scream of someone yelling your name into the night.

You waited until the sun was high in the sky before slowing down, and that was only for the sake of the horses. Steve looked like he could have lasted a few more hours. Hell, maybe even days.

Bucky couldn’t even wait to get off Alpine’s back before asking him what the fuck was up with his crazy jacked up best friend. 

Steve explained everything, how soon after you had escaped and Hydra lost their most important asset, they started exploring other methods of creating immunity. Instead of focusing on strengthening a subject's blood, they expanded their research toward strengthening the entire body. Tougher skin, faster metabolism, speed, endurance, general immune system. 

“They tested the serum on a few others before me,” Steve said, eyes cast downward in sorrow. “I got injected a few weeks ago. It fucking sucked, and I was unconscious for about a day. When I woke up, I knew immediately that it worked. Everything felt- feels different.”

“Did they…test your immunity?” you asked with a grimace, the bite on your stomach itching.

He shook his head. “They tried, but I was so much stronger than they anticipated that I was able to fight off anyone who tried to hold me down. That’s what that collar around my neck was for.” His jaw clenched. “It had a constant electric current zapping my nervous system. Hurt like hell, and weakened me just enough for their liking. I was supposed to be put in the zombie room today.”

Bucky seethed. “I’m going back to kill them.”

“No you’re not,” you and Steve said in unison, sharing a look afterwards and laughing in a brief moment of ease.

That was five days ago, and now the three of you were settled deep in the forest to rest for the night, Shield only about a day and a half away.

You were so close, and as each day passed without detecting any sign of Hydra at your backs the closer you got, the more you relaxed.

At least, you tried to. Even as Brock’s voice echoed in the back of your mind.

We’re not gonna stop.

No, that wasn’t going to happen. The only agent who had been able to track you to the Bog was Paulding, and he was dead. No one would be able to find you. 

The two of you had done it. You had gotten Steve out and survived. You won.

“I can’t believe we did it,” you breathed out, head resting in the crook of Bucky’s neck.

His arm squeezed around you. “Neither can I if I’m being honest.” He chuckled, the warmth of his breath tickling your forehead.

Steve passed out shortly after you had all gotten settled. That was the thing about the serum, he could be as strong as he needed to for as long as he needed to, but eventually it came with a price. As soon as he was able to sleep, it was almost as if he were in a coma, his whole body shutting down to rest after all the labor it endured.

You and Bucky were tucked in your new normal position, his back against a tree and you resting against him.

“Do you think the gang’s gonna be pissed at us when we get back?” you asked.

“Oh, for sure. But only for a few seconds before they see Steve. Sam might give us a classic dad lecture about not following orders, but I think a larger part of him will be relieved that we didn’t have to endanger anyone else’s lives.”

You nodded. “I’ll admit, if he gives the I’m not mad, just disappointed line I might actually cry.”

Bucky laughed again, turning to kiss your forehead.

“Thank you,” he finally murmured after a few beats, his fingers moving under your chin until you were facing him. His eyelids were heavy from exhaustion, but his irises lit up in earnestness. “I wouldn’t have been able to do any of that without you. I know a part of it has to do with this nonsense feeling you have about needing to prove your worth - which, once again, is bullshit - but regardless, I’m grateful.”

Your heart swelled. “Honestly Beefcake,” you said, hand resting over his, “even if it weren’t Steve, if it was someone I had never met in my life, I still would have done it. I would do anything for you.”

He smiled. “Same goes for you, Sweetheart.” 

The two of you leaned in until your lips met, bringing a comfort unlike anything either of you had ever felt. A comfort that you knew would never go away no matter how many times you kissed him.

And you were happy to test that theory for the rest of your days.

Once you pulled back, Bucky turned away to let out a giant yawn and you scoffed.

“Really? Has kissing me gotten that boring already?”

His eyes widened. “No, no it’s not that I promise!” You fought back a smile, feigning offense. “I’m just tired from traveling! We haven’t slept!” You stuck out your bottom lip into a pout and he glared. “You’re busting my balls, aren’t you?”

“See, you not immediately picking up on that let’s me know how tired you really are, Beefcake.” You shook your head, pushing against his chest. “Go get some rest. I can cover watch for a few hours.”

“But-”

“No buts, babe, unless you add an extra t.” You winked and he rolled his eyes. “For real, though, we’re so close to camp and haven’t run into any trouble. I don’t think we’ve seen more than, like, four walkers within a hundred feet of us in like two weeks. I’ll be fine on my own for a bit. You can get some solid shut eye and I’ll wake you up and switch once I feel like you’ve rested enough to stop yawning whenever I try and smooch ya.”

He sighed, contemplating your intriguing offer. “Four hours. No more, okay?”

“Five.”

“Four.”

“Four and a half.”

He groaned. “Fine.” He scooted down to the ground, head resting beside your leg. “I don’t even know why I argue with you,” he grumbled, “you’re going to wait five hours anyways and it’s not like I’ll have a say in it.”

You ran your fingers over his hair. “And don’t you forget it, Beefcake.”

Bucky passed out within minutes of his head hitting the ground, and you spent the next two hours admiring how beautiful he looked as he slept. How relaxed his features were, the way his lips curved up into a tiny smile, the way he snored - even though he denied it every time you brought it up. 

“I’m surprised you haven’t alerted every zombie that exists of our whereabouts, Beefcake.”

There was only one thing stronger than the will to stare at his gorgeous face for the rest of time.

Your stupid bladder.

You walked about twenty feet away to take care of business, still keeping an ear out for anything suspicious.

Total silence.

Such silence, that you almost felt the urge to skip back to your small camp, filled with such relief and something else that felt extremely close to joy, which was amazing considering that up until a few months ago you were sure you would only be able to feel pain and despair for the rest of your lif-

A hand clamped over your mouth, followed by an arm wrapping around your body, immobilizing you. 

You tried to thrash free, but a deep voice growled in your ear.

“If you make one more noise or move one more inch, they’re dead.”

Brock.

Tears rushed to your eyes, your entire body going slack as you looked ten feet ahead of you at the sleeping forms of Bucky and Steve.

And the two figures standing over them, blasters pointed at their heads.

Walker, and a very, one-handed Ward.

“Did you really think we weren’t going to follow you, baby?” Brock cooed into your ear, his mouth brushing up against your skin. You wanted to vomit into his palm. “Can’t believe I’m saying this, but I actually thought you were smarter than that.”

So had you, you thought for a moment as the sharp chill of a dagger pressed against your neck.

“Gotta admit, though I was pissed you managed to escape a second time, it was wonderful to see you again. You know who was really glad to hear that you were alive? The boss. He’s heartbroken he missed your heroic little return.”

A tear fell down your cheek. 

“Don’t worry, sweetie, we won’t be here long. Just wanted to send you a message from me and Boss.” He loosened his grip, spinning you around until your face was inches from his.

He knew you wouldn’t try to fight, try to make a sound. There was no way Bucky or Steve could wake up and move fast enough to evade a shot from such close range.

Still, you held your head high, and clenched your jaw to keep it from trembling as you looked Brock in the eye.

“You’re coming back with us. If you don’t, I have an entire team of guys a mile away who will follow me as we trail you on your way home. And then we will destroy your camp and everyone in it. I wasn’t at the last raid with this Shield or whatever, so I’ll make sure this time that no one makes it out.”

You bit back a sob. “I can’t,” you whispered. Bucky and Steve would chase after you as soon as they discovered you were missing. “Besides, even if by some miracle they don’t catch up to you, they’re just going to break into the jail again.”

Brock shook his head. “Actually, funny story about that. We’ve been working on moving to a new location, and seeing that you three destroyed a decent amount of the old, crumbling building, we’ve decided to bump up our move-in date. They’re never going to find you there, sweets.”

No.

No.

“No-”

“If you say no I’ll blow their brains out right fucking now.” There was an edge to his voice now, and he took a deep breath to return to his smug demeanor. “Three days. You have three days to meet us here. If you do, we’ll take you to the new camp and you’ll never have to worry about them getting killed trying to rescue you, because there’s no way they’ll be able to find you.”

A pit formed in your stomach. “How do I know you won’t kill them anyways?”

His brows raised. “You know I’ll definitely kill them if you decide not to.”

You closed your eyes, forcing back more tears. When you opened them, Brock smirked, then nodded his head at Ward and Walker.

Though you didn’t turn your head to look, completely frozen in fear and dread, you knew that they were walking away from Bucky and Steve and toward their leader.

“Three days, sweetie,” Brock said, then leaned forward to kiss your forehead. You flinched, the spot where his lips touched your skin now burning.

You didn’t move as they crept back into the darkness, Walker holding up three fingers at you mockingly.

All you could do was stare at where they had been as you allowed that gnawing feeling to sink in. 

The feeling that this was the beginning of the end of everything for you.

“Then what the fuck is it going to take to get you to do it? You gotta tell me man so that I can be put out of my misery after watching you two pine over each other for years. Should I write her a note with those boxes to check off either yes, no, or maybe? Should I ask Lena to ask her out for you? Honestly this would be so much easier if we still had phones and could text each other-”

“Alright, alright, enough already,” Steve groaned as his friend resolved into a fit of laughter at his obvious annoyance. “I just…I don’t want to make things weird. Besides, she’s amazing. What would someone like her want with a Brooklyn schmuck like me?”

Bucky softened, leaning forward to lightly shove Steve’s arm. “Hey, don’t talk about my best friend like that. You’re the best guy there is, and anyone would be lucky to have you.”

Steve smiled, resuming his shuffling and dealing out cards for the both of them. “Alright, tomorrow, I promise I will seriously consider asking out Natasha.”

A beam lit up Bucky’s face and he clenched his hand into a fist in victory. “With that attitude,I bet  you two will be married within the next decade.” 

Steve rolled his eyes. “Hopefully by that point, you’ll have found someone for yourself, bud.”

Bucky sighed, shaking his head as he collected his cards. “Nah, I don’t think so. I feel like I’m gonna be a lone wolf kinda guy. Makes things easier, you know?”

Steve shrugged. “Might be easier, but I think you’d be seriously missing out on a chance at something amazing. I can’t think of anyone else who deserves to be happy more than you, Buck.”

“Alright, Romeo,” Bucky said, chuckling, “where is this hopeless romantic side of you when it comes to allowing love into your life-”

The overhead lighting in the bell tower flashed off suddenly, the bulb shifting from a faint yellow to a bright, unforgiving red.

Steve and Bucky looked at each other, dropping their cards on the ground.

Bucky grabbed his binoculars, scanning the perimeter of the church. “I don’t see anything,” he murmured. “I’ll go down and do a sweep.”

Steve nodded, tossing him a flashlight. “You know the drill. Twice, false alarm. Three-”

“Three times, shit’s going down,” Bucky finished, saluting his friend and leader before grabbing his gear and climbing down the ladder.

“I’ll keep watch up here,” Steve added. “Be careful.”

“Always am!”

“You never are, Buck.”

“Sorry, can’t hear you!”

Bucky pulled out his machete as soon as he got to the bottom, cautiously making his way down the sanctuary of the church. It had to have been around 3am, so the rest of the camp was sleeping in their quarters in the dorms previously used by the nuns who worked here when this used to be a functioning religious establishment. 

He heard steps coming from behind him and whipped around, ready to swipe his blade at his attacker.

His body relaxed instantly at the sight of his friend, a smile spread across his face in relief. “Ward, what the fuck are you doing up so late-”

His question was cut off as Ward walked up and landed a right hook across his jaw, body falling over until his head connected with the corner of one of the pews.

That’s when everything faded to black.

Bucky woke a few minutes later as a bright light burned through his closed eyelids. He slowly opened them, the sanctuary spinning for a few seconds, a sharp pain in his head. 

It only took a few seconds for him to make out the image before him, and he jumped into action.

The church was on fire.

He looked around, finding the place empty, then ran toward the main doors.

Coulson was laying on the steps of the church entrance, a bullet in between his eyes.

When he looked up, he saw Laura being dragged away by two men in all black, and he sprinted toward them.

One of the men let go of her and pulled out his gun, taking a shot at Bucky, but he missed.

Which allowed Bucky enough time to take the man down with one swing.

Laura - now able to use the right side of her body - grabbed a dagger and plunged it into her other attacker’s neck.

Bucky grabbed her by the arm. “Are you okay?” She nodded. “Where are the others?”

She let out a sob. “Maria, Tony, and Nick are down. Steve ran to the dorms to grab the others. I saw Pepper and Morgan head to the woods.”

“Laur!” Clint ran up to the both of them, face nearly crumbling with relief as he wrapped his wife in his arms. He turned to Bucky. “It’s a shitshow. I don’t know where these guys came from-”

“It was Ward,” Bucky growled. “He led them here.”

Clint’s eyes widened. “I’ll fucking kill him.”

Bucky shook his head. “Not today. The two of you, go find Pepper and Morgan. I’ll send anyone else toward you. If things go bad, just run. Get to the nearest pharmacy.”

Laura gave him a quick hug and the two of them sprinted toward the woods, and Bucky turned his focus back on the dorms.

He could see through the windows that most of the building was up in flames, and the closer he got the more his face burned.

But he couldn’t stop. He had to make sure everyone was safe. He had to find Steve.

Just as he began his ascent up the stairs into the building, Sarah emerged, holding a bloody, unconscious Carol at her side.

Tears streamed down her face. “Bucky,” Sarah cried out, “help me.”

He took hold of Carol's other side, helping to carry her down the stairs.

Sarah jumped up, eyes on the burning building. “My boys,” she sobbed. “They’re still in there. Steve-”

“I got it,” Bucky yelled, already running in. “Get to the woods! Find the others! We’ll get AJ and Cass!”

Tears burned in his eyes from the heat, and Bucky hovered his arm over his face to block it off best he could.

He just had to get to the boys. To Steve.

Little did he know that he was just about to lose any lingering sense of hope that he might have still possessed in a matter of minutes.

~~~~~

“Bucky?” you said softly after a minute of him staring blankly at you. “Are you okay?”

He blinked. “What…what did you just say?”

You swallowed, thumb stroking his cheekbone.

“Steve. I think he’s alive. He was…Hydra has him.”

Bucky shook his head. “That’s impossible-”

“Blond hair? Blue eyes?” Bucky’s own blue eyes widened. “He was taken in four months before I left, meaning it was right around the time you guys said you were attacked. I hardly ever saw him, and they never called him by his first name, I only knew him as Rogers.” You breathed out another small sob. “If I had known, I would have-”

Lips crashed against yours in a needy, feverish kiss.

When Bucky pulled back, his eyes were alight, a small smile creeping on his face. 

Your brow furrowed. “You’re not…you’re not mad?”

He shook his head, expression unchanging.

“Steve’s alive,” he stated.

You nodded, a hopeful smile growing on your own face. “Steve’s alive.”

And then you were moving, his metal hand tightly gripping yours as he dragged you out of the building.

Within minutes, you were with Sam in the meeting room, relaying your story to the camp’s new leader. A restless Bucky stood by your side, trying to keep still as his body jittered with nervous and excited energy.

“We have to go,” he blurted out once you were finished. “Now. I’ll let the others know and we can head out by nightfall.”

Sam’s mouth pressed into a thin line, hands tightening around the edge of the desk he was sitting against. 

“Bucky,” he said slowly, sternly, “you know it’s not that simple.”

Bucky scoffed. “We can’t just sit here and wait for him to fucking find us, Sam. We have to get him!”

“I’m not saying we sit back and do nothing. Obviously I want to go out and get him just as badly as you do-”

“Then what the hell are we still doing standing here-”

“-but, this is a big thing we’re going up against. We have to come up with a plan. This is a powerhouse you’re suggesting our team - which is much smaller than it was when we first fought them - try and fight on their turf. Yes I want Steve back, but the last thing he’d want would be for us to put our family at risk because we weren’t prepared. Bruce tells me he’s almost done with the blaster weapons, we could start strategizing and Y/n can give us intel on their base.”

You could see your partner shaking his head from the corner of your eye and you turned to look at him, his jaw clenched in frustration. Your arm wrapped around his in comfort.

“Hydra is at least a week away, and that’s if we’re lucky and find horses to ride. Otherwise it’s a month on foot. He could be dead by the time we get there.”

Sam let out a long sigh. “He might already be dead, Buck.”

His body stilled against you. “Do you even fucking care Sam? What the hell is this?” His voice grew louder, angrier.

“Bucky-” you whispered.

“Of course I fucking care!” Sam shouted, standing straight. “And hell, if it were just me I had to worry about I would have left five fucking minutes ago! But it’s not, and I need to look out for what’s left of our pack. I have to make sure Morgan, Cass, and AJ have parents that will return to them! I have to make sure that we can even make it to the Hydra alive so that Steve doesn’t rot in there because we had no idea what we were doing.”

“But-”

“Drop it Bucky,” Sam said with finality. “We’ll meet about this tonight after dinner to discuss next steps.” His face softened. “As soon as we’re ready, we’ll leave. I promise you that. We’re gonna get him back, but we have to ensure that everyone else gets to come back, too.”

Bucky opened his mouth, ready to say something, then shut it, and you wondered if he was going to have any teeth left from how tightly he was clenching them together.

Without a word, he gently released himself from your hold and stormed off, punching a hole in the wall with his vibranium arm.

You flinched, tears welling in your eye from how upset he was.

Maybe you shouldn’t have told him…

“It’s good that you did,” Sam responded to the thought you had apparently said out loud. You turned to him and he gave you an understanding smile. “He deserves to know, and though he’s mad, this is great news.” He sighed, expression now painted with guilt. “I hope….I don’t want you to think that I don’t want to save Steve as soon as possible-”

The hitch in his voice pulled your feet toward him until your arms were wrapping him in a tight hug.

“I know,” you whispered as he returned the embrace. You pulled away. “You’re our leader for a reason, Sam. We trust you, and that includes Bucky. What was it you all kept telling me when I first got here and I thought he hated my guts?”

Sam breathed out a small laugh. “Just give it time.”

You nodded. “Just give it time. He’ll cool off. 

He squeezed your arm. “I’m so fucking glad you’re here.”

Another nod. “Me, too. Now, let’s go talk to the others and finally get Steve back.”

Bucky kept to himself for the rest of the night.

Right after you left the meeting room, you went to his, only to find the door closed.

You knocked.

Silence.

You attempted to turn the handle.

Locked.

You tried to ignore the ache in your chest, trying to tell yourself that he needed time. He’d come to you when he was ready.

So with a heavy heart, you stepped away and began telling the group to meet with you and Sam after dinner.

It took a few minutes for the shock to wear off once the two of you laid everything out, but as soon as it did, everyone got to work forming a plan.

Bruce and Peter were finishing final prototypes for the new blasters, and if they passed their tests they could start producing more for at least a few members to hold onto. 

Laura and Clint would go out and start collecting horses and board them at a nearby farm to shave off travel time.

Dum Dum would start meal prepping so that the gang had enough food supplies for the journey there and back. Him, Pepper, and Bruce would stay back with the kids.

Yelena and Kate would get to training everyone full time, individually and in groups.

You’d be working with Sam - and hopefully Bucky - to give them details on the Hydra base so that you could plan your attack.

In two weeks, you would be on your way.  

Two weeks before you’d be heading back to your prison.

That was the thought constantly nagging you in the back of your brain. Don’t go back. Don’t go back.

You could have stayed behind as the others left. Sam continuously reminded you of that. It was your choice to go or stay. The ramifications of you returning to Hydra were much more dangerous than anyone else.

If there was even a chance that this plan could fail and they could capture you once more, you’d be right back where you were, and they’d be one step closer to finding out how to develop a cure to gain even more power.

It would be very very very bad.

But this was Steve. Shield’s family. Bucky’s family. And that made him yours.

And if there was anything you could do to keep your family safe, you would.

Even if the nagging thought persisted.

Don’t go back. 

Don’t. Go. Back.

Bucky stood outside your bedroom door, hand hovering over the handle, fingers twitching as he debated his next moves.

You were most likely asleep, getting some rest in before the two of you were supposed to be on watch.

He just wanted to see you.

One last time.

Before he did something really stupid.

Bucky took a deep breath, closing his eyes as they began to sting with tears, hand going back to his side.

It was too risky.

Too selfish.

It was also unnecessary, because he saw you everytime he closed his eyelids. Could recreate every single detail of what you looked like because it was permanently seared inside his brain. 

He took a step back, finding it painfully difficult to walk further away from you.

But this was how it needed to be.

He needed to go save Steve.

If he waited any longer, he could be dead by the time he got there.

He needed to go.

His metal hand tightened around the strap of his bag and he descended down the stairs.

All that was left to do was run to the arsenal room to go grab the bag of food and extra weapons he had packed during the group’s meeting, and then he’d be on his way.

Bucky stopped short when he reached the back corner of the room where the bag was supposed to be hidden, but instead he was face to face with an empty spot.

“Looking for something, Beefcake?”

He stilled, body tensing before slowly turning around to find you leaning against the door frame, his extra bag around your shoulder, arms crossed as you looked at him like he had just got caught looking through his Ma’s wallet.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, though he knew it was a stupid question.

Your eyes went to the ground and you stood straight. “Welp, I had been looking around for a brooding, ridiculously attractive man who I felt needed a hug or something. When I checked in here a few hours ago to try and find him, I noticed a few weapons were missing…” Your brows rose as you gave him a knowing look. “That’s when I found the bag. Wasn’t too hard to put two and two together.”

Bucky’s head hung low. “I wanted to tell you,” he mumbled. “I just-”

“We can talk about it on the road,” you said casually, and his head shot back up to look at you, eyes wide. You leaned down to grab something behind the wall, holding it up for him to see.

It was the blaster Bruce and Peter had been working on.

Realization sank in and Bucky began shaking his head fervently. “No. Absolutely not. You’re staying here.”

Your lips twisted to one side. “Sorry, Beefcake, but no can do. I gotta make sure your ass makes it out alive.”

He walked over to you, jaw clenching. “You know it’s too dangerous for you to go back there.” It made him sick to think of the things Hydra could do to you if they caught you again. He had half a mind to blow the entire operation up while he was there.

You nodded. “I also know that there’s almost no chance that you’re going to be able to stay here for two more weeks to wait for the rest of the group to prepare.”

Bucky opened his mouth, then closed it, shaking his head in agreement.

“I gotta get him.”

Your hand reached up to rest against his face. “Then let me help you.”

“No.”

“Bucky,” you pleaded, any trace of humor or sarcasm in your tone gone. “Please. If you go there by yourself, Hydra will have you in a cell before you can even get through their first border patrol. I know the place, I’ve escaped it. I can keep you safe and we can finally save Steve. Together.”

There was a tremor in your voice as you said the last sentence and concern rushed through Bucky. He held your face between his hands. “Hey, hey,” he soothed. “What’s up? What am I missing?”

You leaned your head into his hand, eyes closing for a moment as you gathered your thoughts.

With a sigh, you opened your eyes to meet Bucky’s.

“Steve…Steve was the one who helped me escape.”

He furrowed his brows in confusion.

You continued. “That day, there was an uprising in the prison. Someone had managed to unlock all of the doors to let people escape. It was chaos. I was still strapped to one of the chairs for testing when the guards ran out to investigate, but they had left their….tools close enough for me to grab. I cut myself free and ran.”

Bucky continued staring at you, his body growing tense at the idea of you being tied down for them to do their bidding.

“I was running down one of the hallways when two of the guards managed to grab hold of me. I started screaming for help, trying my best to fight back. Suddenly, I was free, and I looked down to find them both on the ground. When I turned around, there he was. Rogers - as I knew him then - his face covered in dirt, fists clenched. He asked if my name was Y/n and when I said yes he just grabbed my hand and led me down various hallways until we were in the basement.”

His chest swelled. Only Steve could have managed to save the woman who now owned Bucky’s heart without even realizing.

“Eventually, we were at a large tunnel, one that Steve said would get me outside. I tried asking him questions, but he cut me off, saying I needed to go.” Your voice began to tremble as you continued. “He…he must have known about my blood and knew I needed to get as far away from Hydra as possible. He saved my life that day, and I just left him behind-”

“Hey,” Bucky leaned forward to wrap you in a tight embrace, cradling your head against his chest. “Steve knew what he was doing. He needed to get you out and keep you safe.”

“But that means that your best friend is still there being tortured. He deserves to be here, not me.”

Bucky felt his heart break in slow motion as he pulled back to meet your eyes, his own stinging with tears.

“Listen to me, Sweetheart. Never feel like you don’t deserve to be here. As much as I fucking miss Steve and wish that he was safe, if he hadn’t gotten you out then I wouldn’t have you in my life. And now we have a chance to save him..”

You blinked a few times, the right corner of your lips quirking up ever so slightly.

“So you agree, then? We should both go save him?”

Shock crossed over his face, followed quickly by the scowl that was uniquely yours.

You never ceased to amaze him.

Before he had a chance to argue, you continued on. “I swear to you that if there is even a chance that I’m in danger of….being taken again,” you closed your eyes for a moment before looking back at the storm of blue in Bucky’s eyes, “I’ll get the hell out of there. But just know that I’m dragging you out with me. And then you have to swear to me that if this doesn’t work that we will regroup with the rest of camp and follow the larger plan.”

Bucky stared at you, rushing through a million scenarios in his head of what could go wrong.

Or what could go right.

No matter the scenario, though, he realized he couldn’t imagine one without you by his side.

So, with one last exacerbated sigh, Bucky nodded.

Before you had a chance to give him a smug grin that was so uniquely his, he pulled you close and crashed his lips to yours in a desperate, hungry kiss. He tried to pour every ounce of comfort, need - and something else he wasn’t quite yet ready to admit to you out loud - into it. Everything he wanted to say in this brief moment, he said in this kiss.

Your eyes were still closed when he pulled his head back, mouth open slightly.

When you finally opened your eyes and closed your mouth, your expression shifted into that smug grin he had memorized long ago.

“Alright, Beefcake. Let’s go save Steve.”

“Then what the fuck is it going to take to get you to do it? You gotta tell me man so that I can be put out of my misery after watching you two pine over each other for years. Should I write her a note with those boxes to check off either yes, no, or maybe? Should I ask Lena to ask her out for you? Honestly this would be so much easier if we still had phones and could text each other-”

“Alright, alright, enough already,” Steve groaned as his friend resolved into a fit of laughter at his obvious annoyance. “I just…I don’t want to make things weird. Besides, she’s amazing. What would someone like her want with a Brooklyn schmuck like me?”

Bucky softened, leaning forward to lightly shove Steve’s arm. “Hey, don’t talk about my best friend like that. You’re the best guy there is, and anyone would be lucky to have you.”

Steve smiled, resuming his shuffling and dealing out cards for the both of them. “Alright, tomorrow, I promise I will seriously consider asking out Natasha.”

A beam lit up Bucky’s face and he clenched his hand into a fist in victory. “With that attitude,I bet  you two will be married within the next decade.” 

Steve rolled his eyes. “Hopefully by that point, you’ll have found someone for yourself, bud.”

Bucky sighed, shaking his head as he collected his cards. “Nah, I don’t think so. I feel like I’m gonna be a lone wolf kinda guy. Makes things easier, you know?”

Steve shrugged. “Might be easier, but I think you’d be seriously missing out on a chance at something amazing. I can’t think of anyone else who deserves to be happy more than you, Buck.”

“Alright, Romeo,” Bucky said, chuckling, “where is this hopeless romantic side of you when it comes to allowing love into your life-”

The overhead lighting in the bell tower flashed off suddenly, the bulb shifting from a faint yellow to a bright, unforgiving red.

Steve and Bucky looked at each other, dropping their cards on the ground.

Bucky grabbed his binoculars, scanning the perimeter of the church. “I don’t see anything,” he murmured. “I’ll go down and do a sweep.”

Steve nodded, tossing him a flashlight. “You know the drill. Twice, false alarm. Three-”

“Three times, shit’s going down,” Bucky finished, saluting his friend and leader before grabbing his gear and climbing down the ladder.

“I’ll keep watch up here,” Steve added. “Be careful.”

“Always am!”

“You never are, Buck.”

“Sorry, can’t hear you!”

Bucky pulled out his machete as soon as he got to the bottom, cautiously making his way down the sanctuary of the church. It had to have been around 3am, so the rest of the camp was sleeping in their quarters in the dorms previously used by the nuns who worked here when this used to be a functioning religious establishment. 

He heard steps coming from behind him and whipped around, ready to swipe his blade at his attacker.

His body relaxed instantly at the sight of his friend, a smile spread across his face in relief. “Ward, what the fuck are you doing up so late-”

His question was cut off as Ward walked up and landed a right hook across his jaw, body falling over until his head connected with the corner of one of the pews.

That’s when everything faded to black.

Bucky woke a few minutes later as a bright light burned through his closed eyelids. He slowly opened them, the sanctuary spinning for a few seconds, a sharp pain in his head. 

It only took a few seconds for him to make out the image before him, and he jumped into action.

The church was on fire.

He looked around, finding the place empty, then ran toward the main doors.

Coulson was laying on the steps of the church entrance, a bullet in between his eyes.

When he looked up, he saw Laura being dragged away by two men in all black, and he sprinted toward them.

One of the men let go of her and pulled out his gun, taking a shot at Bucky, but he missed.

Which allowed Bucky enough time to take the man down with one swing.

Laura - now able to use the right side of her body - grabbed a dagger and plunged it into her other attacker’s neck.

Bucky grabbed her by the arm. “Are you okay?” She nodded. “Where are the others?”

She let out a sob. “Maria, Tony, and Nick are down. Steve ran to the dorms to grab the others. I saw Pepper and Morgan head to the woods.”

“Laur!” Clint ran up to the both of them, face nearly crumbling with relief as he wrapped his wife in his arms. He turned to Bucky. “It’s a shitshow. I don’t know where these guys came from-”

“It was Ward,” Bucky growled. “He led them here.”

Clint’s eyes widened. “I’ll fucking kill him.”

Bucky shook his head. “Not today. The two of you, go find Pepper and Morgan. I’ll send anyone else toward you. If things go bad, just run. Get to the nearest pharmacy.”

Laura gave him a quick hug and the two of them sprinted toward the woods, and Bucky turned his focus back on the dorms.

He could see through the windows that most of the building was up in flames, and the closer he got the more his face burned.

But he couldn’t stop. He had to make sure everyone was safe. He had to find Steve.

Just as he began his ascent up the stairs into the building, Sarah emerged, holding a bloody, unconscious Carol at her side.

Tears streamed down her face. “Bucky,” Sarah cried out, “help me.”

He took hold of Carol's other side, helping to carry her down the stairs.

Sarah jumped up, eyes on the burning building. “My boys,” she sobbed. “They’re still in there. Steve-”

“I got it,” Bucky yelled, already running in. “Get to the woods! Find the others! We’ll get AJ and Cass!”

Tears burned in his eyes from the heat, and Bucky hovered his arm over his face to block it off best he could.

He just had to get to the boys. To Steve.

Little did he know that he was just about to lose any lingering sense of hope that he might have still possessed in a matter of minutes.

~~~~~

“Bucky?” you said softly after a minute of him staring blankly at you. “Are you okay?”

He blinked. “What…what did you just say?”

You swallowed, thumb stroking his cheekbone.

“Steve. I think he’s alive. He was…Hydra has him.”

Bucky shook his head. “That’s impossible-”

“Blond hair? Blue eyes?” Bucky’s own blue eyes widened. “He was taken in four months before I left, meaning it was right around the time you guys said you were attacked. I hardly ever saw him, and they never called him by his first name, I only knew him as Rogers.” You breathed out another small sob. “If I had known, I would have-”

Lips crashed against yours in a needy, feverish kiss.

When Bucky pulled back, his eyes were alight, a small smile creeping on his face. 

Your brow furrowed. “You’re not…you’re not mad?”

He shook his head, expression unchanging.

“Steve’s alive,” he stated.

You nodded, a hopeful smile growing on your own face. “Steve’s alive.”

And then you were moving, his metal hand tightly gripping yours as he dragged you out of the building.

Within minutes, you were with Sam in the meeting room, relaying your story to the camp’s new leader. A restless Bucky stood by your side, trying to keep still as his body jittered with nervous and excited energy.

“We have to go,” he blurted out once you were finished. “Now. I’ll let the others know and we can head out by nightfall.”

Sam’s mouth pressed into a thin line, hands tightening around the edge of the desk he was sitting against. 

“Bucky,” he said slowly, sternly, “you know it’s not that simple.”

Bucky scoffed. “We can’t just sit here and wait for him to fucking find us, Sam. We have to get him!”

“I’m not saying we sit back and do nothing. Obviously I want to go out and get him just as badly as you do-”

“Then what the hell are we still doing standing here-”

“-but, this is a big thing we’re going up against. We have to come up with a plan. This is a powerhouse you’re suggesting our team - which is much smaller than it was when we first fought them - try and fight on their turf. Yes I want Steve back, but the last thing he’d want would be for us to put our family at risk because we weren’t prepared. Bruce tells me he’s almost done with the blaster weapons, we could start strategizing and Y/n can give us intel on their base.”

You could see your partner shaking his head from the corner of your eye and you turned to look at him, his jaw clenched in frustration. Your arm wrapped around his in comfort.

“Hydra is at least a week away, and that’s if we’re lucky and find horses to ride. Otherwise it’s a month on foot. He could be dead by the time we get there.”

Sam let out a long sigh. “He might already be dead, Buck.”

His body stilled against you. “Do you even fucking care Sam? What the hell is this?” His voice grew louder, angrier.

“Bucky-” you whispered.

“Of course I fucking care!” Sam shouted, standing straight. “And hell, if it were just me I had to worry about I would have left five fucking minutes ago! But it’s not, and I need to look out for what’s left of our pack. I have to make sure Morgan, Cass, and AJ have parents that will return to them! I have to make sure that we can even make it to the Hydra alive so that Steve doesn’t rot in there because we had no idea what we were doing.”

“But-”

“Drop it Bucky,” Sam said with finality. “We’ll meet about this tonight after dinner to discuss next steps.” His face softened. “As soon as we’re ready, we’ll leave. I promise you that. We’re gonna get him back, but we have to ensure that everyone else gets to come back, too.”

Bucky opened his mouth, ready to say something, then shut it, and you wondered if he was going to have any teeth left from how tightly he was clenching them together.

Without a word, he gently released himself from your hold and stormed off, punching a hole in the wall with his vibranium arm.

You flinched, tears welling in your eye from how upset he was.

Maybe you shouldn’t have told him…

“It’s good that you did,” Sam responded to the thought you had apparently said out loud. You turned to him and he gave you an understanding smile. “He deserves to know, and though he’s mad, this is great news.” He sighed, expression now painted with guilt. “I hope….I don’t want you to think that I don’t want to save Steve as soon as possible-”

The hitch in his voice pulled your feet toward him until your arms were wrapping him in a tight hug.

“I know,” you whispered as he returned the embrace. You pulled away. “You’re our leader for a reason, Sam. We trust you, and that includes Bucky. What was it you all kept telling me when I first got here and I thought he hated my guts?”

Sam breathed out a small laugh. “Just give it time.”

You nodded. “Just give it time. He’ll cool off. 

He squeezed your arm. “I’m so fucking glad you’re here.”

Another nod. “Me, too. Now, let’s go talk to the others and finally get Steve back.”

Bucky kept to himself for the rest of the night.

Right after you left the meeting room, you went to his, only to find the door closed.

You knocked.

Silence.

You attempted to turn the handle.

Locked.

You tried to ignore the ache in your chest, trying to tell yourself that he needed time. He’d come to you when he was ready.

So with a heavy heart, you stepped away and began telling the group to meet with you and Sam after dinner.

It took a few minutes for the shock to wear off once the two of you laid everything out, but as soon as it did, everyone got to work forming a plan.

Bruce and Peter were finishing final prototypes for the new blasters, and if they passed their tests they could start producing more for at least a few members to hold onto. 

Laura and Clint would go out and start collecting horses and board them at a nearby farm to shave off travel time.

Dum Dum would start meal prepping so that the gang had enough food supplies for the journey there and back. Him, Pepper, and Bruce would stay back with the kids.

Yelena and Kate would get to training everyone full time, individually and in groups.

You’d be working with Sam - and hopefully Bucky - to give them details on the Hydra base so that you could plan your attack.

In two weeks, you would be on your way.  

Two weeks before you’d be heading back to your prison.

That was the thought constantly nagging you in the back of your brain. Don’t go back. Don’t go back.

You could have stayed behind as the others left. Sam continuously reminded you of that. It was your choice to go or stay. The ramifications of you returning to Hydra were much more dangerous than anyone else.

If there was even a chance that this plan could fail and they could capture you once more, you’d be right back where you were, and they’d be one step closer to finding out how to develop a cure to gain even more power.

It would be very very very bad.

But this was Steve. Shield’s family. Bucky’s family. And that made him yours.

And if there was anything you could do to keep your family safe, you would.

Even if the nagging thought persisted.

Don’t go back. 

Don’t. Go. Back.

Bucky stood outside your bedroom door, hand hovering over the handle, fingers twitching as he debated his next moves.

You were most likely asleep, getting some rest in before the two of you were supposed to be on watch.

He just wanted to see you.

One last time.

Before he did something really stupid.

Bucky took a deep breath, closing his eyes as they began to sting with tears, hand going back to his side.

It was too risky.

Too selfish.

It was also unnecessary, because he saw you everytime he closed his eyelids. Could recreate every single detail of what you looked like because it was permanently seared inside his brain. 

He took a step back, finding it painfully difficult to walk further away from you.

But this was how it needed to be.

He needed to go save Steve.

If he waited any longer, he could be dead by the time he got there.

He needed to go.

His metal hand tightened around the strap of his bag and he descended down the stairs.

All that was left to do was run to the arsenal room to go grab the bag of food and extra weapons he had packed during the group’s meeting, and then he’d be on his way.

Bucky stopped short when he reached the back corner of the room where the bag was supposed to be hidden, but instead he was face to face with an empty spot.

“Looking for something, Beefcake?”

He stilled, body tensing before slowly turning around to find you leaning against the door frame, his extra bag around your shoulder, arms crossed as you looked at him like he had just got caught looking through his Ma’s wallet.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, though he knew it was a stupid question.

Your eyes went to the ground and you stood straight. “Welp, I had been looking around for a brooding, ridiculously attractive man who I felt needed a hug or something. When I checked in here a few hours ago to try and find him, I noticed a few weapons were missing…” Your brows rose as you gave him a knowing look. “That’s when I found the bag. Wasn’t too hard to put two and two together.”

Bucky’s head hung low. “I wanted to tell you,” he mumbled. “I just-”

“We can talk about it on the road,” you said casually, and his head shot back up to look at you, eyes wide. You leaned down to grab something behind the wall, holding it up for him to see.

It was the blaster Bruce and Peter had been working on.

Realization sank in and Bucky began shaking his head fervently. “No. Absolutely not. You’re staying here.”

Your lips twisted to one side. “Sorry, Beefcake, but no can do. I gotta make sure your ass makes it out alive.”

He walked over to you, jaw clenching. “You know it’s too dangerous for you to go back there.” It made him sick to think of the things Hydra could do to you if they caught you again. He had half a mind to blow the entire operation up while he was there.

You nodded. “I also know that there’s almost no chance that you’re going to be able to stay here for two more weeks to wait for the rest of the group to prepare.”

Bucky opened his mouth, then closed it, shaking his head in agreement.

“I gotta get him.”

Your hand reached up to rest against his face. “Then let me help you.”

“No.”

“Bucky,” you pleaded, any trace of humor or sarcasm in your tone gone. “Please. If you go there by yourself, Hydra will have you in a cell before you can even get through their first border patrol. I know the place, I’ve escaped it. I can keep you safe and we can finally save Steve. Together.”

There was a tremor in your voice as you said the last sentence and concern rushed through Bucky. He held your face between his hands. “Hey, hey,” he soothed. “What’s up? What am I missing?”

You leaned your head into his hand, eyes closing for a moment as you gathered your thoughts.

With a sigh, you opened your eyes to meet Bucky’s.

“Steve…Steve was the one who helped me escape.”

He furrowed his brows in confusion.

You continued. “That day, there was an uprising in the prison. Someone had managed to unlock all of the doors to let people escape. It was chaos. I was still strapped to one of the chairs for testing when the guards ran out to investigate, but they had left their….tools close enough for me to grab. I cut myself free and ran.”

Bucky continued staring at you, his body growing tense at the idea of you being tied down for them to do their bidding.

“I was running down one of the hallways when two of the guards managed to grab hold of me. I started screaming for help, trying my best to fight back. Suddenly, I was free, and I looked down to find them both on the ground. When I turned around, there he was. Rogers - as I knew him then - his face covered in dirt, fists clenched. He asked if my name was Y/n and when I said yes he just grabbed my hand and led me down various hallways until we were in the basement.”

His chest swelled. Only Steve could have managed to save the woman who now owned Bucky’s heart without even realizing.

“Eventually, we were at a large tunnel, one that Steve said would get me outside. I tried asking him questions, but he cut me off, saying I needed to go.” Your voice began to tremble as you continued. “He…he must have known about my blood and knew I needed to get as far away from Hydra as possible. He saved my life that day, and I just left him behind-”

“Hey,” Bucky leaned forward to wrap you in a tight embrace, cradling your head against his chest. “Steve knew what he was doing. He needed to get you out and keep you safe.”

“But that means that your best friend is still there being tortured. He deserves to be here, not me.”

Bucky felt his heart break in slow motion as he pulled back to meet your eyes, his own stinging with tears.

“Listen to me, Sweetheart. Never feel like you don’t deserve to be here. As much as I fucking miss Steve and wish that he was safe, if he hadn’t gotten you out then I wouldn’t have you in my life. And now we have a chance to save him..”

You blinked a few times, the right corner of your lips quirking up ever so slightly.

“So you agree, then? We should both go save him?”

Shock crossed over his face, followed quickly by the scowl that was uniquely yours.

You never ceased to amaze him.

Before he had a chance to argue, you continued on. “I swear to you that if there is even a chance that I’m in danger of….being taken again,” you closed your eyes for a moment before looking back at the storm of blue in Bucky’s eyes, “I’ll get the hell out of there. But just know that I’m dragging you out with me. And then you have to swear to me that if this doesn’t work that we will regroup with the rest of camp and follow the larger plan.”

Bucky stared at you, rushing through a million scenarios in his head of what could go wrong.

Or what could go right.

No matter the scenario, though, he realized he couldn’t imagine one without you by his side.

So, with one last exacerbated sigh, Bucky nodded.

Before you had a chance to give him a smug grin that was so uniquely his, he pulled you close and crashed his lips to yours in a desperate, hungry kiss. He tried to pour every ounce of comfort, need - and something else he wasn’t quite yet ready to admit to you out loud - into it. Everything he wanted to say in this brief moment, he said in this kiss.

Your eyes were still closed when he pulled his head back, mouth open slightly.

When you finally opened your eyes and closed your mouth, your expression shifted into that smug grin he had memorized long ago.

“Alright, Beefcake. Let’s go save Steve.”

“Everyone,” he finally murmured, pulling you in for a chaste kiss. Your hands wrapped around his, thumbs stroking the backs of his palms.

“Fucking finally!” a shout came from the other side of the acidic water. You and Bucky turned your heads to find Yelena standing with her arms crossed in front of her, the most smug look on her face that you’d seen yet. “What’d I tell ya, Приятельница?”

Bucky looked back at you, confused, and you just shook your head, biting your bottom lip to hold back a smile.

“I’ll tell ya later.” Your chest moved up and down as you took a deep breath. “Alright, Beefcake, let’s get this over with.”

He nodded, jaw set as his hand interlaced back with yours.

“Everything is going to be okay,” he said. “And I’ll be by your side the entire time. You don’t ever have to go through this alone again, alright?”

You smiled as the overwhelming amount of anxiety coursing through you slowly eased to more tolerable levels, then walked into the tree, waiting to let go of Bucky’s hand until the last possible second as you climbed up the ladder to cross the Bog.

“Holy fucking shit,” Sarah breathed out, finally moving from her spot across the room toward you to further inspect the bite mark on your neck.

The whole scene had played out in an eerily similar way to the first time you came to Shield, everyone standing in an arc in front of you in the meeting room at the top center section of the middle building.

But this time, instead of feeling totally on your own, terrified to open up to total strangers, there was a lingering sense of peace as you finally revealed your deepest secret.

This time, a calloused, grounding hand was wrapped around yours, arm leaning against yours in support.

This time, you looked into the eyes of those you loved, their expressions less skeptical and more soft. Concerned.

Kate had started tearing up when you began your story with your time at Hydra, reaching for Lena’s hand by her side.

Yelena stayed skeptic, the only trace of emotion showing through her jaw as it clenched tighter and tighter the more you went on.

“And you’ve known for some time now?” Sam asked Bruce, not in a hostile way, but more inquisitive.

Bruce nodded. “I confronted Y/n about a week ago, but respected her request to tell you all when she was ready. We’re trying to find a way to make the compounds of her blood more….forgiving to other samples.

Sam nodded. “Do you think you can do it?”

Bruce turned to make eye contact with you and bobbed his chin down once before looking back to Sam. “I’m going to try my damned hardest.”

Sam looked at you, walking up to his sister’s side to check out the wound.

Bucky squeezed your hand.

“She saved my life,” he said, meeting Sam’s gaze. “She would have been able to escape, should have escaped,” you bumped your arm against his and he narrowed his eyes at you, the corners of his lips curving upward slightly, “but decided to put herself between me and the runner. I’d be a walking corpse right now if not for her.”

You smiled back, allowing yourself to be temporarily lost in his soft, comforting blue eyes.

“Regardless of my intentions, we’re back to the same place we were when I first arrived.” You looked across the room at everyone present: Pepper, Clint, Laura, Lena, Kate, Sarah, and Sam. “Now you know the full risk of me being here, how bad it would be if others found out my secret. If you want, I can go back on the run, and that way you never have to worry about my situation putting any of you in danger.”

“If she goes, I go,” Bucky added, and you whipped your head toward him again, completely ignoring the wide eyed expressions from the others. He nodded at you, face serious.

“Alright, alright,” Sam said, stepping back and crossing his arms in front of him. He looked to the group. “Last time, I made the call to let Y/n stay, but these are different circumstances, and I don’t feel comfortable speaking for everyone else.” He turned to you with a somber expression. “Let’s put it to a vote.”

You nodded, swallowing as your heartbeat quickened. Bucky shuffled on his feet, thumb tapping restlessly on your knuckle.

“With a raise of hands, those in favor of Y/n leaving?”

A beat passed. Then two. 

Not a single hand was raised, the only movement in the room was your hand as it squeezed Bucky’s again.

Sam turned to you with a smile, not even looking at the group as he spoke again. “All those in favor of Y/n staying?”

The tears you had been holding this whole meeting finally fell down your face as you watched each hand lift simultaneously. 

“Guess that’s that, then,” Sam said. “Looks like you both get to stay.” He gave Bucky a knowing look before patting him on the shoulder. He then pulled you in for a hug. “Thank you for saving him,” he whispered into your ear. “In more ways than one.”

Your smile widened and you looked from Sam to Bucky, ocean blue irises filled with contentment.

Bruce walked up to you, eyes on your neck. “We should get that looked at. It also might be good to draw some samples to see how your cells are reacting to a fresh bite-”

“Bruce,” Bucky cut in, voice low and jaw clenched.

The scientist’s mouth shut and he gave you an apologetic look. “Of course, only if you’re comfortable.”

Just as you were about to respond, you saw a blond head whiz by the gang and out the door.

Your heart constricted at the sight of Yelena storming off, and you gave Bucky and Bruce a small smile and nod before following her down the stairs and out of the building.

“Lena, wait!” you called, running to catch up with her as her steps slowed. Her face was hard when she turned around, and she crossed her arms in front of her.

God, please, you thought. Please don’t hate me.

“Look, I’m sorry-” you started, before your beloved Russian crushed you in an embrace, your sentence cutting off with an oof.

You fought against her stupidly strong arms to move yours around her, hugging your friend back.

It was silent for a few seconds, the two of you quietly clinging to each other.

When she finally pulled back, Yelena slapped your arm and you yelped.

“What the fuck was that for?” you asked incredulously.

“What wasn’t that for?” she scoffed. “Not telling me this secret, jumping onto a runner and putting your life in danger! The thought that I might have lost you if you didn’t have crazy zombie-proof blood or whatever.” Tears welled in her eyes and her bottom lip trembled.

“Hey,” you squeezed her arm. “It’s okay, I’m here. I’m okay, Lena.”

She nodded. “I know, I know. It’s just,” her lips twisted to the side. “You’re my best friend. My sister. I can’t lose you.”

Now tears sprang to your eyes and you pulled her in for another hug. “You won't, I'm not going anywhere, ya hear?”

“You better not, Приятельница. Or I’ll kick your ass until you wish you could turn undead.”

You shoved her, and she shoved you back, the two of you giggling like a couple of lifelong friends.

“Beefcake, you have to let go of my hand or let me turn the page,” you giggled, twisting your head and kissing Bucky’s jaw.

He nodded. “One second, sweetheart, I think I missed a few spots.” He pulled your palm back to his lips, tightening his grip as you tried to pull away, both of you laughing.

You weren’t sure what to expect for your first watch after returning. If Bucky would want to go back to how everything was before the supply run.

So when you climbed up the tower, you looked at your corner and Bucky’s debating which side to sit at.

Not wanting to push boundaries or make him uncomfortable, you sat in your usual spot.

When he climbed up a few minutes later, Bucky didn’t even hesitate to move to your side, pulling you in for a kiss before adjusting your body so that he could hold you in his arms.

That was when you realized how stupid you were to doubt whatever was forming between the two of you.

To be fair, it might have been better for you to have kept to your separate corners, because then you might have actually been able to do your jobs efficiently, rather than getting lost in the softness of Bucky’s lips as they traveled from your temple to your collarbone, or Bucky’s eyes closing when you pulled down the collar of his shirt to kiss the jagged, black-veined scarring on his left shoulder.

You hadn’t been able to read more than a single page of a book in days.

“Do you know how fucking long I’ve wanted to do this?” Bucky asked, fingers running along your arm. 

“What, harass me while I’m trying to work?” you replied sarcastically, followed by a yelp when his fingers moved to tickle your side. You tried to move away but he had an iron (or, in this case, vibranium) grip on you.

“Pretty sure I could do that no problem before, sweetheart. I meant this,” he said, kissing your ear. “Or this.” His metal arm gently squeezed around your middle. “Mainly just this.” He brought his hand back around yours, thumb stroking your skin. “I felt like I was going to burst into flames if I never got to know what this felt like.”

You bit your bottom lip, staring at the hand in yours. “It was the same for me. I truly thought I was going to go insane that first week, when I didn’t even have a book to use as a distraction and you had no interest in speaking to me.”

He groaned as you kissed his chin. “God, it was because I hated how badly I wanted to talk to you. I had so many dumb questions running around in my head and I knew if I started talking I would never want to stop. Your whole existence was so overwhelming to me.” Your brows furrows and his rose. “N-no, I mean in a good way, sweetheart,” he stammered, attempting to backtrack. “Like, I hated that there were years of us being alive and not knowing each other. I wanted to turn back time so I could have known you my whole life.”

Your expression softened to a small smile, and you rested on a hand to his cheek, pulling him in for a slow, chaste kiss.

“Well, Beefcake, what did you want to ask?”

He pondered that for a moment, twisting his head to kiss the palm of your hand. 

“What’s your favorite color?”

You laughed, shaking your head. “That is what’s been plaguing you for months?”

He nodded, expression completely serious, but you saw the mischievous light in his eyes.

“Blue,” you replied. “You?”

“Green.” He kissed your nose. “Favorite movie?”

“Pride & Prejudice, the Keira Knightly one.”

“Lord of the Rings, extended edition.” Bucky kissed your temple. “Favorite flower?”

“Daylilies.”

“Roses. They remind me of my Ma.”

You felt your heart crack. “Is that why you have the tattoos?”

He nodded. “Dad used to bring a new bouquet of them home for her every week, so the house always smelled like ‘em. Ma used to say that no matter how sad or upset she was, roses could fix just about anything.” His eyes went to the ground, expression now a mixture between sheepish and sorrowful. “I guess this was just my attempt to hold onto that sentiment during a really shitty time.”

“Hey,” you murmured, resting a hand on his chest. He looked back at you. “I think that’s a beautiful way to remember your mom. And she would be so incredibly proud of the man you are today.”

Bucky’s nose twitched, and you saw a film of tears form over his eyes. “I don’t know about that, sweetheart.”

“I do, Buck. You’re the strongest, bravest, most kind-hearted man I know. You might also be a bit of a grumpy pants, but that just adds more character in my opinion.”

He kissed your temple. “I’m ignoring that last part.”

“Doesn’t make it any less true, bud.”

He pulled back, face scrunched. “Bud? Did you just bud me?”

Your eyes went wide and you gave him a sly grin. “What? You’re my best bud, Beefcake.”

Bucky groaned, his own devilish smile creeping up his face. “That’s it.” And then he attacked. Lips pressing against every square inch of your face, crushing you to him with a tight hold so there was no way to escape, you quietly yelping and laughing, trying to wiggle free.

If you were being honest with yourself, you weren’t trying as hard as you could to get out of his old.

“Alright, Bucky,” Bruce began as you sat down on one of the lab stools, “I know you’re here to support Y/n, but I’m wondering if you might be willing to help test a theory.”

It had been ten days since you had returned from the supply run, and Bruce had spent the first few of them tending to and sampling the new bite wound (with your consent, of course). Once he determined that it hadn’t changed the structure of your DNA, it was back to square one of regular testing, resuming your search for a cure for everyone and not just yourself.

Bucky’s brows furrowed, looking to you for insight. You just shrugged, not having any idea where this was going.

Bruce took off his glasses and wiped the lenses with his shirt. “I’ve been giving this some thought for a while, about needing to find a sort of neutralizing compound for your blood to make it less…”

“Murderous? Crazy? Freakish?” you cut in, earning an elbow to the arm from your beloved Beefcake.

The scientist pressed his lips into a thin line. “I was going to say efficient. The point of the serum was to wipe out any threatening blood cells, such as a super contagion that turns someone undead. Instead of only finding the toxic components in zombie blood, it's registering any blood that isn’t yours as toxic, destroying any trace of it at such a rapid rate that it doesn’t have time to recognize it as normal, healthy blood. I wondered if someone needed to be bitten first, and have the virus in their body before getting a dose of your blood.”

You shook your head. “Sorry, Doc, but Hydra already tried that and it didn’t work. My blood was already fucking everything up before it could even find zombie blood.”

He tapped his glasses against his thumb. “I figured that would be the case. The zombie virus is fast and aggressive, meaning a serum that fights it has to be even more so. But then I thought…” he looked at Bucky again, “what if someone had been bitten and got most of the virus out in time, but not all?”

The image of faint black veins along Bucky’s left shoulder made your breath hitch.

Bucky swallowed as realization set in. “You think my blood could work?”

Bruce shrugged. “It’s a theory we haven’t tried. If your blood still has small traces of the virus, or has mutated in some way because of what lingered after you were bitten, maybe Y/n’s blood will go after that.”

You and Bucky shared a skeptical look before turning back to Bruce. “So how will you test it? Put them in a bowl together and see what happened?”

“It’s called a petri dish, but yes.” Bruce put his glasses back on. “Only if you’re willing, Buck.”

Bucky shrugged. “If it helps you pull off your nerd science shit-” you slapped his arm and he giggled “-then I guess it’s worth a try.”

Bruce, ignoring the usual jab, grinned from ear to ear, nodding his head up and down excitedly. He gestured for Bucky to sit in the stool next to yours, grabbing his materials.

You felt Bucky kiss your shoulder when Bruce’s back was turned, and you looked to see him staring at you with what could only be described as puppy dog eyes. 

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re the cutest thing to ever exist, Beefcake?” you murmured softly.

He grinned before quickly shifting his face to a hard, stern expression. “Don’t tell anyone, Sweetheart. Gotta keep up appearances and all that.”

You scrunched your nose, bringing the boyish grin back which then caused your heart to flutter.

“If you two are all set,” Bruce interjected, and you both shot up straight, looking at him wide-eyed as if you had just been caught making out in an empty high school classroom or some ridiculous shit. The scientist’s brows were raised. “Let’s get started.”

He drew blood from both of you, placing them in their own vials. He poured a small bit of Bucky’s onto the dish.

Then, with one shared look with the two of you, he poured yours over it.

The room went completely silent as your eyes glued themselves to the dish, watching the samples mix together.

Your chest constricted when you saw it start to bubble, bracing yourself for it to turn black as Bruce’s sample did.

But then, something strange happened.

Instead of the entire sample turning black, you watched as small, black dots rose to the surface, sizzling away one by one until the blood settled, still in its normal red coloring.

Bucky’s hand interlaced with yours, holding on tightly and you released the breath you had apparently been holding this entire time.

Bruce looked at you two, mouth agape.

“Holy shit,” Bucky breathed out, a small, incredulous chuckle following.

The three of you stared at it for a few more seconds in silence, trying your best to grasp what this might mean.

It suddenly felt like the beginning of something. For you, for Shield, for the world.

The beginning of an end.

Bruce relieved the two of you shortly after that, saying that this was just the start of his testing. He still needed to study the components of this new sample, and see if he could pull from and manipulate it to create a new serum that could work to make everyone immune.

Though it was clear that you weren’t out of the woods yet, that there was still a long way to go, you and Bucky practically skipped out of the lab, wrapping your arms around each other once you got to the hallway.

Bucky gently pushed you against the wall, his smiling lips hovering over yours.

“You feel it too, don’t you?” he asked, breathless.

You nodded. “Overwhelming relief? As if five years of absolute shit might someday be over?”

He feigned confusion. “I was going to say I felt like kissing you senseless, but I guess your answer works, too.”

His lips crashed into yours before you had a chance to giggle, and he managed to achieve his goal with ease, his kiss becoming the only thing your senses could focus on. You tightened your arms around his neck, pulling him closer to you.

You gasped for air when he finally pulled back, lips swollen, head dizzy. 

“I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to that,” you breathed.

Bucky’s bottom lip jut out in a pout. “You better not, Sweetheart. I know I sure as hell won’t.”

“Good.” You kissed him again. “Alright, Beefcake, I need to go before I’m late for Yelena and I get my ass kicked more than usual. See you at dinner?”

He leaned down to kiss your neck. “Don’t miss me too much,” he whispered in your ear.

You fought back the shiver shooting up your spine and rolled your eyes. “I’ll try not to.”

Your entire body screamed in pain as you walked out of the gym, and you debated skipping dinner and just sleeping the soreness off until watch.

As soon as you were outside, though, you found yourself walking further onto the grounds, soaking in the sunshine and inhaling the fresh air, a sigh leaving your lips at the feel of the gentle breeze hitting your sweat-covered skin.

Pepper, Laura, and Morgan were practicing archery with Kate over on one side, all turning to smile and wave as you passed.

Morgan turned back to the target and shot her arrow directly into the bullseye, and you beamed with pride as she jumped up and down, high fiving the women around her.

Before you could even notice, you had made it to the small memorial corner of camp, and for the first time since arriving, instead of turning around and walking back, you kept approaching. 

You walked up to the pine trees, pulling out one of your smaller daggers as you reached a stump that still had some empty spaces.

This was the one place you had not explored since arriving at SHIELD, unable to find the courage to acknowledge the many lives lost. It felt unfair that the people who were now your family had lost their own flesh and blood while you got to be here instead.

But you were here, and you were family, and you had lost your own loved ones.

They deserved to be remembered. To be honored.

You crouched down to the section of untouched bark, tears streaming down your face as you carved new names down the trunk.

Your parents.

The Eternals. Most of them, at least. It wasn’t until Sersi and Druig’s name were left that your blade shook over the surface of the tree.

They were dead. They had to be. There was no way they could have survived two years of captivity under the ruthlessness of Hydra.

….Though, you did.

You closed your eyes, silently pleading with the universe that they might still be alive. That you might someday see them again. 

It was a long shot. More than that, it was basically impossible that they were.

But that was just enough doubt for you to stand up, their names not present on the list of dead.

You took your time maneuvering through the trees, fingers gliding along the names that had been listed by the other Shield members.

Natasha Romanoff

Carol Danvers

Nick Fury

Phil Coulson

Tony Stark 

Rebecca Barnes

Your lips curved up in a small, sad smile as you stopped where Bucky’s family was listed, tracing over the letters of their names.

There was one final name at the top - just above Winnifred Barnes - that stopped you in your tracks.

Steve Rogers

Your whole body suddenly went cold, heart beating out of your chest, head growing foggy as a memory slammed into your brain.

Of a name listed on the white board in the lab you were held prisoner in, referenced in hushed whispers by the men assigned to torture you.

Rogers

Blue eyes, blond hair, large hands clutching tightly to your arms as the man you had only heard of in passing during your last few months at Hydra pleaded for you to run and never look back.

Holy fucking shit.

You kept your eyes glued on the name as you slowly stepped back, hands shaking.

Then, you turned, heading to the dorms in a full on sprint.