Embrace my Madness

Include the raccoon in his little projector slides during the trial

Make little dolls of Louis, Claudia and Madeleine for his rehearsal trial, and put a bra on Madeleine’s doll

Make up the story about feeding the sacrifice soup as part of his punishment

Steal Malik’s sunglasses

Imitate Louis by crossing his legs

Tell Daniel about how he’s had sex with half the coven, to his long-time husband’s surprise

Pretend to be a real employee at the penthouse instead of simply inventing an alter ego like a normal person

Reveal his vampirism by hovering menacingly, moments after removing his brown contacts in record time

Take Louis to Lestat in Magnus’ dungeon knowing full well that it could backfire and his cover might be blown

Let a two-time Pulitzer Prize winning investigative journalist into his home to write his husband’s memoir despite having mountains of lies to hide

Leave a two-time Pulitzer Prize winning investigative journalist alone with his husband knowing full well that he’s brainwashed both of them into forgetting an important series of events

Tell that same journalist about how he not only had sex with Lestat, but did so while making eye contact with Lestat’s ex, despite this having no relation or importance to the memoir

Lock himself in a box during the trial and make Sam guard him with a prop scythe while simultaneously sentencing his boyfriend to death

Attempt to impress Louis by demonstrating his friendship with Sartre

Continue to court Louis despite knowing full well that Louis was hallucinating his dead ex-husband, who is also his ex

Interrupt a week-long torture session to muse about how the floor slants north

Believe he’s kept his “I will not harm you” vow to Louis because he’s kept to the letter of the law despite violating the spirit of it repeatedly and enthusiastically

Suggest that lemon wallpaper be installed in the brutalist penthouse with minimalist decor

Break a 500-year-old vow because he was upset about his divorce, despite knowing full well that his marriage was a sham

Armand, the second his ass is out the door:

Interview with the Vampire Season 2

I’m losing my SHIT over this. Grandpa really said DTF.

Lestat: Yes I wrote an album and toured the country so that I could get back my ex boyfriend

Daniel: so neither of you ever thought about picking up a phone? Social media?

Armand: personally I find that stalking is much more personal, have you tried…

Daniel: (slams window shut)