A note to myself and whoever is listening: you are beautiful. You deserve to be loved. You deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them. You deserve someone who, despite all your flaws, loves you anyways. Someone who loves you just the way you are. You deserve someone who makes your life easier. Someone who makes you wonder why you ever thought you were better off alone. You deserve someone who wants to see you achieve all your dreams because your happiness is their happiness. Someone who is willing to grow with you and build the life you dreamt of together. Someone who fears the future because one day you might not be in it. Someone who, the thought of losing you shakes them to their core. You deserve someone who stands by you through everything, the good and the bad. Someone who will fight for you until they do not need to fight anymore. Someone who understands that good things don’t come easy. You deserve someone who appreciates your effort and is willing to give you the world in return. You deserve someone who is all about you and no one else. Someone who takes care of your heart and your soul. You deserve honesty. Someone who has the courage to tell you the truth.You deserve loyalty. Someone who does not crave anyone else’s attention but yours. You deserve someone who you can pour your heart out to without feeling like you will be judged. You deserve someone who listens and understands all of you. You deserve someone who wants to spend every second of every day with you. Someone who knows what you have been through and promises to never let you go through it again. Someone who makes these promises and keeps every single one. Someone who believes you are the reason rainbows exist and the sun shines every day. If you have found this person, then hold on to them because you have truly been blessed. If not, then don’t worry. Be patient. Go with the flow. Even if the flow seems whack, go with it. What awaits you in the end is better than you could ever imagine. In the meantime learn to love yourself. Love your flaws and accept them. They make you who you are. They make you unique. Love and respect yourself first. One day, when someone does come into your life, don’t be afraid to love them. Love them wholeheartedly. Give it all you got. And if they still leave, then let them go. Don’t let them tear you apart. It’s not your fault. Their inability to love you and see what’s in front of them is not your fault.  Don’t be afraid of what’s to come because someone who was meant to be yours will always stay. Be happy knowing you are a little wiser than you were before. #lessonlearned Most importantly, trust God. He really is the best of planners.

Why? How? Why put so much time and effort into someone you never intended to keep? Why spend your nights pouring your heart out to someone only to rip apart their heart in the end? Their heart, the one that accepted you for you. The one that wanted to love every inch of your mind and your body. Why make someone feel like they are the most perfect thing to ever exist, only to leave them questioning where they went wrong? Why shed tears over a love that you believed was the love of your life, only to throw it away like it never meant a thing to you? Why dream of a perfect future with someone only to leave them with nightmares of that once beautiful dream? Why make the promise of forever if forever was not what you desired? How will you sleep at night knowing that the one person who was willing to love you till the end is not in your life anymore because you didn’t have the strength, nor courage, to carry their love? How will you feel knowing that the one person who was willing to fight till the ends of the earth for you is not here to care for you anymore? How will you live knowing that you let go of the most beautiful thing that could ever enter your lonely world? How will you feel knowing that the person who loved you with all their heart has moved on and is happier with someone else? Someone who appreciates their love more than you ever could.

I was fine when you told me you had to leave. Maybe fine isn’t the right word. I felt numb. I felt nothing. I felt empty. I couldn’t even get myself to cry. I went about my day as I normally would. Went to work, did a little shopping. It wasn’t until I laid down to sleep I realized that you weren’t in my life anymore.  It hit me. It hit me hard. I realized I couldn’t hear your voice as I was falling asleep like I was so used to hearing every night. I couldn’t see your face as you slowly fell asleep with me like I was so used to seeing every night. This was the moment I started to miss you. I missed your voice and how peaceful it was as you drifted off to sleep. I missed your face and how you would smile at me right before you closed your eyes. I even missed your snoring. The same snoring that I got so used to because it would keep me up all night. The same snoring, I never complained about because it was a part of you and I loved every single part of you. I realized that I won’t get to see your messy hair and sleepy eyes in the morning as you would wake up, smile and say good morning to me. I realized that I won’t ever hear you say my name again in that way that sounded so beautiful when it came out of your mouth. This was the moment I realized I won’t ever hear you tell me that you love me in that voice that calmed even the most chaotic parts of my soul. This was the moment distance became my greatest enemy. Every part of me wanted to get on a plane and fly to you. Every part of me wanted to demand an explanation for all my efforts that have now gone to waste. Every part of me wanted you to feel how I felt as I laid there in my cold, empty bed with a heart so heavy that it felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders.

my mom has a friend who has a failed program-service dog and he’s literally my favorite creature

When you make a reference and someone actually gets it