Despite having the people you cherish the most around , there's something that feels empty

Which makes me think , what is connection?

Is it weird that I crave connection yet I push everyone away when they get too close?

Yet when im alone im comfortable but I see people with close connections and they seem fulfilled and makes me wonder is that what im missing

Yet im so blessed with so many loving people , it because their love isn't enough?

Or is it just me?

Am I so broken that even love needs to be twisted and made into something ugly because ugly is the only thing that feels real or even okay.

Who do I blame?

My parents? My partner? My job?

I dunno. Its that old cliche of feeling alone in a crowded room.

Never related to that until now.