やさしいお化け話

As for the replacement…

B-ka was fairly confident that he’d never be able to fully comprehend that level of science himself, whether he read a textbook fifty times over or not. He didn’t consider himself especially talented in the arts either, but...he oftentimes had a much easier time with them, at the very least. Calculations were just so easy to jumble up, and so tricky to correct--

“Oh... O-Okay...”

--much like this situation, come to think of it. Was he becoming more of a bother the more he fretted...?

“I-If you say so...um...” 

The stranger had said (repeatedly) that it was all right, but at the very least he had to--

Assuming B-ka was Japanese, that is, but he looked Asian for the most part, and he could only imagine that his name was also from that line of heritage too. Kaito really had no say in other people’s identities in the first place, because jeez, on a scale of one to ten of ironic names, he sat around nine.

Thank you mom and dad, you truly cared about the future. No one would ever suspect that a kid called Kaito was actually a Kaitou. Ugh.

Was his name strange? B-ka had never thought so, and no one had ever remarked otherwise until now. Maybe it was just uncommon where Kaito came from...? But, where could he have lived in Japan that a name like [REDACTED] could be mistaken as foreign...?

Ah, well. It wasn’t as if B-ka could hold initial mispronunciation against him--they’d only just met and introduced themselves, after all!

“A-Anyway... I guess I kind of was...! In a movie, I mean...” He lowered his head, a touch sheepish--but the inevitable onset of shyness didn’t stop him. “Back home, I--I was part of a film club...with my friends...and we decided to make a movie for our school’s culture festival...

“For a while, we--we couldn’t decide on a final script...so me and the others ended up looking through lots of different scenarios...”

B-ka paused--and chuckled awkwardly.

Your muse will get, from mine,

A flower crown

A lullaby

A kiss on the nose

A tiny animal

A piggyback ride

To see my muse’s favorite secret place

A tickle attack

A favorite story

A pillow fort

And then Satan said “put the alphabet in math”.

Sometimes I think I’m sassy and then I realise I’m just too sarcastic and borderline mean.

Do my dark undereye circles and unwashed hair turn you on? 

I love sunglasses! Am I looking at that tree? Am I looking at your dick? Who knows!

This is the police, open up, tell me about yourself, don’t be afraid.

Raise your hand if you’re a lil’ bit of an asshole. 

Why don’t people do random nice things for me? You know, send me a message, draw me, paint me, send me three hundred thousand dollars.

I am three years behind on math homework. 

I don’t like your clothes; take them off. 

What if you start making car alarm noises when people you don’t like touch you?

Hey, is your girlfriend seeing anyone?

I get butterflies when I think about myself. 

When you see a good body and you just can’t think of a good pun. IT’s dev-ass-tating.

Umm… hi. My friend wanted to know if you think I’m hot. 

To quote Hamlet, act three, scene three, line ninety two, “no.”

I never run voluntarily so if you see me running, you should probably run too because something must be coming. 

I’ve got a masters degree in being ignored. 

I will do a lot of things, but admitting to my mum that I’m cold after she told me to bring a jacket isn’t one of them. 

Dads are either too nice or assholes; there’s no in between.

On a scale of fake pockets to nachos, how good is your idea? 

I’m alive, but only ironically. 

I’ve been in a bad mood since two thousand and seven. 

No, you’re not as funny as me. Stop trying. 

Just suck my dick, bro. I said no homo like, five times. 

I love it when people try to hurt my feelings because I don’t have any. 

-sighs- Why am I better than everyone? 

I don’t trust people who can look good with messy hair. 

If my jokes offend you - one; I’m sorry. Two; it won’t happen again. Three; one and two are lies. Four; you’re a pussy. 

If I go to hell, I’m just going to torture everyone by continually asking if it’s hot in here of if it’s just me. 

My love is like a candle; if you forget me, I will burn your fucking house down. 

Let’s play a game called “Guess My Sexuality”. 

I’m angry and quite offended that you don’t have a crush on me. 

The blond caught himself in the middle of his own rambling, unsure as to why he was going on about himself to a complete stranger. He remained quiet for the remainder of the ride, half wondering whether Lal had called back or not - a voice kept insisting that she was fine, but he couldn’t help but worry a bit for her well-being.

When the doors opened on the ground level, Colonnello pushed the smaller male in front of him and trailed him until they had left the apartment building. He wasn’t exactly sure of their end destination, but he knew that going to a gym was out of the question - where was he going to find one of those on such short notice?

The elevator doors slid open, and the smaller boy took a few uncertain steps forward when prompted. A ten mile run...? That was a little...--he hadn’t even been able to manage one during his club’s movie filming! It wasn’t as if he was especially fast either, thanks to his--

“If you fall behind, I’ll shoot you.”

“Wh...What?!”

Wait, wait, wait! He... Colonnello-san...he’d shoot him?! But--But that was way too extreme, wasn’t it?! It had to be, and yet...somehow...B-ka didn’t doubt that the man would do it if he really did fall behind...

He’d really have to run for his life...?!

“Beeka?” He repeated, his brow arching. Kaito had assembled a good mental wikipedia of names in his life, what with constantly disguising throughout his career, but that name was strange, to say the least. He kind of wondered what the kanji was, or why the consonant was so stressed, almost like it was English? Maybe he wasn’t Japanse? Or…

Or he really was from the future. Languages and names developed over the years. Maybe he was so confused about the technology because he was from a timeline where they didn’t even have televisions anymore!!

Nah. As if Koi pulled people from different timelines, pft. Besides, if this kid really was from the future, he doubted he would look for a library. Kindles were a thing nowadays, but imagine what the future had.

He could practically hear A-no gently chastising him for not being louder and more firm with his correction, but...it wasn’t such a big deal if his name was mispronounced. He was sure Kaito would catch on to the proper pronunciation eventually...! Er, probably. Hopefully.

(They were both Japanese though, weren’t they...?)

Well, at the very least, B-ka could be glad that Kaito was helpful as well as friendly. Koi was a city full of different kinds of people, but he couldn’t help but feel lonely from time to time without someone to really and properly talk to...even if it was about something as mundane as book preferences.

“I do...! I-I like to read a lot...” The younger teen’s face brightened a bit, his book clutched tightly to his chest. “I haven’t, um...had a lot of time to read anything but E-ki-kun’s--erm, m-my friend’s movie script lately...but now that I’m here, I guess I can read whatever I want for a while, huh...?

What, was this city some sort of personified (more like city-fied) cupid? His lip twisted and he lolled his tongue against the roof of his mouth, not quite understanding why it had been launched.

“Eh–?” Peering up from the book, he tilted his head at the visage of worry fleeting across his company’s features. “You’ve never even met them? Wait, that makes no sense, I even know my room mate from Ekoda.”

His fingers skirted back through the whips of paper at his mercy, stopping on a chapter about pairs. “All it says is that it’s a simple room mate system, but it’s geared to promote growth of friendship and love. The exception is being fated. It doesn’t look like there’s anything about missing partners, though…” A glance over at B-ka. 

Ah...a stranger. Throughout this entire exchange, B-ka hadn’t once thought to--

“Eh?”

That was...--had he read his mind? The smaller teen had just been thinking that he’d been terribly rude in not introducing himself this whole time...

“Oh, um...my name is B-ka. Sorry...for not saying so before...”

B-ka offered his new acquaintance a small, shy smile before going on.

“Like hell you will! Those things are twice your size, kora!”

Colonnello wasn’t exactly sure how to approach the situation in a diplomatic way - his words were leaving his mouth instinctively, without giving his mind a chance to filter anything. Was the kid hiding something, or was he really as hopeless as he appeared to be?

The blond sighed almost unnoticeably, knowing full-well that he subconsciously already decided to help out the younger male. Besides, even if Lal did end up calling back any time soon, he’d make her regret making him call that many times to no avail.

“You said you were going to go work out, right? Fine, I guess I’ll treat you to some spartan training!”

B-ka couldn’t say he was wholly unbothered by the man’s blatant lack of faith in the growth spurt the teen was so desperately expecting, but it was not that comment that renewed the surprise on his face. Rather, it was the man’s sudden announcement of his intention to train him that threw B-ka off, and for several moments he could only stumble along in helpless confusion as the stranger all but dragged him along to the elevator. 

Was this...really okay? This person hadn’t directly threatened him, so aside from his imposing tone and demeanor, B-ka had little legitimate reason to fear him, but...something about letting himself be pulled along by someone he didn’t even know the name of seemed a bit suspect. He should at least know that much, shouldn’t he...?

Ugh... It was times like these that he wished A-no or E-ki was here. They always knew what to say, and how to handle people that B-ka might otherwise be too nervous to approach or speak out against--and this person was absolutely such an individual. What was he supposed to do...?

“... O-Okay...”

At this point, he wasn’t getting out of this “spartan training” session--of that much he was sure. If that was the case, he probably ought to learn a little more about the stranger, if only so that he wouldn’t have to constantly refer to him as such. Which gym he had in mind might be good to know, too...

“Why the hell isn’t she picking up?!”

Colonnello paced about his room, growing increasingly frustrated with every call he attempted to make to his former instructor. She had randomly sought him out with her typical unladylike mannerisms, and essentially forced him to undertake another mission. There was never an option when dealing with Lal, after all.

Falco loyally remained perched on a makeshift branch in the corner of the room, not wanting to get involved with anything that had to do with the spartan woman. His partner’s reactions spoke loudly enough - these confrontations were rarely peaceful.

“You’d think she’d pick up after dropping me off at this place, kora!”

After the seventeenth try, Colonnello carelessly threw the phone on his bed and stormed out of his room, making sure to grab his keys on the way out. Being stressed always took a toll on him, though some exercise usually helped with that. On his way to the elevator, he was met by a younger male who was wearing clothes clearly too large for someone of his build.

“Eep...--?!”

--so when those three elements were combined into one noisy, angry-sounding, much larger man stomping toward him, suffice it to say that B-ka was a little startled. 

Maybe scared. 

... Er, maybe just a little petrified--

“Th-They’re, um...they’re just...” Under such a harsh stare, he found it more difficult to speak than usual, and had to swallow back the nervous lump forming in his throat before continuing. “They’re just...workout clothes... I-I know they seem a little big on me, but I’ll grow into them...! I’m--I’m sure of it..!

Her earlier inference was confirmed by his words, the fact that he had lost his way an unsurprising one. Were it not for the instincts honed in her lifetime and bestowed by her spirit to the container of the Saber class, she too would have been completely lost in short order. In that respect, and in their abrupt arrivals, they were kindred.

“Ah--Y-You’d really do that...?”

B-ka had been truly fortunate in his choice to ask this person for directions, it seemed. No one here in Koi had been mean, exactly, but in cities anywhere--well. He’d heard that people were so often in a hurry that they didn’t have the time to go out of their way to help a stranger...

He was so glad that exceptions existed...! 

Aah... He’d screwed up again, hadn’t he? He’d gotten so flustered that he’d forgotten to watch his feet, and now, rather than helping another person out, he was the one being helped. Again. It was embarrassing and discouraging, and--ah!

No, more than that--!

It was certainly true that it had been an accident, and now that he got a better look at the damage, B-ka realized it was also true that the damage wasn’t as bad as he’d initially thought. Even so, he really did hate troubling people--especially if there was any small chance that his clumsiness would result in inconvenience for others. It’d be terrible if this person had to pay for a replacement because of him...!

Especially since--

“Oh... I-It’s a science textbook? Advanced, too...? Wow... I-I think we’re about the same age...but you’re leagues ahead of me in that kind of thing...”

Textbooks tended to cost a good amount of money, didn’t they? B-ka didn’t really have much to offer in recompense in this place, but to do nothing would be unacceptable. Maybe if he could find a job somewhere...?