I post dreams here pretty frequently

i had this dream a few days ago now and it wont go away from my thoughts. im posting on an alt so that nobody can know that this is me. it was the same universe as our this time if this even is the universe that i have been living, but i went to school like normal and was about to touch myself when my balls split so many times and began to swim under my skin up into my arms like thousands of small pellets squirming and eating away at my flesh i stilll remember that feeling and it hurst so much i am a trans woman pre estrogen and now my dysphoria is leagues higher then it was even just a week ago and now the only places i feel happy are on the roof of parking garages and being alone in the woods

im not sure how i wokeup today my "dream" was a nightmare pitching my past onto me in the future. it started with somebody attacking me vicously i still remeber the pain it was melded with what i was doing earlier in the day but i remember how i was punished for defending myself i remember killing someone but thats it. it was another dream from an alternate universe that ended in suicide this keeps happening