Waiting for my Bear

who the fuck genuinely enjoys the taste of sour candy who the fuck says “im going to eat this sugary sweet coated in pain salt and im gonna fucking like it”

Me.

Feed Me The Pain Salt

……LESS funny??!??????

The thought of this parrot declaring “I get a peanut” for good behaviour like he’s stating an immutable natural law that must never be disputed is sustaining me through this day. I was a good parrot. I get a peanut. That is how it is. That is how it always has been.

That’s exactly what he means when he says it. It’s not a request. It’s a statement of fact. These days he says it preemptively as a way of ensuring that he will be paid for his efforts. Like if you ask him to step up somewhere or go back in his cage he’ll say “I get a peanut” before he does it to make sure you agree to give him one.

My question is… Does he revolt if you DON’T give him his peanut?

that parrot is running a hostage situation

We do literally refer to him “holding the couch hostage” when he decides he’s going to make holes in the cushions until we attempt to bribe him to go back into his cage.

“he said ‘you’ll never find another man like me’ and i told him thats the whole point of me leaving him” damn okay !!!!!!!!

Oh my goodness…. I love this so much

PRAISEEEE

Side note on this: all those college conservatives saying liberal professors are shutting them down because of their conservative ideas and refusing to hear otherwise? In my experience the “shut down” is just being asked to DEFEND their position for the first time and not accepting shitty half thought out “proofs” that fall apart on their own.