Dr. Ava Cadell

I'm touring Australia speaking about NeuroLoveology and promoting the Passion and Pleasure Program! The couples I've met here have a great sense of humor, so they maintain playfulness in their relationships.

I've found they're open to enhancing their love lives with sex toys, tricks and tips to heighten their arousal and boost their sex drives.

I stopped by the fun morning show antics with Nate and Shaun at Nova 93.7 in Perth and did an interview with the infamous ABC radio host Ian Hutchby in Adelaide.

My five city tour has included posh Perth, fashionable Melbourne, wine-loving Adelaide, and now I'm looking forward to sexy Sydney, beautiful Brisbane and the Gold Coast!

  Okay, fellas, this is not an attack, I promise. We love you. We need you. We enjoy you. And sex with you can be great but sometimes … it's not. And most women are taught to be passive and not speak up about their needs, especially when it comes to sexual desires, so you need to pay attention. She may not say it with words, but her body will speak clearly if you just listen.

A lot of men assume that what turns on the man will turn on the woman so they will give what they want to get. This is sometimes true, but not always. We congratulate your efforts, but if you'd like to shift things from “okay” to “OH YES”, here are ten tips that will help you to get there.

1.Bring on the romance. For most women, it can take a bit more time to get in the mood than it does for men. Take the time to give compliments, make her feel special. Let her know that you want her specifically and not just anyone. Enjoy the seduction even if you've been married for 20 years.

2.Communication is key. Share turn ons and turn offs and ask her how she wants you to make love to her. And if she tells you she doesn't like something, don't assume you can convince her with your magic tongue. There's nothing sexier than respect.

3.Remember the pre game. Foreplay should not be treated as something to be rushed through on the way to the main event. Remain fully invested in the moment. Explore all her erogenous zones with a sensual massage. Explore and discover: caress her navel, her inner thighs, between her toes, under her chin and along her spine.

4.Give as good as you get. Believe it or not, she may not enjoy giving you oral sex as much as you enjoy getting it, but she does it out of the pleasure in knowing and hearing how much it turns you on. Return the favor and do so with gusto. And keep in mind that the clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings. Twice as many as the head of the penis! So don't chew or rub too hard.

5.She's your lover, not your wrestling partner. Treat her body, earlobes, and nipples gently until you learn how sensitive she is. Don't lie on top of her without supporting your weight on your arms. Odds are good, you're bigger and stronger than she, and so pay attention to your thrusting to make sure it's not too hard. She's not there for your pleasure; it's a shared experience so be sure to check in.

6.It's a dance, so you gotta move. Avoid the usual routine and make love in different positions, but pay attention to her body language. When you get a positive reaction from your lover, stay on course and keep doing what you are doing to please her. It can be a lot more challenging for a woman to find what most stimulates her, so it can be frustrating for her to say “yes, right there”, only to have you immediately flip her over because you want to try something you saw in a porn once.

7.No rear entry without an invitation. The assumption might be that since a woman's body can be used for penetration that some anal action can't be that different. Well, it is. Very, very different. So don't try to slip in the back door by “accident.” Find out if she has any desire for anal sex and you’ll soon discover that she either loves it or thinks of it as an exit not an entrance.

8.Your big finish is not necessarily the end. Once a man ejaculates, his body releases a cocktail of brain chemicals that inspire a need for relaxation. Make sure she has also reached the peak of her pleasure, which may or may not include an orgasm, before you give in to the desire to fully rest. Even if you’re spent, go down on her until she climaxes too or until she asks you to stop.

9.Check in before you check out. You've just shared and experienced the most intimate act two people can share. Have an action replay of the highlights of your lovemaking by letting her know how much you enjoyed kissing, having her on top, oral in 69 position and show the proper respect by holding her close so that she knows that’s she's special and not just convenient.

A one night stand can be fun if both parties follow a few simple rules.

Just like caviar, a coup d'un soir is an acquired taste and not for everyone, so this is not so much an exploration of the morality behind a one night stand but more about the protocol that should be followed if you choose to have one.

While our motivations may be different as men and women, there is nothing wrong with two consenting strangers who decide to end a night with a little horizontal hula.

Both parties can still be empowered and have fun with a one night fling, however there is an etiquette that should be heeded.

Nikky Lawson, 36, is a flight attendant from Parkville in Melbourne and openly confesses to regular one-night rolls in the hay.  Happily single with a career that takes her all over the world, a monogamous relationship isn't currently an option for her.

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"I am a woman with needs," exclaims Lawson, "I work crazy hours, sometimes I can be in five different time zones in one week and I'm lucky that I get to meet all sorts of interesting men. So no, I don't have a problem with having sex with a man I have just met that I find attractive or appealing."

"One of my most amazing rendezvous was with Alvaro, an Argentinian business man who I'd met on a stop over in New York, he was on my flight and needless to say I was happy to offer myself as a guide, he left my hotel two days later. 

"The worst was Angus, a cute Irish guy I met in Hong Kong, he had so much to drink he actually fell asleep during the act," she says.

"I think sex during a one night stand can be even better than when you're in a relationship, I find they have more stamina," Lawson says. "Once I asked a very enthusiastic American jock why this was and he told me he was happy to go for it, cause he didn't know when he might get some again."

Chris Aitken, 28, is an electrician from Eagle Farm in Brisbane. He admits to being a big fan of the one-night-no-pants dance. After coming out of a long-term relationship he says, "One night stands are a release. I guess we're different to chicks, I know this might sound bad, but when it comes to one nighters, its not about finding Mila Kunis. Sometimes you've had a few too many or are feeling toey so you take what you can get, but sometimes I have really liked the chick, and that's when I will usually stay over or let her crash at mine."

Therapist and author Dr Ava Cadell says: "A one night stand with no-strings-attached can be an great way to add excitement and adventure to your single life. As long as you are honest with the person, understand the risks, and follow these rules of casual sex."

Safety first

"Not just in the bedroom but make sure someone else knows where you are and whom you are with. ALWAYS wear protection. STIs are the last thing anyone wants to ask about, least of all get. If the person you are bedding doesn't want to use protection, alarm bells should be ringing and you should be leaving.

Open your mind and your mouth

"Communicate, share what turns you on," Cadell says. "Be uninhibited, but be sure it's not just the alcohol dictating your behaviour. It's an opportunity for both of you to have your sexual needs met, remember your one night stand can't read your mind so use this as an opportunity to try new sexual activities you've fantasised about... you won't know if you don't ask."

State of Play

"Remember foreplay is important, even during a one night stand. Gentlemen, remember women need more stimulation to get revved up, passionate kissing, lots of touching and compliments are sure to boost her sexual confidence."

Picking up the Pieces

"Leave with ALL of your stuff. Gather everything up so you don't need to go back and pick up something you accidentally left behind."

No expectations, no disappointments

"Have zero expectations. Don't be upset if the experience is disappointing, dwell on an off night or fill your head with negative self-talk. If they sneak out before the crack of dawn or don't call the next day just remember you agreed at the outset that this was for one night only," she says.

So maybe Dr Cadell's advice won't prevent the raccoon eyes or the hammerhead hangover as you do the walk of shame home, but it might make it all the more fun.

  In order to experience a good relationship and great sex, we need to incorporate all 5 senses equally.  Take away one of these senses and you are depriving yourself of 20% of your pleasure.

TOUCH

Have your partner get naked and lay back for you on the bed. Have them close their eyes and count to 10 to get relaxed. Then, as you lay together in silence, gently dance your fingertips over their body, close enough that you can feel their static and warmth but not actually touching their skin. Hover your fingers over eyes, lips, nipples, genitals, thighs and toes.  Breathe together. Embrace the quiet. Listen for the signals only a lover’s moan can bring.

TASTE

Remove as many distractions as possible, including the television, radio, kids, phones, and pets. Then thoroughly wash your hands and make a fruit salad together. I know it sounds simple but, trust me, once the two of you stand side by side, carefully slicing juicy mangos, peaches, oranges, plums and apricots, it won’t be long until you’ll be feeding each other the succulent fruit. In fact, you might not even get around to actually eating the salad. Just be sure to put it in the fridge so you can have a sweet reminder when you get hungry for food.

SOUND

Sometimes the best way to excite a sense is to contradict it. As suggested with the touching/not touching, let’s heighten sound with silence. Mute as much of your life as possible and set a time to meet in the bedroom with the understanding that you will not speak, you will simply watch each other undress slowly. Pay attention to the sound of his belt slipping out of his pants. Listen for the pop of her bra clasps. Meet at the bed and take note of the music the sheets make as they unfold to embrace you. As you lay together, notice the sounds that happen as you embrace. Heartbeats. The body rhythms as you rub your ear along their stomach or an uncontrollable gasp followed by the peaceful hum of connection.

SMELL

Candles are the most obvious way to bring some interesting scents into your home, as is incense, but I suggest exploring other ideas together, such as finding a spice or herb market and seeking out the smells you both enjoy and make a simple potpourri bowl for your bedroom. As a fun side note, in studies conducted by the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago, the scent of pumpkin pie was found to increase penile blood flood by 40 percent for men while licorice had the same increasing sexual desire in women.

SIGHT

The first Father’s Day celebration was held in 1910 after inventor Sonora Smart Dodd grew tired of seeing men mocked in popular culture as being lazy, sleazy, drunk and of little use. Ms. Dodd had experienced quite the contrary as the oldest child of six and the only daughter of an amazing single father widowed when his wife died giving birth to their youngest son. Frankly, current pop culture hasn’t changed that much and fathers are quite regularly portrayed as bumbling, mindless, silly, ignorant and/or absent.

So, this Father’s Day why not celebrate the dads in your life with the simplest gift of genuine gratitude? Of course everyone likes gifts (and we’ll get to a couple of those ideas in a moment) but start the day by truly acknowledging the important role these men have played in your life and share with them a very specific moment that stands out where their role as “Dad” made a big difference. A lot more thought usually goes into a birthday gift than a Father’s Day gift but consider for a moment that you do not choose when you are born but being a Father, and earning the title of “Dad”, is very much a choice that takes a lot of work, commitment, compromise, and dedication.

The norm would be to say something like “thank you for always being there for me and our kids.” That’s sweet but generic. Instead, try “Honey, the day you showed up at our daughter’s school dressed as a clown because you knew her best friend’s father was out of town on her birthday reminded me why I fell in love with you.” Sharing one of the detailed stories of why you love someone lets them know you’re paying attention, that you care, that their contribution is felt.