Ellery (commissions closed)

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Recommended (but not obligatory) music for this part: Rain World OST - Childhoods end (Reprise)

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i decided to just finish it today, at last.

I added page with Rosie and Carmilla JUST for the people who asked ahadshdgasg

The main story is over, Alastor is free from Vox, Vox is suffering for what he did, dut the trauma won't go away easily. Long-long years of coping and recovery are ahead, and Alastor will have to face his feelings much more than he would like lol. Yeah i have few comics planned that are going to show his recovery, few scenes that i may even write as a fic, not as a comic, because it focused more on feelings, and texts are better at conveying that and allowing to actually feel what the character is feeling.

The main story is over, but i still have some additional parts that are just as much canon, i just decided not to include them right now, because i was noticing that some people were getting tired from the story, especially from Alastor's sufferings not ening (because the depressing part actually took much longer than it really should have, in like phasing, but i've already took out everything i could to not hurt the narrative too much and make that part of the story have reasonable lengh). Moments, that were taken out, don't have much importance to the plot, but they show more of what Alastor and Vox's relationships were specifically during the year they've "dated".

Plus some scenes from the first year of their deal, before everything went downhill. And a scene where they talk after The canon bar scene, but i actually want to do something... special with it. You really don't wanna miss it, so, stay tuned.

Alright, now! time for a test! rEAD CAREFULLY BEFORE VOTING!

I decided to go against my better judgement and post it as it is lol. Disclaimer, i do not agree with Alastor on what you should do to yourself, and if you are having such thoughts, please, seek help.

I'm unsure about his future design yet, maybe it'll change. Also, look at him, he's educated now :'3

And yes, i have some ideas about how canon events are gonna go without Vox. First season isn't gonna change lol, but season 2... Velvette may have to take the spot there.

And, of course, i have some ideas about Alastor and Angel interactions! Obviously.

173 pages in 3 months... and the first draft had only 65 pages by the way!!!!!! I thought i'd be done with it in one month AND I WOULD HAVE, but i just kept coming up with more pages, more scenes, partially from the questions that were appearing in the comments, partially because i wanted to expend some secnes (like in the first draft nothing existed between first 3 pages of part 8 and last 3 pages of part 13. And then between last pages of part 13 and last 2 pages of part 20... and many other scenes.)

But for now, thank you, everyone, who have read (I MEAN ACTUALLY READ) the comic, left comments and shared your emotions. This was overall a wonderful experience for me, and i'm really glad to know, that comic did exactly what i was creating it for: helped some SA victims to process their feelings, share them freely and feel support. Also, gave more visibility to sex-repulsed aces, which wasn't planned from the start, but was a natural thing to happen.

This comic gave me SO MUCH attention, that i've never had before, even in the best days of my first era. And i don't know how i'm going to live without 100500 comments appearing just in the first hour, ATTENTION IS SUCH A DRUG GUYS, I'M REALLY ADDICTED!!!!!! PLEASE FEED ME.

I'm probably going to take a little break. In a couple of days i'm going to be reblogging all the stuff that people were making inspired by this comic (and not only) haha, there is some really good stuff! Basically (almost) everything where i was tagged.

And after that I'll continue with Breakfast or RotRD (i maybe even post a poll to decide which one to do first). And after that back to some sweet angsty radiosilence in Forced Broadcast. And of course i'll be posting for other AUs, like Blinded and Turned humans sometimes when i have the mood... and some other stuff... yeah.

AU Masterpost

If you read from a reblog, check the original post/masterpost, there may be a link to a new part. Or may not.

Tag list under cut, if you want to be added/removed from the list, lmk in the comments! For tag to work you need to allow people tag you in your settings.

I WILL USE THIS TAG LIST FOR WHEN THE BONUS PARTS AND ALASTOR'S RECOVERY WILL BE POSTED, SO, IF YOU DON'T WANT THAT, FEEL FREE TO ASK TO BE REMOVED FROM THE LIST. Before asking to add/remove you, check the pasterpost. Part, where you can ask for a tag, will be highlighted with orange color.

SPOILERS

okay, i have many thoughts on today's episode, and my head is reeling. we are getting closer to the rigel arc and I CAN FEEL IT with the more and more carme is present in recent episodes. (if mel received the letter, so did rigel 🙈.)

the way carme is represented here baffles me. he is suppressing his own emotions to the point that he seems to ignore them entirely. he makes himself a shoulder to lean on for other people while never thinking about himself. im not sure if that is a way of coping, as i have suspected before, but multiple times throughout the episode, carme is shown to be compliant to a fault. wheatley comes into carme's shop at an unreasonable hour, carme is restless but chooses not to express that and let wheatley continue his shenanigans despite clearly wanting him to leave. he dissociates during the meeting at the haven and DESPITE wanting to leave, he stays at the request of the council. there is a continuous pattern of dissociating throughout his day until he has a session with mel, until he has to focus on someone else.

i wonder if carme sees himself almost as a blank slate for other people to use as they please. use him for a shoulder to cry on or to go on missions, everything for the betterment of other people. when he's not needed, he shuts himself out from the world and goes through life as if he is not even there. he tries to entertain himself with hobbies but doesn't enjoy the silence. this is why i can understand his reasons for visiting sun and moon so much; it gives him company.

"i'll be at your service if you need me still."

when the topic is swerved to him (when mel brings up the letters carme sent during his infection) he quickly redirects the topic back to mel and what she has going on. he bookmarks it for later, but will it ever really be brought up again? there are times i can tell when carme would like to open up about his emotions or bits of his past, but he is very vague and seems to stop himself before it gets too personal. i genuinely can't even pinpoint what this could be from. is it a fear of being perceived differently or feeling selfish for making the scene about him? both? either way, this behavior is conditioned. this is a representation of an individual whose trauma has conditioned them to suppress emotions and prioritize peers in order to disregard the past. he sees himself as inferior.

carme in a way is hypocritical, never following his own advice.

carme NEVER truly speaks up for himself, at least in the way he should; he will defend his loved ones and fight for their sanctuary but not his own, as if he does not want to invalidate other individuals.

this becomes more apparent with aspen (don't come to my town, DON'T get me STARTED on this bitch.) aspen invalidates carme's experiences and projects their own insecurities. carme's fault of not communicating his uncomfort for the treatment he receives from them leads aspen to wrongfully assume his character when it is truly carme's inability to advocate, so instead he creates distance in hopes they will grow apart on amicable terms. however, because carme chose to live in that process of thought, he himself became detached from aspen. and even after aspen cheated on him (die) carme would rather create distance over confrontation. it's not as if he can't completely speak for himself; he can get firm, but he won't express true sorrow. i can imagine aspen and carme originally got along fine and led to their arrangement as partners (possibily carme wanting to explore his inexperience from being secluded in the circus), but by the time aspen's deeper characteristics were shown, carme's realized he jumped into things wayyyyy to fast, but too late to say anything, so he continued to remain compliant until everything burned over.

in the end, he chooses to block every weight, every negative thought and re-focus to a positive. "i'm going to get some ice cream." carme, babe, you cant eat 😭.

carme is there for everyone else, but when is someone going to be there for carme?

tldr: carme crashout is inventible and im waiting patiently.

anyways i usually add art at the end of my psychosis rambles so here you go

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Sure I‘ll be the bringer of these news

I keep seeing comments and reblogs around Tumblr along the lines of "wow, all of those words and you didn't even bother to mention x 🙄".

The thing about replies like this that there's a strong insinuation that either x was left out intentionally and maliciously, or that the person writing the post is an idiot for not already knowing about and including x, or both. Either way wording it this way is an insult and a put-down to whoever wrote the post.

Maybe sometimes people didn't mention x for malicious reasons, but 9 times out of 10 that's not the case. Most of the time people either generally didn't know or weren't fully aware. Or maybe just genuinely forgot. Either way, it's not called for to insult and attack people who are total strangers to you on the internet.

And there really needs to be more emphasis on the whole "people on Tumblr are strangers to you", it's rarely called for to attack or insult strangers unprovoked. Say some of your new co-workers or classmates you haven't really gotten to know yet are talking about how your city is going to be getting rid of some of the bike paths, and one of them is talking about how this is bad for the environment. You (hopefully) wouldn't butt in and say "wow, all those words and you didn't even bother to mention how this affects lower class people who can't afford cars 🙄😒" and if you would actually do that, you seriously need to work on your boundaries because it's really inappropriate to just attack and insult people unprovoked like that.

Of course you could say something like "oh it's not just an environmental issue, this is really going to hurt lower class people who can't afford a car!". You can actually just add it in a neutral way like that without attacking or insulting anyone in the process for not already saying it.

For example, some of you may remember an advertisement campaign from Dr Pepper from the early 2010's that "Dr Pepper is not for women!". A friend of mine wrote a very lengthy, yet calmly and rather academically written essay on why this wasn't harmless fun, and actually quite damaging and misogynistic. She posted it on her blog and shared the link over social media, and everywhere people tore her to shreds for committing the cardinal sin of being offended by something.

That was it. They had no other argument on why her essay or points were wrong or bad other than "she's offended aha!!" and then acted like they totally just owned her and put her in her place by pointing this out. Am I missing something? Why is it worse to be offended than to be offensive?

I feel like I see it more on facebook these days, but it is on every social media website that you're getting posts meant to inspire outrage thrown into your feed or dash or whatever. And so many people really are addicted to scrolling and looking at videos and posts that inspire outrage in them and getting more dopamine from expressing their outrage in the comments.

And the outrage takes up time and mental/emotional energy that you could be using in other ways, perhaps more impactful ways.

Don't think this isn't part of the reason "the algorithm" steers you toward stuff that is maddening. While you're sitting there being maddened, you're not resisting and you're not helping.