JASON HAWKE

ELLADORA LESTRANGE    /    03.

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    hawke wasn’t entirely prepared for the gentle WRACKING of her body as she cried into his chest, arms hugged tightly around her frame as though they’d keep her from dismantling. he didn’t give himself that much IMPORTANCE over her            ella would survive either way. but he fucking CURSED himself for wanting to comfort her. the thin line he’d always worked to tread carefully around seemed to waver, forest hues catching a glimpse of a SMALL SMILE on her reddened lips. the corner of his own lift in instinct, even if sirens blare at the slight SHIFT in her gaze. this game was dangerous, and he should know better than to PLAY it. distance yourself. and so despite DESIRE, hawke released her.

    ‘ i can’t answer that for you. ’ he shouldn’t. not when even HE didn’t feel a shred of remorse towards the death of a man who’d been RUTHLESS and murderous, who’d been the cause of countless deaths. there was irony in his hypocrisy, which made him want to laugh            instead, hawke SCOFFED, clearing his throat to mask the inner turmoil that thundered away behind his iced exterior. because while he felt no grief or sorrow over the death of rodolphus lestrange, he felt his heart TIGHTEN with both sympathy and FURY over having to watch how those events had attempted to break elladora’s spirit. and that? that couldn’t happen. ‘ no worse than he was as a FATHER to you. ’

    he felt the moment EXHAUSTION had settled in her bones. it matched the same ache he felt in himself. along the years, it had never subsided; he only hoped hers WOULD. ‘ -but if what you want is to forgive him, you’d be no less yourself for doing so. ’ no less a warrior, or a black-winged angel lurking amidst the chaos of a BATTLEFIELD           that’s what he saw in her. when he shouldn’t be seeing anything at all. perhaps that’s why he let her fall into him, why he CAUGHT her easily in his arms and stroked a palm down the side of her head, fingers brushing the soft skin of her CHEEK from under raven strands accidentally. eyes make the mistake of glancing down, meeting umber.

                his gaze LINGERED there. the silences rings on, BECKONING him.                        self-control TORE him away. ‘    well.  .  . that’s ALL, miss lestrange. ’

ELLADORA LESTRANGE    /    02.

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    she was ACTING tough. or she felt some sort of way about mourning the death of someone who’d been deemed a VILLAIN for decades            a feeling hawke wasn’t unfamiliar with, even if the circumstances had been SOMEWHAT different. his jaw tightens as he shifts his weight from one foot to another, brows carefully kept furrowed to mask that EMPATHY that wanted to claw its way into his eyes. ‘ well, you aren’t nate. ’ but she WAS lying. forest hues trail down to the arms she hugged around herself, his own begging to follow suit; he told himself it was to stop the gentle quivering of her lips, or the turmoil so evident in her eyes. repressing what he so desired, he settled for a hand to her SHOULDER.

    fingers give her a slight SQUEEZE, as he takes a dangerous step closer to the scent of burning wood and cinnamon. he shook it off, tried to FORGET that he remembered how she smelled, or how her hair shone under the candlelight. but FUCK, ella reminded him of fire and danger. the hand at her shoulder felt useless now, as he watched her CRY into her palm. don’t do it, don’t do it            he tugs her forwards, wrapping an arm around her back as he HELD her against his chest. he placed his chin atop the crown of her head to avoid facing the eyes that BECKONED him in a way he needed to escape. ‘ it’s okay. ’ if anyone could face grief and KILL it where it stood, it was her: ELLADORA LESTRANGE.

    ‘ the trick is to LET it hurt. ’ even if he’d much rather watch her THRIVE than fall. but he knew she wouldn’t            ella had a fire only SHE could control, and it threatened to burn him along with it. ‘ -i don't think you need ME to tell you how STRONG you are, but i’ve seen you put half the guys in your year on their ass. ’ he might have CHUCKLED, if he couldn’t feel how her heart raced against his chest. ‘ this is nothing you can’t handle, elladora. ’ hawke’s arm relents around her, falls low enough that he could move to gaze down at the GLISTENING umber of her soft brown eyes. forest lingers there, as he fights the urge to stroke his thumb down the length of her SPINE in a.  .  . comforting motion.

                ‘ i won’t LIVE long enough to see the day something BREAKS you. ’                        he found.  .  . he didn’t ever WANT to. ‘ so SMILE, miss lestrange. ’

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    he’d heard. of course he’d heard. how COULDN’T he have heard what had happened to her father? and even if he hadn’t, how could he let her walk out his classroom so forlorn? how was he meant to fucking do that? with a flurry of uncertainty in his veins, hawke called out to her as the rest of the students scurried for the exit. ‘ miss lestrange, if you wouldn’t mind staying behind a minute. ’ he told himself he had only her BEST INTERESTS at heart                this wasn’t because he’d grown USED to her usual advances, or because he somewhat MISSED seeing her reddened lips curve upwards into a smile. because FUCK, it couldn’t be because he’d grown fond of her laughter.

    NO, he beckoned her now because it was part of his job, because this could affect her grades. and, because she showed PROMISE in his lessons. perhaps she also needed a FRIEND. not that hawke could be her friend. oh, fuck, who was he kidding? he cleared his throat as he circled around the desk, leaning back on its edge with arms crossed over his chest; he didn’t want his HANDS betraying him. he kept the slight furrow of his brows, despite the trying smile his lips attempted. it didn’t feel NORMAL to him. ‘ i missed your voice today. ’ in lesson. ‘ loss is CRUEL and unjust, elladora. ’ he knew it TOO well. ‘ no matter what anyone says, you have to deal with it how you need to deal with it. ’

                the WHISPERS that followed her father’s reputation were loud.                        arms want to REACH out. ‘          do you want to TALK about it? ’

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