Nicholas Rush

The next morning Belle woke up feeling a lot more refreshed than she had the previous morning, having had a much better sleep than the prior night.

Thankfully her talk with Rush the night before and the subsequent kiss on the cheek hadn’t affected anything and continued to act cordially towards her.

That day she had shown him her process of how she made her potion for Mandy. They continued to talk about how she had come up with the recipe and preparation as they worked, him helping to prepare the ingredients. As before, they worked well together.

The next day when they awoke, there was a letter in the mail letting her know that she had gotten accepted into MIT and was due to start in the upcoming fall only months away. They had celebrated that night by going out for dinner and then coming back home to have a couple drinks, Rush once again showing off his bartending experience. And while nothing romantic had happened that night unlike their last night like that, Belle had still enjoyed herself along with the others.

The next day, Rush observed Belle’s process for applying the potion to Mandy’s limbs -leaving when she required privacy- and returned to help Mary with Mandy’s rehabilitation exercises.

The rest of his visit went well and soon enough it was time for him to head back home which meant it was also time for him to get his memories wiped again.

Sitting on the couch, facing him with her wand in her lap and her homemade pensieve on the coffee table in front of the couch again was a little surreal to her. She felt a sense of déjà vu with the current situation and had to blink back a few tears from an onslaught of old feelings coming back again. One of the main differences between last time and this one was that Mandy and Mary were in the living room with them.

“Alright,” Belle began. “You have to leave to ‘catch your plane’ in about an hour so we don’t have to start right away. But once you’re ready, I want you to get comfortable and let me know when you’re ready for me to start.” She explained to him.

She had been able to tell that he was a little nervous about the memory removal process so to help calm him, she had all four of them sitting in the living room to take an afternoon coffee break.

Rush nodded and turned to Mandy. 

“Lacey is going to remove my memories and I’m going to go to sleep. You’ll need to awake me quite late for me to go immediately,” he told them before he froze. “Yes, we’ve been through that already, right ?” 

Mandy gave him a similar look.

“While we weren’t here for the actual removal of your memories last time, we were able to successfully get you out of the house quickly last time.” Mandy told reassuringly.

“And since your memories will be removed again, I know you won’t remember this but I wanted to apologize for all the future lies we must tell you.” Mandy told him.

"Everything for our good cause," he said with a smirk. "Keep lying to me."

He turned to Miss French.

The next morning Belle woke up feeling a lot more refreshed than she had the previous morning, having had a much better sleep than the prior night.

Thankfully her talk with Rush the night before and the subsequent kiss on the cheek hadn’t affected anything and continued to act cordially towards her.

That day she had shown him her process of how she made her potion for Mandy. They continued to talk about how she had come up with the recipe and preparation as they worked, him helping to prepare the ingredients. As before, they worked well together.

The next day when they awoke, there was a letter in the mail letting her know that she had gotten accepted into MIT and was due to start in the upcoming fall only months away. They had celebrated that night by going out for dinner and then coming back home to have a couple drinks, Rush once again showing off his bartending experience. And while nothing romantic had happened that night unlike their last night like that, Belle had still enjoyed herself along with the others.

The next day, Rush observed Belle’s process for applying the potion to Mandy’s limbs -leaving when she required privacy- and returned to help Mary with Mandy’s rehabilitation exercises.

The rest of his visit went well and soon enough it was time for him to head back home which meant it was also time for him to get his memories wiped again.

Sitting on the couch, facing him with her wand in her lap and her homemade pensieve on the coffee table in front of the couch again was a little surreal to her. She felt a sense of déjà vu with the current situation and had to blink back a few tears from an onslaught of old feelings coming back again. One of the main differences between last time and this one was that Mandy and Mary were in the living room with them.

“Alright,” Belle began. “You have to leave to ‘catch your plane’ in about an hour so we don’t have to start right away. But once you’re ready, I want you to get comfortable and let me know when you’re ready for me to start.” She explained to him.

She had been able to tell that he was a little nervous about the memory removal process so to help calm him, she had all four of them sitting in the living room to take an afternoon coffee break.

Rush nodded and turned to Mandy. 

“Lacey is going to remove my memories and I’m going to go to sleep. You’ll need to awake me quite late for me to go immediately,” he told them before he froze. “Yes, we’ve been through that already, right ?” 

She sniffled a little and smiled a bit more as she heard him, chuckling softly as she used her sleeves to wipe away her remaining tears.

“He was actually a big part in my escape,” Belle informed him. “Besides bringing us tea and coffee when we would work together during our Apprenticeship meetings, he was the one who brought me here to Mandy’s.”

Belle still remembered that night when she was outside her Father’s house and suddenly Nabkey and Rush appeared in front of her.

“Our original plan for my escape wasn’t supposed to be until the end of the school year. You had Nabkey watching over me while I was at my Father’s for Christmas and something happened so we ended up having to expedite my escape by about five months.” Belle explained. “Thankfully Nabkey was able to think quickly and because his magic couldn’t be tracked, I was able to literally vanish without a trace. That’s another reason why they’re having such a hard time finding me.”

Rush nodded.

“I see. It was smart.”

Smart of him, indeed. He had thought of things well.

It was still strange that just talking to him had this calming effect on her even when on the previous day, after talking to him for a while it had made her deeply upset.

Was she improving on being able to compartmentalize her feelings for him?

She truly hoped so because it still felt so good to be around him and if she couldn’t be with him romantically, she at least wanted to maybe be friends with him if he would allow it.

Unable to suppress the urge to yawn that suddenly appeared, Belle covered her mouth with her hand before bringing it back down to cradle her mug.

“And on that note,” She said with a sleepy chuckle. “I think that my cue to head to bed.”

Drinking down the rest of her tea, she took her now empty mug over to the dishwasher and placed it in before she walked back over to the table.

A small, almost shy smile came up on her lips as she looked down at him.

“Thank you, Nick,” The name still felt foreign on her tongue but she did her best to ignore the feeling.

He gave her a brief smile, trying to gather up his brain. He still felt his missing memories like a phantom limb. There had been something in his mind and now there was not anymore, and he knew it.

“It definitely wasn’t easy..” She told him quietly. A ‘Shock’ was an understatement but she didn’t say anymore lest he start to question their past too much.

His smile made the slight ache in her chest disappear temporarily and she couldn’t help but give him a small smile back.

Seeing him look at her like that, she felt a pull towards him, like her heart and soul were reaching out to him.

Biting the inside of her lip, she tried to fight the pull at first, telling herself that it wouldn’t do her any good. But she had also told herself that about touching his arm and she had still went ahead and broken that rule. Besides, what was the harm? He would have this memory taken away in a few days anyways.

Giving him a warm smile, she leaned down to bring her face level with his. As she did so, she very gently pushed his hair away from him cheek with her index finger, being extra cautious to not tough anything but his hair.

She pressed her lips to his cheek softly, a featherlight kiss against his bearded cheek. She let her lips to linger for a moment, cherishing the feeling of his spiky facial hair under her soft lips.

His scent that filled her lungs made her a little dizzy as she pulled away and she flashed him another warm smile as she let his hair fall back over his cheek.

He had let her do whatever she wanted to him in a very uncharacteristic sign of trust. His body had not even signaled a deep anguish. He swallowed hard, trying to keep calm without feeling anxious.

Rush felt the need for a cigarette but he did not move. He got up, placed the mugs in the sink. He went back to bed. He did not find any sleep before a long time, his mind in a turmoil.

She sniffled a little and smiled a bit more as she heard him, chuckling softly as she used her sleeves to wipe away her remaining tears.

“He was actually a big part in my escape,” Belle informed him. “Besides bringing us tea and coffee when we would work together during our Apprenticeship meetings, he was the one who brought me here to Mandy’s.”

Belle still remembered that night when she was outside her Father’s house and suddenly Nabkey and Rush appeared in front of her.

“Our original plan for my escape wasn’t supposed to be until the end of the school year. You had Nabkey watching over me while I was at my Father’s for Christmas and something happened so we ended up having to expedite my escape by about five months.” Belle explained. “Thankfully Nabkey was able to think quickly and because his magic couldn’t be tracked, I was able to literally vanish without a trace. That’s another reason why they’re having such a hard time finding me.”

Rush nodded.

“I see. It was smart.”

Smart of him, indeed. He had thought of things well.

It was still strange that just talking to him had this calming effect on her even when on the previous day, after talking to him for a while it had made her deeply upset.

Was she improving on being able to compartmentalize her feelings for him?

She truly hoped so because it still felt so good to be around him and if she couldn’t be with him romantically, she at least wanted to maybe be friends with him if he would allow it.

Unable to suppress the urge to yawn that suddenly appeared, Belle covered her mouth with her hand before bringing it back down to cradle her mug.

“And on that note,” She said with a sleepy chuckle. “I think that my cue to head to bed.”

Drinking down the rest of her tea, she took her now empty mug over to the dishwasher and placed it in before she walked back over to the table.

A small, almost shy smile came up on her lips as she looked down at him.

“Thank you, Nick,” The name still felt foreign on her tongue but she did her best to ignore the feeling.

He gave her a brief smile, trying to gather up his brain. He still felt his missing memories like a phantom limb. There had been something in his mind and now there was not anymore, and he knew it.

She sniffled a little and smiled a bit more as she heard him, chuckling softly as she used her sleeves to wipe away her remaining tears.

“He was actually a big part in my escape,” Belle informed him. “Besides bringing us tea and coffee when we would work together during our Apprenticeship meetings, he was the one who brought me here to Mandy’s.”

Belle still remembered that night when she was outside her Father’s house and suddenly Nabkey and Rush appeared in front of her.

“Our original plan for my escape wasn’t supposed to be until the end of the school year. You had Nabkey watching over me while I was at my Father’s for Christmas and something happened so we ended up having to expedite my escape by about five months.” Belle explained. “Thankfully Nabkey was able to think quickly and because his magic couldn’t be tracked, I was able to literally vanish without a trace. That’s another reason why they’re having such a hard time finding me.”

Rush nodded.

"I see. It was smart."

Smart of him, indeed. He had thought of things well.

Belle wiped at her tears with her free hand and nodded her head a little. Those three would be enough. She had other friends that she would miss but Ruby was the most dear to her and the friend she couldn’t imagine living without. She of course would have to for a little while longer but it wasn’t for forever.

A few years, she could do that. Thinking of it that way helped relieve some of the pain and sorrow she felt rather than believing those people in her life were gone to her completely.

“That’s enough.” She repeated back to him with another nod of her head.

Even though things were different between them now, it was still comforting to be able to talk with him again. It confused her heart a little bit but it was worth it to get some temporary closure about her loved ones.

Looking at her hand on his arm, she savoured the feeling of his warm skin and soft, wiry arm hair under her palm for another moment more before she reluctantly pulled her hand away, wrapping it back around her tea mug.

Glancing down at her tea, she couldn’t help but grin a little as she thought about one other that she missed terribly and wanted to hear about.

“I do have one more inquiry,” She told him, looking back up at him with the small smile on her face. “How is Nabkey doing?”

Since House Elf magic was different, they could not have Legilimency performed on them and thus they did not have to remove Nabkey’s memories of helping with Belle’s escape. Nor any of his other memories concerning her and Rush.

He frowned slightly. How had she heard of his house elf ? It did not matter.

Belle closed her eyes to try to stop the tears from pouring down her face but they continued to slip through her lashes. With her eyes closed, she nearly missed the split-second look that had crossed his face. Had she looked back over at him one second later, she wouldn’t have seen him look at her hand on his arm and seen his face soften, she wouldn’t have witnessed the face of her Nicholas briefly flicker across the face of Nick.

But she had seen it and it broke her just a little more. It also reminded her -even after he placed his hand over hers- that this man was still not the man who loved her and she needed to get it through her thick skull as soon as possible.

Despite that, the feeling of his hand over hers still relaxed her and his touch still helped soothe her.

She listened to what he was telling her and knew that he was right and it thankfully helped to abate some of her guilt and feelings of selfishness but not all of it. She knew the remainders would only go away with time.

When he held her gaze, her breath caught in her throat again and her tears stilled for a moment. The smile he gave her twisted her heart and her bottom lip wobbled a little.

Hearing what he told her, she nodded her head and gave his arm a little squeeze. It sounded very much like something her Nicholas would have told her if she had started doubting her decision.

No matter the cost.

The cost of freedom was the loss of her loved ones and the man she loved. She had known that would be the price to pay when she had decided it but it didn’t make it any easier.

“I know…” She whispered to him, her voice still rough from her tears. “I will.”

He nodded. 

“I know,” he echoed. 

He squeezed his eyes. He was missing something in the whole situation. Something huge. A void was slowly opening under his feet. His heart rate quickened and a cold sweat rolled down his back.

“After a few years, once everything has settled in, you can get in touch with Miss Lucas,” he said. “Not now... Later.”

With his free hand, he massaged the side of his face and he swallowed. 

“Minerva can be aware too. I guess, I will end up knowing again... and again. Miss Lucas, Minerva and me... That’s enough.”

Belle’s eyes started to water again as he began speaking about Ruby. Her chest hurt to think about her best friend grieving the loss but she couldn’t help but let out a small, watery laugh at the image of Ruby interrogating Rush.

Her best friend was tenacious and her fierce loyalty had gotten her into trouble before. Belle still couldn’t forget the time that Ruby had used a Bat Bogey Hex on a girl in the library, during their fourth year, for picking on their friend Mary Margaret.

She really hoped that Ruby hadn’t done anything else too bad to get herself into real trouble this time.

She couldn’t stop her head from lifting as paused while he began to talk about himself, the selfish, masochist in her needing to know exactly how this version of Rush had been affected by the loss of his apprentice. Her breath caught in her throat as he spoke; He may have only said that he had been confused but the haunted look that crossed his features told her of many days and nights of worrying about her, probably fearing for her safety like everyone else. He knew her better than any other teacher in the school and even if he had suspicions that she ran away, he didn’t know that she had been prepared for the Muggle world, that she had a support system to help her, that she wasn’t alone.

Her heart cracked a little at the look in his eyes, wishing she could go around the table and hug him and remind him that she was alive and thriving.

She tried to hold it back but a little sob escaped her lips, her hand coming up to cover any more as the tears flowed freely down her cheeks.

What he told her about the Headmistress was exactly what Belle had been expecting. Professor McGonagall had been her like mentor and role model since Belle had started at Hogwarts. The elder witch had fought so hard to keep her in school when her father had wanted to pull her out after her fifth year and Belle had been eternally grateful to her. But here she was now, having thrown away it all away for a chance at freedom.

While she knew that the Headmistress, and Rush and Ruby would have fully supported her decision if they had known, the young witch couldn’t ignore the gnawing pain in the pit of her stomach, making her feel hollow and fragile.

After a minute or two, she was able to get her quiet sobbing under control and she couldn’t stop her other hand from reaching across the table to lay it over his forearm. The feeling of his warm skin under her fingertips was like an immediate soothing salve on her soul.

She knew she shouldn’t touch him, but she was hurting and needed the comfort of his touch no matter how small it was. Not to mention that seeing the pain in his eyes had made her want to throw all her rules out the window so this was the compromise she gave herself.

“I-I’m…” She started to rasp out, another little sob escaping her lips. “I’m so sorry that I put you all through that..” She told him, looking over at him with watery, cerulean eyes.

She felt so incredibly selfish to make them all suffer just so she might have a chance at happiness.

“I wish I could have told you..” She said quietly. ”That I could have just left the memories in your head but it would have put you at risk… They would have found out everything and then it would have been all for naught..”

The thought of him being thrown in Azkaban for his involvement with her as well as her escape, hurt her much more than knowing he had been scared for her.

“Lacey...” he started. 

Her fingers burned his skin, and there was... something in this contact that made him ache. A phantom ache lived in his skin, as if he was missing a limb. 

“Lacey,” he repeated, his eyes falling on her hand on him before he looked at her again. 

His fingers closed on hers. 

“That was necessary,” he said.  “This secrecy must be kept at any cost. The heartache of your friends, of anyone, is a necessity, a necessary evil. Don’t apologize for doing what needs must.”

He held her gaze as he spoke, trying to keep her focused on him. He gave her a joyless smile, a sad cynical smile that twisted his face around his flat dark eyes.

Belle’s heart sank at his words, of course he would notice. Even though the lighting in the kitchen was dim, he was a very observant man.

When he had loved her, he could read her like a book and when he knew she was upset, he would hold her. He wasn’t always the best with words but just being in his embrace always worked to soothe her. She wished more than anything that he would do that again.

She gave him a weak smile and nodded before turning back to the tea kettle that was done brewing, cursing the new wave of tears that were burning her eyes.

“Do you… Do you want a cup of tea?” She asked him. She knew he wasn’t much of a tea drinker but she couldn’t resist being polite anyways. And perhaps deep down she was a bit of a masochist, wanting to spend more time with the person who one of the causes of her tears.

“Yes, why not,” he said. “I don’t want to impose so if you ask out of politeness, I will just go back to bed.”

Did she truly want him to stay?

After thinking about it for a few moments, she knew that of course she did. Even though he didn’t remember her as she wished he did, his soul still called out to her and beckoned her to be close to him.

Turning back to him, she gave him a small but more genuine smile and motioned towards the kitchen table for him to sit.

Busying herself with getting the two cups of tea ready, she took the time to recompose herself. She let the tea bags steep in the water for a few minutes before throwing them out. She then prepared her cup with a little milk and sugar and left his black knowing that was how he liked it. And just as she had thought, the act of making the tea had helped calm her down so she no longer felt like she was on the brink of tears.

Picking up the two mugs -as Mandy and Mary didn’t have any actual teacups- she brought them over to the kitchen table and placed his tea in front of him and sat down in her usual with her own.

Still holding the mug in both her hands, she stared down at the amber liquid as she took a deep, steadying breath.

“How are things back home?” She asked him quietly, rubbing her thumb over the rim of her mug to distract herself from how fast her heart was beating.

Did she want to hear that everyone she knew and loved was miserable since she left? It would destroy her to know the damage she had left behind. But hearing that they were all happy and fine? That would probably hurt more.

Her question was not surprising.

Keeping her eyes on her tea, she let out a steady breath, deciding to get the easiest question out of the way.

“Are they still looking for me?” She asked him.

“You will have to plant the suggestion in my mind to follow the investigation about your disappearance thoroughly,” he first said.

Of course he followed her investigation but as of now he only knew what was relayed to him by Minerva’s readings of the Daily Prophet.

As he explained to her how the investigation for her disappearance was going, she couldn’t deny the bittersweet feeling it gave her.

It was nice to think that her father hadn’t given up on her yet even after six months of being gone, that he still cared enough to keep looking for her. But she was also reminded that while she was sure a part of him still cared about her as his daughter, there was also unfortunately a part of him that cared about her as a pawn in his game of chess.

And while she preferred to think that he was still looking for her because he loved her, at the end of the day it didn’t matter. What mattered was that the longer he looked, the longer she would need to be afraid of being found.

“That definitely sounds like my father.” She said with a soft sigh.

She took another sip of her tea as she attempted to think of how to ask her next questions.

“I know that you typically keep to yourself and probably won’t be able to answer, but..” She bit her bottom lip as she tried get the right words out.

“Well.. How are people dealing with my disappearance?” She finally asked him. “Specifically my friends, teachers, the Headmistress..” She trailed off, figuring he would understand.

"I can't tell for your friends but I have seen Miss Lucas moping around a lot. She came to interrogate me one evening to know if I had noticed anything suspect or unusual, if I knew anything."

A very uncomfortable evening.

"I... I was very confused, of course."

He didn't want to tell her the guilt of not having seen her plan, the horror of knowing she was out in a world she was not prepared for.

"Minerva was the one most affected, I think. Losing one of her Stars hurt her deeply."

Belle’s heart sank at his words, of course he would notice. Even though the lighting in the kitchen was dim, he was a very observant man.

When he had loved her, he could read her like a book and when he knew she was upset, he would hold her. He wasn’t always the best with words but just being in his embrace always worked to soothe her. She wished more than anything that he would do that again.

She gave him a weak smile and nodded before turning back to the tea kettle that was done brewing, cursing the new wave of tears that were burning her eyes.

“Do you… Do you want a cup of tea?” She asked him. She knew he wasn’t much of a tea drinker but she couldn’t resist being polite anyways. And perhaps deep down she was a bit of a masochist, wanting to spend more time with the person who one of the causes of her tears.

“Yes, why not,” he said. “I don’t want to impose so if you ask out of politeness, I will just go back to bed.”

Did she truly want him to stay?

After thinking about it for a few moments, she knew that of course she did. Even though he didn’t remember her as she wished he did, his soul still called out to her and beckoned her to be close to him.

Turning back to him, she gave him a small but more genuine smile and motioned towards the kitchen table for him to sit.

Busying herself with getting the two cups of tea ready, she took the time to recompose herself. She let the tea bags steep in the water for a few minutes before throwing them out. She then prepared her cup with a little milk and sugar and left his black knowing that was how he liked it. And just as she had thought, the act of making the tea had helped calm her down so she no longer felt like she was on the brink of tears.

Picking up the two mugs -as Mandy and Mary didn’t have any actual teacups- she brought them over to the kitchen table and placed his tea in front of him and sat down in her usual with her own.

Still holding the mug in both her hands, she stared down at the amber liquid as she took a deep, steadying breath.

“How are things back home?” She asked him quietly, rubbing her thumb over the rim of her mug to distract herself from how fast her heart was beating.

Did she want to hear that everyone she knew and loved was miserable since she left? It would destroy her to know the damage she had left behind. But hearing that they were all happy and fine? That would probably hurt more.

Her question was not surprising.

Keeping her eyes on her tea, she let out a steady breath, deciding to get the easiest question out of the way.

“Are they still looking for me?” She asked him.

"You will have to plant the suggestion in my mind to follow the investigation about your disappearance thoroughly," he first said.

Of course he followed her investigation but as of now he only knew what was relayed to him by Minerva's readings of the Daily Prophet.

Belle’s heart sank at his words, of course he would notice. Even though the lighting in the kitchen was dim, he was a very observant man.

When he had loved her, he could read her like a book and when he knew she was upset, he would hold her. He wasn’t always the best with words but just being in his embrace always worked to soothe her. She wished more than anything that he would do that again.

She gave him a weak smile and nodded before turning back to the tea kettle that was done brewing, cursing the new wave of tears that were burning her eyes.

“Do you… Do you want a cup of tea?” She asked him. She knew he wasn’t much of a tea drinker but she couldn’t resist being polite anyways. And perhaps deep down she was a bit of a masochist, wanting to spend more time with the person who one of the causes of her tears.

“Yes, why not,” he said. “I don’t want to impose so if you ask out of politeness, I will just go back to bed.”

Did she truly want him to stay?

After thinking about it for a few moments, she knew that of course she did. Even though he didn’t remember her as she wished he did, his soul still called out to her and beckoned her to be close to him.

Turning back to him, she gave him a small but more genuine smile and motioned towards the kitchen table for him to sit.

Busying herself with getting the two cups of tea ready, she took the time to recompose herself. She let the tea bags steep in the water for a few minutes before throwing them out. She then prepared her cup with a little milk and sugar and left his black knowing that was how he liked it. And just as she had thought, the act of making the tea had helped calm her down so she no longer felt like she was on the brink of tears.

Picking up the two mugs -as Mandy and Mary didn’t have any actual teacups- she brought them over to the kitchen table and placed his tea in front of him and sat down in her usual with her own.

Still holding the mug in both her hands, she stared down at the amber liquid as she took a deep, steadying breath.

“How are things back home?” She asked him quietly, rubbing her thumb over the rim of her mug to distract herself from how fast her heart was beating.

Did she want to hear that everyone she knew and loved was miserable since she left? It would destroy her to know the damage she had left behind. But hearing that they were all happy and fine? That would probably hurt more.

Her question was not surprising.

Belle’s heart sank at his words, of course he would notice. Even though the lighting in the kitchen was dim, he was a very observant man.

When he had loved her, he could read her like a book and when he knew she was upset, he would hold her. He wasn’t always the best with words but just being in his embrace always worked to soothe her. She wished more than anything that he would do that again.

She gave him a weak smile and nodded before turning back to the tea kettle that was done brewing, cursing the new wave of tears that were burning her eyes.

“Do you… Do you want a cup of tea?” She asked him. She knew he wasn’t much of a tea drinker but she couldn’t resist being polite anyways. And perhaps deep down she was a bit of a masochist, wanting to spend more time with the person who one of the causes of her tears.

“Yes, why not,” he said. “I don’t want to impose so if you ask out of politeness, I will just go back to bed.”

Did she truly want him to stay?

After thinking about it for a few moments, she knew that of course she did. Even though he didn’t remember her as she wished he did, his soul still called out to her and beckoned her to be close to him.

Turning back to him, she gave him a small but more genuine smile and motioned towards the kitchen table for him to sit.

Busying herself with getting the two cups of tea ready, she took the time to recompose herself. She let the tea bags steep in the water for a few minutes before throwing them out. She then prepared her cup with a little milk and sugar and left his black knowing that was how he liked it. And just as she had thought, the act of making the tea had helped calm her down so she no longer felt like she was on the brink of tears.

Picking up the two mugs -as Mandy and Mary didn’t have any actual teacups- she brought them over to the kitchen table and placed his tea in front of him and sat down in her usual with her own.

Belle’s heart sank at his words, of course he would notice. Even though the lighting in the kitchen was dim, he was a very observant man.

When he had loved her, he could read her like a book and when he knew she was upset, he would hold her. He wasn’t always the best with words but just being in his embrace always worked to soothe her. She wished more than anything that he would do that again.

She gave him a weak smile and nodded before turning back to the tea kettle that was done brewing, cursing the new wave of tears that were burning her eyes.

“Do you… Do you want a cup of tea?” She asked him. She knew he wasn’t much of a tea drinker but she couldn’t resist being polite anyways. And perhaps deep down she was a bit of a masochist, wanting to spend more time with the person who one of the causes of her tears.

“Yes, why not,” he said. “I don’t want to impose so if you ask out of politeness, I will just go back to bed.”

Belle put the electric kettle on, thankful that this Muggle one was the kind that didn’t scream when the water was finished boiling and simply turned off when it was ready. It made it perfect to have a late night cuppa without waking anyone.

Facing the counter, she braced her hands on the counter top, leaned on it for support and let her head hang, tears silently rolling down her face.

She had known that moving to the Muggle world was going to be hard and she had known it would be even harder to leave behind everything and everyone she loved. But she had just been so blinded by the need to escape and the excitement at the adventure of it all that she hadn’t realized just how much it would affect her.

She grieved her past life every once in a while, missing the only life she had known for 17 years. Spending her 18th birthday in the Muggle world away from her friends and family had been especially hard. Not having her friends around to celebrate with her had made her miss them even more. She had even missed her Papa and his silly tradition of sending her some frivolous gift that she almost never used. But he hadn’t always been the way he was, he had been a good father once, back when Mama had been alive. The three of them used to go on picnics for her birthday when she was younger and he would always bring her favourite cake, making sure to give her the biggest piece even though she could never finish it; that was the Papa she missed.

Hearing a shuffling sound coming from the living room, Belle held her breath and tried to keep from making any noise— there was a chance that he might just be rolling over in his sleep. But when she heard the shuffling get louder and then heard footsteps approaching, she quickly used her sleeve to wipe away the tears clinging to her face, thankful that her back was to him.

No matter how quiet his voice had been, the name cut open her already bleeding heart. She didn’t love him calling her by her fake name, but at least hearing him say Lacey hurt less than hearing Miss French come from his lips.

She would never be his Belle again.

Biting back a small whimper, she let out a shaky breath and tried her best to keep her voice from wavering as she spoke. Turning to look over at him, she gave him an apologetic smile.

“I’m sorry, Nick. I didn’t mean to wake you, I just wanted a cuppa before bed.” She explained to him quietly, pleading to whatever deity that was listening that he wouldn’t notice her reddened eyes or the tear streaks on her cheeks.

“Sorry, Lacey,” he replied, wincing at himself for mistaking her name.

He took a second to observe her. He noticed her red eyes, her puffy cheeks. He didn’t know why but he figured it was not his problem. 

Belle let out a shakey breath and shook her head. She hated how Ariel saw him as such an awful person. She wished she could just tell her the actual truth so she would understand but that would put everything in jeopardy.

“Because my heart was stupid and fell for a man I could never be with.” She told Ariel.

Most of what she had told her about her relationship with Rush had been a lie but that, that was the truth. Perhaps she could tell her a few more little truths.

Feeling a lump form in her throat from her repressed tears, she took a sip of her iced tea to try to be able to speak again.

“We never even had sex.” Again, the truth. “He helped me move out here to live with my aunts and we talked and found out that we had a lot in common. I don’t even really remember how it happened but one day we kissed. We agreed that it shouldn’t have happened and wouldn’t happen again. But then it did. And it kept happening.” She explained, very close to the real truth of how things transpired between them. “When I kissed him, it felt like the rest of the world melted away and it was only the two of us left..”

She sighed softly and tried not to think about how badly she wanted to kiss him again.

“In the end, even though we agreed that our ‘dalliance’ shouldn’t have happened and that it was entirely inappropriate… Well, my head agreed with him but apparently my heart didn’t get the memo.” She laughed sadly.

“I know that there is absolutely no future for us even if my feelings were reciprocated. And I thought I had gotten over him after the six months apart but as soon as I saw him, all these feelings came flooding back but I can’t ever let him know that I have feelings for him because it could ruin everything.” Once again, that was the truth.

Ariel stared at Belle.

“I don’t know if he was acting back then but it doesn’t matter because him and I can’t ever be together..”

He had never been acting before. She knew that wholeheartedly. He had loved her just as much as she loved him, maybe even more. And even though they were together for only a short period of time, he showed her exactly how she deserved to be treated by a partner, with support, love and devotion.

And now she would never settle for anything less.

“And he’s behaving this way now because that was what we had decided was best.” Plus he has no memories of us ever being in love. “And it still is the best thing for us. I mean, I’m too young for him and he lives on a completely different continent. And even if those things weren’t an issue, I’m going to be way too busy working on getting my degree to even have time for a relationship.” Belle explained to her.

“I don’t want anything from him, all of this is for the best but it still hurts.” She told Ariel.

The truth was that she wanted to give him his memories back and have him love her again but she wouldn’t risk putting him in anymore danger than he already was.

“Sorry, right,” she mumbled. “I am curious. Anyway, you needed a getaway car. So, have you seen the last disney movie announcement ?”

The whole time they were painting each other’s nails, Belle couldn’t help but think of how she wished Ruby were there too. Back at Hogwarts on weekends when they wanted to relax, they would have girls nights together like this.

Her heart clenched painfully at the thought and she couldn’t help but feel guilty for having fun and being happy while her best friend probably believed that she was dead.

Around 11 that night, Belle left Ariel’s house and made her way home. It thankfully wasn’t that far of a walk for her but it still was unfortunately long enough to let Belle’s mind wander to think about Ruby. She thought of her -and all her other friends and everyone else that she left back in the Wizarding World- almost every day but there was something about her already melancholy mood that just made her feel especially homesick.

She didn’t immediately notice the tears rolling down her cheeks but she definitely did when she reached her front door and heard herself sniffle. Wiping away her tears, Belle tried to compose herself before entering the house as silently as she could manage, not wanting to wake anyone up.

She took off her shoes once inside and placed them with all the others, noticing his shoes there she was reminded why she had escaped the house earlier. Once again, the tears rolled down her face again.

Could she not have a single moment of peace to be able to go to bed without crying herself to sleep again?

The evening had been a blast. The sight of Mary growing yellow chicken feathers had burned his eyes but seeing Mandy laughing was definitely worth it.

They had gone to bed, Rush to his bed/couch. He threw his clothing to the floor and went to bed in a tshirt and underwears.

During the night, the sound of the door unlocking woke him up. Miss French had come back home. He stayed put, not wanting to let Miss French he had awoke. However she did not go to her room.

She went to turn the boiler on, sniffing.

Moved by a sudden strange of worry, he got up. He slid on his jeans, not wanting her to see his naked legs.

He went to the threshold of the kitchen.

Belle let out a shakey breath and shook her head. She hated how Ariel saw him as such an awful person. She wished she could just tell her the actual truth so she would understand but that would put everything in jeopardy.

“Because my heart was stupid and fell for a man I could never be with.” She told Ariel.

Most of what she had told her about her relationship with Rush had been a lie but that, that was the truth. Perhaps she could tell her a few more little truths.

Feeling a lump form in her throat from her repressed tears, she took a sip of her iced tea to try to be able to speak again.

“We never even had sex.” Again, the truth. “He helped me move out here to live with my aunts and we talked and found out that we had a lot in common. I don’t even really remember how it happened but one day we kissed. We agreed that it shouldn’t have happened and wouldn’t happen again. But then it did. And it kept happening.” She explained, very close to the real truth of how things transpired between them. “When I kissed him, it felt like the rest of the world melted away and it was only the two of us left..”

She sighed softly and tried not to think about how badly she wanted to kiss him again.

“In the end, even though we agreed that our ‘dalliance’ shouldn’t have happened and that it was entirely inappropriate… Well, my head agreed with him but apparently my heart didn’t get the memo.” She laughed sadly.

“I know that there is absolutely no future for us even if my feelings were reciprocated. And I thought I had gotten over him after the six months apart but as soon as I saw him, all these feelings came flooding back but I can’t ever let him know that I have feelings for him because it could ruin everything.” Once again, that was the truth.

Ariel stared at Belle.

“I don’t know if he was acting back then but it doesn’t matter because him and I can’t ever be together..”

He had never been acting before. She knew that wholeheartedly. He had loved her just as much as she loved him, maybe even more. And even though they were together for only a short period of time, he showed her exactly how she deserved to be treated by a partner, with support, love and devotion.

And now she would never settle for anything less.

“And he’s behaving this way now because that was what we had decided was best.” Plus he has no memories of us ever being in love. “And it still is the best thing for us. I mean, I’m too young for him and he lives on a completely different continent. And even if those things weren’t an issue, I’m going to be way too busy working on getting my degree to even have time for a relationship.” Belle explained to her.

“I don’t want anything from him, all of this is for the best but it still hurts.” She told Ariel.

The truth was that she wanted to give him his memories back and have him love her again but she wouldn’t risk putting him in anymore danger than he already was.

"Sorry, right," she mumbled. "I am curious. Anyway, you needed a getaway car. So, have you seen the last disney movie announcement ?"

Belle let out a shakey breath and shook her head. She hated how Ariel saw him as such an awful person. She wished she could just tell her the actual truth so she would understand but that would put everything in jeopardy.

“Because my heart was stupid and fell for a man I could never be with.” She told Ariel.

Most of what she had told her about her relationship with Rush had been a lie but that, that was the truth. Perhaps she could tell her a few more little truths.

Feeling a lump form in her throat from her repressed tears, she took a sip of her iced tea to try to be able to speak again.

“We never even had sex.” Again, the truth. “He helped me move out here to live with my aunts and we talked and found out that we had a lot in common. I don’t even really remember how it happened but one day we kissed. We agreed that it shouldn’t have happened and wouldn’t happen again. But then it did. And it kept happening.” She explained, very close to the real truth of how things transpired between them. “When I kissed him, it felt like the rest of the world melted away and it was only the two of us left..”

She sighed softly and tried not to think about how badly she wanted to kiss him again.

“In the end, even though we agreed that our ‘dalliance’ shouldn’t have happened and that it was entirely inappropriate… Well, my head agreed with him but apparently my heart didn’t get the memo.” She laughed sadly.

“I know that there is absolutely no future for us even if my feelings were reciprocated. And I thought I had gotten over him after the six months apart but as soon as I saw him, all these feelings came flooding back but I can’t ever let him know that I have feelings for him because it could ruin everything.” Once again, that was the truth.

Ariel stared at Belle.

“I don’t know if he was acting back then but it doesn’t matter because him and I can’t ever be together..”

He had never been acting before. She knew that wholeheartedly. He had loved her just as much as she loved him, maybe even more. And even though they were together for only a short period of time, he showed her exactly how she deserved to be treated by a partner, with support, love and devotion.

And now she would never settle for anything less.

“And he’s behaving this way now because that was what we had decided was best.” Plus he has no memories of us ever being in love. “And it still is the best thing for us. I mean, I’m too young for him and he lives on a completely different continent. And even if those things weren’t an issue, I’m going to be way too busy working on getting my degree to even have time for a relationship.” Belle explained to her.