To The Core

so...I hope I die young. There really is nothing to look foreword too because I'm never gonna marry or have kids and I'll probably end up jobless after graduation.

I'll be dead tomorrow, so this tumblr will no longer be up. Good night, I love you all and I hope you have a lot of happiness in the future :)

I've decided I am going to kill myself tonight. Call me a coward or whatever but I can't handle this anymore. It's a disease I'm gonna have to live with for forever and I give up.

you know what sucks about my mom too...she's so gonna make fun of my weight. Then boast about how much weight she has lost even though we are on the same fucking diet. It's just not gonna work for me because I have a small frame and a bit of a stomach. I won't be able to get rid of my stomach and she just needs to deal. That's my mom folks...she leaves me ( a 5'3 female with no upper body strength) to move my thousands of crap out of the apartment...then these two weeks are going to be me having to deal with her making fun of my stomach.

I really want to get fucking high or drunk or something. I think it's time to make a trip to the grocery store to pick up some beer and get plastered drunk.

I just really wish for once I could have permission to be upset and instead of being the one having to be strong all the time. I'm so fucking tired of it. I have problems too, I have anxiety too. STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO ME! Everyone has issues, not just you. EVERYONE.

You know, it seems like everyone has someone. I don't have anyone. I don't have anyone because I deserve to not have anyone.

Yep, I'm a horrible person who deserves to be beaten to a bulb. I really don't deserve any happiness...maybe that's why I'm useless during the summer cause I don't fucking work until june 17 I should have planned my summer better...but yet again I didn't.

I can't tell whether I want hardcore no strings attached sex or be drunk.

ha, I guess I'm not aloud to have self esteem issues due to an exposure of emotional abuse from my childhood, ya, I love when people completely ignore this. Cause you can totally fix me with a snap of a finger, it will all just go away.

Yep, I'm definitely being emotionally abused by my mom. I was expressing how I felt about my day and she completely disregarded it and talked about what she wanted. She definitely was not listening to me cause she's probably pissed that I went out last night. This whole passive aggressive thing is just dumb...now I know that I'm going to have hell when she comes home. I fucking hate everything. A car just needs to run me over already.

I want to stop the pain and I'm scared of what's going to happen to me for the next two days...I thought I could handle myself but I just keep breaking. fuck it, I have no motivation to write this short story. I just want to be sad and feel sorry for myself.

it sucks that there are people judging me for going out ounce in a while...and then people who judge me for not going out. I fucking hate myself sometimes. I hate how I try so hard not to care about what people think, but then I fall right back into the same mindset. I also love how I'm expected to be happy all the time.

FUCK ME AND EVERYTHING ABOUT ME! I'm killing myself tonight! I'm taking a knife to my throat and slicing the artery that leads to my heart. I'm done with living and I'm done with trying...I'm being used and I AM TIRED.