Donβt mind me whining on tumblr dot com. Nothing to see here.
I feel like my birth control is making my pocket full of mental health issues so much worse thatβs the only thing thatβs changed). Worked great for a bit. Made the PMDD better, periods werenβt as painful, and I didnβt go into a POTS flare every month, (after three months of moody hell anyway). Buuuut now Iβm back to where I started. Wanting to off myself for two weeks out of the month, hating everyone and everything, and spiraling in an endless cycle of β¨intrusive thoughtsβ¨I even started a bunch of compulsions from three years ago, which involve fun things like repeatedly going back inside after I leave for work to make sure the stove is off (by physically touching the burner several times) and dwelling on stupid situations until I want to rip my skin off and scream. And did I mention the crippling agoraphobia? For fuckβs sake. How dare a lady not want cramps so painful she canβt move or POTS so bad sheβs bed bound?! My bad. Iβm thoroughly finished with this meat suit. Enough is enough. Faulty ass sack of flesh. Whatβs the point if not one part of it works properly? Canβt even eat bread or pizza. Yet here I am because what else is there to do? Die? Thatβs boring.
