this blog does not exist

doug: Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something. parkzer: doug, you don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass.

parkzer: My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful and organized. doug: *steps on a caterpillar and proceeds to drop to their knees and sob while apologizing profusely* parkzer: That one. I want that one.

doug, to parkzer: We had a date! doug: *aggressively points to Hello Kitty Coloring Book*

doug: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl. parkzer: Okay. doug: And make out during the scary parts. parkzer: Th- parkzer: The scary parts. parkzer: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

doug: Smart is attractive. Educate me on something I don't know! parkzer: The mouth of a jellyfish is also an anus. doug: Stop.

doug: So... what would you do if you were in bed with me? parkzer: Depends. Is your bed comfortable? doug: Yes. parkzer: I'd sleep.

doug: We should be partners. parkzer: You mean like, partners in crime? doug: Yeah... that’s precisely what I meant.

parkzer: Is something burning? doug, leaning seductively on the counter: Just my desire for you. parkzer: doug, the toaster is literally on fire.

doug: Come to dinner tonight. I can’t cook, but I’ll bring plenty of free wine. parkzer: Marry me.

doug: You know my motto: carpe diem, carpe noctem, carpe coles. parkzer: Seize the day, seize the night, what’s the last one? doug: Seize the dick.

parkzer: When you said 'Magic in Bed', I wasn't expecting this... doug: *pulls out card from deck* Now, was this your card? parkzer: Holy moly-

parkzer: doug and I have the kind of easy chemistry where we finish each other's- doug: Sentences. parkzer: Don't interrupt me.

parkzer: When you said 'Magic in Bed', I wasn't expecting this... doug: *pulls out card from deck* Now, was this your card? parkzer: Holy moly-