The Man Says

Nobody really appreciates change.

One might wonder why it was ever formatted with semi-clever italicized lines between paragraphs in the first place.  One might also wonder why I'm making a big deal out of it since I hardly think I'm the only person to ever do it.  I wonder why these hypothetical wonderers have to wonder about this stuff.  But to answer any real or imagined wondering, I find the format helps give me focus.  It creates a loose kind of framework to work under and that's a good writing practice.  Also, I like making one-liners and it helps me practice that.  Of course, talking directly to the audience and assuming responses is generally considered a poor writing practice, so I guess I have to break even somewhere.

Propriety and quality not ensured.

Since we're on the topic of my writing process, let me take a moment to talk about why I don't curse in this particular blog.  Outside of writing this I curse just as much, if not more than, the average American.  I curse as much casually as I do reflexively- toe stubbing, walking into things, what have you.  In fact, I can guarantee you that under normal circumstances I wouldn't have used the phrase "walking into things".  "Things" would have been a different word.  Get it?  I hope you get it.  Regardless, the reason I don't curse is because there is little to gain by it.  I believe in the punctuating value of cursing, the way it can drive a point home or more accurately depict an emotional state, but none of that applies to this particular writing series.  I am rarely writing The Man Says in a tone which requires that kind of elevation of the mood.  Or, to keep this paragraph from getting too long, if one enjoys this blog it will not be made better by cursing, and rampant or even casual cursing could drive away readers.  In other words, there is more to lose than to gain.

"Quality" is a loosely defined term.

Criticism exists and it exists for a reason.  Hell, I couldn't talk about what I wanted to talk about if it weren't for the existence of meta-criticism; the art of criticizing criticism.  Art can't be art without surviving all the criticism thrown its away, however I contend that perhaps not everything is meant to be art and therefore perhaps looking at it in a critical light is honestly a waste of everyone's time.  I'm hardly the first person to tread these grounds, but I have some really dumb examples all lined up and ready to go, and I'm banking on you to be too lazy to stop reading all the neatly lined up words.

Let's talk about The Matrix and all the reasons why you think Matrix: Reloaded was bad but the original wasn't.  I suppose where I have trouble feeling the need to justify my love for Reloaded is that I'm not really sure there's a difference between the two.  They both have long trenchcoats, designer sunglasses, kung fu, Keanu Reeves, an implacable robot menace, Hugo Weaving's incessant sneering, and the gap in Lawrence Fishburne's teeth.  Is it because The Matrix introduced these concepts and Reloaded  just retreads them?  That's the dumbest reason to dislike anything ever, and also that gap in Fishburne's teeth was there well before The Matrix.  They are both kung-fu movies, but because the original introduced the vague facsimile of a plot and bullet time it gets a pass.  Before moving on, you'll note I'm not defending Matrix: Revolution.  That's because there was a notable lack of kung-fu in Revolution and I don't care about it that much.

And that's just one example for you to completely disregard.  The real point I'm trying to get at though is that I don't think Reloaded is a bad movie.  I think they set out to make a kung-fu film and that's exactly what they did.  There are a lot of movies that are legitimately, through and through, good, and a lot more that are very, very bad.  But there are a lot of movies that aren't necessarily trying to be good or bad; they're trying to be exactly what they are.  If other people think the movies you love are bad, that's fine, we don't have to agree about movies all the time.  Just stop saying the movies you love are bad yourself and accept the fact that you love them.

Now, it is worth noting here the things that I am actually not saying by way of that statement.  I am not saying I have never seen a meme or found one clever, funny, adorable, general positive adjective.  I am not saying you are a bad person if you happen to enjoy memes.  What I am saying is that memes are terrible, and if ones thought is to sit down and create a meme, or five, or ten, maybe they should take another moment and think about how their time could be better spent.  As great as some may be, memes are the lowest form of entertainment.  It generally takes two to three seconds to absorb the content of a meme and then you move on to another one, and then another one.  You could let half an hour or more pass by simply looking at memes and what will you have gained?

Let's look at a few facts.  And by facts I mean statements that seem pretty true as long as you don't do any research.  Nine out of ten memes are terrible.  Just legitimately terrible with no real redeeming quality.  Unfortunately it hardly seems that way, as with a billion or more memes already floating around in the interent, that still makes a hundred million good ones.  You could spend six hours scrolling through the internet for memes and not even scratch the surface of all the good ones out there- but why should you? After clicking that link to an image of Macho Man Randy Savage elbow dropping Jesus will you have gained something more worthwhile than a potential conversation that will probably go like this:

"Dude!  Did you see that picture of Macho Man elbow dropping jesus?"

"Yeah!"

Also, if you clicked that link I'm not sure you're understanding what I'm trying to say and you should feel bad.

What I'm saying about memes is not dissimilar to some of the things people have said about television and video games, however even the worst television and video games have something to offer you.  Whether you enjoy a meme or not, the amount of time invested is never going to be enough for the experience to weigh as a measure of your personality.  If you watch a TV show or play a game it will take at least thirty seconds of your time, during which you are actively engaged in the act of figuring out whether you like or hate it.  A simple meme will never carry the kind of impact in which you truly have to engage it.

The internet is such a vast amount of space and data that I suppose it's only natural to feel like we have to stuff it with whatever we can.  The mindset is that one more meme won't hurt, and that's not necessarily a bad thing- but it's also not a worthwhile thing.  If a person has the wit and creativity to create one of the better memes on the internet, then perhaps they have the ability to create something better.  On the other hand, perhaps I'm undervaluing the wisdom of Dissapointed Asian Father.

Part of my desire to not join in the latest blogging central of the internet is that I hate the word "blog".  I hate it with a passion.  It's like I'm being forced to throw up in my mouth everytime I say it.  Typing it doesn't help either.  It's an awful, terrible word that doesn't make any sense, so it fits in perfectly in the English language and that makes me hate it even more.

The other reason why I resisted for so long is because I'm a contrarian.  I know what you're thinking, and no, a contrarian isn't a librarian for people that play Contra.  But for those of you that are unfamiliar with the term, a contrarian is someone that generally has thoughts contrary to popular opinion.  I might say I'm a selective contrarian, but then I'd have to wonder if that makes me a better contrarian than other ones because I'm contrary to traditional contrarians, and ain't nobody got time for that for that kind of self-absorbed existenstial debate.

I think in this day an age the defining measure of any "true" contrarian is: someone who has not, and will not, watch Breaking Bad.

That's a joke.  Pretty spot on one.  I'll be honest I had a whole spiel typed up about using Breaking Bad, and my desire not to watch it, as a way to define myself but it got way too preachy, so here's the short version:

Don't know if the show is good or bad.  Don't care.  I went to college long enough to get a degree, and if I learned anything it's that you shouldn't judge something without taking the time to look at it.  So taking the show at its core, the idea presented via the pilot episode existing, I just don't want to watch a show about a guy that gets cancer and decides the next logical thing to do is make Crystal Meth.  Obviously they made the premise work, but it sounds aweful when you put it that way.

Maybe Walter White is awesome; I don't know, and I never will know, and I'm fine with that.  That's what being a contrarian is all about: accepting that you don't have to care about what everyone else cares about, while also realizing you don't get to talk bad about it either.