aussie douche.

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such perfection deserves to be zoomed in 💖

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“Guess who got two tickets to the doggy-Halloween-costume parade?” “I will dress up as literally anything else, but don’t make me wear this..” “Well, now look what you did! This is the third haunted house you got us banned from!” “I do so have a costume. I dressed up as you.” “You’re not going to make me carve this pumpkin all by myself, are you?” “I think we should have matching costumes this year.” “Oh my god, I think the crystal ball is working!!! The spirits are telling me you’re a dumbass.” “YOU. SCARED. ME!!” “Your opinion on candy-corn offends me.” “Yeah, well they were out of men’s costumes so..” “Did you hear there’s a masquerade ball this Halloween? Let’s go!” “What exactly are you supposed to be dressed as…?” “You don’t need to buy a costume. Your horrible personality is terrifying enough.” “Normally, I’d apologize, but considering you were the one trying to sneak up behind me and scare me, I’m not that sorry about giving you a black eye.” “Look, I’m telling you we shouldn’t go to the haunted house for your own safety. I hit when I get scared.” “I’m telling you it was a ghost!!” “But.. trick-or-treating was OUR thing…” “Candy’s so expensive… Do you think the kids will want life-advice instead?” 

nail biting | throat clearing | lying | interrupting | chewing the ends of pens | smoking | swearing | knuckle cracking | thumb sucking | muttering under their breath | talking to themselves | nose picking | binge drinking | oversleeping | snacking between meals | skipping meals | picking at skin | impulse buying | talking with their mouth full | humming/singing to themselves | chewing gum | leg jiggling | foot tapping | hair twirling | whistling | eye rolling | licking lips | sniffing | squinting | rubbing hands together | jaw clenching | gesturing while talking | putting feet up on tables | tucking hair behind ears | chewing lips | crossing arms over chest | putting hands on hips | rubbing the back of their neck | being late | procrastinating | doodling | shredding paper | peeling off bottle labels | forgetfulness | running hands through hair | overreacting | teeth grinding | nostril flaring | slouching | pacing | drumming fingers | fist clenching | pinching bridge of nose | rubbing temples | rolling shoulders

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special k | do not edit.