Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āāĀ fadeĀ inĀ .
theĀ memoryĀ wasĀ soĀ clearĀ ,Ā hiddenĀ withinĀ theĀ depthsĀ ofĀ herĀ mindĀ .Ā itĀ wasĀ asĀ thoughĀ theĀ conversationĀ hadĀ happenedĀ notĀ longĀ agoĀ .Ā āĀ doĀ youĀ knowĀ whyĀ iĀ cameĀ hereĀ ,Ā warrenĀ ?Ā "Ā sheĀ spokeĀ softlyĀ ,Ā backĀ turnedĀ toĀ himĀ .Ā thingsĀ wereĀ TENSEĀ betweenĀ theĀ bothĀ ofĀ themĀ ,Ā theyĀ knewĀ whatĀ wasĀ aheadĀ ofĀ themĀ .Ā "Ā toĀ helpĀ meĀ keepĀ archangelĀ inĀ checkĀ .Ā "Ā heĀ wasn'tĀ wrongĀ ,Ā butĀ thatĀ wasĀ notĀ theĀ onlyĀ reasonĀ .Ā yesĀ ,Ā sheĀ wasĀ thereĀ toĀ keepĀ archangelĀ inĀ checkĀ ,Ā toĀ keepĀ warrenĀ SAFEĀ fromĀ theĀ angelĀ ,Ā butĀ thereĀ wasĀ soĀ muchĀ moreĀ toĀ itĀ .Ā "Ā yesĀ .Ā oneĀ reasonĀ .Ā afterĀ weĀ lostĀ kurtĀ ā¦Ā iĀ wasĀ soĀ ABSOLUTELYĀ NUMBĀ .Ā iĀ didn'tĀ haveĀ anythingĀ leftĀ toĀ giveĀ toĀ itĀ .Ā suchĀ deepĀ hopelessnessĀ .Ā anĀ unendingĀ avalancheĀ andĀ usĀ atĀ theĀ bottomĀ ofĀ itĀ ,Ā diggingĀ ā¦Ā foreverĀ .Ā "Ā sheĀ tookĀ aĀ deepĀ breathĀ ,Ā hearingĀ theĀ tendernessĀ inĀ hisĀ voiceĀ ,Ā "Ā itĀ takesĀ aĀ tollĀ .Ā "Ā everythingĀ theyĀ didĀ tookĀ itsĀ tollĀ ,Ā everyĀ deathĀ ,Ā everyĀ lossĀ ,Ā everyĀ battleĀ .Ā Ā "Ā iĀ satĀ forĀ daysĀ ,Ā searchingĀ forĀ theĀ lastĀ timeĀ iĀ feltĀ humanĀ .Ā theĀ lastĀ timeĀ iĀ feltĀ anythingĀ realĀ .Ā onlyĀ YOUĀ cameĀ toĀ mindĀ .Ā "Ā herĀ handĀ liftedĀ toĀ caressĀ hisĀ cheekĀ ,Ā smilingĀ upĀ atĀ himĀ .
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āāĀ fadeĀ outĀ .
thoseĀ wereĀ differentĀ timesĀ forĀ theĀ bothĀ ofĀ themĀ ,Ā innocentĀ timesĀ comparedĀ toĀ whatĀ theyĀ hadĀ nowĀ bothĀ beenĀ throughĀ .Ā sheĀ wasĀ aĀ SHADOWĀ ofĀ theĀ womanĀ heĀ knewĀ ,Ā sheĀ barelyĀ recognizedĀ theĀ womanĀ sheĀ sawĀ inĀ theĀ mirrorĀ .Ā sheĀ couldn'tĀ expectĀ anyoneĀ elseĀ toĀ recognizeĀ herĀ .
thingsĀ wereĀ Ā DIFFERENTĀ Ā .Ā sheĀ wasĀ goodĀ atĀ hidingĀ ,Ā goodĀ atĀ pretendingĀ .Ā theĀ onlyĀ reasonĀ warrenĀ hadĀ caughtĀ upĀ toĀ herĀ wasĀ thatĀ sheĀ hadĀ allowedĀ himĀ toĀ .Ā itĀ hadĀ beenĀ easyĀ toĀ avoidĀ himĀ ,Ā herĀ mindĀ constantlyĀ searchingĀ herĀ surroundingsĀ andĀ sensingĀ anyĀ andĀ allĀ presenceĀ .Ā heĀ hadĀ beenĀ easyĀ toĀ avoidĀ ,Ā evenĀ asĀ sheĀ stoodĀ rightĀ inĀ frontĀ ofĀ himĀ .Ā ifĀ sheĀ didĀ notĀ wantĀ toĀ beĀ foundĀ ,Ā sheĀ wouldĀ notĀ beĀ .Ā sheĀ hadĀ allowedĀ Ā thisĀ encounterĀ ,Ā possiblyĀ dueĀ toĀ theĀ guiltĀ (Ā wasĀ itĀ guiltĀ ?Ā )Ā thatĀ sheĀ feltĀ orĀ inĀ someĀ weakĀ attemptĀ toĀ makeĀ itĀ seemĀ asĀ thoughĀ sheĀ wasĀ notĀ avoidingĀ himĀ .Ā sheĀ crossedĀ herĀ armsĀ overĀ herĀ chestĀ ,Ā completelyĀ closedĀ offĀ toĀ himĀ ,Ā asĀ sheĀ stoodĀ stillĀ .Ā sheĀ madeĀ noĀ effortĀ toĀ approachĀ orĀ distanceĀ herselfĀ .Ā sheĀ waitedĀ patientlyĀ forĀ theĀ wordsĀ sheĀ KNEWĀ wereĀ comingĀ ,Ā theĀ questionsĀ heĀ wouldĀ askĀ .Ā sheĀ didn'tĀ needĀ toĀ beĀ aĀ telepathĀ toĀ knowĀ .
butĀ hisĀ thoughtsĀ wereĀ soĀ LOUDĀ ,Ā heĀ wasĀ confusedĀ ,Ā heĀ wasĀ ā¦Ā distressedĀ ,Ā perhapsĀ thatĀ wasĀ theĀ bestĀ wayĀ toĀ putĀ itĀ .Ā heĀ neededĀ helpĀ ,Ā heĀ neededĀ HERĀ andĀ yetĀ ,Ā sheĀ refusedĀ himĀ atĀ everyĀ cornerĀ .Ā sheĀ knewĀ thatĀ itĀ shouldĀ haveĀ hurtĀ herĀ ,Ā sheĀ knewĀ thatĀ sheĀ shouldĀ haveĀ feltĀ thatĀ acheĀ inĀ herĀ chestĀ ,Ā theĀ oneĀ thatĀ achedĀ forĀ HIMĀ Ā ,Ā butĀ thereĀ wasĀ nothingĀ Ā .Ā sheĀ wishedĀ sheĀ couldĀ feelĀ somethingĀ ,Ā sheĀ wantedĀ toĀ HURTĀ andĀ sheĀ wantedĀ toĀ cryĀ .Ā sheĀ desperatelyĀ searchedĀ forĀ somethingĀ toĀ alleviateĀ theĀ (Ā lackĀ ofĀ )Ā painĀ , butĀ thereĀ wasĀ nothingĀ .Ā insteadĀ ,Ā sheĀ wasĀ leftĀ withĀ theĀ notionĀ ofĀ painĀ ,Ā ofĀ whatĀ sheĀ shouldĀ beĀ feelingĀ forĀ aĀ manĀ thatĀ sheĀ hadĀ onceĀ lovedĀ moreĀ thanĀ anythingĀ (Ā sheĀ stillĀ lovedĀ himĀ ,Ā sheĀ stillĀ wantedĀ toĀ saveĀ himĀ )Ā .
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā "Ā stopĀ .Ā you'reĀ thinkingĀ soĀ ā¦Ā loudlyĀ ,Ā warrenĀ .Ā breatheĀ ,Ā loveĀ .Ā ā
onceĀ uponĀ aĀ timeĀ ,Ā theyĀ hadĀ beenĀ connectedĀ soĀ intimatelyĀ viaĀ theirĀ telepathicĀ linkĀ .Ā sheĀ hadĀ knownĀ hisĀ soulĀ ,Ā knownĀ himĀ forĀ hisĀ everyĀ meritĀ andĀ flawĀ .Ā sheĀ hadĀ keptĀ himĀ safeĀ ,Ā yetĀ sheĀ hadĀ neverĀ beenĀ intrusiveĀ .Ā sheĀ hadĀ letĀ theĀ liesĀ slipĀ byĀ ,Ā sheĀ hadĀ disconnectedĀ theĀ linkĀ whenĀ heĀ hadĀ neededĀ itĀ ,Ā butĀ theyĀ hadĀ beenĀ INTIMATEĀ Ā onĀ aĀ levelĀ thatĀ sheĀ hadĀ neverĀ allowedĀ priorĀ toĀ himĀ andĀ wouldĀ neverĀ allowĀ againĀ .Ā thisĀ feltĀ awfulĀ ,Ā itĀ feltĀ strangeĀ toĀ standĀ beforeĀ himĀ andĀ notĀ knowĀ hisĀ everyĀ thoughtĀ ,Ā hisĀ feelingsĀ .Ā sheĀ couldĀ onlyĀ knowĀ whatĀ wasĀ jumpingĀ outĀ atĀ herĀ .Ā thoughtsĀ racingĀ ,Ā multitudesĀ ofĀ scenariosĀ .Ā heĀ wasĀ LOSTĀ andĀ sheĀ wasĀ theĀ onlyĀ whoĀ couldĀ helpĀ ā¦Ā butĀ sheĀ didĀ notĀ .
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā "Ā itĀ isĀ betterĀ youĀ doĀ notĀ knowĀ .Ā ā
becauseĀ ifĀ heĀ knewĀ ,Ā warrenĀ wouldĀ notĀ haveĀ aĀ CHANCEĀ atĀ beingĀ happyĀ .Ā sheĀ knewĀ thatĀ ,Ā heĀ hadĀ toĀ knowĀ itĀ .Ā theĀ memoriesĀ sheĀ hadĀ takenĀ ,Ā theĀ atrocitiesĀ thatĀ hadĀ happenedĀ ā¦Ā warrenĀ wasĀ aĀ goodĀ manĀ andĀ hisĀ selfĀ -Ā loathingĀ wouldĀ creepĀ inĀ ,Ā sheĀ knewĀ itĀ wouldĀ (Ā whoĀ wasĀ sheĀ toĀ makeĀ THATĀ decisionĀ ?Ā )Ā sheĀ clearedĀ herĀ throatĀ andĀ glancedĀ awayĀ fromĀ himĀ ,Ā suddenlyĀ unableĀ toĀ meetĀ hisĀ gazeĀ .
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā "Ā thereĀ isĀ aĀ reasonĀ theĀ mindĀ makesĀ youĀ forgetĀ TRAUMATICĀ eventsĀ ,Ā warrenĀ .Ā iĀ amĀ inĀ noĀ positionĀ toĀ giveĀ youĀ theĀ answersĀ youĀ searchĀ forĀ .Ā youĀ shouldĀ appreciateĀ whatĀ youĀ doĀ haveĀ andĀ liveĀ theĀ lifeĀ youĀ nowĀ haveĀ ā¦Ā trustĀ meĀ ,Ā someĀ memoriesĀ areĀ betterĀ leftĀ forgottenĀ .Ā ā
it also made it clearly wasnāt traumatic if his entire memoryās been erased yet sheās intact and is fully aware of what heād done. sheād probably sacrificed his memories for another chance for himĀ - itās possibly the guilt of doing something for someone whoās done some severely terrible acts that caused this significant rift between them. he knows, heās more than well aware, that he has it better than most. the man looks like the european christian iconography of an angel, so he certainly was aware that he was more privileged than just about everyone else. so, here he was, on top of the world with no one he knows, truly knows any more... and the one person that knows all tells him itās something he shouldnāt dare dwell on. which only drive his thoughts to be louder, more vulnerable.
how is he supposed to be a good man if he canāt fix his wrongs. he doesnāt know much beyond what heād been told about his previous self, about what heās read about his previous self on the gossip blogs, the business news, and wikipedia. heās damn well aware that whatever that could cause what feels like a planet of distance between them is more than a mereĀ traumatic event. heās sure itās an event caused by him that betsy had somehow kept from getting out. that the storm he wasĀ ābornā in cleaned away itās evidence perhaps, he wasnāt sure but he couldnāt deny the urging in his mind to find out more about it, to find out the truth about it all.Ā
so heād responded bluntly as there was no need for subtleties, as she can hear his loud thoughts already.Ā āif it were so traumatic, why would my entire mind be blank? i had to relearn my name, i didnāt know anything when iād walked stepped out of eye of the storm. not my name, not my identity. i came out of there with no knowledge or recollection of the last three decades of my life. all i was, all i knew was that i had seen the most beautiful woman in that storm and sheās been avoiding me since. everything i know now āeverything you can hear from my mind right now is what iāve learned through osmosis. i know nothing besides what wikipediaās said about me yet here you are with full recollection to the fact youāre going through extremeĀ lengths to avoid me of thisĀ ātraumaticā occurrence.ā
he was lonely, here he was on top of the world with a fresh start yet there was an emptiness, a void, that he couldnāt fill because he was unaware of what had even been in that void. was it love? was their love so strong that even the erasure of their life together has made him empty? or was his actions so heinous, so aggressive, so violentĀ that heāll be unable to recover after learning about them?