doreese

everyone: wow!!! you’re such a great person!!! amazing!!

I know I purposely stopping writing regularly after I got sick 4 years ago because I found it did more harm than good but… I do miss it. Because I still have all these thoughts, feelings, and ideas in my head except that now I suck at relaying them in writing. I thought halting my writing would stop all the crazy, constant, OCD emotions I have but nope- feelings and thoughts still there, and now one writer down. I can’t write anything quality anymore. 

Maybe if i start again? Just writing about my day? But then it’s so different now as a working professional… it’s just not going to be that varied of days as when I was still in college, or a hormonal teenager. All I do is barely pull myself out of bed, drive to work, work, drive home, eat dinner, tv, maybe a little reading, then sleep. Repeat x5. Weekends are so much more lame and mellow now too. Not much to write about when the most exciting thing I do in a weekend is get bubble tea lol. 

No crazy nights clubbing or drinking, no spontaneous adventures (at least not on a week day due to work), and definitely no over exaggerated hormonal boys to cry and weep about. The crazy clubbing drinking has turned into chill, relaxed get togethers with close friends with an easy vibe, spontaneous rando adventures still exist (or I try to still have them), but are extremely limited due to a combination of everyone conflicting schedules and lack of energy from the long work week. Instead, it’s a lot more planned events. Weeks in advance- sometimes months.  And boys? Well, when you’re 28 you kind of finally realize who you are, what your worth is, and what you deserve. Also, I just don’t seem to have the care nor energy to cry or chase fuckboys anymore. I think that’s a long gone pastime of mine that I’ve kissed goodbye (I hope. Knock on wood). 

This week will be great though because little brother is coming home to visit for one week. Haven’t seen him since the holidays last year. We always miss him. I don’t’ think he misses us as much as we miss him, but that’s okay. Because I’ll always love my little brother no matter what.