Yesterday's Future Today

“That cat is so long.”

“Let that cat do whatever she likes.”

“Cats are prickly fucks.”

“That looks like someone’s fursona.”

“I love one specific weirdo the most. It’s you.”

“Me, the absolute worst enabler? Yeah.”

“I’m demonic. Got that big demon energy.”

“Your body is dumb and should be disposed of.”

“She had one orgy and was part of several threesomes.”

“You are not your traumas.”

“I’m holding you hostage.”

“You’ll be cold when you’re dead, so might as well get used to it now.”

“Congrats, you’re one year close to your grave.”

“I genuinely believe that some children deserve to be dropkicked into a wall.”

“Can I please not be possessed again?”

“You’re my favorite horror baby.”

“He’s a font now!”

“I’m going to rub my cold hands all over your soft bits.”

“[Name] has left the chat.”

“I literally can’t wait to see you again.”

“Demons are so hard to kill. Is that why you’re not dead yet?”

“We’ve been together almost two years already!”

“We refused to acknowledge that we were actually dating for almost three months.”

“Imagine existing together.”

“That’s my favorite thing to do.”

“Bitch brain strikes again.”

“I love the dumb brain.”

“I’ll fucking eat you.”

“Secretly, everything I do is for you.”

“What the fuck is that?”

“I’ll fight one.”

“That is not how you treat robots.”

“What if it wants to fight me.”

“As if you wouldn’t drink straight out of the pot.”

“Why must you call me out like this?”

“My main purpose in life is to call you out, so.”

“Cats are way too inventive for their own good.”

“You’re a gender reveal party of two.”

“I love her, she’s so vicious.”

“That’s so cool, what the fuck.”

“Of course you’d be into it.”

“Why must people make such cool shit?”

“You’re a bastard artist.”

“I have said the phrase ‘his balls are chapped’ about eight times today.”

“This is the problem with having a Victorian bath.”

“Then he said that and I didn’t know what to say so I left him on read.”

“It’s not possible to be as stupid as he looks on a daily basis.”

“I legit had to make a form for the dog like I do for the humans.”

“How can a dog be this complicated?”

“I’ll even let you bite me on the face like a huge weirdo.”

“You’re just a dream, okay?”

“I love you and all your weirdness and intense game opinions.”

“You’re simply the best.”

“I can’t wait to just exist with you again instead of through a tiny screen.”

“I had a dream that you were asking me about med shit because that’s what I do at work, but then you kept getting mad at me when I told you what was meant to be done.”

“Once again, why does your brain think I’m such a dick?”

“Your dream brain is a bitch.”

“If you refuse to eat it, I’m going to threaten to crash the car.”

“I was woken up by hammering next door.”

“So now I have to use my computer like an animal.”

“In that case, no solution for you.”

“Life with cheese, what sort of existence would that be?”

“It’s illegal to not give you cheese every day.”

“Does this mean we’re adults?”

“We’re talking about bread, I’m excited about a freezer, so definitely adults.”

“All of my deadlines are on Friday the 13th, because the department wants to curse everyone.”

“You are once again cursed by yourself.”

“It’s a good time to be alive and gaming.”

“I wonder if I send a scathing comment to them if anything would be done.”

“Our date night consisted of driving around, hitting up pokestops, and taking over gyms.”

“There’s a man with a Switch. Shall I rob him?”

“You don’t even have hands.”

“I can’t breathe in this stupid plane.”

“Driving home without your little hand and cute face and stupid singing was the worst.”

“Driving back was very sad.”

“I napped but I had stressful nap dreams.”

“I will fight you with my face.”

“Come have orange juice, it fixes depression.”

“I’m very lonely already.”

“We’re terrible, but we do not deserve this.”

“I just wish I could actually do something helpful.”

“You’ll grow a dog in there.”

“I don’t want a dog in my lung.”

“That’s how dogs are born, coughed up like a hairball.”

“That’s as horrifying as I could have hoped.”

“I need clothes but I have been trapped in this room.”

“I escaped but at what cost.”

“I was so close to winning that time!”