The Story of a Young Adult.

Hello, kamusta ka na? Sisimulan ko ang liham na ito ng ayos pero hindi ako sigurado kung hanggang katapusan ganoon pa rin.

Salamat sa lahat ng mga malisyoso mong galaw at dahil doon ako ay napaibig mo. Mabait ka, pero hindi ko alam kung totoo ka. Pero alam mo kung anong totoo, mahal kita. Gago ka! kasi sa araw araw na ginawa ng Diyos baliwala lang yon. Manhid ang pagkatao mo. Kahit ako'y pinagtatawanan nila kahit kailan hindi ako tumigil na mahalin ka pero may nasabi ka ba? wala. Hindi ko alam kung masama ka pero kasi sabi mo mabait ka kaya naniniwala ako sayo. Kaso lagi mo akong sinasaktan kahit na araw araw kitang minamahal. Araw araw.

Tapos ngayon sabi mo sige subukan nating maging mag kaibigan pero bakit hindi ko ramdam. Ang alam ko kasi kinakaibigan kita hindi yung ako lang ng ako. Hello? Subukan mo naman kahit minsan kilalanin ako, kausapin ako, o kaya sumubok kang kaibiganin ako. Hindi ko kasi ramdam. Samantalang ako binigay ko sayo lahat kahit na alam kong wala kang amor doon. Para sa lalaking sumira ng kaligayahan ko, makaramdam ka. Hindi ako manhid, alam ko kung totoo ka sakin.

One of the greatest lectures I’ve heard is to love yourself before you love somebody else. One question I had in mind was, am I worth loving? I was in doubt all along. I too cannot even think of how I can be loved, I hate myself for the record. A friend of mine said, to love someone you must feel good about yourself, feel complete and whatnot. Will I ever be complete? What if I tell you that the only one who can complete me is the one I love? So what’s the sense? How can you make yourself complete on your own? Is it faith? Happiness? Or the balance of both happiness and sadness? How? Even right now I am still in shock people noticed that I do not love myself as much as some people do.

That no matter what I do, I cannot let my guard down. I wonder if this is a facade, to hide all my imperfections, to cover up with how wrong I am. For the betterment of the situation, I love myself that no one can ever imagine. There are times that I feel content just from within.

Every couple I’ve met in the past seems so happy with how they are, they were. How was their relationship? I bet it was not perfect but splendid. Loving is happiness, well I am not happy; so can I be loved? I need someone who can fill in through the spaces of my fingers, to hug and to hold. I need someone there for me always, and by always I mean forever.

I want to love, give myself to the world, experience to be hurt and that eternal happiness that love can bring. In my existence I want to be with someone worth gasping for air, worth my affection and my never ending care. This is my story, a man who wants to love while he’s incomplete.