I'm not bing bong bingus anymore

- despite Bianca being an anatomically accurate sex doll, Lars never touches her or even looks at her with any sort of sexual intent. There's something deeply soothing and comforting about the way he treats her and looks at her. (I think reading Lars as asexual is honestly a really good way to look at his character too. I feel like having no interest in sex makes it hard for people to connect with their partner, especially if that partner is allo. Lars never seems interested in his coworkers porno talk at work, he never talks about or really views Bianca as anything sexual, he never entertains or answers questions about Bianca and him that are sexual in nature, and when he's asking Gus what made him finally feel like a man, he asks almost hesitantly- like he doesn't want to- if it was sex.)

- Lars does not like to be touched. He's working on it as the movie goes on, but it's something that never gets fully "fixed", and I don't think it does even in the future. I'm sure it gets better, gets less painful for him, but I don't think he'd enjoy hugs or prolonged touch anyways. Idk something about Lars constantly backing away from people who get too close to him, constantly trying to remove himself from other people in his personal space- it just feels really good to see. I'm sure this is something that made a lot of people feel sad for him, but honestly it's just comforting to me.

- the whole bowling scene. It was just Lars and Margo- until the group arrived and I was a little scared they'd be mean, but no. They just join the two and they all have fun. There's high fives when someone manages to get a good throw, but Lars is never forced or pressured to share a high five. Besides just that, he's there with them, and he's not forced into the conversation, but he's included and welcome. Him tearing up in this scene was so beautiful.

- Gus trying to do better. He's a fucking asshole at the start of the movie, but he learns. He's feeling guilty, thinking it's his fault that Lars is delusional, but eventually still goes out of his way to help and learn. He learns the difference between delusions and hallucinations, and he talks about it at work, knowing there's a big chance his coworkers will mock him, like they've done in a previous scene.

- the older ladies chasing Gus and Karin out of the house to spend some time with Lars. The scene is so simple it's almost painful. They bring him food. They knit and chat while he just sits with them. They tell him not to worry about anything, to just eat his food and relax a little.

The moon’s not white! It’s concrete-gray! It only looks so shiny when compared to the void of space!

Also, I’m surprised they introduced the whole gem shards thing so early on, that’s horrifying actually. (Noticed that the green centipede acid-spewing creature thing morphed into kind of a human form first before turning into a monster, because I already KNEW to look out for that, what the FUCK, does she ever get fixed, again, that’s HORRIFYING)

Like, the way Connie interacts with him is kind of like when you’re a kid, and you’re like “wow it’s so cool how so-and-so’s parents let them do this and that and that” and then when you grow up you realise their parents absolutely should NOT have been letting them do that?

And it seems like Pearl is the only one who cares about his wellbeing? (She kinda acts like his mom, it’s actually really sweet) And even then, she’s only focused on the gem stuff and not, y’know, the human stuff? Like, is this kid even going to school?? Bc it seems like he doesn’t even know how to WRITE???

Also, I’m surprised they introduced the whole gem shards thing so early on, that’s horrifying actually. (Noticed that the green centipede acid-spewing creature thing morphed into kind of a human form first before turning into a monster, because I already KNEW to look out for that, what the FUCK, does she ever get fixed, again, that’s HORRIFYING)

Like, the way Connie interacts with him is kind of like when you’re a kid, and you’re like “wow it’s so cool how so-and-so’s parents let them do this and that and that” and then when you grow up you realise their parents absolutely should NOT have been letting them do that?

And it seems like Pearl is the only one who cares about his wellbeing? (She kinda acts like his mom, it’s actually really sweet) And even then, she’s only focused on the gem stuff and not, y’know, the human stuff? Like, is this kid even going to school?? Bc it seems like he doesn’t even know how to WRITE???

Also, I’m surprised they introduced the whole gem shards thing so early on, that’s horrifying actually. (Noticed that the green centipede acid-spewing creature thing morphed into kind of a human form first before turning into a monster, because I already KNEW to look out for that, what the FUCK, does she ever get fixed, again, that’s HORRIFYING)

Like, the way Connie interacts with him is kind of like when you’re a kid, and you’re like “wow it’s so cool how so-and-so’s parents let them do this and that and that” and then when you grow up you realise their parents absolutely should NOT have been letting them do that?

And it seems like Pearl is the only one who cares about his wellbeing? (She kinda acts like his mom, it’s actually really sweet) And even then, she’s only focused on the gem stuff and not, y’know, the human stuff? Like, is this kid even going to school?? Bc it seems like he doesn’t even know how to WRITE???

Also, I’m surprised they introduced the whole gem shards thing so early on, that’s horrifying actually. (Noticed that the green centipede acid-spewing creature thing morphed into kind of a human form first before turning into a monster, because I already KNEW to look out for that, what the FUCK, does she ever get fixed, again, that’s HORRIFYING)

I say this with so, so much care: Real queer shit written by real queers can and will sometimes make you uncomfortable. That's one of the defining features of weird, independent queer media. And weird independent media more broadly. Art that comes from true individual passion and authenticity has edges and bite to it that mass market corporate products intentionally do not. Has a rawness that can offend.

I don't quite understand why this is a hot take, but, uh, Loid definitely knows that he loves Yor and Anya. (Now, to be fair, he almost certainly doesn't realize how much Yor likes him. He is genuinely bad at reading the women in his life, which is partly bc because they're actually not great at expressing themselves, and partly because he assumes any time something goes wrong it's because he messed up)

The thing is, Loid's not willing to act on the love he has for them to turn the mission-family into a real-family. Which is partly bc of his personal experiences, yes! It's also partly bc he's still going to be a spy. How can he commit himself fully to Yor and Anya when he's still working for WISE? He believes he can't (and I suspect he's right), and he believes that the work he does with WISE is too important to walk away from.

I genuinely think he believes that loving them means not "turning this into a real family" -- because if he makes the marriage official, then Yor thinks the family is real and Twilight knows it still isn't. Which is making me think Athelas-and-Troika-City-Between thoughts, but that's for another time. (To those who haven't watched Spy x Family: Yor and Loid have entered a marriage of societal convenience; there is no sexual aspect to it).

Now, is he deliberately not thinking about how much he likes Yor and would like to genuinely marry her? Probably. But he's not avoiding the thought out of, what's the word, out of "oh that's too scary to think about," he's avoiding the thought because he can't act on it. There's no point fantasizing.