I’m alone. Much much more than I thought I would be in my adult life. Whether it became from environment, circumstance, choice, livelihood, etc, not 100% sure, but always notice it more when I travel for work, which I’ve been doing for, what?? (With no sense of time) I wanna say at least 8 years now. I barely recall when it first became part of my lifestyle, i knew it was a make it or break it kinda of life. I loved it, and not to say I don’t now, I still love it very much so. I kinda always thrived in being away, partly because I don’t fall into the same habits I do, when I amjust home. But I think once it became more common, the times I would come back home, I just wanted to be home. After several days straight of being with co-workers, stuck indoors, breathing circulated air between airports, hotels, and random office spaces, while servicing clients, and the clients clients, that’s all I wanted. Just to be home and unwind. And home, meaning like, just in my own apt. Not the outside world. (Like I’m a singe dude living alone paying NYC rent; need to get my moneys worth). I stopped taking advantage of NYC, and all its constant events and offerings, and things I enjoyed. Slowly, without realizing it, I started isolating myself. Friends/fam would never really reach out since they knew I was probably not around, and I never really reached out due to my reactive nature, along with my general thinking that the people I do want to spend time with, have their own lives and shit to do/deal with, no time for you anymore. That kind of thinking just added to my own isolation of being with myself. So much so, that for several years now, I’ve denied myself (and still find myself doing so), experiences that I would enjoy, but don’t partake in because of doing it solo, doesn’t sound ideal, in comparison to being a shared experience. Slowly realizing I had less and less people to reach out to that I wanted to spend time with, as they all started taking next step in their lives. It’s been a long while since I felt truly connected to someone, even though I have and probably always will be the type to believe that we all can find some common ground. (at Lake Forest, Illinois) https://www.instagram.com/p/BwGenyclfFK/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=i8vt3rhpv73f
