form your own opinion, babe

“i’m proud of you, you know.” mary began sweetly, and you turned to face her as her graceful footsteps slowed to a stop.

you could feel the lump forming in your throat as you processed her words. words that you had longed to hear ever since you were forced into a reality where you had to live without her. 

you were just a kid back then, and the same kid that had been forced to grow up too soon, was the same kid who had wished that monsters were only figments of the imagination. instead, you had been taught how to kill all sorts of them by the time they were eight years old. that same kid,  was the designated parent by default whenever john went awol. the same kid who learned how to hold it together when everything else was falling apart. a coping mechanism that had shaped the way you moved throughout the years. you worked hard and made sure that you were able to take care of not only yourself, but your brothers as well. that was the kid that mary was proud of. her kid. you. 

mary smiled again, reaching out to gently squeeze at your arms before taking your hands in her own. her grip was firm but never painful. 

“you’ve done a really good job, honey.” she told you, “and i just wanted you to know that—” 

mary's words were suddenly cut short, never to be heard in full as the world around you began to move in slow motion. you blinked rapidly as harsh sunlight that hadn’t been there before beamed down onto your face. you had been knocked to the ground, strong arms looped tightly around your body as you struggled to find some clarity in your disoriented state.

sadly, you were aware enough to realize that once again, you had been ripped away from your mother without a proper goodbye. 

a particularly panicked colored sound left your lips at the realization, followed by a very desperate ‘no’ as you struggled to free yourself from the arms that were still wrapped around your frame. they relented immediately and you spun around to face the culprit, the look in your eyes absolutely feral.

“i didn’t get to hear what she wanted to say!” you yelled, “i—” you stopped short as you recognized who it was you had turned to look at. 

“sam?” you asked, your chest heaving up and down as you attempted to blink away the confusion that began to cloud your mind.

the deafening sound of a car horn hit your ears before sam could reply. it had caused you to wince, and when you turned to see where the sound had come from, you were met with the sight of an eighteen wheeler speeding down the highway—its powerful horn still loudly whirring in warning as it passed by.

you took in your surrounding, eyes darting over to sam who had sat up next to you, still struggling to catch his breath as if he’d been running at full speed just moments before. a second later, dean’s voice pierced through the air.

“what the hell was that!?” he shouted. 

his hands came down down to grip the front of your jacket, pulling you to your feet before he had even entered your field of vision but there was unmistakable terror circling in his green irises once he had. you stared at him for half a second before you blinked again, looking past him as your focus zeroed in on the gas station across the street, eyes scanning the parking lot as you began to realize where you were. 

your focus landed on dean again as your mind worked to make sense of it all, desperately trying to recall how you ended up on the opposite side of the highway. clearly, you hadn’t been left in the safety of the impala and now, you weren’t sure if you had been dreaming at all—but you hadn't exactly been fully awake either. 

you could remember that you had been on your way to the bathroom, only to be thrust into what had felt like a dream—a reality that you’d felt quite safe in after some time—only to end up standing on the side of the road without the slightest clue of how you’d gotten there.

a terrible sinking feeling fell over you as you realized that there was a strong possibility that while you had gotten lost in said dreamscape, you had still been awake in real time, and had narrowly managed to be pulled out of harm’s way. 

you looked down at sam who was still sitting in a bunch on the ground, his breath still coming in short spurts, evidence of the fact that he had been running. 

running to save you. this was the thought that flooded your mind as you struggled to connect certain dots.

“what was that!?” dean questioned again, his grip tightening on the front of your jacket as he shook you with a force strong enough to lift the daze that had been clinging to you. 

the truth is that you weren’t sure what had occurred, which meant that you couldn’t exactly explain what had happened. 

you made a mental note to look into the strange occurrence, ignoring the fact that you were pretty sure that it had almost caused you your life, and made the quick decision to not worry your brothers with something you couldn't explain then and there. 

“i don’t—i don’t know.” you started, “i thought i saw something.” 

“you thought you—you were almost roadkill!” dean barked, his anger taking president over the fear coursing through his veins.

“i thought i saw something.” you repeated, pulling away from his grip, eyes sharp as you looked at him again, “leave it alone, dean.” you demanded, trying to take control of the situation.  

dean faltered at the authoritative inflection in your tone, something you rarely ever used when it came to your little brothers, but they knew not to push whenever you did. you held his gaze a second longer in silent warning, that unspoken ‘watch it’ lingering in the air as you turned away from him.

you leaned down to help sam to his feet, tugging until he was standing upright.

“are you okay?” you asked, watching as sam attempted to brush the lingering dirt and dust off of his jeans.

“i should be asking you that.” he said seriously, brow knit in concern, pure confusion written all over his features. 

you could see the same terror that had been in dean’s eyes reflected in sam’s and you were quick to turn away from it, grumbling out a soft ‘i’m fine’ before you began the short trek back towards the gas station. in a twisted state of irony, you cautiously glanced both ways before you crossed the street, leaving the tension in the air behind you, completely missing the look sam and dean exchanged before they followed after you. 

you settled into the backseat of the impala, and stayed silent for the rest of the drive, actively avoiding dean’s scrutinizing gaze in the rearview mirror, only offering up a barely there smile as sam passed you the drink you’d requested earlier. you found that you were feeling as grateful as you’d ever been for his ability not to press you for information when you didn’t want to talk. 

as tired as he was, dean still hadn’t let anyone else drive the rest of the way to ohio. he sat brooding in the driver’s seat the entire time, eyes focused on the road as he pretended to not be upset. 

you knew they were worried, but you had never been the type to present an idea of any kind with this many loose ends attached. you didn’t speak about things like this without having some kind of explanation or a lead to offer up, and right now you had your own growing list of questions that you had no answers to. you kept quiet because you had nothing to give your brothers, and no answers would only cause them to be more concerned than they already were.

          the impala came to a stop in the motel parking lot where you and your brothers unpacked the impala in awkward silence that no one attempted to break until you were settled into the room. 

“maybe you should sit this one out..” 

the quiet suggestion had come from dean, and you turned to meet his gaze for the first time since the incident at the gas station. 

“i’m fine, dean.” you replied, your tone a lot gentler as you acknowledged the concern on his face. 

you didn’t say anything more, opting instead to spend the rest of the night preparing for the next hunt. 

you had done your due diligence after sam and dean had gone to sleep, stepping out of the room to call bobby. you were grateful that he had taken the call, and had spent at least an hour discussing anything related to dreaming while awake, vivid hallucinations, and daydreams that weren’t easily broken. you’d given him a little more detail than you’d been willing to give your brothers and the more you discussed it, the more it seemed to be something that could have been as sensible as some kind of medical problem rather than a supernatural one. 

bobby had promised to look into it.

“we’ll discuss it more when you get here.” he’d said, knowing that the three of you had already planned to head towards sioux falls for a much needed break after the hunt in ohio was finished. 

you thanked him, and ended the call with the idea that a solution as simple merely needing a substantial amount of rest was plausible argument. however, after the events of the day, sleep wasn’t exactly all that inviting. the nightmare you’d had, paired with the occurrence that you’d thought had been a dream, kept you awake a for hours after the call with bobby had ended. eventually, you succumbed to your fatigue, but there was not a single nightmare—or even a peaceful dream—in sight. 

by the time you were dressed and ready to head into town the next morning, you had convinced yourself that there was may have been nothing to worry about after all. 

you shrugged off the lingering looks of concern from sam and dean, and dismissed their questions about whether or not you were okay to hunt altogether. 

you were sharp and focused for the entirety of the hunt. attentive and direct when interviewing witnesses, careful and observant as you followed leads, and when you finally came face to face with the monster that had been terrorizing the small town, you stood by your brothers, and worked in tandem to take it down. 

truly, all was well.  

“you should let me drive.” you had directed the statement towards dean once everything was said and done and he could visibly see the confidence emitting from your entire being as you looked over at him. the kind of confidence that always came after a job like the one you had just finished, where you were right about what it was you were hunting from the start, and took out the creature before anyone else got hurt. 

“i don’t think so.” dean grumbled, hand coming down to close the trunk of the impala. the hunt was over, you were on your way to bobby’s, and now that the threat was taken care of, dean had slipped back into the same brooding mood he had been in the moments after you’d nearly been taken out by a massive truck. 

“come on. i know you’re tired.” you pressed, “—and yes. i can admit that what happened yesterday was scary and unusual. it wasn’t exactly my best moment, but i’m okay.” you told him, your gaze direct and your tone adamant as you pled your case.

“no.” dean stated firmly. “sammy’s drivin’.”  he said, tossing the keys to sam, who grinned and tossed them over to you. dean, who had watched you catch them with ease, looked as though he could strangle the both fo you. 

the concern for you that sam had felt for you the day before was still present, but he had watched you throughout the hunt, and you had seemed to be doing just fine. plus, he was never one to pass on an opportunity to tease dean, especially with your help. 

 you watched as dean pointed a finger at you, and you waved him off before he could even start.

“i know, i know. if anything happens to baby you’ll never forgive me. now, shut up and get in the car.”

          you could hear the sound of dean’s soft snores shortly after you had made it onto the highway, a small smile forming on your face knowing that he wouldn’t have let his guard down like that if he didn’t at least have some trust in your ability to take care of baby.

an hour into the drive, sam had gotten you to open up a little about the gas station incident from the day before. you had rolled your eyes at the concerned puppy dog look he’d given you, but he was careful and considerate in his approach—neither demanding or prying, just a concerned little brother worried about his sibling. you couldn’t exactly fault him for that. 

“it’s just that you’ve never done anything like that before.” he pointed out after it was clear that you were at least somewhat open to the conversation. 

it was obvious to sam that you had been confused when you’d first come to after the close-call, as if you hadn’t realized that you had been seconds away from meeting your end. nothing about it had seemed intentional. he remembered seeing it in your eyes, the fact that you had do idea how you ended up in the middle of the street. even with your confusion, sam knew that he didn’t have to tell you how badly things could have ended. 

“i’m just saying..it really freaked us out. you freaked us out.” he told you.

you kept your eyes on the road as you took in sam’s words, wondering just how much of you had been in control yesterday. 

you thought back to how you had convinced yourself that you were in the safety of the impala, still on your way to ohio, still fast asleep, locked inside of a dream as you walked across the sandy beach with your mother by your side. it could have been an extreme form of sleep walking like bobby had suggested. although, you were pretty sure that he’d said it only to reassure you. 

you just weren’t sure, and that was a problem in and of itself. 

you hated to be subject to the unknown, especially when the stakes were this high, and walking into danger completely unaware of it was an extremely high stake situation. 

“you said you thought you saw something?” 

sam’s voice had broken through your thoughts, his approach just as careful as before.

“yeah, sam.” 

technically, it wasn’t a complete lie. 

sam nodded in response, processing the half truth as he observed you with baited curiosity swimming behind his eyes. 

“...and you’re still feeling alright?” he asked.

“yeah. i’m fine.” 

sam’s eyes stayed glued to your profile. “you would tell us if anything was wrong, right?”

you turned to look over at him then, holding your baby brother’s gaze as his question lingered in the air. the answer to that question was never a simple one. 

“nothing’s wrong, sam.” was your only reply. 

you forced your attention to fall back onto the road as sam very graciously put the conversation to rest. for a while the impala was filled with nothing but the sound of pages turning in one of sam’s favorite books, the sound of dean snoring, and the steady rhythm of rubber against asphalt.

it was mind numbingly peaceful, which is why the sound that cut straight through that peace was enough to make you wince. 

the rumble of one of the loudest exhaust systems you had ever heard pierced the air around the impala. you went rigid, recognizing it immediately. your eyes darting to the rear view mirror only to be met with the sight of an empty road.

“you alright?” sam asked, having seen the way you’d winced.

your eyes stayed glued to the mirror as you nodded in response, “yeah, i just—” the rest of your sentence had gotten trapped behind your teeth as your gaze fell back onto the road in front of you. there was a figure standing in the middle of the road, and you had veered to the left to avoid it, hitting the breaks so hard that baby’s wheels had screeched in protest. 

it had all happened in the blink of an eye and when you gained control of the car again, swerving back onto the right side of the road, your surroundings had changed completely. 

you were no longer in the impala, on the highway headed to sioux falls with your brothers. 

now, you were behind the wheel of the sleek sierra grande that had once belonged to your father. completely alone. 

the sound of the exhaust system you had heard earlier filled your ears once again, and when your eyes landed on the rearview mirror this time around, a pair of blinding headlights stared back at you. 

you recognized the scene immediately. 

you were being chased, the fact undeniable as your surroundings became more and more recognizable the further you ventured down the road.

with your hands grasped tightly around the wheel, you pressed the gas pedal to the floor and let out a string of expletives as you tried to focus. 

that this was not a dream. this was a memory, and you knew exactly how it ended.

you took in another deep breath and pulled the child closer to your side, protective and alert as the two of you moved forward. 

“don’t be afraid.” you whispered, your words, although meant for the child’s sake, working to encourage you through this nightmare of a hunt. you scanned the hall again, the flashlight in your hand a beacon in the dark as you carefully moved ahead. 

“don’t be afraid.” you repeated, “nothing’s gonna—” you winced as a sudden sharp pain shot up through your arm. a small yelp escaping through your lips as the child gripped your hand so tight that you momentarily thought you might have fractured a bone.

“what’s w–wrong…” you asked, your words trailing off as you met the child’s gaze, the question getting stuck in the back of your throat at the sight of them. the same child you’d been trying to lead to safety, was now a ghostly looking entity, nearly unrecognizable as they stared back up at you with sinister focus. the child's grip tightened around your hand and caused you to bend in pain, feeling the pressure shoot up through your shoulder as you desperately tried to pull away.

even after you’d realized the child was a threat to you, your first instinct wasn’t to fight back. you just wanted them to let go. the grip they had on your hand tightened even further, causing you to wince again as your shoulder began to sting. you let your flashlight drop to the ground as you tried to tug yourself free, your gaze meeting the soft glow of the child’s eyes again. a moment later, they were speaking to you.

“wake up!” the child screamed, and the impact of the sound startled you enough to make you falter, tripping over your own feet as you stumbled back, taking in a sharp breath as you began to fall—

a loud gasp left your mouth as your eyes shot open. 

the fall you had taken had jolted you awake, your eyes darting back and forth as you took in your surroundings. you were in the back of the impala, staring out of the back window, the familiar scenery of a roadside gas station staring back at you.

“hey..” 

you turned at the sound of your brother’s familiar voice, suddenly realizing that sam’s sturdy hand was settled onto your shoulder where he'd been trying to shake you awake.

“are you alright?” he asked, concern evident in his expression. 

you blinked a couple times, and nodded in response, momentarily unable to find your voice. nightmares always had a way of stunning you into brief silence. it had been that way ever since you could remember, and sam nodded in understanding as he removed his hand from your shoulder, nodding towards the convenience store in the distance. 

“i figured you’d want to grab a snack or something.” he said, “and it’s your turn to sit shotgun.” he added, still watching you with concern. 

“thanks, sam.” you grumbled after a moment, turning away from him as you began to slowly break free of your sleepy haze. you could tell that sam was still staring at you, that familiar crease in between his brow as he quietly wondered if you were truly okay or not. 

“stop looking at me like that. i’m fine.” you told him, sparing him a glance that was a mixture between a quick eye-roll and an innocuous glare of warning.  

“alright.” sam replied, with an air of exaggerated nonchalance in his tone now instead of deep concern. you smiled as he turned away from you and slipped out of the car, immediately dropping the subject as if it meant nothing to him in the first place. 

the reaction was something he’d learned to lean into whenever you didn’t feel like ‘sharing a feeling.’ it had always made you want to both thank him and knock him upside the head, but you always appreciated the fact that he rarely ever pushed once you’d made it clear that you didn’t want him to.  

your eyes tracked sam’s steps through the window as he made his way towards the store, the small, playful smile on your face dropping as soon as he’d disappeared beyond the double doors. you thought back to the dream you’d just had, quickly forcing away the images as the terrifyingly desperate feeling you’d been subject to in the small corridor resurfaced. you climbed out of the impala with an unnerving feeling and stretched your limbs, finally able to stand up straight for what seemed like the first time in forever.

“head’s up!” 

dean’s warning brought you out of your thoughts as he approached the car, and your reflexes took over the second he flung a pack of powdered donuts at you. “thought you’d still be passed out until the next stop.” he said with a smirk, impressed by the fact that you’d been able to grab a hold of the snack before it smacked you in the face. 

“is this your way of being considerate?” you asked, looking down to read the label on the small package. 

“what can i say? i’m a good little brother.” he grinned, throwing the bag of chips he’d bought for himself through the front window before rounding the car to grab the nozzle from the gas pump. 

“yeah, but a good little brother would know that i hate these.” you told him, tossing the pack of donuts in his direction. it was your turn to smirk now as you watched dean scramble to catch it, his movements far from being as smooth as yours had been moments before. he frowned over at you once he had gotten a good grip on the pack, and tossed it into the front seat before he looked back up at you. 

“alright, those were for me.” he admitted. “like i said, i thought you’d sleep through the first stop. besides, i was kind of hoping that you would after i realized your kryptonite had set up shop over there.” he said, his eyes focused on something behind you. 

following his line of sight, you spotted a vendor sitting outside of the convenience store, tucked into the corner—ready to make a sale. the choice to set up shop right out front was a smart move, you thought. very convenient. 

you grinned as you turned to face dean again, and he frowned at the sight, already privy to what you were going to do next. 

“come on, man! we’ve still got a lot of road to cover!” he said as he took in the pure excitement and mischief in your eyes.

“i’ll be right back!” you called over your shoulder, waving him off as you walked away from the impala. 

sam had already exited the store by the time you made it over to the small table, and he approached you with a knowing smile on his face. just like dean, he’d also spotted the vendor outside of the gas station and would have confidently bet good money that you wouldn’t make it into the store before stopping to take a look. 

you had always been categorized as ‘a seller’s dream.’ too polite to walk past without a word or a glance, even if you never actually bought anything. even if all you’d turned to say was ‘sorry, not interested.’ 

you could never completely ignore anyone, and because of this, you had gotten trapped in one too many spiels one too many times. your brothers had learned that it was easier to just cut in and drag you away with polite nods and forced smiles before you could give any more of your time away. 

you could argue that you simply appreciated the hustle..that you had a certain amount of respect for all that came along with it, but the simple fact was that it was just in you to always make time for other people. from the annoying car salesmen, right down to the little girls selling cookies outside of the grocery store. it wasn’t exactly your fault that the job of a vendor required a little bit of inticing in order to get sales, even less so that you were capable of being enticed—and right then and there, all it took was an array of shiny things laid out neatly on a table to draw you in.

yes, it was true that you didn’t mind listening, but you had also come to learn that not all sellers had a pitch, and the older woman running the table outside of the convenience store seemed to be a woman of very little words. she had only offered a polite nod after you had greeted her, as if she was perfectly content to let her spread of mixed-matched trinkets speak for themselves. 

you scanned the table as she sat weaving something together, stitch after careful stitch clearly meant for mending.

your eyes landed on sam as he nudged your shoulder, successfully pulling your attention away from the very important task at hand. his grin grew wider as he handed you a small bag with a few of your favorite snacks—naturally upholding the good little brother tendencies dean claimed to have—before making his way back towards the car.  

“i’ll only be a minute.” you told him, eyes already scanning the table again.

“sure you will.” sam mused, shaking his head as he left you to your own devices. 

you spoke up the moment something had properly caught your eye.

“how much for the necklace?” you asked the woman, bending slightly to peer down at the small collection she had on display. you had pointed to a dainty gold one that had a small pendant in the shape of a bird’s skull, and your eyes narrowed slightly as you inspected it closely. 

“fifty.” she told you, “it’s pure gold.” 

you lifted your gaze at the confident yet compelling lilt in the woman’s voice, eyes scanning over the dark haired merchant as you cocked your head slightly to one side, a small smirk edging at the corner of your mouth. you knew a fake when you saw one. 

“it’s gold plated.” you remarked, “‘s jus’ as pretty, though.” you complimented, slight amusement in your tone. you appreciated a good hustle, even had respect for a good con job, but you were the last person to be considered a sucker. 

“twenty.” you offered, raising a brow at the woman who watched you for a moment as she considered the lower amount. 

“that price is an insult…but you have a good eye.” she said, a small smile forming at the edge of her lips. 

“thirty.” she countered, holding your gaze. 

“twenty-five.”  

“...okay.” 

you exchanged another smile as you handed the woman twenty-five dollars cash. “don’t worry. you might be able to get fifty out of the next person.” you told her with a wink, pocketing the necklace as you watched her tuck the money into a lockbox. 

“possibly.” she replied, still looking quite impressed with you—even after accepting the lesser amount of money. 

“have a nice day.” the woman told you, holding her hand out for you to shake. you shook it with a smile, before turning to head back to the impala that was now parked in one of the few spaces provided on the lot. 

you slid into the car on the passenger side, ignoring the brooding expression on dean’s face as you sat the bag of snacks sam had bought on the bench between the two of you. when you glanced back, sam was already on the verge of sleep and you smiled before fishing your new trinket out of your pocket. 

“what’d you get?” dean asked, nodding towards the gold chain that was draped over your hand.

you ran your thumb over the surface of the necklace as you held it close, admiring it despite its cheap quality.

you ignored your brother’s question and slipped the piece of jewelry around your neck, securing it into place before tucking it into your shirt. 

“none of your business.” you replied with a satisfied smirk, your brow raised in a ‘wouldn’t you like to know’ kind of fashion, your words eliciting a heavy sigh and an eye roll from dean that made you chuckle.

“yeah..whatever.” he grumbled, firing up the engine. 

“how much longer?” you asked, reaching back to pull your seatbelt over your chest, before clicking it into place. 

“too long.” dean replied, pulling on his own seatbelt before putting the car in reverse, backing out of the space with careful precision. “i’m pretty sure we’ve got at least eight hours left.” 

you hummed at the information, slumping down into your seat as you attempted to get comfortable. 

the three of you were set on your way to warren, ohio, ready to take on a case you had picked up in the middle of the one you’d just finished. as per usual, dean had driven most of the way. 

“welp,” you started, crossing your arms over your chest as you angled yourself towards the window.  

“let me know when you’re done pretending that i’m a horrible driver, i’ll take over.” you told him, a yawn escaping your lips halfway through the sentence. dean scoffed at your words, knowing that he’d let sam drive before he’d ever let you take over. you had lost all driving privileges after you’d wrecked the truck john had left behind after his death. the crash hadn’t exactly been avoidable, but dean didn’t care—baby was simply too precious to him. 

“in your dreams.” he muttered. you merely chuckled in response and turned to lean your head on the door, already halfway to dreamland before dean even got down the road good. 

          you were stopped at another gas station two and a half hours out from warren, ohio when you opened your eyes next. 

“bathroom break.” dean had remarked after shaking you awake. he slipped out of the car, knocking on the window as he rounded the impala, successfully waking sam in the process. 

once you’d gained enough consciousness to move, you climbed out of the car and stretched your limbs for the second time that day as you stood. dean had already disappeared into the store by the time you pulled the seat forward to let sam out. 

“you think he’ll let me drive the rest of the way?” you asked, smiling as sam huffed out a laugh, the amusement of an age-old inside joke coursing through the both of you as he considered your question. 

“not if he’s still breathing.” sam joked, stretching his arms over his head. 

you heaved a sigh, before following after dean, stepping into the convenience store on a mission. once inside, you started making your way to the bathroom just as sam made a beeline towards the snack aisle.

“could you get me something to drink?” you shot over your shoulder as you passed him.

“sure.” he replied, grabbing a bag of trail mix, before heading in the direction of the coolers. 

as you neared the bathroom, you began to grimace slightly as your shoes seemed to stick to the gas station’s grimy floor. the bathrooms were tucked away in a secluded hallway away from the rest of the store, the space narrow and poorly lit.

that’s where you’d heard it: the sound of your name coming from lips that had long since turned blue. 

you came to a halt just outside of the bathroom door, your hand hovering above the doorknob as if touching it would somehow cause you bodily harm. you stood there frozen, just listening, before finally turning to face the source. 

everything had changed in an instant. 

you took in your surroundings, eyes widening at the scene in front of you. you were no longer in the gas station. you had found yourself standing next to the ocean on a sandy beach that seemed to go on forever. an overcast sky stretched out above you for miles and miles and miles on end.

the same boots that had just been clinging to the dirty gas station floor, were now cushioned by soft, warm sand. pressing the tip of your boot into the ground beneath you, you realized that you were able to kick up the fine granules that were piled beneath your foot. the moment was absolutely astounding. 

i’m dreaming again, you thought to yourself, desperately trying to keep a sense of control. 

yes, you were dreaming. this was the only logical explanation.

you hadn’t stopped for gas. no—you were asleep, leant against the passenger side door of the impala as your brother sped down the highway toward the next hunt. you closed your eyes against the very image that contradicted that thought, pushing away the fear and confusion that attempted to make its way into your veins, quickly snuffing out the before it could overtake you. 

you did your best to ground yourself in logic just as you always did—a tactic that was shot straight to hell once you’d heard your name again. 

your body reacted before your brain could fully understand what was going on. after a moment, an involuntarily blinding amount of tears filled your eyes as you blinked up at the source. 

standing about twenty feet away in the middle of the beach was your mother, mary. 

“mom?” you questioned in disbelief, voice barely above a whisper. the wind that danced over the scene seemed to carry your question across the distance, the faint gusts passing through your mother’s hair. she resembled a hauntingly beautiful apparition as she stood in the middle of the vast landscape. 

“hi, sweetheart.” she said warmly, her voice carrying its way back across the distance, her eyes bright as she looked at you. 

“walk with me for a bit.” she beckoned, nodding towards the never-ending shoreline that stretched on behind her. 

although the moment felt strangely familiar, you hesitated. 

of course you had, but only for a moment. 

you reminded yourself that this was only a dream. most likely—you were still safe in the comfort of the impala. this is harmless, you reasoned, staring down at your boots again, going against your better judgement as you began to move forward, allowing yourself to trust that maybe this dream wouldn’t turn out to be another horrible nightmare. 

you walked until there was only about a yard of space between the two of you, stopping dead in your tracks as mary reached offered you her hand. a gesture that was painfully familiar. tears began to well in your eyes again as you focused on her hand, heavily contemplating whether or not you should take it.

you thought about the nightmare you had woken up from earlier that same day, about the pain that had shot up through your arm as the ghost child squeezed your hand with a force you’d much rather forget than ever experience again. 

your eyes flickered back up to mary’s face again as you searched for any signs of danger. when you found nothing but love staring back at you, you slowly laid your hand in the palm of hers. she squeezed once—warm and gentle. the complete opposite of the crushing and relentless pain you’d endured before.

“i’m dreaming, aren’t i?” you’d asked, still searching for solid confirmation. 

“what do you think?” she questioned you in return, smiling sweetly.

you had no reply.

the thoughts you’d attempted to ground yourself in, seemed futile when ultimately—you had no idea.

the question had been placed on the back burner of your mind as you squeezed mary’s hand in return, and allowed your feet to move in time with hers as she began to walk across the golden sand. 

p.s — very proud of the foreshadowing here 😌 so keep your eyes peeled (i hate that saying but it fits LOL) throughout the rest of it!! + another thank you to @beakaleak32 for reminding me that it was okay to take my time when i was feeling horrible about this taking what felt like a year to write 🥴 i appreciate you !!

— daisy

when you'd first met dean winchester, this reality seemed to mesh well in the presence of someone like him. dean never tended to shy away from sharing his opinion, even when it cost him. he was headstrong, and usually said the first thing that came to mind, and the confidence he exuded—no matter how performative—was something you admired. you hid in the shadows of dean, comfortable to do so until it was suddenly inconvenient.

it was inevitable that once the two of you began to grow closer, dean would hit a wall. you both craved something deeper, and that kind of closeness required you to share more than you usually were willing to—or even felt the need to. you were seen, not heard, but dean made it very clear that when it came to you, he wanted to listen. very gently, he’d pointed out the fact that you felt like half of a person sometimes, existing just above the surface of the depth of your being. 

you had gone so long without sharing that depth that it had taken some time to open yourself up, but eventually, you’d found a light powerful and strong enough to chase away the shadow you had belonged in for far too long. 

it was never too much for dean to handle, and every part of you was always welcomed. he had come to hear you, even in the silence, but he was particularly fond of the version of you that practically wouldn’t stop sharing. the version of you that could talk for hours on end, sharing just about every thought you had with him. dean had created that safe space for you, and it was obvious that it had nurtured the part of you that had been neglected for years. he didn’t take it for granted that there was a time when he could barely get two sentences out of you, let alone an hour long yap session like the one you were subjecting him to now. 

from the impala, to the motel, through showers and patching each other up, you’d been rambling on and on about the case you’d just finished—and of course, dean listened. 

there had been a mutual consensus on how tired the job had made the both of you, and yet there you were, pushing off sleep in favor of your fascination of the supernatural. a mode that turned on whenever you knew that you were free to ramble without the fear of being seen as too much. 

you were tucked into the motel bed, cuddled up next to dean with your forearm pressed against his chest as you continued to share your thoughts. dean had been doing his best to follow along, fighting high levels of sleep and exhaustion that were slowly starting to win the fight.

you had paused mid-sentence, finally noticing how sleepy he had become, and you watched him for a moment, smiling to yourself as he blinked back at you with slumberous eyes. 

“i was listening. i promise.” he insisted, words slurring in a way that made your brows furrow with empathy despite your laughter. 

dean adored your laugh, and a smile as beautiful as the stars graced his face at the sound of it. your eyes scanned his features, heart aching at the sight of your beautiful, sleepy boyfriend. slowly, you began to shake your head back and forth. 

“you’re annoyingly beautiful, you know that?” you told him.

“..’m sorry.” was his quiet response. it was all he had to offer, really.

you doubled over, laughing quietly at his words, dean’s grin now hidden by your hair. he pressed a soft kiss to the top of your head before you pulled back, your eyes falling over his face again. 

“you should get some sleep.” your urged gently with a sweet smile. 

“i was listening, you know.” dean insisted again, wanting you to know that no matter what, he always would be. 

“i know, but you need your rest.” you said, reaching up to run your hand through his hair.

dean leaned into your touch, eyes finally falling shut, and what you did next came as naturally to you as breathing. 

you moved closer, leaning in to thank him for loving and acknowledging every part of you by pressing a soft kiss against his forehead, followed by a couple more across the tops of his cheeks, one for each eyelid, one on the tip of his nose, and the sweetest of them all bestowed upon his soft lips. 

“goodnight, dean.” you whispered, pressing another to the corner of his mouth. 

his breathing had already begun to even out, and you made yourself at home in the comfort of his embrace, head coming to rest on his chest—perfectly content, and entirely loved. 

p.s — it's been a minute! life has been a lot to deal with lately, but i am still here xx hope you guys enjoy this sweet fic! much more to come !!

— daisy