☆ 一人じゃない ☆

The only people I would care to be with now are artists and people who have suffered: those who know what beauty is, and those who know what sorrow is: nobody else interests me.

The girl who laughs too loud. Oh god, you could tell her to shut up before she even starts but there’s something about that high pitched laugh. It’s not a pretty laugh but it’s a laugh you’ll remember. The girl who smiles all the time at literally everything, who practices it in the mirror at night when everyone’s asleep or in the middle of the day when no one’s really paying attention to her. The girl who journeys alone. She’s not ugly, but she’s not beautiful. It makes her feel worthless sometimes, like love will never come her way like she expects it to on a midnight train. She wants the full experience, the love letters and chocolates and the lifetime together until you’re old and senile. She’d be the best girlfriend. She would be all in. The girl who breaks her own heart from time to time right on schedule. At least once every month, there’s one bad thought. Or a bad encounter with a friend or a good cry that feels like the end of the world. The girl who thinks she’s the only one who is different and that no one else could possibly understand her. She can’t wait to go to New York and do New York things. Maybe a little Paris too. This girl paints pictures in her mind everyday, to the point where it feels like she’s actually seeing them first hand. This girl is worth every single page.

And I’m tired of everything else. But I don’t ever seem to get tired of you.

with you i’ve learned that i don’t have to degrade myself so that you can shine. i’ve learned that i don’t have to hold back when it comes to my passions and interests just because you don’t enjoy them as much as i do. i’ve learned that i don’t have to be quiet and nice for you to love me. with you i can be loud, crazy, wild and even angry when i need to. you have shown me what good love is. and good love makes you blossom. good love won’t ever make you wilt.

dear someone, i have so many questions i want to ask you but just don’t know how. and because i know for a fact that my voice would break and tears would start streaming down my face if i were to ask you in person, i am writing you this letter. furthermore, i don’t think that you would even listen to me. these days you seem to be ignoring me as if i’m your worst enemy. how? that would be my first question. how was it so easy for you to go? to just leave me and not even look back. why? why would you leave and why would you leave like that? no explanation. no real goodbye. nothing. was it even real? what we had, i mean. was it? because i’ve been dreaming so much about you lately that it seems like i can’t tell what’s real and what’s not anymore. love, i wish you didn’t shatter my heart. i wish you didn’t make all these promises just to break them. i wish that you could have been honest with me from the beginning. honest about your intentions and your feelings for me. the last time we were standing in front of each other, looking into your brown eyes made my knees go weak and my heart beat faster. how can someone feel so much and the other just not? i guess i’ll never know because i tend to give people all of me. always. with you it was no different. i gave you all of me, made you my favourite person in this shitty world and hoped that i would be your favourite too. but this is farewell, my love. i hope that a part of you never forgets me. no matter how important i really was to you. i hope that wherever life takes you, it takes you someplace happy. you deserve it, i’m sure of that. Love always, e.