Once in a while, I get really blue. The reality of the world sits on my chest, creating heavy feelings of - “Will I make it?”, “What am I working towards?” - scramble around my head. Sometimes I worry that I don’t know what my purpose of living even is.
We strive for a great future to protect ourselves and our loved ones from the crazes of the world. But sometimes, what I’m fighting for doesn’t seem impactful. Sometimes what I’m working towards, doesn’t seem needed. If so, then… what am I doing and why am I doing all this work?
I’m scared that I might be losing vision of the reason behind life, living, and striving. I’m scared I’m losing hope for our world. I’m scared that I’m losing control of the things I so greatly held onto. And I’m scared that people might see my own fears and sadness running through me.
I’m learning that the feeling of uncertainty will always be there, I just wish I had a better grip of knowing how to work around it or doing something grand with it, but I’m covered in fear. I’m covered in fear.
God, I know you know what you are doing and I want to trust that you are doing work in me. But not fear. I don’t claim it. But if it’s gotta be fear - give me the strength and wisdom to see through it. To see something grander because right now, nothing is worth challenging myself for. Remind me what I’m going for and let my soul be filled with peace.
