Last week, we released a new Mass Effect expansion of Cards Against Humanity. We made the expansion because we thought it’d be fun and we’re huge fans of Mass Effect, the only good AAA video game.
We met with BioWare folks at SDCC in 2015 hoping that we could convince them to let us play Mass Effect: Andromeda early. They did not let us do that. But that night after a bottle of wine, Jenn and Trin started writing a fun Mass Effect cards just for fun, and the idea of a co-branded expansion pack was born.
Teaching our writers room
We have a talented writer’s room made up of Chicago comedians that help us write new cards (they worked on the newest Green Box expansion). Most of the writers had never played a Mass Effect game, so some education was required.
After about a week of showing them around the universe, we made them play Mass Effect 2. It was fun for us to see the game through their eyes and judge them for their choices. Like when all of them inexplicably fell in love with Jacob. The Playstation controller vexed the entire writing team, and it took us two hours to get out of the Cerberus base on mission one - with most of that time spent looking at the floor. After that we just had them watch Tom & Trin play while the writers picked the dialogue options.
Once the cards were written, we commissioned Cara McGee, illustrator of Over the Garden Wall and prolific BioWare fan artist, to create the packaging for us. We were familiar with her work on Tumblr, and it was this Dragon Age Inquisition Tumblr post that convinced us that she was the right person for the job. We knew she’d be able to strike the right tone – we wanted to show that care about the material and that we’re taking this seriously, but we also wanted it to be clear that we play Mass Effect to make the space barbies kiss each other.
We asked Cara to create an image that depicted three simple things:
It must show FemShep, Mordin, Tali, and other crew playing Cards Against Humanity at a table.
FemShep and Garrus must be making out.
Garrus’ hand must be on F!Shep’s boob.
We chose packaging that would open and close like a book. Our Events Manager Tom had an incredible idea - print two characters on the inside of the book so we can make them smooch each other when you close it.
We chose Kaidan as his boyfriend because their romance storyline in Mass Effect 3 is one of the most profound and deeply affecting romance narratives in science fiction media.
We also chose to put Kaidan’s face initially hidden behind the cards in the packaging. Trin explained why to our printer:
The art Cara delivered had one edit.
When it came time to choose a URL for the webstore, we hit a crossroads. It needed to be MassEffectPack.com for clarity, but it seemed a boring choice.
Fortunately, inspiration struck.
EA still blocked the URL of their own product from company computers.
We wrote well over 700 cards and they were mostly about Jacob. The writers room, against all logic, desperately wanted to bang the most boring character in Mass Effect 2. He doesn’t even have mandibles.
We also had way too many Garrus cards, but at least that fucking made sense.
Over half of the cards we ended up printing were written at SDCC 2015, most of them not even edited since that night at our hotel.
The writers from BioWare only liked cards about fucking aliens. We had to push a few non-sex cards through to widen the appeal of the pack.
We considered cutting the “armored Krogan war-clitorus card.” We remain unconvinced that most men know what and where that organ is. In the end, we decided to keep the card in hopes that they will google it.
We got some nice press on the pack from outlets like Polygon and the AV Club. We also got a nice note on Kotaku, who only reported on it, “because the url is TotallyFuckableAliens.com.”
While we did not ever get to play Mass Effect: Andromeda, we did have a ton of fun making this pack.
Here are some of the cards we loved but had to cut:
A little space hamster that lives in your bedroom.
Raw-doggin’ it post-Genophage.
An all-around Turian Bad Boy.
Galactic beauty standards that conform to what humans like to fuck.
A renegade space captain with no sense of rhythm.
Mordin in your local production of Gilbert and Sullivan’s Pirates of Penzance.
The terrorist organization that brought me back to life.
Being happy that nothing like the Genophage has ever happened on Earth.
Fox News was wrong. Mass Effect isn’t about sex. It’s about _____.
Cool 2180s up-in-the-front hair.
Punching a journalist right in their dumb journalist mouth.
It isn’t Mass Effect porn without _____________.
Getting blackout drunk on Batarian Shard Ale and texting your ex.
Biotics that go both ways.
This limited edition pack is available for $1 at TotallyFuckableAliens.com.
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