it’s been a year since i last saw you. i wonder if you still think of me

när ska det gå över?

i’m so so tired of it. jag tänker på dig varenda dag men det tar mig ingenvart. it’s the same thought and the same feeling and i want to expand it but there is nothing more. en tom tanke och en tom känsla, tynger mitt hjärta och förvirrar mitt sinne

i just want the anger to last so i can stop thinking about you. but i always remember the part of you that once was

det finns så mycket jag vill berätta för dig. jag vill dela med mig av mina snedsteg, nya påhitt, misstag och framgångar. du är alltid stolt över mig på något sätt. jag går sönder av tanken att det inte kommer ske mer

every single time i tell myself i’m done. done embarrassing myself. being fully aware that i will make a fool of myself but it’s like i just don’t care anymore

it took me so long to realise i can’t search for what we had in other people. to build something new with someone else. it took me years to stop looking, but i learned to love again. i didn’t realise i would repeat the same pattern, just with a new person. i am forming every new encounter to be what you were to me, forgetting everything i realised and internalised. it’s so draining because i am stuck knowing i should do differently and that i know better, but i can’t seem to do better

all i want is to know why. maybe there is no why. i don’t understand why you have to hurt me to fix yourself

she did the same thing again although it was her only promise to me and my only wish. i think i knew this would happen but i suppressed it, i knew i was fooling myself but i am not strong enough to deal with this. it hurts all the time but i push it away enough for me to not fall apart. you really hurt me and i don’t understand why you can’t just end this. send me a text and tell me it’s over. you blocked me and left me hanging when this was all we fucking talked about when you wanted to come back into my life. you are so fucking cruel and i am such a fucking fool