feel free to ignore this prompt of you find it like, awkward to write about, or maybe too heavy, but could i request hijikata and/or gintoki with an m!reader who hesitated to confess at first because he didnt think theyd be into a guy?
You chew on your bottom lip, drawing blood out, fingers twitch as you feel every nerve on fire. You're risking your friendship over this silly feeling you have for him.
But itâs not silly, itâs all-consuming, a fire that canât be quenched. Maybe only a rejection can finally put an end to it. You are ready for the possible venom spitting towards you, to the slurs that could escape his lips and shatter your soul, not only your heart.
But he isnât like that, you keep telling yourself. Even if rejected, he would never treat you badly. Things would be awkward, and he would distance himself, but heâd never mistreat you.
Thatâs the only reason why tonight you decided to confess your feelings, ripping the band-aid in a smooth movement.
Maybe tonight wasnât the best one to confess. A flush, entirely due to alcohol, paints Gintokiâs cheeks; his eyes are dulled by the beverage, but his hand is already holding another cup full to the brim with the liquor.
The man next to you doesnât utter a word, all your muscles contract, one foot already towards the door, as your flight instinct is ready to take over.
You try to utter something, an excuse, but your mouth is so dry that just a little pathetic sound escapes your throat.
At least that catches the white-haired man's attention, the side eyes he gives you, as his lips close on the cup make your body shiver; you feel like a sick mouse in front of a giant cat, ready to be chewed on.
âI-Iâll go.â You squeak, voice wet but strong enough not to make any tears roll down your cheeks.
You turn around, ready to storm out, but you arenât fast enough, as a strong hand grips your wrist, stopping you in your tracks. Youâd recognise that hand among millions, its calluses forged by swordsmanship and its scars blooming like constellations across his palm and fingers.
âTurn around.â Gintokiâs voice slurs a bit, but carries a seriousness you donât dare to disobey. Your knees tremble, the heart beating so fast you hear it in your ears.
A stronger shiver runs down your spine; there is no trace of the usual âdead fish eyesâ of Gintoki. He is beautiful, with his flushed cheeks and wild white hair. âYou arenât joking, right?â His straight nose curls at the base, jaw clenches; your heart goes so fast you fear it will soon give out.
You shake your head, still not able to formulate a phrase. A small ah leaves his lips, his hold on your wrist so strong it starts hurting. You try to break his grip, but to no avail; if anything, he pushes you closer, strengthening his hold on you.
âIt hurts, Gin.â You are able to whisper, but loud enough for the man in front of you to hear it. His eyes widen immediately, his hand loosening on your skin, but not breaking the contact.
And then, his thin lips go to your skin, leaving a kiss that barely grazes your wounded skin.âCan weâŚtalk more about this?â His eyes search for yours, red liquid love begging for an affirmative answer; now itâs his voice turn to tremble. âMaybe in a more private place? You choose where.â
You nod, and a smile graces Gintokiâs handsome face.
Maybe confessing in a public place, when Sougo is sitting a few chairs away from you, wasnât the brightest idea. But you didnât dare to explain yourself, not when Hijikataâs face is getting redder than fire, choking over his own words and calling you every synonym of idiot that his dictionary can provide.
You bow, excusing yourself and leaving the vice-captain to simmer over his anger. Not a single tear rolled down your cheeks, proud of being able to remain composed over his raw rejection.
You were right about one thing, at least Hijikata never denigrated you.
âDoes this seem the right place to you?!â âAre you an idiot!?â âThis prank is shit.â
Your mind keeps milling over Hijikataâs words. He seemed more embarrassed over the setting than another man confessing to him. You try to shut down the intrusive thoughts meandering in your mind; Hijikata rejected you, and your friendship ended tonight. Based on his reaction, youâll have to accept it and move on.
âSo-â Sougo gets closer to Hijikata, never looking at the black-haired man, red eyes scanning the roads of Edo. âTomorrow you have to go to the registry office?â The younger manâs voice never faltered, not showing any emotion.
âWhat are you talking about?â Hijikataâs voice is raspy, still not recovered from all the shouting of before.
âTo officially name yourself Hijibaka.â There is no hilarity in his voice.
Hijikata brings a cig to his lips, the click of the lighter echoing in the hallway.
âYour prank was disgusting.â He clicked his tongue before taking a drag from his cig.
âIt wasnât a prank, you decerebrate. Even I have standard-â Sougoâs voice drops, the usual venom spilling from his plump lips. âIf he wanted to prank you, I would have never stopped him, but his feelings for you are genuine.â
The younger man steps in front of Hijikata. He jumps, recognizing in those red eyes the seriousness that grace them only when Sougo wants to protect what is precious to him.
âWhatâs your problem with people who love you?â
Hijikataâs blue eyes widen, teeth biting into the cigarette filter.
âThey ran home, probably crying their eyes out for what? A loser who loves him but is too scared to show it? You coward, the only thing you are good at is running away.â Sougo clicks his tongue, turning away, anger seeping from every pore of his skin.
Meanwhile, Hijikata feels like he got thrown an entire bucket of icy water. He takes a longer drag of his cig, smoke burning his throat so harshly he almost coughs.
When Sougo turns back, Hijikata is long gone, just the sound of footsteps loudly echoing in the silent summer night.
âTsk. You are truly good at running.â