𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘳 .

So wrapped up in her own anger, Dove hadn’t even noticed the tears shining in Tommy’s perfect eyes until his voice broke over a stammered apology. She wasn’t entirely positive just what he was apologizing for: crying? The broken vase? Or something more loaded and unfixable from their past? In all the years they had been together, Dove had only seen Tommy cry a handful of times; she hated it. Absolutely loathed it. She had always wanted to kill whatever it was that was making her angel boy hurt. But this time, it was her very presence that brought on these tears and it was this very reason that she had taken it upon herself to move out. Leaving was both a headache and a heartache but it afford Tommy the best chance to live a happier life without her. It allowed him to reckon with the new reality where she wouldn’t let him love her anymore.

“What are you apologize for, Tommy? It was my fault.” This statement rang true whether speaking about the vase or the little world they’d built together - she had shattered both of them. The very sight of his vibrating frame made her want to hug him, to kiss him, to love him back together again. Her instinct had always been to fight for him so their new dynamic where they were constantly fighting against each other was utterly exhausting. She just wanted it to stop.

Hands vibrating uncomfortably, Thomas glanced ahead, attempting to find the words that would allow him to explain himself. The difficulty came with him not really knowing where to start, he had spent ages rehearsing over and over what he would say had he ever gotten the chance to speak with Dove again. It had changed, nearly every time. Sometimes anger-- resentment. Confusion or just plain sadness. Him begging for her back-- it all seemed to just leave him entirely exhausted. 

That’s exciting, I wonder who Gossip Girl will be this time? I’m looking forward to see what you all do with it. You’re so kind, thank you. I’m glad my songs relate to at least one person, it’s comforting to know people can sing their hearts out to it and get whatever they need to out there. New hobbies? Anything interesting. I’ve been good, working on Revelacìon EP which people seem to be enjoying and of course my make up line. I’m in Egypt though and the break is so nice.

I can’t say, but I am glad you’ll be tuning in to check it out. Absolutely, I think with my recent breakup, it;s only been more prominent. I find a lot of the lyrics seemingly relate to my own situation. That’s fantastic though. I’m in Egypt too-- just taking it all in, it’s nice to have this breather.

So apparently someone leaked on my instagram that I married to this Spider-Man dude? As if anyone would actually believe that….just kidding. Yep, I managed to put Tom under my spell and agree to marry me. I guess we’ll see how long he can put up with me before he’s banging his head off the wall. Firstly, I’m sorry you weren’t invited. It was a small ceremony with just us and family. We wanted a little time to celebrate for ourselves before the whole world weighed in on our relationship. BUT, I’m sure we’ll throw a party together for all our favourite people to come and celebrate this new chapter with us. On another note, how beautiful is Egypt? Would I be stopped from getting on the plane if I brought an animal back with me or something? Maybe you an give me tips on how to get it through customs. @hchqstarters​

“Thanks.” Words failed her in a way they didn’t often do. And never when it had come to Tommy; she had always known how to talk to him and how to listen, how to communicate as if their souls were able to speak. “That’s great.” Three words? Three words were all she could muster to the former love of her fucking life? The man she wanted to spend forever with, the man whose babies she had wanted to someday carry. And now she couldn’t even look him in the eye. She thought maybe this small talk would segway into something more substantial but there he was, already offering to carry her stuff out, clearly trying to get rid of her by veiling it as a chivalrous act. This wasn’t the man she loved. 

Defeated, she shrugged. “Sure. If you want to,” Dove murmured as she grabbed a box that looked light, stepped over a bit of glass, and headed out the front door to her car. If he wanted to foster this winter between them, then she would oblige. Maybe keeping themselves on ice was best for both of them, especially when the alternative would be a screaming match. She shoved the box into the waiting open trunk of her black Range Rover, sitting lightly on the tailgate as she waited for Tommy to emerge from the house.

He didn’t want to. He didn’t want any of this. The feeling in his throat only seemed to increase, sliding the remaning boxes into his arms. Thomas had trailed behind her, aware that he was starting to break and desiring having the boxes removed, having her in the house again only seemed to stir up everything he had attempted to repress. He stood in the doorway, memories flashing within his mind of their many welcoming greetings on the step, of the flush that seemed to grace her face at their constant affection. The halls had been quiet since she left, no one to dance -- or sing or bring any form of light to the home. It had never been the same, it never would be. 

Does anyone know where a girl can take sword fighting classes? Watched Descendants 2 with my sister this morning and realized that I have completely forgotten everything I was taught in the five weeks we spent learning to fence. I gotta be able to properly defend myself if pirates ever decide that LA is the city they want. My pride would be crushed if a pirate out fenced a me - a former villain kid. I mean… how devastating would that be? @hchqstarters

“i’ve been listening to so many different artists lately, i think it’s because of work; music inspires me and different musicians and their pieces remind me of a character i’d play — like for instance, my new character, emily walker? i can’t stop listening to ‘ghost of you’ by 5 seconds of summer. it’s a deeply sad song, which makes a lot of sense… her backstory is kind of tragic. anyway! have you been listening to any different artists? in fact, could you give me some recommendations? my spotify playlist is getting pretty old.”

( @hchqstarters )

His offer to fix the broken vase met her and she took a moment to ponder it, silently contemplating if it - like their relationship - was something still worth fixing. And whether or not Tommy, with all his good intentions, was even capable of piecing back together the priceless heirloom she had ruined. “Just throw it out,” she mumbled defeatedly, standing slowly back to her full height and finding his eyes. She needed to make her exit quickly; she didn’t belong here anymore. After all, she had been the one who had wrecked what they had the moment she had said no to his proposal. True, they had stayed together for a few months after that fateful night but, if she was being brutally honest with herself, things were never quite the same after that. 

And then there was the whole issue of that girl…his friend. “Friend” in the biggest air quotes Dove could conjure. To this day, she felt in her bones that there had been something between them but she had never confronted him about it by name. But if Tommy had gone to find solace in a woman who wanted the kind of love Dove clearly wasn’t able to give him, could she really fault him? So to say there were a lot of unfinished endings between them was an understatement. “You look good, Tommy.” She didn’t know what else to say. “How’s the Gossip Girl project going?”

Her response is met with silence, Thomas gently leaning down as he swept the shards into the dust pan. This silence was partially because he was speechless but mostly due to the fact that he really did not know what to say. There had been a reason he was keen to remain in his room, what could be possibly say? He had done his begging, his pleading and she had still been able to leave the very door she had entered from. As if it was so easy, after all the time they had spent together, of the futures they often spoke about. It had meant nothing, or so it seemed.

how have you never eaten so many waffles that you felt like you would not be able to move for another twenty four hours? if you’re not making them wrong, at least you must be eating them wrong. so was i, cause god knows i do not snap out of food comas easily. well, i don’t know the scientific differences.. if there even are any. however, swedish waffles are a lot thinner, and crispier. hence why you can eat a bunch without feeling full at all.

I’m just a crazy lady who needs to double check the items I have packed over and over until it’s time to go. If I forget one thing it ruins the whole trip. Really? That’s so cool. I’m going to have to hang out with you and learn some mythology on this trip then. I’m a beach person but I’m excited to see everything. 

The dam she’d spent so long building burst open; months of sadness and hurt and confusion rushing from her, filling the entire room and threatening to drown her all over again. And then there he was, a man lured by a siren song. Her hands were in his…those same hands that knew every inch of her body, hands that had once upon a time made her feel pleasure like she’d never known before, hands that held her when she cried and fought not own his own demons but hers as well. And as soon as they were there, they were gone, only to be pulled back into the same respectful stance one takes on a first date: awkward and fidgety. 

Dove took a deep shaky breath, cursing herself for looking so weak, so defenseless and even now she still needed him to pick up her broken pieces. Her tears stopped as the sound of his voice caressed her and she found the nerve to meet his gaze. “Don’t apologize/ I’m fine. Can you get me the broom and vacuum from the hall closet? I’ll clean it up. It’s not your mess.” Bold of her to assume things like vacuums and brooms would still be right where she had left them. She bent down and picked up the largest piece, examining it thoughtfully. “The first flowers you ever bought me came in this vase, know you? So if this,” she gestures to the sea of broken glass surrounding her. “Isn’t some sick metaphor, I don’t know what is.”

This is painful — though Thomas had expected it to be and had almost prepared himself for the moment — but it had been much easier when he predicted that she would come, take her things and be gone. This was excruciating. His eyes remained on her, worry completely transforming his features. In a moment like this he wished to be angry, to dismiss her so quickly and return to his quiet room upstairs. Instead, he stood, transfixed. As he always seemed to be in her presence. The anger had never come, even after months there had never been a swell of it to grace his chest. It had been heartbreak and silence that echoed each and every evening within him.

I feel like my most toxic trait as of late has been rewatching shows that have ten or more seasons multiple times. Anyone else do this because the new shows are just a bit too boring for you? @hchqstarters​

I feel like the last time I went on vacation was well before I was pregnant with Atlas. Needless to say I’m super pumped about Egypt. It may not be a Shaycation but this momma needs to get out of the house and considering I don’t have to plan anything? Perfect vacation in my eyes. Seriously, the third can not get here soon enough. I’m even already packed and ready to go. If you’re going on the trip, what are you most looking forward to? And if you aren’t going on the trip, you better rethink that right now and go. @hchqstarters​

let me start off by saying, i could kiss whoever invented the fire alarm. seriously, what a genius. imagine how may lives that individual has saved? okay but, personally i’d say i dabble in the kitchen. actually, i might even go as far as saying that i’m really good in the kitchen. or does that just make me sound like a complete knobhead? either way, the other day it was waffle day in sweden. after a long day of work, i can’t even begin to tell you how much i had been looking forward to making some proper swedish waffles for dinner. don’t question it, you can absolutely have waffles for dinner. so i make my waffles and then i do the mistake of forgetting to unplug the iron. smoke filling my kitchen and the alarm waking me up from my almost nap due to waffle coma. thankfully, it never actually got to the point of starting a fire. but god knows what could’ve happened. i might have woken up the entire neighborhood.. but heck at least        i got my waffles. and one less job for the firefighters thanks to the fire alarm.

[ @hchqstarters ]