22

Happy birthday to me. This year felt more lonely than the one before. All I have to say is that I once again feel the need to change. I dislike everything about myself. I still haven’t found a goal. No orientation whatsoever. It disrupts my mental peace just being a constant state of confusion and indecisiveness. Nothing feels like me. Doesn’t feel like home. As if it belongs to me. Who am I?

My biggest fear was finding out you had moved on. But that’s not true. I am petrified of being right where you left me. Not being able to move on. Not doing it for myself. I have dreams of your disgust and happiness of my removal in your life. While it hurts to be seen disposable. I don’t mind knowing I won’t see you again. I just want to disregard the need to prove I’m not. I’m not connected towards you as a person. But the fear of being treated like that again. I’m set back to my initial goal. It’s to continue improving and building a long lasting happiness.