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the smell of garlic and tomatoes filled your studio apartment as you grew impatient and perhaps even a little bit worried. the pasta was almost done and there was still no sign of him. jason was no stranger to trouble, you were definitely already aware of that. hell, he could have been getting his ass handed to him right at that moment in some dark alley and you wouldn't have been able to do anything about it. and just knowing that that was a real possibility didn't exactly give you much peace of mind. the fact he revealed his vigilante identity to you definitely brought you two closer, which you were very happy about, but sometimes you just wished you could go back to not knowing and not constantly worrying about it.

a knock. the sudden sound of it against the glass of your window startled you, breaking you out of your thoughts and making you clumsily drop your spatula into the meat sauce instead. you sighed and rolled your eyes, turning to face the scary but familiar figure casting a shadow on your room and waving.

"jay, what did we say about your creepy behaviour?", you asked teasingly as you opened the window to let him in.

he entered the apartment with a loud thud, his heavy boots hitting the floor loud enough to wake your downstairs neighbours. "..that it was absolutely necessary?", he replied cheekily through his modulator before taking his helmet off and resting it on the coffee table like he had done it a million times before. and honestly by now, he probably has. he was definitely comfortable in your apartment, and it often served as his safe space that he knew he could go to in case he needed a moment of peace. you two had been friends for years now, ever since meeting at the local library. what can you say? he was cute. and being that tall and that deliciously broad didn't hurt either. you had offered to lend him some classic they didn't have in stock at the time and from there you started seeing each other often. you always thought that it would lead to something more, seeing how tender your friendship with him had become over the years, but jason always seemed a little bit odd when it came to dating.

the second his helmet was off his nose was filled with the delicious smell of the dinner you made, your lack of shyness when it came to herbs and garlic making him almost salivate on the spot. and boy, you could tell. for someone who always played the hardass, sometimes it felt like he wasn't the best at hiding his true feelings. both on food and... other matters.

"hungry?", you asked, stretching your arms out towards him a little bit.

"starving, actually". he closed the gap between you two, embracing you in a gentle hug. it seemed a bit odd the first time he did it, but you two would always greet each other this way since then - the hugs always a little too intimate and always lingering a moment too long. but you just decided not to fight it and accepted that this giant scary man just needed a tender embrace from time to time. his large hands rested on your back, barely ghosting it, the hug both polite and protective, as if he was worried he would never get another one after this.

he closed his eyes, inhaling your scent for a moment, trying to isolate it in his mind from the smell of food in the air. you were definitely wearing your signature perfume. perfume to bed? no, obviously not. you probably remembered he mentioned liking how it smelled, and hoped to get a more official answer out of him on the state of your 'friendship'. he may not have been the best at vocalizing his emotions, but he was definitely well trained on knowing how to read a situation. he swallowed hard, his hands softly brushing against the sides of your waist as he brought the hug to an end, his face almost looking too guilty over it.

"so what's on the menu, ma?", he asked, his eyes looking towards the kitchen and not you. surely if he didn't meet your gaze long enough you wouldn't peer further into trying to understand where you two stood. not that he blamed you for wanting answers - no, not at all. he was well aware that he seemed to be able to hang out with you, protect you, be affectionate with you, even linger way too long with his touches... but he didn't seem able to officially put a name on it. he didn't seem able to allow himself to have a girlfriend.

"pasta bolognese~", you hummed as you laid down two plates at your tiny dining table.

jason went to your front door, first to make sure it was properly locked and then to take off his boots. he knew you always got annoyed when he brought in dirt and blood and god knows what else into the apartment on his footwear. he also knew if he so much as stepped with his shoes on your little fur rug you would have his head, so he'd rather not risk it. he slowly made his way back to the table, sitting down and taking a fork in one hand. "every good dinner i've had in the past year i owe to the count of monte cristo at this point, you know?" he joked, but both of you knew he realistically would have genuinely lived off of takeout and burgers if you didn't step in every now and then.

you smiled warmly at him, filling his plate up. "and don't you forget it".

jason was scoffing down his food like he hadn't eaten in days. maybe he hadn't, you never knew with him and his missions anymore. nothing would ever come before a mission for him. "so.. take down any interesting bad guys lately?", you asked between bites.

he shrugged. "nothin' special.. some drug smugglin' ring thing mostly." he never really went into details about what happened on his missions. the only reason you even knew about his 'job' was because he revealed it once in a blatant attempt to push you away. jason in general had a weird opinion of himself, where he simultaneously thought he was doing the right thing and also saw himself as a murderer for it. the negative feelings wouldn't stop him from finishing missions, but they definitely knew how to stop him from having a normal love life. "you?"

you thought for a second. there definitely was one eventful thing that happened lately. maybe it wasn't as interesting as a drug smuggling ring, but you thought it might grab his attention anyway. "a coworker asked me out, actually".

you just saw him instantly clench his jaw and stop eating. the fork stood frozen in his hand as he stared at the almost empty plate in front of him for a moment too long. he swallowed what was left of his bite and proceeded to push his tongue against the side of his cheek, clearly overthinking how to respond to this. "oh?", he finally asked, trying to keep his composure and give no emotion away. and yet it somehow sounded both hurt and disinterested at the same time.

"..but i still haven't decided if i should say yes or not", you added casually, deciding to frame it like you were asking him for an opinion. you just sat in your seat and examined his expression. he seemed to be thinking about his next words very carefully.

"...are you sure he's a good man?", he finally asked, his voice a little strained. jason didn't take you saying that lightly. not even a little bit. sure, he wasn't exactly planning on taking things to the next level, but a part of him did hope something could happen between you two one day. a small part. since his brain was mostly just screaming at him constantly to not get you involved in his messy violent life and that you deserve someone much better. someone you could have a nice future with. not someone who spent his days fighting and killing and risking his life.

you stared at him for a moment, trying to decipher his feelings on the matter. "i mean.. i guess? i don't know him too well", you added almost absentmindedly, twirling some pasta on your fork.

"you need to be with a good man-"

"as opposed to what, jason? a killer?", you cut him off. there was a long and awkward silence as you watched him battle with himself in his thoughts, his gaze heavy and locked on you, his jaw tight. in his mind you were too good to be with someone like him. as much as he wanted to.. felt the need to.. the very thought of the same hands that hold guns to people's heads touching your body made him feel sick. you sighed and got up, walking in front of him in an attempt to stop all the overthinking. "jason..."

he swallowed hard. your name rolled off his tongue so nicely as he whispered it, almost pained and whiny, as you inched closer to him, cupping his cheeks with your hands gently. every time you placed your hands anywhere near him you could instantly feel him melt into your touch and how touch starved he actually was. and you could always see him fighting with his own restraint when you did. and now was no exception. your own gaze lingered on his blue eyes, catching every speck of green, before resting your forehead on his. "...can't you just tell me how you really feel?"

as you spoke you could feel his hot breath on your lips, especially now that his breathing got heavier. you just needed him to fill the small gap left between you two. you wanted him to. his hands instinctively went to your waist, holding it gently and making himself feel even worse. "i.. i shouldn't want this", he whispered, his hands squeezing you a little as his thumb brushed slow circles on the little exposed skin there.

he made your heart skip a beat and feel like holding your breath as to not accidentally disturb him and have him stop. "what about what i want?", you whispered back, your lips barely brushing against his when the words left your mouth.

"you shouldn't want this either..", he trailed off, closing his eyes and pressing his lips onto yours in a kiss that was so feather light and unrushed that it was almost painful. his words may have been trying to stay rational and talk his way out of it, but his body was moving on its own, full of desire for you that just kept slipping.

one of your hands slid from his cheek to the side and back of his neck, your fingers entangling in his hair there. "but i do", you murmured, placing a warm kiss on his lips that made his breath catch in his throat. "and i think we're both allowed to".

you felt his lips part, as he leaned just a little bit forward, not just giving you permission but deepening the kiss himself. he could feel his restraint slipping even more, his hands on your waist tightening their grip in a possessive way, making you gasp quietly into his mouth. and that made his pants uncomfortably tighten. he then froze for a second, his mouth half open and his eyes darkened as if they were giving you one last warning before he snapped. "c'mon, ma, you know these hands hav-"

"oh my god jason, i don't care", you whispered, gently putting one of your hands over his and guiding it upwards. he stared at it as it went up your body antagonisingly slow, earning a whimper from him. you were blushing and definitely not used to making the first move, but it had to be done. he clearly had to be told very directly that he was more than what he did to keep the streets safe. you stopped his hand on your chest, letting it rest there as you pressed your lips against his again, speaking into them. "whatever those hands did.. this is what they're doing now."

he closed his eyes, blowing a bit of air out his nose. he allowed his hand to gently squeeze your breast, his mind going crazy with thoughts of how many times he imagined doing this and how somehow it feels even better now in his hand than it did in his wettest dreams. he sighed and crashed his lips into yours - the kind of kiss that shows how desperately he wanted this despite everything. needy, messy.. all over the place. he couldn't get enough anymore. jason got off his chair, kissing you while standing for a very brief moment, before he pushed both of you to your bed.

he looked so hot, hovering over you like this. his huge figure normally towered over you, and now in bed it was just making you want him even more. you could see every muscle clearly defined in his suit, and the faint smell of his sweat was enough to drive you crazy. and to top it all off, he looked so hungry. like a starving man who was finally facing a proper meal. "jay..." you wrapped your hands around his neck, your thighs pushing against his sides firmly.

jason pressed his body weight against you as he bent down to smear insatiable desperate kisses all over your neck. he stuck his tongue out, tracing a long and wet line from your collarbone to your jawline. your legs instinctively tried to squeeze together at the feeling, pressing harder into him, aching with desire. you could feel how hard he was as he kept hungrily kissing and sucking on your neck, making your fingers curl. you needed him so bad right now. your hands clumsily fumbled with his belt for a moment before releasing him free onto your stomach. fuck, he was huge. he bit into your neck gently before he quickly leaned back and helped you out of your pyjama pants and underwear. he literally groaned, low and ragged, at the sight of you like this, your panties gone and legs spread to each side of him, "fuck, you look so good like that, doll... fuck". he aligned himself with you before rubbing it between your folds a few times, already feeling himself get covered in your slick. he shot you a look, his eyes intense but quietly asking for permission.

"jay, please-", you whined, and that was all the encouragement he needed. he pushed himself into you, first an inch, then another one... until he was completely sheathed inside of you. you gasped as it went all the way inside, the sheer size of it being a lot to handle to begin with. you bit your lower lip to try to stay more quiet. his mouth hung open and breath uneven as he got used to the feeling of you wrapped around his dick like that - somehow both tighter and wetter than every time he imagined it when alone. his first movements were slow, but he took no time picking up the pace, wanting nothing more than to watch you make more of those delicious expressions you were making.

your hands quickly found their way to his shoulders, nails digging into his suit there as he pounded harder and harder into you. it was like he was making up for lost time, his mind dead-set on fucking you senseless as if it were the last thing he'd get to do in this life. his rough calloused hands grabbed the back of your thighs with an almost bruising force, pushing them back towards you and folding you into a mating press. "holy shit-", he spat out through his teeth as he felt himself somehow go even deeper inside of you, his tip aggressively kissing your cervix. "you feel so good, fuck-", he moaned, raspy but breathless.

he threw more swear words around, getting lost in the sensation of it all. jason quickly wiped some sweat off his forehead before he placed that hand on your lower abdomen, focusing on feeling himself moving inside of you. the applied pressure there made you moan even louder so you brought your index finger to your mouth, biting into it as to not wake up your neighbours. "jason, i'll-"

"nah, ma... don't hold back on me now", he muttered, voice rough, taking your hand from your mouth and giving it the gentlest possible kiss as he kept thrusting into you. he let go of it, only to bring his own back to where it was, pushing down on your lower stomach. he placed his thumb right over your most sensitive spot, rubbing circles there until he found a pattern you seemed to particularly react well to. "let me hear those pretty sounds."

he kept his motions stable as your toes curled in the air, fingers grasping at the bedsheets or pillow - whatever you were able to grab on to, as he helped you come undone with him still inside of you, still thrusting, riding out the final moments before his own climax. watching you moan with that expression, squeezing him just right as your hips buckled was more than enough to push him over the edge as well. he quickly pulled out, shooting pretty ropes all over your stomach.

you both just lay there for a moment, coming back to rational thoughts, your ragged breathing slowly calming down. he plopped down on the bed next to you, staring at the ceiling as if he was contemplating what he had just let himself do. what he literally felt like he couldn't stop himself from doing. "don't...", he started, his voice still breathy and low, "don't go on that date. please."

you chuckled, shaking your head a bit at him playfully. "only if you take me on one instead", you teased, trying to keep your voice steady.