Hammy Is Your Fammy

forgotten confession..

me when i'm just in a bit of a bad mood: i hope hydrogen bombs fall on every living thing in the universe

A speedpaint video of this will be available at my Patreon on may 1st

For all your dnd purposes

and you can add homebrew

Fuck Google, and I hope they get sued into oblivion over this.

it is a free, open-source alternative YouTube front-end. in addition to not having ads, it has other great QoL features like a download button. try one of the several instances on that link up there ^^^^

COMMUNITY 1.12: Comparative Religion

[All of these were sourced from twitter heehoo]

The long and the short of it is, before I can continue my mushroom journey, I need to obtain a pressure cooker. Lucky for me I have a few extra bucks in the bank account, so I will likely end up buying an Instant Pot. The Instant Pot has many functions but, importantly, it can cook at up to 15 bars and is electronically controlled, which (theoretically) reduces the risk of accidentally exploding the pressure cooker. It also can make tasty meals and even make yogurt, another exciting home microbiology project that I could see myself getting into. Further updates will come once I’m ready to proceed with the next step.

So I work as a cashier now a days. They obviously taught me the important things on the first day, but somethings you can only teach when it happens. Like what to do when you get different types of checks. Some you give back to the customer, some you keep. Well when this nice lady had given me her check my machine kind of ate it. It seems to be fine when I opened it, but apparently it caused it to skip the prompt that tells me whether to keep or release the check. So my assumption was to release. I have learned today that I was wrong. The lady’s bill was around $90 and I had two choices. Try and pay it in full, or they can take a part of my check. I was obviously upset and distract by this. But what else am I meant to do? So I just say take it from my check. And I thought that was it. Well my brain thought not. Of course I dwelled over it, who wouldn’t? But it seems my brain thought I was under reacting. So trying to stop the tears and that gross sad face. I was doing okay. It was a hot day so I passed off the tears as sweat for as long as I could. Until the fucking dam broke. I have no idea what was coming over me. Now was not the time brain! I'm still at work! My only thought is that being in a rush where I didn’t have a second to even think to myself didn’t aid me in my emotional distress. In fact it may have been why it happened. I was so embarrassed. I couldn’t hold it in any longer as I tried to punch in the barcode for eggs since it got scratched off and the machine wouldn’t read it. She kept asking me if I was alright and if I need a minute but I honestly just wanted to ignore it. I felt the outbreak was unnecessary but I couldn’t make it stop. What makes me feel worse is her kid even felt bad for me and asked if I needed a hug. I honestly didn’t but… I don’t know I guess I wanted to make her feel like she helped? I’m not sure what I was thinking, I just wanted to stop feeling like I was humiliating myself. My co-worker noticed me and just told me to take a minute in the bathroom. So I did, there I continued the fit. Feeling stupid, idiotic and humiliated. I kept the lights off and just sat on the floor, crying and hiccupping. I called my fiancé I desperately needed someone to talk to. Someone who would understand and someone I felt comfortable telling this. He was also at work so again, feels bad man. He picked up asking what’s wrong. (I never really call him if I’m at work.) I was hiccupping trying to tell him what happened. And he got extremely worried. Saying how he’ll be there in five minutes and how he’s going to take his break. Deep down I guess I did want the comfort but surface wise I felt it would have made me feel stupider. It did help though. I told him about it and he was trying to say how it would be okay. So there I am him and myself trying to calm me down. And here comes my co-worker who tries to tell me, in the nicest way possible, that I am needed upfront. and there I go back upfront with puffy red eyes and a reddened face helping check people out. Then I see my boss come walk up next to me and I just know she's going to try and ask me if I am okay for try and make me feel better. Which won't make me feel better at all. In fact it will make me feel worse, because two things may happen. 1. It reminds me of what made me sad 2. It reminds me of how I couldn't fight my own emotions. Both with just bring the emotions back and make me feel worse. And something about the way she said what she did. Both her tone and the words she chose. Just made me feel like she was being condescending. Almost in a demeaning my feelings kind of way. Whether I was really feeling that way or not. It just irked me. She then said that I was weirdly sensitive. Then that things she thinks would upset me don't upset me and things she won't think upset me upset me. What was I meant to say to this? Honestly?? She said something else and I don't know what compelled me to say this maybe I was more talking to myself.

See ya later reader.

As I went walking, I saw a signpost And the sign said “No Trespassing!” But on the backside, it didn’t say nuthin ‘Cause that side was made for you and me

bonding time

This could save someone's life. It's not a joke.