~850 words. Anton and Olezha react to in universe nomination of Diplomator for Tumblr Sexyman. There was supposed to be a second part (where Olezha creates a fake account to spread some propaganda), but I don't have the time to finish it right now. Maybe I'll write it some day later.
Anton turned his head to look at Olezha, who was sitting on the other side of the couch. He seemed… a bit vary.
"When did you last check the Diplomator tag on social media?"
He didn't understand where this was going. Did something happen? Some new article that paints him as "The West's Gay Lobby's Propaganda Project To Destroy And Corrupt The Great Russian Nation And Its Traditional Values"? Or… oh god. Did they get doxxed?!
"Um," Olezha scratched nervously at his neck. "Did you check every social media?"
"What is it. Just tell me."
Olezha looked hesitant, but turned his phone so that Anton could see his screen.
"I think It'd be easier if I just showed you."
Anton lowered his eyes to look. It felt as if a bucket of ice cold water was dropped on his head. With the bucket itself.
He hasn't seen this logo in years. And he thought he'd never have to again.
Then he noticed the post itself.
"So… Am I winning?" he looked at Olezha and grinned.
"Uh… I don't know? I think you must have an account to see the results while the poll is still active."
"I see…" Anton put a hand on his chin in thought. He had hoped this part of his past would stay forgotten just like red hair and eyeliner. But… He was curious, dammit!
He took his iPhone and typed into the browser search bar, from memory: tumblr dot com.
There was no turning back. Olezha looked at him questioningly, but there was only one thing occupying Anton's mind: what the fuck was even his password?!
It has to be something with Gerard, right? There's no way it isn't. What else could fifteen year old him come up with? Hmm… ilovegerard is too generic… gerardistheway… no, not that. What fucking was it… maybe a lyric… Ah-huh!
Anton very begrudgingly started to hum the song under his breath, counting the syllables. Then typed: NAx43.
He very pointedly did not look at Olezha while typing. Not even once. It was just random symbols for him. He would never know.
Tumblr for you page welcomed them in all its hideous glory. He tapped on the search bar.
"What was the name of the blog again?"
Olezha just showed him the screen.
@sexy-people-contests-2026
The blog they needed was thirteenth in the results despite him meticulously typing out every single letter and hyphen.
"You'd think they'd fix the search function in ten fucking years, but noooo…" he muttered under his breath, but Olezha heard anyway.
"Ten years?.. Oh! Is this your account from when you were a teenager?" he sounded way too gleeful to ever let him know the truth.
Anton just mentally gritted his teeth and gave him the Diplomator look.
But of course it had zero effect on him.
"It's just that… you never talk about this kind of stuff?"
Anton sighed. He probably had the thousand yard stare right now, didn't he?..
"There are things that are better left forgotten."
He scrolled the blog until he found the poll with Diplomator. He was up against some random old dude. Huh.
Without thinking, Anton smirked and smacked that Diplomator option.
Then the smirk dropped from his face.
"FOUR PERCENT?!!?!" Olezha beside him recoiled from yelling. "And against some… who even is that?!" He squinted: doctor Gregory House. What kind of people even casually know doctors?
"Well, he's from a popular TV series… It has a lot of fans. My sister likes it."
There was nothing but despair in Anton's heart. He full body turned to Olezha. Took his hand in his. Looked him the eye with the most serious expression he could muster.
"Oleg… I need you to tell me. Honestly." His gaze flickered away for a second, and doubtful notes infiltrated his voice against his will. "Am I not sexy?"
Olezha looked at him like he's an idiot.
"Oleg. I need to know the truth."
His partner (not like that) was becoming more and more nervous by the second. And it could only mean one thing…
"Well…" Olezha freed his hand and connected his pointer fingers, looking away. "It's not that you're not… sexy… exactly."
"And I don't want to say that you're not sexy…"
"Not that I'm saying you are!" Anton felt his face drop even more, which Olezha definitely noticed, judging by his active gesticulation. "Not like I would know anyway! And…" he closed his eyes. Slowly inhaled and exhaled. "I have no strong feelings one way or the other. And why are you even asking me this!!!"
"We have to check the measurements for the coat! And you're distracting me with stupid questions!" He pointed a finger at Anton accusatory and stormed off.
The heartbreak was painful. Anton slumped on the couch, wishing that the pillows would swallow him up, never to be seen again.
His best and only friend just told him he's not sexy. And that hurt way, way more than the stupid four percent he got in the poll.
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