Snarky feminist

“mr. vice president, i’m speaking” has the same energy as “will you shut up, man??”

*alleviates your anxiety by replacing it with new, less relevant anxiety”

*distracts you from the state of the world by giving you a phobia of blue whales* 

Gaud its just a whale. Have you ever met a blue whale? It won’t hurt you.

listen fucker, whale songs can be twice as loud as a fucking jet engine, more than loud enough to burst eardrums, paralyze limbs and cause organ damage at close range. sperm whales, the loudest animal on the planet, could literally vibrate a human body to death. the sheer fact they don’t is either ignorance, choice, or lack of opportunity–not inability. as for blue whales (aka the biggest creature to exist ever despite the fact that megafauna roamed the earth for tens of millions of years before these fucks came around), well a blue whale’s corpse is capable of literally exploding from gas buildup. and that’s not even getting into my extreme visceral discomfort surrounding whale falls aka the process of a whale carcass falling abyssal depths of thousands and thousands of feet, just falling through the fucking water to the ocean floor and creating a complex localized ecosystem capable of sustaining who-knows-what kind of deep-sea terrors for decades, so kindly get fucked. 

#and just like that you’re not thinking of coronavirus anymore

Yoooooooooo not to bum y'all out, but a lot of stores are reopening rn so please don't forget that the pandemic isn't over, and gathering back into large groups as if it is will only skyrocket casualties, please continue limiting your social interactions

Yo, my freaking childhood 😭