Docile Pillow's tumblr thing...?

I should not have to post about transmasc issues with a disclaimer that "of course" trans women are hurt worse by this. I should not have to apologize for posting about transmasc issues instead of transfemme issues.

Does that trans man actually "want to be seen as a woman" or is he asking you not to erase his lived experience?

Does that trans man actually "want to be seen as a woman" or has he been scared by all the posts mocking male transition results into thinking he'll be a laughingstock if he starts balding?

Does that trans man actually "want to be seen as a woman" or has he seen masculine people be treated as inherently predatory so often that he holds this back to be seen as a person?

Does that trans man actually "want to be seen as a woman" or is he trying to avoid being treated the way you treat masculine people?

Does that trans man actually "want to be seen as a woman" or is his childhood still influencing how he conducts himself?

Likewise, also don't assume that all trans men are transmisogynists just because a few are.

Don't assume that all binary trans people are exorsexist just because a few binary trans people are

And don't assume that all perisex people are intersexist because a few perisex people are.

I can’t do that without negative consequences

I can’t do that unless I have support for it

I can’t do that

The primary factor is transmisogyny. Transandrophobia is a movement born out of backlash against transfeminism. It is not a movement doing activism the wrong way, it is a transmisogynistic hate movement.

You should not always give transandrobros the benefit of the doubt, you should not always extend to them the grace and space to calmly correct as I sometimes do on this blog. If you run an online trans space, you should ban them on sight. If you run one in person, chase them out.

My blog is partly for education, so I extend many of them far more grace than I ever would in any other situation. Do not mistake this grace for anything but a rhetorical tactic.

And no matter how gently this is pointed out, the newbie will often initially feel instinctively defensive towards what they perceive as scolding. Which means that when another community member comes along and says "Don't worry about the language police 🙄, many of us think AGAB language is fine, it's a useful way to refer to the kind of formative experiences you had as a child," the newbie will latch on to them like a life raft.

And yes, we live in a transphobic society, a lot of people coming into the trans community will have uninterrogated transphobic views, but that just makes them more vulnerable when there is always someone in the community willing to tell them "no, your transphobic views are fine actually, and in fact here are some more you might not have thought of!"

It means a sizeable chunk of newly-out NBs are swiftly radicalised into increasingly extreme transphobia and transmisogyny simply as a defense mechanism against having their own comments criticised. One day they're just happy to join a community where people supposedly don't judge you on your birth sex, and the next they're talking about the importance of "AGAB socialisation".

It's like, either you're a feminine cis man who is still cis, like a femboy, or cross-dresser, or you're a binary transgender woman 'gender conformist' who has an absolutely uncomplicated relationship to her gender. There's no in-between, and any sign that a transgender woman might have a more complicated relationship to her gender is grounds to exile her to the former category of femboy or cross-dresser.

Being nonbinary is only socially permissible in transgender spaces when you're transmasculine, because transfemininity is subjected to such intense scrutiny that that anything short of swearing an oath of undying loyalty to Artemis that you will forever and exclusively be a woman is grounds to treat you as a male cross-dresser.

You can see this in a lot "androgynous" fashion styles as well, especially in what bodies get to be counted as androgynous. Typically, the bodies are white, thin, and (stereotypically) feminine, save for the absence of boobs, while the clothing is (stereotypically) masculine. The fact that this is an idealization of transmasculinity is not an accident, and it makes transfeminine nonbinary people hoping to be socially read as such extremely difficult.

The only alternative for them is the 'man in dresses' stereotype, which not only reduces them to the status of a cross-dresser, but which is constantly fetishized and repackaged as "gender fuckery" by TME people who think it's exotic. And I know some transfem nonbinary people get a lot out of this, I know a few of them, but for the vast majority of us, it's a complete misrepresentation of how we actually want to present.

These fashion and body standards are not the cause of this pattern so much as the shared effect of the pervasive transmisogyny directed against transfemininity which constructed transfemininity and nonbinary identity as anathema to begin with.

This anathema is typically employed against transfeminists as well. I am nonbinary, and yet I could not tell you the massive stream of people accusing me of being a binary trans woman who denies the existence of nonbinary people and who do not believe me when I try to explain otherwise.

When people say transfeminism is "exorsexist", what they mean is that they can't understand transfeminine people as nonbinary, that they refuse to recognize our identities, or to understand our experiences.

So unfortunately that’s not really the case. Just because trans men can do something, that doesn’t mean that trans women can do the opposite of that. My experience as someone who transitioned from a gay man to a bi trans woman is that as soon as you transition to a certain point, the door of the gay male world slams shut in your face. That doesn’t necessarily mean that the door to the lesbian world opens wide.

When I go to gay male bars, I’m either welcome only as a guest or I’m not welcome at all. Because I’m a WOMAN. They don’t even want CIS women there, why would they want a tranny like me unless i’m on stage?

Trans men are often still welcome in lesbian bars in the US because of the specific history here. Trans men have often been welcome in “female only” spaces to the exclusion of trans women, as long as they misgender themselves. The Michigan Womyn’s Festival is a prime example. Trans girls, though, we don’t usually have this option in gay male places if we look too femme.

The funny thing is, now that gay trans men are gaining more acceptance (happy for y’all btw) i can go to a gay bar and see trans dudes there having a blast or i can go to a lesbian bar and see trans dudes there having a blast, but in either space, the trans girls are usually shuttled off to some dark corner or are absent all together. I could only be the “main audience” of those places if i detransition or pass completely for a cis woman.

That’s why i said that a trans woman can’t be a gay man. Because we simply aren’t allowed to be! And this can be painful, but it’s not necessarily a bad thing. For many years, trans women were just seen as extremely effeminate gay men. Our lives were NOT better then. We fought to have the misogyny we experienced recognized as such and we fought to be recognized as the women we ARE. I don’t need other people trying to be progressive to come in and undo that work.

Maybe if we fought really hard, we could be let back into the gay male world, but I don’t know a single transfem who actually thinks this should happen. Myself and the other transfeminists in my circle are instead fighting more important battles. Is there misogyny in the gay world to be addressed? Sure, where isn’t there!

But rather that going on a holy conquest to break into the darkrooms of the gay leather bars, it’s much more important to fight for trans women to have equity in labor, access to medical transition, and equal rights with not only cis women, but cis men as well.

SOME people are allowed to be a gay boy one day, a genderless angel the next, and a butch4butch lesbian the day after. Transsexual women, for the most part, are not. Past a certain point of transition, there is no escape we can find from the transmisogyny we face outside of detransitioning or complete passing. Without a better way to describe it, I think this freedom or the lack thereof is the epitome of how transmisogyny is selectively applied to trans women.

That lower social class we occupy, shuttered out and ridiculed, that IS trans womanhood. We can be whoever we want inside, identify however, present however, but if we transition, transmisogyny is going to be our lot. It exists outside of us and is applied TO us no matter how we identify. We don’t receive the leisures, endowments, and privileges that gay men do. We don’t experience the leisures, endowments, or privileges that cis women do. We share in the struggles of both. There is no opt-out we can take. Transmisogyny reigns.

Already-inadequate social safety nets are already being dismantled and I think the cultural environment is going to become more and more brutal to disabled people.

We've seen some of this already obviously. The socially-acceptable, earnest explanations that the r slur is okay now because everyone's saying it, the refusal to do literally anything to protect disabled people from covid, the austerity so many governments are enforcing on the most vulnerable members of their populations.

Politics and culture are in lockstep on the insistence that disabled people are expendable. I think this has already changed the social landscape dramatically and it's only accelerating.

As the number of people too disabled to work surges from the longer-term effects of an unusually disabling virus, as work becomes increasingly brutal and underpaid (your actual income number MAY be the same, but you can't buy as much food or housing with it, and new hires are being paid even less), as social services continue to be gutted, people who care for disabled people are going to increasingly see us as burdens and see our survival as incompatible with their own.

If you aren't yet disabled, PLEASE stand up for us and find ways to organize additional support instead of just dumping your disabled loved ones on the street to die.

"I'd never do that!" Good!! Hold on to that!! Bc the Overton window will shift your opinions and politics if you let it.

So many people who were righteously angry five years ago about governments suggesting killing disabled people was an acceptable price to keep the economy running, are now repeating those same conservative party lines almost word for word and thinking it's different because they're used to it now.

It's going to become increasingly common to abandon disabled people. It's going to be described as setting boundaries and protecting your peace and prioritizing reciprocity.

you are required to become less racist.

when you are told that you are being racist, you are required to understand that as being offered assistance in resisting this vast conspiracy. say thank you.

In the past couple decades, I’ve met a couple dozen Black folks who have had a similar story happen to them with white people with varying timing/lengths. Some I’m still in contact with, some have disappeared, some I just ain’t kept ties with. No deed on us naming us their property legally, but thanks to the machinations of capitalism and white supremacy, property and slaves nonetheless—far beyond the average abusive relationship.

For a lot of y’all, slavery is something abolished a couple centuries ago and history is history, why should it affect you now? Why should there be reparations for Black people or countries? For slightly better-taught folks, when we think of modern slavery, we usually think of prison labor, human trafficking, undocumented and exploited labor, the exploitation of the global south, we think of systems. Don’t get me wrong that shit is still there and needs to be addressed, but some of y’all motherfuckers think the only slavery close to home for y’all is the white people calling themselves slaves on fetlife and that’s a problem to me.

When I first named myself Anonsee, it was as a SW mononym the year I got free from my enslaver, in part because of the version of Anansi played by Orlando Jones for American Gods despite never seeing the full show. In particular, there are two monologues I used to be able to recite perfectly from memory.

The first, Coming to America/Story of Black People, is a story Anansi tells to captured Africans on a slave ship who prayed to him for help. So, he tells them a story. He tells them how they don’t even know how fucked they are yet.

How over three centuries later, even after we “got free”, we would still be getting fucked economically, socially, physically, emotionally, mentally, every damn which way while the professional descendants of slave catchers still enslave us and kill us in the streets, in our homes, our schools, our jobs, anywhere they fucking please.

“You shed tears for Compe Anansi, and here he is, telling you…there isn’t one goddamn reason you shouldn’t go up there right now and slit the throats of every one of these Dutch motherfuckers, and set fire to this ship.”

One hesitant man speaks up, saying that if the ship burns, everyone on it will die.

To which Anansi retorts “You’re already dead, asshole. At least die a sacrifice for something worthwhile. Let. The motherfucker. Burn. Let it all burn.”

The second monologue has him meeting with other African gods in a funeral home, who ask him why he’s so full of rage when they wish to choose peace, to choose complacency, to simply accept how things are.

Anansi says “I am not a god, in the sense that I can tolerate exploitation, oppression, and repression, my worshippers KNOW freedom ain’t free and that the most potent weapon of control for the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed; they know slavery is not a condition, slavery is a cult. Human trafficking is a cult. Slavery got a rebrand like mothafuckin ‘The Alt-Right’ and snatched, another one gone.”

How every 30 seconds, another Black girl fucking disappears, and the new plantation owners built a pipeline to take us from school to prison while we live as a suppressed, oppressed people within the imperial core, living as spectacle, tool, or to be disappeared—no AMBER alert. Snatched, 30 seconds, another one gone.

“The world assumes white people are naturally good, so when something bad happens, it’s a good person doing a bad thing. They assume Black people are naturally bad, so when something good happens, it’s only a matter of time before that animal’s true nature rears its ugly head.”

I run into people regularly who think Abolitionism is too far. Shit, some of them are even Black and think that if we simply reform modes of slavery everything will be ok—that if we just make sure its just the bad ones who experience slavery, surely we can keep the same systems in place. Hell, California even majority voted against abolishing slavery couple years ago. For economic reasons, you understand, right?”

As a white person raised in a white supremacist society, you’re gonna fuck up sometimes. That’s just a fact. But racialized people often aren’t able/comfortable speaking up when y’all do some shit because of the power imbalance/not feeling up to educating when you may be resistant/don’t think the “fight” will be Worth It.

Show initiative without making it A Struggle or playing the white guilt card. Show you actually care about them, their struggles, and the way you interact with them BEFORE they have to have a bigger Conversation with you, beyond when they need to yell about someone else being racist.

Ríhanna Kelver, a bartender and trans rights advocate in Laramie, has been charged with aggravated assault and possession of a deadly weapon with unlawful intent after a 13 September 2025 confrontation outside the Crowbar & Grill, whereshe worked. Kelver could be sentenced to up to 15 years in prison if convicted on both charges.

Despite Wyoming’s “Stand Your Ground” statute, which allows people to use reasonable force in moments of self defense, Kelver faces up to 15 years in prison for both charges, as well as up to $11,000 in fines, per Cowboy State Daily. Kelver faces an additional year and $1,000 fine for a charge of interference with a peace officer. [...]

Hope you don't mind me adding to this, i live in laramie and ive known ríhanna personally for several years and this incident has been so difficult for her, and additionally the attack exacerbated health issues for her.

a local reporter posted this article this morning that delves into her attacker's affiliation with the fascist patriot front org and the fact that since he moved to laramie in 2023 there has been a significant uptick in hateful activity and propaganda being spread throughout the town. this man was prevented from walking at his high school graduation by his own admission due to his racist, queerphobic, and antisemetic behavior.

one of the things that has been infuriating to me is that her attacker is not the one pressing charges. not the literal man she pulled a gun on, it is the police who are threatening her with 15 years in prison.