DMNDGF

In spite of all this! Through some amazing marketing and philanthropy work, you can help them out right now! You can make a difference! They managed to get a lovely donor to agree to a match challenge for up to $50,000!!! So if they raise $50,000 they'll actually get $100,000. The match challenge ends on December 31st 2023, and they're already at $26,4448.10 which means they're halfway there!! Please spread the word, if you can't donate then a reblog to someone who can will help.

If the link above doesn't work, you can find the donation page here:

In spite of all this! Through some amazing marketing and philanthropy work, you can help them out right now! You can make a difference! They managed to get a lovely donor to agree to a match challenge for up to $50,000!!! So if they raise $50,000 they'll actually get $100,000. The match challenge ends on December 31st 2023, and they're already at $26,4448.10 which means they're halfway there!! Please spread the word, if you can't donate then a reblog to someone who can will help.

If the link above doesn't work, you can find the donation page here:

I completed some major changes to the Library For Kinksters. Here is the update…

Aftercare

Aftercare 101

Aftercare For Dominants

Coping With Emotional Subdrop

Dom Drop

How To Make A Sub Drop Kit

Online Aftercare

sub/Dom Space, sub/Dom Drop and Aftercare

Subdrop and Aftercare

Subspace and Aftercare

Consent

Consent & BDSM

Guide to Consent

Doms, Daddies & Masters

7 Fundamental Characteristics of A Daddy Dom

12 Characteristics Of An Ideal Submissive

25 Things Daddies Should Do For Their Littles

30 Rules For A Modern Gentleman

45 Things A Girl Wants, But Won’t Ask For

50 Rules for Daddies

100 Sweet Things You Can Do For Your Princess

101 Things To Do To Make Your Slave Feel Owned (loved)

Alternative Names For “Daddy”

Alternative Domme Titles

Aspects Of Control

Asserting Ownership - Rules

Daddy Up!

Defining A Daddy Dom

Dominants Need Training Also

Fun Tasks Daddies Can Give Their Littles

Help For New Doms

How (and Why) To Go Down On Your Submissive

How To Be A Good Dominant

How to Find a Submissive

Knowing when to be a Dom and when to be her Man

New to DDLG - A Daddy Dom

Observations On Doms By A Submissive

So you want to be a Dom?

So Your Girlfriend Wants You To Dominate her

Some Little Rules All Daddies Should Know

The Dom Commandments

Things for Daddies to Keep in Mind

What Being A Dom Is About - A Submissive’s Perspective

What does the title Daddy mean?

What is a Daddy Dom?

What is a Daddy Dom Mentor?

What It Means To Be A Dominant

What Makes A Good Dominant

Littles, Subs & Slaves

6 Questions Every Submissive Needs To Ask Her Potential Dominant

7 Common Types of Submissives

10 Tips For Living With A Sadist

10 Things A Dominant Needs From A Submissive

11 Red Flags Of An Abusive Dominant

26 Baby Girl Jobs

50 Things You Can Do For Your Daddy

A Bottom’s Responsibility

A Dominant’s Advice To His Submissive

A Man Who Knows You…

A Good Dom vs. A Bad Dom

Acid Test For Subs

Ask A Million And One Questions

Attraction to DD/lg: A Little’s Perspective

Baby girl or little? A brief introduction

Care and feeding of Daddies

Characteristics Of A Good Daddy

Coaxing The Daddy Dom Out Of Your Partner

Feminist Submissive

Finding Your Dominant

Good Rules For Middles and Littles To Live By

Guide For Young Newbie Sub Girls

How a Dom Behaves Shows How He Will Behave Towards You.

“How do I find Daddy?” A guide to help you safely find the Daddy you’re looking for.

How Does A Submissive Ask for Something from Their Dominant?

How To Find A Dom

How to Take Proper Care of Your Dom

I Solemnly Swear I Will Not Do This To Daddy

Novice Submissives

Physical abuse of littles - it is never OK

Signs Of A Fake ‘Dominant’

Stuff no one tells you about submission, until the spreader bar is on and you are trapped.

Submissives, Learning to Trust Your Instincts

Submissive Pride

Submissive Traits - Intelligence

Things My Dream Daddy Would Say To Me

What is a Little?

When newbie subs, with asinine “doms,” need to run away.

Why I call him Daddy

Your Rights As A Submissive

Long Distance Relationships

10 Ways To Survive A Long Distance Relationship

Getting The Most Out Of A Long Distance Relationship

How To Make Long Distance Relationships Work

Long Distance Relationships - Tools To Cope

Long Distance Relationships (LDR) Contemplation: Sticking with plans

The Long Distance D/s Relationship

Mental Health

BDSM practitioners ‘healthier and less neurotic’ than ‘vanilla’ peers

Body image & BDSM

How to Get Over Feeling Sad

Is BDSM normal?

Love your Vulva – a self-esteem guide to your sensitive bits!

Managing bipolar disorder in a D/S relationship

Meditation And Mindfulness

On Cutting

Steps For Letting Go of Painful Memories

Things to Do When You’re Anxious, Scared, or Just Need a Distraction

Tips for Recovering from Codependency

What Are Anxiety Disorders? (Infographic)

Why Do I Feel Unloveable?

Relationships

10 Habits of Happy Couples

10 Top Communication Mistakes

10 Types of Emotional Manipulators

12 Relationship Truths We Often Forget

50 Best Ways To Say “I Love You”

BDSM Breakups: All Good Things Must Come to an End

BDSM: Control Goes Both Ways

Collars and Collaring - A Personal Perspective

Communication Is Key

Concept Daddy Dom/Little Girl Relationships

Daddy Doms and their little girls

Daddy Doms, Baby Girls, Little Boys And More

Date Night In A Jar

DD/lg In Public

D/s and Domestication

Factors That Make A Relationship

Finding Love When You Least Expect It

Finding Others with Common (Adult) Interests

How To Be Present In Your Relationships

How To Build A Healthy Relationship

How To Get What You Want In A Relationship

How To Know When You’ve Found “The One”

How To Take Your Relationship To The Next Level

Importance Of Confidence In RelationshipsImportance Of Trust In A Relationship

Key Ingredients of a Happy and Healthy Relationship

Needy Girls Are Daddy Dom Bait

Relationship Advice To Follow, And What To Ignore

Searching for a D/s partner?

Self-Fulfilling Prophecies In Relationships

Stop Arguments Before They Start

The Rewards of a Submissive

Types Of Relationship Insecurity

Well-Balanced Power Exchange Relationship

What Is Real Love?

When He Doesn’t Call

Why Love Makes A Night Of Kink Even Better

Safety

Another life ruined because of the morality police

Bondage Basic Safety: Crops, Paddles & Bondage!

Kinks, Risks, How To And Why Sometimes You Shouldn’t

Limits in BDSM

What is Emotional Abuse?

Self Improvement

10 Tips for Creating a Happier Life

10 Steps To Self Care

10 Ways To Be Happy

10 Truths To Live By

Guaranteed Ways To Be More Attractive

How to be Yourself

How To Deal With Your Enemies

How To Ignore Haters

How to Recognize a Toxic Friend

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

Slut Shaming Explained

Tips for Healing a Broken Heart

What are the Signs of a Jealous Friend?

Sex

50 Cunnilingus Tips from Women

Basics of Breath Play

D/s or Kinky Sex?

Fetishes Explained

How To Make A Girl Squirt

How To Tell Your Son About Sex

Intersection of BDSM and Queer Heterosexuality

Sensual Biting

Sex: Myths & Stereotypes

Sex: Practical Details

Sex: Pregnancy and Birth Control

So You Want To Try Anal? A Practical Guide For Women

Squirting Educational Video

Squirting Notes

Toys

Advice on Dildos and Buttplugs

BDSM on a budget

Bondage Rope: How To Choose Yours (And More)

Training

10 Considerations for Inexperienced Subs

30 Things You Can Do For Your Human Kitten

40 Very Important DD/lg Facts

Age Play: A Short Guide

BDSM for Beginners: Safe and Affordable Play

DEFINED: SSC (Safe, Sane & Consensual) & RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink)

Etiquette in BDSM Part 1

Etiquette in BDSM Part 2

Exploring the D/s Lifestyle: Part 1 - Beginnings

Exploring the D/s Lifestyle: Part 2 - The Dominant Mind

Glossary of BDSM Terms

Guide To Blood Play

Guide To Bruising

Guide To Talking Dirty

Guide To Wax Play

How Do I Get Started In BDSM?

How to Make a Blanket Fort/Cuddle Nest

How To Make A Comfort Box

Introduction To BDSM

Newbie’s Guide To Vaginal Fisting

Punishments in BDSM Relationships

Red Flags For Online BDSM Relationships

Some Thoughts On Rules

The Leash Has Two Ends - Responsibility

The Need For Rules and Discipline

Education is 🔑 Knowledge is 💪🏻

RUN

I’ve seen a lot of writing on aftercare for subs, but never seen anything about Dom drop or the kind of aftercare that D-types need. Consequently, many people assume that aftercare is only necessary for subs, and many people don’t know what kind of aftercare to ask for or provide.

It’s natural to feel guilty when you’re inflicting pain or cruelty to someone you care about. And like with everybody, a lack of adequate aftercare can be discouraging or even dangerous. Here’s some aftercare talking points I tend to like hearing from my subs that you can use as jumping off points:

Reassure your Dom that everything they said and did during the scene was wanted and consensual. Go over and discuss anything that ended up being less than pleasurable or any sore spots that they hit if not.

If the scene went smoothly, reassure them that you are capable of saying no and/or using your safe word. Reassure them that despite roleplaying a loss of control, you know that you still were able to consent during your scene.

Reassure your Dom that you aren’t actually scared of them; and reassure them that you don’t feel like you’re being taken advantage of, nor do you think that they will.

Reassure your Dom that you trust them, you know that they are a responsible dominant, and that you don’t feel afraid that they will abuse their power over you.

Reassure your Dom that they are a good person, and that they are not evil or bad for exercising restrained and consensual cruelty during a scene.

Reassure your Dom that they don’t need to feel guilty for enjoying themselves when they are dominant with you, and that you enjoy your scenes with them as much as they do.

And some other things to keep in mind regarding aftercare as a whole....

Make sure you end the conversation/evening properly. Even if the Dom doesn’t experience Dom drop immediately, it’s very easy for Doms to feel used or like pleasure machines if they feel like they’ve been left hanging.

^^ Especially if you’re sexting or doing BDSM long distance! Do not stop responding without giving closure and reassuring your Dom that you’re okay! If you disappear without saying anything, it’s very possible that your Dom will get anxious and worry that they’ve upset or hurt you.

Check in later. Aftercare doesn’t always have to take place immediately after a scene, especially if they felt like they didn’t need much aftercare afterwards or you’ve had an informal scene and decided to skip it. Dom drop can still settle in a while after a scene has ended, so don’t ever assume you’re automatically on the same page and that care won’t be needed.

Make sure to always offer regardless. Nobody should ever have to ask for aftercare! Don’t assume that your Dom is okay and needs nothing just because they’re in control during your scenes.

And finally, Doms: don’t be afraid to ask for reassurance on the specific points you worry about! Subs can’t read your mind, and they can’t always know if the aftercare they’re giving is enough unless you tell them. You will not lose your submissive’s respect by asking for aftercare as long if they are committed to engaging in conscientious kink.

Walking the journey of a submissive can be one that is both difficult, and fraught with personal danger, but there are many ways to make that journey safer. Let’s talk about some of the ways in which YOU as a submissive, can minimize your risk, while pursuing your kink journey…

DON’T GO IT ALONE!!

In isolation, you have no one to turn to for help. One of the single most disturbing types of asks I have gotten over the years have been from submissive people who find themselves in an unhealthy relationship with a partner they are living with, but have nowhere to go, and no one to support their leaving. Once you cease trusting someone’s intentions toward you, you need to have a place to bail to, and people who will support a healthy decision to get out, and start over. Without a backup plan, an abusive relationship is able to evolve unchecked, with the abuser able to feel like they have the run on their destructive behavior without accountability. 

THERE IS SAFETY IN NUMBERS…

Once an abuser understands that you have support, and that their behavior may lead them to trouble with the law, obliterate their reputation within a community of kink, or in any way become answerable for their actions, it becomes more complicated for an abuser to run the table on your limits and consent. 

GET REFERENCES

It is in no way fucked up to ask a prospective Dominant who you can talk to about them, or just go on your own accord to ask people you know who are their acquaintances what kind of partner they perceive they would be for you. A good and safe candidate for a Dominant would understand this as a safety practice, and not become offended. Any Dominant who becomes incensed by you asking for, or going and digging for references, is likely someone with shitty things they’ve done that they want to keep hidden. If he doesn’t have submissives he’s cared for in the past that can talk highly of him, how likely is it that you will be the first that does?

LEARN

How can learning keep you safe? You’re reading this post, aren’t you? If you take to heart some of what is laid out herein, will you not be safer? The more you know about the rules and etiquette surrounding kink, the less likely you are to be taken in by those who aren’t interested in pesky “safewords”, or other obvious signs you’re not speaking to someone who should be considered for your submission.  

FIRST “IN REAL LIFE” MEETINGS

If you’re meeting a prospective dominant in real life for the first time, do it in a public place. A dominant who would be a good candidate for your submission will not try to steer you from meeting in a public place, or push you towards doing things that would take you away from that public place.

TELL SOMEONE WHAT YOU’RE DOING

When meeting a prospective Dominant for the first time, tell someone you know and trust what you’re doing, and arrange to check in with them several times during your date so they know it is going well, and you are safe. If a prospective Dominant has a problem with this safe practice, do not meet them, or exit the date promptly when that is made known.

SCREENING CANDIDATES

One of the most important skills a submissive can hone, is their ability to screen prospective Dominants. During this time you can ask a million questions about their views on life, philosophies in kink, experience, personal lives, or what kind of dynamic they would build with you, and their plan for carrying it out. This is a time to get to know and trust the person who you may ask to control multiple aspects of your life. You want to really KNOW this person. There is nothing more dangerous than an excited submissive who throws caution to the wind in this realm. Being a good screener, is part of being a good, and safe submissive.

SAFEWORDS

Never let a Dominant forbid you from keeping or using a safeword as a way of stopping anything that may prove beyond your limits within your dynamic. While some D/s couples choose to put them aside and respect a basic, “no”, or “stop” from their partners, the safeword is meant to be one of the few universally understood last vestiges of power a submissive holds within any power dynamic. Any dominant who limits or forbids you to keep one, and use one, is to be avoided. If you are being pushed past your limits without a way to make it stop, you are being abused. 

Be A Smart and Safe Submissive