Uranus

#extradirty
will byers stan first human second
styofa doing anything

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let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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@djpaige
Uranus

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Someone's putting the G.R.R. Martin quote of "Ruling in the Medieval period was hard. Like, what was Aragorn's tax policy?"
And I've finally narrowed in on what bugs me the most about that comment. it misses the most fundamental thing about The Lord of the Rings and Aragorn specifically.
Aragorn is The One True King. He is THE perfect monarch for Gondor and the Numenorean line. He will fix things ("The hands of the king are the hands of the healer"), he will reconnect not just the living but the dead and right old oaths that have been wronged.
Aragorn is the classical example of the king. Not an absolutist monarch, but someone who is meant to be good and do good for all in the kingdom.
Was being a Medieval ruler hard? FUCK YES IT WAS. Undoubtedly. But The Lord of the Rings is NOT that sort of story.
Also, from Tolkien's own words:
"I never set out to write a treatise on medieval governance or the practical burdens of kingship. My work is a mythology an exploration of moral truth, not political mechanics. Aragorn is not meant to be a bureaucrat but an archetype: the just king of legend, much like Arthur. Myth is concerned with the heart of a ruler, not the tax policies of his court.
The question of governance in the modern sense belongs to another kind of story one that I entirely respect, but did not seek to write. Real history is indeed complicated, but myth speaks to deeper, older truths. Power in my world is already perilous; no one may wield it without cost. Even the wise refuse the Ring, for good intentions alone are never sufficient. In that sense, my work hardly denies the burden of rule it only treats it in a different language.
As for the orcs: they are not a people I delight in destroying. Their existence is a tragedy, a corruption of something that was once good. No just king would slaughter the innocent, for even in the darkest creatures there remains a spark of the original creation. Mercy is not weakness; it is the highest form of strength.
You ask questions proper to politics. I ask questions proper to myth. Both have their place, but they need not answer each other in the same terms."
I can only find the clip from the interview on Twitter so here it is.
G.R.R.M. needs to learn to not open his yap about his betters.
I hate to keep invoking the Epic Rap Battle lyrics in regards to GRRM being a pale shadow of Tolkein, but they really did nail it
We all know the world is full of chance and anarchy
So yes it's true to life for characters to die randomly
But news flash! The genre's called fantasy
It's meant to be UNrealistic you myopic manatee!
The problem with GRRM is perfectly summed up in this video. I really recommend it. Deconstructs GRRM pretty well.
I have heard, and I believe it was Nerdrotic or one of his guests, that GRRM cannot write the next book of GoT because the story demands a king like Aragorn to finish it satisfactorily, but his worldview is the antithesis of just that character.
I cant go to my local libary anymore because last year when I stopped by a librarian was reading a book I wrote under a pen name years ago. This book sold under 10k copies and I've literally only heard people talk about this book online *if* I went looking for it so I went up to them and tried to start a conversation like "oh hey I've heard of that book is it good?" Like hoping for some real feedback and she goes "yeah I love reading things by queer writers" and in a moment of terror I was like "oh but- hold on, I thought the author was some old hetero white guy?!" A thing I thought because I used my own dead grandpa's picture for the author pic because grandpa never had internet. I fake looked it up and was like "yeah if he was queer its not public?" And without looking up this absolute unit goes "oh the author bio is obviously fake. I'd bet my left leg the author is a west coast millennial non-binary queer who has never lived on the east coast." And then proceeded to rattle off a dozen linguistic flourishes that are specfic to the pacific northwest that are in the book and several that are nearly ubiquitous in the state where I said my pen name lives that are somehow completely absent from the book.
So you know. Got read for fifth and didn't even find out if she liked it.
Everyone go look up the song nasa banned from space
Don't forget to play it loud as fuck
please….listen to the whole thing. And imagine that you are IN SPACE in 1973 and you JUST woke up. Every time you adjust…it escalates somehow.
This song had to be designed in a lab for the sole purpose of fucking with astronauts. whoever added it to the NASA playlist was a genius.
It took them two tries to ban it?
These are so beautiful.
Credit goes to the wonderful artist: ChibiGreen

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So I just simultaneously did, and possibly didn't lose my job today :)
Very much did in the sense that I literally do not know where my job is at the moment. But, for the time being I haven't been let go because nobody else including the store owner knows where it is either.
So, I don't wanna risk doxxing myself by posting pictures but goddamn am I tempted because this is not a believable event. This is a cartoon problem. For looneytoons.
But yeah, so, I work(ed?) at a kiosk selling boba tea, right? Freestanding kiosk in the mall with full water and electrical hookups and multiple fridges and sinks and a mini kitchen and the works. Fully functional tea shop. Very important to note that it was there last night, The work chat was discussing another issue last night at closing time. I'll get back to this.
It's been showing signs of being on the way out with how business is being handled lately and I've been considering other options, which is probably why I'm not as torn up about this as I should be, but maybe it just hasn't set in yet, but that's not the point. The point is there's been a lot of shit breaking and not being replaced and nobody mentioning anything about it until I walk into work in the morning and have to figure out why shit like the fucking cash register isn't there today. So I'm kinda used to having to ask questions about big things that nobody bothered to update me on. I was out for two weeks recovering from a surgery, so I came to work this morning assuming there'd be some kind of bullshit, yeah?
So, the question I had to ask the chat this morning was:
Not a text I ever thought I'd have to send in sincerity, but there it is. Because what I found instead was a fenced off patch of discolored tiles and a few holes in the floor where my entire place of employment used to be.
And the answer? Nobody knows! It was there last night when the mall closed, and every single trace of the structure and all its contents including drink making supplies and our safe and cashbox was gone when it opened again. And when I say nobody knows, I mean everyone from last night's closers to the actual (former?) owner of the store jad no fucking clue about this until getting that text from me this morning. For once I am actually the first to know. 🎉.
So. I guess I didn't so much lose my job as had it stolen. Not by AI, but good old fashioned hands-on human beings picking it up and carrying it away somehow. All mall security would tell me was that they were instructed not to tell me anything and have us contact our management. Who also don't know anything. And later on I came across some construction workers around the gravesite of the kiosk discussing filling in the holes, asked them about it, and was told that they "weren't at liberty to say".
So, not only is my job gone in the most literal physical sense of the word, but it was taken in some kind of super secret kiosk extraction in the dead of night without any warning or witnesses and nobody is allowed to speak of it. The store owner said she was gonna figure it out 10 hours ago and still no word back.
I don't know what else to say aside from I've been laughing all day and I'm gonna have a hell of a time explaining Schrodinger's Unemployment to the benefits office.
Update that is not an update because I'm basically certain this isn't what actually happened:
My mother in law thinks the FBI took it.
Not any of the other stores around the state. Just the one little kiosk.
Why? Because she loves a conspiracy and is just a little bit extra.
Also because she was around for the massive crackdown on Yakuza-owned businesses in Waikiki (in her homestate) that did actually involve the FBI seizing stores (no confirmation of making kiosks cleanly disappear in the middle of the night though).
Still no word from my job on what's actually going on, but the most likely theory so far is that maybe the kiosk was on lease and got repossessed? The mystery continues
(also shout out to the person who proposed Carmen Sandiego)
ACTUAL (partial) UPDATE:
According to the owner, based on what she's been able to find out, the kiosk was not removed legally and they're starting a potentially long process of legal action. I hope she gets to sue the shit out of whoever did it but for now at least I know for sure I'm unemployed.
Really hoping for more details in terms of who/why/how, so I'll keep updating if I learn anything.
For now the summary is: An unnamed entity that is most likely mall management (on account of mall security cooperating with them) stole an entire kiosk and all the contents including money and machinery with barely a trace in the middle of the night grinch-style, with zero warning or explanation, and ensured the silence of both security and the construction crew, in an action that was definitely preplanned and illegal, and as far as I know nobody knows its whereabouts.
So now I'm officially out of a job. Because my workplace was literally stolen in the night.
Actually fuck it let's share some photos cause I wouldn't be inclined to believe this myself. It's not like anyone can stalk me at my job now and I'm not gonna have to see any coworkers that might find my tumblr.
Enjoy the unintentionally funniest text I've ever sent in my life
Aaand a close-up:
The last remains of a once Very Much Solid And Immobile Workplace
HEY HI HELLO THIS ONE'S MY FAVORITE
via @kagaminilen
[cut to a kiosk on legs, sipping a boba, while wandering into the nearest forest on chicken legs]
Here you go @a-bit-too-dyscrasic
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A buddha that almost ascended with help from an airbag deployment. (from Xiaohongshu)
artistic rendition of how my cat fell asleep this morning

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We should start doing this for all artists actually
I don’t know how to describe to normal people that the actress forgetting her entire wedding dress and my having to sprint downstairs to the dressing room to retrieve it in the 20 seconds before the quick change is the thing that I love about theater.
“Oh my god I’m so sorry 😭”
Babygirl, no, this is why I keep coming back!
funniest sound in the world is a cat smacking shit hard as fuck with their little stupid paw
me at 10: well really what I want to do with my life is cure cancer, and be an extremely famous scientist, and discover things that change the world, and win a Nobel Prize, and be a novelist, and
me at 20: so what I think I want is to have a successful career, and work hard for promotions, and establish myself in my industry, and make a good life for myself, and sure it's not curing cancer but it's more realistic
me at 30: I want to pet my kitty cat. I want to go on long bike rides when the weather is nice. I want to roll around on the grass. I want to cook good food. I want to clean my house. I want to get a good vacuum. I want to sleep when I'm tired. I want to never open Microsoft Teams again.
Why do they even make apps for ADHD. You want me to use my 24/7 handheld immediate distraction device? To manage my 'gets distracted too easily' disorder? Ooooh we developed the perfect tool for managing your anemia. Its hosted in Dracula's castle. 👍
Picked up my phone to consult my task list for today and now I'm reblogging this instead, case in point

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I'm in a little local cafe and the women behind the counter started griping to each other, "Oh Christ, Stephen's back again," "It's him, is it? I thought he'd stopped coming," "It's definitely him, look, it's bloody Stephen on a Thursday morning," "Do you want me to get rid of him or are you going to do it?" and so I was peering outside, trying to spot this nightmare customer, this pestilence of a person, this pox upon the cafe trade, and then one of the women from behind the counter ran outside, clapping two trays together loudly and yelling "GET OUT OF IT, STEPHEN!" and it turns out that Stephen is an absolutely gigantic fuck-off seagull who hangs around outside, menacing people for crumbs
Oh what a day to realize that I only had “critical role spoilers” filtered and not “cr spoilers”.
Cool, so I guess I’ll finish the rest of the episode at some point today.